Another Conservative Plots to Make Us Dumb(er)

Intellectual prowess indeed!

Though Ben Stein may be best known as the droning teacher in FERRIS BUELLER'S DAY OFF or for hosting an eponymous game show, he displays his own intellectual prowess in this documentary. EXPELLED: NO INTELLIGENCE ALLOWED finds Stein investigating the snubbing of scientists and teachers who teach the theory of intelligent design. Stein, a former presidential speech writer, goes toe to toe with Darwin's biggest fans, including THE GOD DELUSION author Richard Dawkins, in an effort to expose the widespread prejudice against those who believe in God's role in creation.

Corms has been found: and he's commenting on random blogs....

So I'm reading some blog about Marty Brennamann forgetting to take his meds. You know, "Cubs fans are assholes and I hope they die," or something like that, he's crying because now he has to watch Dusty "manage" and I'd find other things to pay attention to as well. I read the comments following the blog post, in which the author basically points out that Brennamann said some mean things and they're kind of...whatever. But then, there's Corms! Here's his comment, or is it Corms?:

I've been a Cubs fan for 30 years, since I was a kid. I can't compare Cubs fans to other teams' fans (except I was at Fenway once eight years and they as a group seemed clearly more interested in the game), but I do believe that there is a large, vocal minority comprised of white men in their 20s and 30s who act like morons in and around Wrigley Field.

Butt-heads -- these guys are butt-heads. Typical look in the summer: flip-flops, cargo pants, a ratty T-shirt of their alma mater (usually a -- gag -- Big Ten school) and, of course, to top it all off (literally and figuratively): a baseball hat worn BACKWARD just to confirm, in case the casual observor had any doubts, that he is indeed an idiot who will say and do whatever primal urge pops into his puny, intoxicated brain.

Optional: sunglasses: Not optional: Placing and/or receiving at least one phone call per inning on his cell phone because, after all, the game is secondary and making plans for after the game and/or waving to your friend six sections over is of primary importance.

This Cubs Moron also tends to get up a lot during the game, inordinately inconveniencing everyone between him and the aisle who is trying to actually watch the game. Butt-head gets up so often either because of a weak bladder or because of his childish impatience that prevents him from waiting for the beer vendor to walk up his aisle (and so he must go downstairs for another "brewski").

Do they realize that they all look the same, like they've all been squeezed out of a giant Play-Doh machine? Do they care?

tuck him away

Sayonara! Japanese team, down 66-0 in 2nd, gives up

The coach of Kawamoto technical high school forfeited to spare his pitcher's arm with his team losing 66-0 with just one batter out in the bottom of the second. The young pitcher had already thrown more than 250 pitches, allowing 26 runs in the first inning and 40 in the second before Kawamoto asked for mercy.

write your own punchline doubleheader

Romney takes swipes at 'elitist' Obama
McCain camp calls Obama 'recklessly dishonest'

Talk about nitpicking--jeesh--and i would still like to have a beer with the man

Question(s) for the day

Cogitamus asks the question that I’ve been pondering for a while.

Do you think if Barack Obama had left his seriously ill wife after having had multiple affairs, had been a member of the “Keating Five,” had had a relationship with a much younger lobbyist that his staff felt the need to try and block, had intervened on behalf of the client of said young lobbyist with a federal agency, had denounced then embraced Jerry Falwell, had denounced then embraced the Bush tax cuts, had confused Shiite with Sunni, had confused Al Qaeda in Iraq with the Mahdi Army, had actively sought the endorsement and appeared on stage with a man who denounced the Catholic Church as a whore, and stated that he knew next to nothing about economics — do you think it’s possible that Obama would have been treated differently by the media than John McCain has been? Possible?

And — this is fun to contemplate — if Michelle Obama had been an adulteress, drug addict thief with a penchant for plagiarism — do you think that she would be subject to slightly different treatment from the media than Cindypills McCain has been? Anyone?

I don’t have anything to add; I just thought I’d throw this out there.

And how about another recent flip-flop: previously he said he wouldn't have a "litmus test" to select his vice-president. Now he says the person must be "pro-life"....

in udder words, go phokk yourself

On behalf of President Bush, thank you for your correspondence.

We appreciate hearing your views and welcome your suggestions.

Due to the large volume of e-mail received, the White House cannot respond to every message.

Thank you again for taking the time to write.

SUCKERS

Aftershocks reported

Update: Preliminary reports indicate the tremors at 10:15 a.m. registered at 4.5 on the Richter Scale.

• Earthquake a rude awakening for some • Interactive map: Your comments from far and wide • Vote: Did you feel it? Magnitude scale • Where were you? Epicenter • Video: 'Everything shook' Photos Send your photos • Scott Kleinberg: 'On my couch, hanging on tight' -->• From the archives: Can a big quake hit Midwest?• Graphic: New Madrid fault zone

don't drink and blog

Michael Tunison writes under the pseudonym Christmas Ape at the blog Kissing Suzy Kolber. He also writes under his own name at the Washington Post.

Or at least he did, until he was fired by the Post for what he's written at the blog. Tunison says the Post told him he violated Post standards and discredited the paper by writing a blog post in which he identified himself as a Washington Post writer, linked to the paper three times, included a photo of himself drunk (above) and used profanity.

presidential cage fighting (cont'd)

Ongoing nomination fight hurting Clinton more than Obama
By CHARLES BABINGTON and TREVOR TOMPSON, Associated Press Writers

WASHINGTON (AP) — In a dramatic reversal, an Associated Press-Yahoo! News poll found that a clear majority of Democratic voters now say Sen. Barack Obama has a better chance of defeating Republican Sen. John McCain in November than Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton.

While Obama and Clinton are both sustaining dents and dings from their lengthy presidential fight, the former first lady is clearly suffering more. Democratic voters no longer see her as the party's strongest contender for the White House.

