Drug War Profiteering

Click through for exciting new developments in the war on drugs. Why stop the flow of drugs when we can skim money off the top. Let's get those dealers selling!

End-times Trivial Pursuit

Spent plenty of time hearing about Ragnorok, or something similar, the past couple weeks.

Here was the question I posited in the interwebs and so far the answers just seem to pick apart the question. Perhaps there are two many theoreticals (or too many people convinced they can't be wrong) but I thought it was fun and end-timey, topical in a truly American drive-thru religion type of way. If you die and find that you retain some consciousness - let's say like a spirit. But that your way to eternal life and salvation is denied (due to your religion). If you had the ability to somehow tell your loved ones to convert - would you do so?

The closest I got to an answer I liked was that there are three possible solutions (1) there is no afterlife, (2) there is an afterlife but no ability to communicate about it or (3) there is an afterlife and an ability to communicate about it and all of our ancestors are assholes. That responder said she favored doors No. 1 or 2.

End Times Flowchart

Coz, you know, we don't have long to go...

Handy Flowchart Helps Determine If You'll Die This Weekend - Gizmodo

Hawk Harrelson / Osama bin Laden nexus

File under funny but stooooooopid...

Land of Scaring the Living S#i+ Out of You

ORANGEVILLE-(WREX) A disguised deputy entered Orangeville Jr-Sr High School Friday with a cap gun and fired it around students.

It was all part of a safety drill, but parents are angry and one mother and her son spoke out.

"I started praying to God and saying my last words," said Orangeville High School student Skylar Walters. "I was scared, I didn't know what to do," said

Walters was in gym class last Friday when a man came in with a gun, calling the name of a fellow student.

"Kids were just running everywhere and crying and hiding, ran off school grounds," said Walters. "It was just the scariest thing in my life."

Really slow news day

According to some TV news prog in Florida, dis guy is a hoarder. An e-hoarder to be exact. Perhaps I'm speaking for myself, but dat guy is an amateur. 3,500 emails in his Gmail? The HORROR! I know someone who had 100,000 UNREAD messages. And I'm pretty sure I have 6 computer carcasses in my apartment - it's called wanting to recycle them but not knowing where to go to recycle them and maybe there's a part in there that I may need or maybe some day it will be worth a meeelion dollars because by then a meeelion dollars will be an hourly wage. But certainly not e-hoarding. Now the Packer stuff? Yeah, that's a little nutz.

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Terrorist killed by terrorists?

According to ze Germans, ya...

German TV Fail: Star Trek’s Maquis NOT Involved In Bin Laden Mission | TrekMovie.com

"And they also have the ‘Team Six,’ that carried out the mission. They don’t have the skull in their emblem for nothing."

Our culture is so convincing foreign news publishes it as real. I mean, how many Onion stories have been published in newspapers as the real deal? Now a fan made emblem ends up on tee vee? The rest of the world is boned.

Still Fiery!

Ozzie Guillen has been suspended two games and fined an undisclosed amount by MLB for tweeting after his ejection earlier this week.

Guillen was expecting a fine, but he got even more for tweeting "This one going to cost me a lot money this is patetic" and "Today a tough guy show up a yankee stadium" following his ejection by home plate umpire Todd Tichenor. He'll serve the suspension during the first two games of the series against the Orioles, with bench coach Joey Cora taking over as acting manager.

Dis guy jealous of Blago or something?

Or is Blago to blamo for all the insano problemos in Illinoiso?

Quinn wants to withhold cities' money as pressure to borrow billions - chicagotribune.com

Most predictable thing ever: Charlie Sheen bails Lenny Dykstra out of jail

Of course this happened:

Charlie Sheen paid $22,500 to bail former New York Mets and Philadelphia Phillies outfielder Lenny “Nails” Dykstra out of jail, TMZ reported Tuesday.

Nails had been jailed for bankruptcy fraud. When he bailed him out, Sheen said some bullsh** about him being a Vatican assassin and him being a warlock or something. No, I’m not making that up.

If there is any justice in the world, this is the opening act of dramatic road trip with those two which ends with both of them driving off a cliff, “Thelma and Louise”-style. Which would be an absolute insult to Thelma and Louise, each of whom are fictional characters with far more real world worth than either of these two doorknobs have.

Genius, or Stoooooopid?

Use Android's Official Zippo Lighter App to Participate in a Strange, Ancient Concert Ritual

Apple knows what you did last summer

iPhone keeps record of everywhere you go | Technology | guardian.co.uk

Of course the tool they have only seems to work on Macs. But Fungster will work to see if his iOS device has been tracking all of his (il)legal activities...and get right back to ya!

Today is our children learning

Regular-season game #82: Like a war, kind of

Kyle Hightower of the Associated Press just wanted everyone to know that, even in the post-Bush era, the tired practice of writing only "Mission accomplished" for the second paragraph of a news story was alive and well.

He succeeded.

Even expired bacon has its uses

The Bacon Bazooka: Meat Your Maker

Cub (that is so)

		Final		1		2		3		4		5		6		7		8		9		R		H		E
		Pittsburgh	0	0	0	0	4	0	2	0	0	6	7	1
		Chi Cubs	1	0	1	0	0	0	1	0	0	3	11	0
WP: K. Correia (1-0) S: J. Hanrahan (1) LP: R. Dempster (0-1)

George Hussein Obash

A three-termer?

This is SO CUB

Cubs blunder, even in cutting $48 million bust Carlos Silva

In very related news, how does drooling Jim "Pizza Man" Hendry STILL have a job...

~

We are living in a (g)olden age (cont)

BBC News - Defecating dog sparks US shootout

Two neighbours in the US state of Mississippi (shocking - ed) drew weapons and fired at each other as an argument over a defecating dog ran out of control.

Associated Press news agency (aka librul news media - ed) said Jerry Blasingame, 60, has been charged with assault for shooting Terry Tehnet, 52, with a shotgun.

Mr Tehnet was angry because he thought Mr Blasingame's dog had defecated (damn SAT words from the librul news media again - ed) on his lawn, in a rural part of the state (there's an urban part? - ed).

Mr Tehnet, whose injuries are not life-threatening, may also be charged.

The two men gave AP different versions of what happened.

'Meet me at the levee'

Mr Tehnet said he visited his neighbour to complain about dog "poop" (shit - ed) on his property.

Mr Blasingame blamed him for shooting his dog the week before, Mr Tehnet said, and told him: "Just meet me at the levee and I'll shoot you down." (aka "second amendment remedy" - ed)

Mr Blasingame told AP he got his gun and drove off but Mr Tehnet did not follow so he returned to the neighbourhood.

The two men confronted one another again and each claimed the other produced a weapon first.

"He shot twice, I returned fire," said Mr Blasingame.

Mr Tehnet said Mr Blasingame opened fire first with his shotgun so he took his pistol from his car and fired back.

He said he was hit in both hands, the shoulder, chest and side by shotgun pellets, AP reported.

Washington County Chief Deputy Sheriff Billy Barber said: "Homeowners and property owners need to respect each other's property... If a dog did that in your yard, call the law. Don't take matters into your own hands."