Voters of all types have gotten a better sense of Obama, who was an obscure Illinois legislator just four years ago. As more people moved from the "I don't know him" category in the AP-Yahoo! News poll, more rated Obama as inexperienced, unethical and dishonest. And 15 percent erroneously think he's a Muslim (only 15 percent? shocking -- ed.), thanks in part to disinformation widely spread on the Internet (and the fact that there are lots of yoooooooge idiots out there -- ed.).
....

But Obama now appears to be the stronger candidate, she said, and electing a Democrat in November is paramount. If McCain wins and continues many of President Bush's economic and foreign policies, Costello said, "I think I would just sit down and cry." (There's no crying in s#i+-blowing-up lady... I'll be jumping off a cliff -- ed.)

write your own caption

can't we just leave that nice Cholly Gibson alone?

David Plouffe (French phokk?), Sen. Obama's campaign manager, said ABC turned in "perhaps the most embarrassing performance by the media in a major presidential debate in years." Then again, what would you expect from a tarrist-coddling French...

No. Wait. It was Editor & Publisher which said that. Sorry.

Free Advertising

Once again, we're marketing for the terrists...

Feds warn of candy-flavored cocaine

When will we ever learn?

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I would like to have a cider with Bill Ayers

I've met Bill Ayers. The Ayers family are friends of mine. Phock ABC News. They had a Clinton talking head on who kept saying over and over again after last night's debate, well some Democrats won't mind Obama's association with a member of the Weather Underground who once said, my only regret is we should have used more bombs. That would be me I guess, though I never really signed on for that party. I have had friends who were in the SDS, friends who were on wanted lists, and enjoyed hearing Kwame Ture (Stoakley Carmichael) speak. But then again, I suppose I would even enjoy meeting terrorists like George Washington too.

Unofficial Results

Parcers Basketball League 2007

1. Briggs 111
3. Corms 80.5
6. Smiff 72
8. Fung 60
11. (dis be dead last) Sarge 49

Briggs (frequent reader) finally gets a full ring in year 8. He's had a freaky record over the years. I don't believe he's finished worse than 4th, and he had a tie for the championship one year, but mostly he's been in 2nd place. A lot. Usually losing out on the last day of the season because he played this guy when he should have played that guy, or Fred Hoiberg (who?) hit a 3 for someone else to deny him or he did enuff to overtake the guy in first, it's just the guy in 4th went past everyone else, any sort of drama you can think of to keep him from winning has happened. Except for this year. He got into a commanding lead early and never relinquished it. 27.5 point victory, why that's Smiff dominance levels right there. That should be a record victory, as well as a record for most points, but we'll have to go back and verify that. OK fine, Briggs should have the answer for us in about say 12 minutes. That's if he doesn't already know. But seriously, congrats go out to the new champion, who finally achieves what he has deserved after all these years of dominance.

Corms on the other hand is more famous for his exploits at the other end of the standings. I believe he has the record for fewest points in a year (Briggs?). He sucked all the way to getting LeBron and Stoudemire and now he doesn't suck so much. He finishes in the money for the first time, so I believe that leaves the commish (yours truly) as the only original member not to finish in the top 4. Who's embarrased now?

Smiff, despite not knowing what the phokk was going on, finished 6th. An excellent showing for a first time member. He inherited an abandoned team and nursed them to a middling finish, though it looked like he could have finished in the money at one point. He, of course, will blame it on the commissioner not fully explaining every single rule to him before the season started. Here's one more Smiff - there's no taxi squad in basketball.

Fung, well Fung needs frontcourt help. Fast.

As for Sarge, well, he gambled on getting Durant. He lost, and ended up with Oden instead. So he was always playing one short, and with a brand new team that didn't gel in their first year together. He'll be looking to get his team back to the glory years of whatever year it was that we let him win the championship.

Not mentioned: K-Mad (too sexy for Fantasy Basketball), Ranger (if it's not X-Men, he doesn't care).

don't try this at home, kids

The Cincinnati Enquirer reports Dusty Baker is planning on significant roster changes, and that Jerry Hairston Jr. or Jolbert Cabrera could be called up. Hairston is thought to have an out clause in his contract after a month, and is hitting .429 in Triple-A. One thing is for sure, Dusty Baker plans on making some moves. "I’ve got to get home and talk to Wayne (Krivsky) first... You’ve got some guys doing well down there. Guys we liked in spring training," Baker said.

i would like to have a beer with John McCain

By winning back unhappy GOP voters, McCain makes it a race
By ALAN FRAM and TREVOR TOMPSON, Associated Press Writers
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republicans are no longer underdogs in the race for the White House. To pull that off, John McCain has attracted disgruntled GOP voters, independents and even some moderate Democrats who shunned his party last fall.

Partly thanks to an increasingly likable image, the Republican presidential candidate has pulled even with the two Democrats still brawling for their party's nomination, according to an Associated Press-Yahoo! News poll released Thursday. Just five months ago — before either party had winnowed its field — the survey showed people preferred sending an unnamed Democrat over a Republican to the White House by 13 percentage points.

Wow, THAT SUCKED!

Cholly Gibson: stooge. Just awful. This moron should be slicing meat in a deli somewhere.

The reviews are in

Salon’s Walter Shapiro added:
This is the way it ends, not with a bang but a whimper. If Wednesday night’s fizzle in Philly was indeed the last debate of the Democratic primary season between Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, it will be remembered for, well, not much of anything.

Broadcast to a prime-time network audience on ABC and devoid of a single policy question during its opening 50 minutes, the debate easily could have convinced the uninitiated that American politics has all the substance of a Beavis and Butt-Head marathon.

“Uh oh, the crowd is turning on me…”

Charlie, you should be happy that all they did was boo you…last night’s debate was an embarrassment to the American electorate on so many levels. It doesn’t matter which candidate you are supporting, the determined non-substance of the debate is an affront.

Will Bunch:
It’s hard to know where to begin with this, less than an hour after you signed off from your Democratic presidential debate here in my hometown of Philadelphia, a televised train wreck that my friend and colleague Greg Mitchell has already called, quite accurately, “a shameful night for the U.S. media.” It’s hard because — like many other Americans — I am still angry at what I just witnesses, so angry that it’s hard to even type accurately because my hands are shaking. Look, I know that “media criticism” — especially when it’s one journalist speaking to another — tends to be a genteel, colleagial thing, but there’s no genteel way to say this.

With your performance tonight — your focus on issues that were at best trivial wastes of valuable airtime and at worst restatements of right-wing falsehoods, punctuated by inane “issue” questions that in no way resembled the real world concerns of American voters — you disgraced my profession of journalism, and, by association, me and a lot of hard-working colleagues who do still try to ferret out the truth, rather than worry about who can give us the best deal on our capital gains taxes. But it’s even worse than that. By so badly botching arguably the most critical debate of such an important election, in a time of both war and economic misery, you disgraced the American voters, and in fact even disgraced democracy itself. Indeed, if I were a citizen of one of those nations where America is seeking to “export democracy,” and I had watched the debate, I probably would have said, “no thank you.” Because that was no way to promote democracy.


It doesn't get any better than Tom Shales devouring really bad television:

In Pa. Debate, The Clear Loser Is ABC
By Tom Shales
Thursday, April 17, 2008; C01
When Barack Obama met Hillary Clinton for another televised Democratic candidates' debate last night, it was more than a step forward in the 2008 presidential election. It was another step downward for network news -- in particular ABC News, which hosted the debate from Philadelphia and whose usually dependable anchors, Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos, turned in shoddy, despicable performances.
For the first 52 minutes of the two-hour, commercial-crammed show, Gibson and Stephanopoulos dwelled entirely on specious and gossipy trivia that already has been hashed and rehashed, in the hope of getting the candidates to claw at one another over disputes that are no longer news. Some were barely news to begin with.
The fact is, cable networks CNN and MSNBC both did better jobs with earlier candidate debates. Also, neither of those cable networks, if memory serves, rushed to a commercial break just five minutes into the proceedings, after giving each candidate a tiny, token moment to make an opening statement. Cable news is indeed taking over from network news, and merely by being competent.
Gibson sat there peering down at the candidates over glasses perched on the end of his nose, looking prosecutorial and at times portraying himself as a spokesman for the working class. Blunderingly he addressed an early question, about whether each would be willing to serve as the other's running mate, "to both of you," which is simple ineptitude or bad manners. It was his job to indicate which candidate should answer first. When, understandably, both waited politely for the other to talk, Gibson said snidely, "Don't all speak at once."
For that matter, the running-mate question that Gibson made such a big deal over was decidedly not a big deal -- especially since Wolf Blitzer asked it during a previous debate televised and produced by CNN.
The boyish Stephanopoulos, who has done wonders with the network's Sunday morning hour, "This Week" (as, indeed, has Gibson with the nightly "World News"), looked like an overly ambitious intern helping out at a subcommittee hearing, digging through notes for something smart-alecky and slimy. He came up with such tired tripe as a charge that Obama once associated with a nutty bomb-throwing anarchist. That was "40 years ago, when I was 8 years old," Obama said with exasperation.
Obama was right on the money when he complained about the campaign being bogged down in media-driven inanities and obsessiveness over any misstatement a candidate might make along the way, whether in a speech or while being eavesdropped upon by the opposition. The tactic has been to "take one statement and beat it to death," he said.
No sooner was that said than Gibson brought up, yet again, the controversial ravings of the pastor at a church attended by Obama. "Charlie, I've discussed this," he said, and indeed he has, ad infinitum. If he tried to avoid repeating himself when clarifying his position, the networks would accuse him of changing his story, or changing his tune, or some other baloney.
This is precisely what has happened with widely reported comments that Obama made about working-class people "clinging" to religion and guns during these times of cynicism about their federal government.
"It's not the first time I made a misstatement that was mangled up, and it won't be the last," said Obama, with refreshing candor. But candor is dangerous in a national campaign, what with network newsniks waiting for mistakes or foul-ups like dogs panting for treats after performing a trick. The networks' trick is covering an election with as little emphasis on issues as possible, then blaming everyone else for failing to focus on "the issues."
Some news may have come out of the debate (ABC News will pretend it did a great job on today's edition of its soppy, soap-operatic "Good Morning America"). Asked point-blank if she thought Obama could defeat presumptive Republican contender John McCain in the general election, Clinton said, "Yes, yes, yes," in apparent contrast to previous remarks in which she reportedly told other Democrats that Obama could never win. And in turn, Obama said that Clinton could "absolutely" win against McCain.
To this observer, ABC's coverage seemed slanted against Obama. The director cut several times to reaction shots of such Clinton supporters as her daughter, Chelsea, who sat in the audience at the Kimmel Theater in Philly's National Constitution Center. Obama supporters did not get equal screen time, giving the impression that there weren't any in the hall. The director also clumsily chose to pan the audience at the very start of the debate, when the candidates made their opening statements, so Obama and Clinton were barely seen before the first commercial break.
At the end, Gibson pompously thanked the candidates -- or was he really patting himself on the back? -- for "what I think has been a fascinating debate." He's entitled to his opinion, but the most fascinating aspect was waiting to see how low he and Stephanopoulos would go, and then being appalled at the answer.

more misremembering

IRAQ -- WAR ARCHITECT FEITH CLAIMS ADMINISTRATION NEVER SAID WAR WOULD BE EASY

LEHRER: The public was never told that the Parade of Horribles were considered possibilities. Instead we were told it would be a cakewalk. Were you–

FEITH: You weren’t told that by the administration. Absolutely not.

Press Secretary Ari Fleisher: “My point is, the likelihood is much more like Afghanistan, where the people who live right now under a brutal dictator will view America as liberators, not conquerors.” [10/11/02]

White House Chief of Staff Andy Card: “I think the Iraqi people would welcome freedom with jubilation.” [1/26/03]

Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld: “The people will be enormously relieved and liberated.” [3/20/03]

Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz: “The Iraqi people understand what this crisis is about. Like the people of France in the 1940s, they view us as their hoped-for liberator. They know that America will not come as a conqueror.” [3/11/03]

Vice President Dick Cheney: “I’m confident that our troops will be successful, and I think it’ll go relatively quickly…Weeks rather than months.” [3/16/03]

National Security Advisor Condoleezza Rice: “I do not mean that we will need to maintain a military presence in Iraq as was the case in Europe.” [8/7/03]

Chairman of the Defense Policy Board Richard Perle: “And a year from now, I’ll be very surprised if there is not some grand square in Baghdad that is named after President Bush. There is no doubt that, with the exception of a very small number of people close to a vicious regime, the people of Iraq have been liberated and they understand that they’ve been liberated. And it is getting easier every day for Iraqis to express that sense of liberation.” [9/22/03]

We should visit that Bush Square in Baghdad some time.

Red China has the internets?

Chinese vent anti-Western fury online
Beijing - A violent storm of nationalist indignation is roiling the Chinese internet, as bloggers vent their anger at perceived Western insults in the wake of the Tibetan uprising last month.

Simmering resentment at the way the Olympic torch relay was treated by pro-Tibet demonstrators in London and Paris has boiled over this week into invective against a CNN commentator, a French supermarket chain, and Nancy Pelosi, speaker of the US House of Representatives.

supporting the troops (Cheney-style) (cont'd)

That Other Military Draft

Thousands of Navy and Air Force personnel are now serving non-traditional roles in Iraq -- posts they never signed up for. Steven, who asked I not use his last name in print, said he's to receive six weeks of weapons training at a California Army base before being flown over to Iraq for a year-long deployment.

Who's sick of dis s#i+? Well, we're here, we're drunk, get used to it...

7:40 PM me: AWFUL
8 minutes
7:48 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9 minutes
7:58 PM me: Jason Botts: HYOOGE tonight - he's a Wyvern
Kevin: what's his real name?
7:59 PM me: Rael Spoonbender
Kevin: thats almost as funny as botts
how will they blow it?
8:00 PM Cincinnati 3
Chi Cubs 12
Top 9th
8:01 PM me: Obama/Clinton: The Threatdown coming on here right now
Kevin: i have bbc news -- dis guy talks funny
top story: clinton/obama: the bludgeoning
8:02 PM obama clearly doesn't get it
8:03 PM clinton: yeah i'm fullashit, get over it
8:05 PM bbc shows stuff you never see in merrika. like: s#i+ blowing up... people blowing up... children blowing up...
8:06 PM me: sounds like a bummer - i'd rather see "Secret Talents of Celebrities"
Kevin: me too! or dancing with the stars!
8:07 PM things are wonderful :-)
me: or grade C celebs losing weight
8:08 PM Concannon Central Coast Petite Sirah Limited Release 2005
Kevin: or grade C ballplayers losing ballgames
limited release - woo-woo
me: Chico?
8:09 PM Kevin: yellow tail shiraz
me: so limited the liquor store on the corner owned by armenians has it for $12
Kevin: 5.50 a bottle at dominics, 100 times better than the cheap shit at tjs
8:10 PM i'm off the chico bandwagon for now but ready to jump on if it starts to look like it's filling up
me: sounds like you - shitwagon jumper
Kevin: yeppers! :-)
8:11 PM rezzidunce and pope ratzo together -- write your own punch line
me: Tallet dominating: 2 outs, 3 baserunners, no runs...
Kevin: good thing i told you to draft him
8:12 PM me: "I'll torture him, while you sexually molest him, we'll both cover it up."
Kevin: i saw the white house for the very first time a couple weeks ago
made me wretch
guess i really do hate america after all
8:13 PM me: HATER
Kevin: brits pronounce vitamin as "veetamin" -- these are our allies?
i phink ot
niot
not
n-o-t not
8:14 PM america shouldn't feel too bad -- i hate everything
me: shed-yule? what's that shit?
Kevin: there there america... it's ok...
da phokkers should learn ta speak english
phokkers
8:15 PM me: Hillary is a grandaughter of a factory worker from Scranton, a Methodist! SO stuff it!!
Kevin: annudder phing bout da brits -- bear-ack obama? who is dat?
8:16 PM me: Cubs pulled it out...
Kevin: bear-ack... sounds like pig latin
finally some good news
chinese pigs! funny...
8:17 PM me: 2nd bottle already?
Kevin: howdja guess?
me: just lucky
Kevin: you havent watched bbc world til you've watched it on 2 bottles of shirazez
8:18 PM so i guess hillary is not an elitist then? despite the 68 beeeeeeelllllllion dollars they reported on their taxes?
me: you can probably say that about any show
8:19 PM Kevin: i'm bill clinton. here are three amusing anecdotes. write me a check for six figures
me: hello...descendent of a factory worker, Methodist...
8:20 PM Kevin: wait... does that make her the last living descendent of jesus?
i phink so
here'
8:21 PM here's another thing the brits like to say at EVERY opportunity: "police with water cannon" not A water cannon? not water cannons? they work this into every conversation. watch...
you'll see
me: dats da King's English i pfink
8:22 PM Kevin: pfink is also da kings english i pfink
me: diffrent dan Merican english
Hillary: "Proven record of results" should could play for Dusty!
8:23 PM Kevin: you need dat veteran prezzents in da white house
8:25 PM joe SMIFF -- lights out tonight
me: OhlenDORF: only 1 run allowed tonight
8:26 PM Kevin: though i wonder -- whats his real name?
dorf on baseball? he da dorfman
me: Fitzcarraldo Mellonball
8:29 PM King Felix/Blanton tonight: Cherry showdown
Kevin: dreadful
me: Blanton: sucky
Kevin: figgers
me: you fault
Kevin: true
8:30 PM me: Buck: hitless (cont'd)
Kevin: trabbis schmuck? you knew da risks
tabbis smiley coming on
8:31 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: its brought to me by viewers like me
me: Rev. Wright blah blah blah...............
Kevin: he is not a obama fan
8:32 PM he gots da whirlcom whistleblower lady on tonight... but... SHE DOES NOT HAVE A WHISTLE... feeling cheated right now...
8:33 PM me: whirlcom? dishwasher?
Kevin: i phink dey ran da world or something
til dere s#i+ blew up
8:34 PM i would really like to hear her whistle
financial shit blah blah blah financial shit -- BORRRRRRRRRRRRRR-INGGGGGGGGGGGGG
me: maybe you could whistle with one of the empty wine bottles?
8:37 PM Kevin: tabbis's favorite question: "talk to me about..."
8:38 PM 2nd favorite question: "unpack this for me"
8:39 PM I AM NOT A WHISTLEBLOWER... why should i have to whistle?
me: she brought luggage and he wants it unpacked?
Kevin: yeah, i phink so
8:40 PM here's a quick rundown of commercial tv: something inane... something stooopid... comcast commercial... comcast commercial... comcast commercial... comcast commercial... something inane... repeat until envying the dead...
me: maybe her whistle is her bad somewherez
8:43 PM Kevin: know who SUCKS lately? trabbis hafner. want him in wellness?
8:44 PM me: don't need him - just picked up Conor "Bushy Eyebrows" Jackson
and i already have Thome at utility
Kevin: i saw dat - phokker.
new guest: hates god
8:45 PM me: do they have a whistle?
Kevin: up his ass
8:46 PM me: is he playing it?
Kevin: you dont want to know
8:47 PM he's equating chrissy hitchens with right wing religious fundamentalists
8:48 PM me: gotta agree deres
Kevin: chris hedges - i don't believe in atheists
tabbis: talk to me about...
8:49 PM jester: amuse me!
8:50 PM newest bluestem: the former jeff niemann -- he will be missed
my head hurts
me: more booze?
8:51 PM Kevin: dat might do da trick
irish whiskey?
me: Stephanoouplous asks important question about Obama and the Weather Underground.............
8:52 PM now, what is his connection to Che Guevara?
8:54 PM Yunel Escobar finished 2-for-4 with a two-run homer on Wednesday night. He also walked. Escobar is now hitting .345 out of the two hole in Atlanta, with a hitting streak that currently stands at nine games. Smiff SHTOLE him.
8:56 PM Kevin: i get him and da big yuniesky mixed up
8:59 PM me: Yuniesky is da one dat SUCKS
Kevin: chix surge to 5th... the surge is saving us...
9:00 PM now up: cholly rose
his black eye looks all better
me: must be Bowker
Kevin: his guests are sure to be hectoring liberal america-haters
me: black eye?
9:01 PM Kevin: cholly hads a black eye a coupla weeks ago... i phink bill orally mighta punched him out
9:02 PM or mebbe he is in a senior cage fighting league
9:03 PM first guest: "fighting global povery"... wah wah wah why am i not a happy plutocrat wah wah wah
bush announces new greenhouse gas targets by 2025.... bush leaves office like 9 months from now
9:04 PM also -- we will cure acne by 2050
as god is my witlessness
9:05 PM me: sounds like a plan
Kevin: good phing yer on board
me: who likes pus on their face?
9:06 PM Charlie Rose
Charlie Rose's middle name is Peete
Kevin: dat would exxplain a lot
9:09 PM me: Rebecca is going to be the boss of me
9:10 PM Kevin: serves you right
me: totally phokked
Kevin: i see dead people (well one anyway)
9:11 PM me: it would get me out of ALA CRAP
Kevin: i (the dead) would envy you (the living)
me: sucker
9:12 PM Kevin: totally phokked'
me: Hillary: "The fact is..."
9:13 PM Kevin: in udder words: "here comes a YOOOOGE ball'o'bulls#i+..."
me: si, senor
Kevin: she SUCKS
9:14 PM though a meeeeeeellllllion times better (or not as bad) den (as) wotz we gotz now
me: though still a BAJILLION times better than Dumbya/Dick!
Kevin: dere ya go
like i said
9:15 PM whut i was sayin
git'r'rdone
me: Tird bottle?
9:16 PM Kevin: ever listen to any firesign theater records?
me: er, 25 years ago?
Kevin: yeah, ok, but did you?
9:17 PM me: prolly, can' say i remember anypfing
Kevin: i know you were like a SMALL CHILD den but answer da question
deres a bushian answer
me: shit, calm down, jesus...
9:18 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: i can't recall... as far as i can recall... i have no specific recollection... can't recall... can't recall... as far as i can recollect...
me: come on grandpa, were dose phonograph records?
9:19 PM i misremembered
9:20 PM Kevin: yeah you know, wid da needle an da speekers and da sound coming outta da speakers an da noise hitting your eardrum and creating a reaction wich makes you expell air spasmodically while da corners of your mouf curl up an shit...
me: sounds quaint
9:21 PM Kevin: kinda quaint when you phink about it yean
yeah
dis just in - erik bedard is dead - k-mad being blamed
9:22 PM me: i'll loof for dat on da newz
9:23 PM didn't mean look, meant loof
9:24 PM C.C. Sabathia: 13.50 ERA - how are you to blame?
9:26 PM Kevin: i can't think of a single k-mad/sabbathia nexus, but surely its my fault somehow
me: he's a pitcher?
9:29 PM Giants optioned RHP Keiichi Yabu to Triple-A Fresno.
9:30 PM Rays placed RHP Al Reyes on the 15-day disabled list, retroactive to April 15, with a shoulder impingement and affay.
Kevin: yabu-dabu-do
feh... it's not like a horrorz need pitching...
9:31 PM me: you're deep there
9:32 PM i'll trade you Randor "0.00" Bierd
Kevin: when will tiger wootz reveal that his real name is tiger osama bin-mc-lovinit-dot-com-bin-mcs#i+-blowing-up?
wucha want for da bierdster?
9:33 PM me: rd 13 and a rookie slot?
9:34 PM Kevin: you would ask for a round 13 while cholly is interviewing da director of da ERFFF INNNstitute?
AHHHHNOLD will be on cholly next week
me: i'm sneaky
9:35 PM Kevin: if cholly becomes gubnor of kollyforniyal, i phink you will have to be chollyforniya
me: Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger says the U.S. Supreme Court decision to allow lethal injections for death row inmates affirms California's capital punishment procedure and would allow executions to resume.
9:36 PM makes sense
9:37 PM Hillary got fucked by a group of truckers last week in Harrisburg
Kevin: just make sure its da RIGHT CHOLLY... cuz cholly manual wud try to sneak in under any technicality
is dere film?
me: she may have said met
9:38 PM Kevin: "met" -- we know we know...
depends on what da meaning of da word "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz".............. izzzzzz.........
me: how about Cholly Gibson, the stupid phokk conducting da debate
9:39 PM Kevin: is he a chollly? end of story
9:40 PM me: CLA Merediff: hammered tonight. now dat one is one you.
Kevin: mary kicked @ss today, according to an unbiased report (mary) -- hope for more of the same tomorrow
me: dats good
9:41 PM starts May 1 den?
Kevin: probally
CLA? hammered? fullas#i+
9:42 PM me: http://www.bustedtees.com/myotherhatisalsoretarded
Podzzzie wuz in da middle of the ass whalloping CLA took
9:43 PM Glenn-Done Rush also touched up a bit
9:44 PM Kevin: no-phanks
me: King Felix: CG, 1 ER, Smiff gets the credit
9:45 PM Kevin: bluestem pitching has always been da prairie chicken in dal coal mine... time for me to check out again i phink'
me: zzzhkjh;jklzhh;jkh;hz'h'hh'lh'lkh'lkhlh'lzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
9:50 PM dats Klingon

my work here appears to be nearing an end

Erik Bedard - Windup Worries

I spose eventually you might get to the question, why does McCain's campaign site have a recipe page?

Bloggers Find Something Fishy In McCain Site's 'Family Recipes'

Washington Post, April 16, 2008

Ahh, the home cooking of Sen. John McCain's wife, Cindy. You can almost smell her Ahi tuna with Napa cabbage slaw or her rosemary chicken with warm spinach salad as you peruse the recipes on her husband's campaign Web site.

Or you could have, until yesterday, when that part of the site was taken down after bloggers revealed that several of the "McCain Family Recipes" were, in fact, copied word for word from the Food Network.

Cindy McCain's tuna recipe was actually developed and submitted to the Food Network by cookbook author and former "Cooking Thin" host Kathleen Daelemans. The recipe for farfalle pasta with turkey sausage, peas and mushrooms was a "quick pasta classic" from the TV show "Everyday Italian." That old McCain standby -- rosemary chicken -- was a creation of TV chef Rachael Ray and was lifted, with a few changes, from the same Food Network site.

All three were listed on a McCain Web page titled "Cindy's Recipes."

"Apparently a Web intern added Rachael Ray to our policy team without her knowing it," McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds deadpanned yesterday. (Hah! Good one... I'll try the veal... ed.) "He was swiftly dealt with, and the page is down for revision."
...

Even if the recipes had been Cindy McCain's own, it's hard to see how the campaign thought it could win over Middle American voters with dishes such as crab scampi served over whole-wheat spaghetti.

Obama bin Laden

so obviously wid da tarrists it's hardly necessary to point out how wid da tarrists he is

He has a scary-sounding name, he looks like he's up to something, and he probably only joined the Marines so he could steal our military secrets.

Notice how the fawning liberal media laps up his America-hating:

After Eight Ballots, Iraq Vet Wins Minnesota Dem Contest

Well-spoken Madia worked his brains out for DFL nod

Holy Fucking Shit, Dat's A Lot of Cussing!

Created by OnePlusYou

This is 559% MORE than other websites who took this test.

where is LoC's $300K book deal?

Stuff White People Like? Making money by selling fluff would have to be at the top of the list.

Praise Jesus: we can now get back to frying people

The Supreme Court has upheld the three-drug lethal injection method used by the state of Kentucky in a 7-2 decision, clearing the way for a nationwide stay on executions to be lifted. Chief Justice John Roberts penned the case opinion, while two Justices, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and David Souter, dissented…read on.

Why does President Bush hate America?

President Bush: “Probably true” that next attack will come from neglected Afghanistan...and he's not going to do anything about it

Adm. Mullen says: “The Taliban is growing bolder. Suicide attacks are on the rise, and so is the trade in illegal narcotics. Requirements exist there that we simply can not fill, and won’t likely be able to fill, until conditions improve in Iraq.”

It’s simply stunning that the President can sit there and admit with a straight face that the next attack is “probably” brewing in Afghanistan, and that’s he’s unwilling to devote more resources there even though his top military commander says he needs them.

one possible explanation

Hot Topics: A controversial, estrogen-like chemical in plastic could be harming the development of children's brains and reproductive organs, a federal health agency concluded in a report released Tuesday...

An ingredient of polycarbonate plastic, BPA is one of the most widely used synthetic chemicals in industry today. It can seep from hard plastic beverage containers such as baby bottles, as well as from liners in cans containing food and infant formula.

they can have my quarter-pounder with cheese when they pry it from my cold dead fingers

Yeah, that'll work:

Now the next president needs to put meat on the bones of environmental policy - by telling us to eat less of it.

Will Carroll Shenanigans

As Derrick Lee goes fuckin' yard to make it 5-3 I'm reading the Will Carroll chat...Love love love love love love love love love D.Lee. Love. Will Carroll, well, we have documentation about that...anyway - from his chat this lovely duo:

mattseward (Cardiff. UK): Hi Will, Johnny Cueto has made a big early impression but he has now logged a huge amount of innings over the past year. If you were the Reds GM (and after you have unceremoniously fired Dusty Baker) would you set a hard limit on him as per Joba and Bucholz?

Will Carroll: I'm not sure I'd fire Dusty, to be honest. This is the kind of team he can succeed with. I also wouldn't set a hard limit because I don't believe in hard limits. All that said, I'd certainly have some sort of monitoring system, along the lines of what the Red Sox do, put in place immediately and tell Dusty that the system would tell him when a pitcher had to come out.

then...

mattymatty (RE: Dusty): "This [the Reds] is the kind of team he [Dusty Baker] can succeed with." That sounds pretty tough to back up, Will. Care to try?

Will Carroll: Older star player with talent. Younger "misunderstood" star in a contract year. Some hustle players. Two established pitchers at the top who can take heavy innings. A couple young pitchers with star potential. That sound like the 03 Cubs to you?

***

A few points or so:

1. The Cubs were awesome in 2003, no doubt. Prior was like a fucking nail gun, pounding the zone. My God, he was amazing. And Wood, Zambrano. Patterson played well that year. Goddamn that pitching. Clement had a nice year.

2. Two young pitchers with star potential? The Cubs pitchers were already there...I mean, really it was notable for Zambrano's big year, which built on that great second half of '02. Two of those three were done serious damage to. No doubt. Now, Dusty was going after some big game there, but still, people noted that the abuse, especially of Prior, was pretty hardcore. The Reds' young pitching is a lot less experienced than the young pitching of the Cubs was, a lot less proven, and to be honest, a lot less touted. Still, Dusty does have some shot at proving he's learned. That's not redemption necessarily, but it's something.

And some idiot asked if Prior was a wuss on the chat. The guy was pitching with a knife through his shoulder. But yeah, I guess he was a wuss you dumb fuck office drone. Ugh. Go back to the frat house and talk about clutch hitting and football.

3. Brandon Philips is to ARam as Jr. is to Sosa? Ok, I suppose. AGon is to AGon - but not much of a Keppinger factor. I don't know if the outfields were put together very similarly. I mean, neither of them was particularly pitcher friendly in the field I suppose. Patterson, like AGon there...but then no Loften equivalent. And Jay Bruce? I guess he is kind of Pattersonny as he is a highly regarded prospect, but there the similarities mostly end. So for a similar team make-up, they're kind of different. But it's in the pitching that the big differences are.

4. Cubs bullpen that year was way way better. That's kind of an important difference. I mean, pitching in general, is kind of big.

5. Call me an optimist though...I think Dusty will do better with the young pitchers. But I don't think he'll ever learn to trust Votto or Bruce until they're actually at HoF levels - and for Votto that might never happen. Though being called "Joey" helps. That's pretty lunch pail.

6. Hustle players? What does that even mean?

7. Perhaps the 2003 Cubs and 2008 Reds will simply reveal that for managers, in the end, it's about avoiding injuries created by avoidable and repeatable motions and about deciding who gets playing time. That's really it. The flukes will reveal themselves - maybe nothing could have saved Prior or Wood. Maybe Bartman really is all that stands between Dusty and immortality. Maybe then it would have been worth it. And it was a hell of a ride. But in the end, Dusty had a lot less to do with it than he is charged with or credited for. But one does wonder about his stubbornness and his willingness to insert himself into the game to the point where he hindered the Cubs development both in-game and long term to some extent. Perhaps it's overstated.

Perhaps the best response, if you want to defend Dusty, is simply to argue that he's just like the rest of them. Until a manager actually breaks the mold and starts insisting on changes to the construction of his team that will give him competitive advantage (ten man pitching staff anybody? Strong, planned platoons?), we're going to get cookie cutter managers who over-manage and preen and show their feathers off to the media because there's no there there. They're nothing special. They are distinguishable mostly by their personalities and, perhaps, the potential for the occasional blast of insight within the game occasionally. So, taking that into account, perhaps Dusty's just another manager to ignore. So why bother going through the hassle of firing him. Of course, why hire him?

To return to an earlier point, that he does bear some responsibility, Joe Sheehan made a couple nice points earlier today at BP:

So it doesn’t matter very much to me that Corey Patterson is batting .262/.304/.667, two expected numbers and a very odd one. What matters is that Dusty Baker has made him the leadoff man against righties, a role for which he and his low OBP (.326 this year, .306 career) is wildly ill-suited. Having Patterson’s low-OBP, high-SLG act in the #1 spot means the Reds’ offense runs inefficiently, as their power hitters in the middle of the lineup bat with fewer runners on base than they would if an OBP guy were atop the lineup. This will cost the Reds runs throughout the season.

It doesn’t matter to me that Joey Votto is hitting .308/.308/.308, although I do wonder what effect Dusty Baker’s March criticisms have had on a take’n’rake hitter. It does matter that Votto has gotten consecutive starts just once, over the weekend in Pittsburgh. Baker has twice played Juan Castro over Votto against lefties, moving Jeff Keppinger across the diamond to make the alignment work. That’s criminal. Young players need playing time; if Votto is going to start four days a week, he’d be better off in Louisville. Baker has already derailed the career of a similar player in Hee Seop Choi, using him in a similar fashion in 2003 after Choi returned from a midseason concussion for the Cubs.

I suspect that like most of his teams, the Reds will do well despite Dusty. Because he's a moron and because they got a pretty good roster. And in the end, his legacy will be what didn't thrive, what should have thrived, while he managed.

Why is it that to appear like one is in the know, one is always bucking whatever one considers mainstream? Dusty sucks. The Dodgers front office sucks and Billy Beane is smart. Get used to it. I don't care how mainstream those thoughts are.

And Kenny on the South Side? Only the Shadow knows...

Where are they now?

The Ligues.

No Barack people aren't bitter they're just stupid

This helps to explain the last 8 years.

s#i+ shaking up caving in and falling aprt

Uniform California Earthquake Rupture Forecast (UCERF)

California has more than a 99% chance of having a magnitude 6.7 or larger earthquake within the next 30 years, according scientists using a new model to determine the probability of big quakes.

The likelihood of a major quake of magnitude 7.5 or greater in the next 30 years is 46%-and such a quake is most likely to occur in the southern half of the state.

hmmm, no funny hats :(

Get your Pope On Tour gear here!

Huh? But that's not what 'the pundits' said

Poll: Obama's 'bitter' comment having little impact on Pa. race

And i love it when millionaire douchebags like Pat Buchanan and George Will call someone an elitist...

He will be missed...

...like a pus filled boil...

Alan Keyes bolts GOP

End Times? Locusts? S#i+ Blowing Up?

Looks like dese division leaders will be squaring off down the road in the playoffs...

19 Drunk Monks 8 4
19 Mike Smith 5-1: 14 0-1, 14 4-3, @2 11-5, @2 7-0, @3 6-0, @3 6-4.

8 Andersonville Horror 10 2
8 Kevin McClure 6-0: 4 10-3, 4 9-0, 5 5-4(11), 5 5-4, @13 2-1, @13 16-5.

Who needs pitching? Horrorz AAA pitcher's sporting a 3.00 ERA...

Den dere's dis 10-2 juggernaut, your MFA Wyverns:

2 Mike Smith 6-0: 7 4-2, 7 9-0, 7 3-2, @9 5-0, @9 5-3, @9 8-1.

Look at dat pitching! Team ERA: 1.99. Dana Eveland? Dat's one dose patented, late round Smiff shteals often reported here...

More Bourgeois Nonsense

World Bank chief: Ethanol cars run on human misery
Fill up with E85, starve a child

First you make us feel guilty about how we're raping the planet by drilling deep or excavating forests & turn them into wastelands or killing wildlife refuges and occasionally creating environmental catastrophes when the guy driving the boat with all the sweet crude has had one too many, not to mention killing the ozone layer and decreasing air quality, all just so we can drive wherever the hell we want to whenever the hell we want. And oh yeah, that stuff we suck out of the earth will run out at some point so you should think about that.

But hey, there's a great solution. You know that stuff you eat? Well, we can put that in your car instead! See, now it's renewable. It still has all the other problems of oil, but now it's renewable, so we did good! Oh, wait, now food prices went up, so the poor can't afford it any more. No matter. As long as I feel good about my E-85 hybrid SUV, it's all good.

Which reminds me, I forgot to post this, but some TV channel (HGTV? It's all I watch these days) had some sort of competition to win a green home. It probably had solar panels, was made out of like 100% recycled materials and so on. The best part was that it came with a hybrid SUV. Eh????? That's the old triple cheeseburga, super duper sized french fries and a DIET coke trick.

Perhaps I'm wrong, but it seems to me that Ethanol is just like Petrol (or Gas to the 'Mercans) in that when you burn it it will produce CO2. So why use it? Because it's renewable? If that's the case we may as well wait till the crude comes out. Oh yes, I forgot, we don't want to enable the terrists or 'Ugo but we still want to be able to drive wherever we want when we want. So we're all for the noble causes as long as they don't affect our way of life. And what about the cows, isn't it all the cows we have that are producing all this methane that's causing the problem? Once again, it will affect us - we gotta have our beef, screw the chickens and the fishies and the piggies (the piggies are worse aren't they?) and all that other crap.

I agree with Agent Smith. We humans are a virus, we just multiply and consume, multiply and consume. Rinse and repeat. The real problem is there's too many of us. So we will slowly kill the earth until it can't support us all, and we will start to die off. A point of equilibrium will be reached, it always will. It's just a question of what that number is. Hopefully, it's somewhere above 0.

K-Mad, Smiff: Wine, Golf & Cheating on Taxes (a Plutocratic Special Ed.)

2:48 PM me: Tiger just missed a putt i could make...there is nothing to believe in anymore
20 minutes
3:08 PM me: wow, he sucks - did you just draft him in a golf league?
39 minutes
3:47 PM me: Tallet: dominating today against the one batter he faced
57 minutes
4:45 PM Kevin: add chip caray to the list of things that are still what they used to be
me: yes
4:46 PM Wong is offering Crede for a rd 13 and my supp pick
how awful is dat?
4:49 PM ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzzzzzz
4:50 PM Barmes: HYOOGE today
18 minutes
5:08 PM me: current temp: 88
6 minutes
5:15 PM Kevin: no snow here this weekend
any shit burning up yet?
5:16 PM me: i'm a little hot
5:18 PM Phil Hughes about to be fucking HAMMERED
5:19 PM Kevin: why did you do that smiff?
5:20 PM me: wasnt i pointing out the obvious?
15 minutes
5:35 PM me: run 1 - on a perfect pitch! oh, the humanity!
actually, huMANNYity
5:37 PM Kevin: so he got outtta da inning wif only one run?
5:38 PM me: N O P E
Kevin: ruh-roh
andy rooney is looking at fruit at the grocery
5:39 PM me: ground rule double - ha HAH
Kevin: "what would i do with a papaya?" i have a suggestion
me: "I don't like fruit...too fruity!"
5:40 PM Kevin: "we didn't call them blueberries, we called them huckleberrys..." zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... and you were grateful?
me: STICK IT UP YOUR ONE HUNDRED YEAR OLD ASS?
dats what they were called in the 1800s? how quaint. they had slavery, too
Kevin: he's whimsical... i would ike to have a beer with him
5:41 PM me: i would like to get drunk and pummel him senseless
5:42 PM Kevin: dat wud be awesome
5:43 PM me: 2-0 Sox
i blame Andy Rooney
wild pitch! 3-0
i blame you on dat one
Kevin: johnny kwaito -- tough one tonight
5:44 PM me: i blame you
5:47 PM Kevin: tonight: block 50 chardonnay -- six bucks at trader joe's
me: Hughes: AWFUL
i'm out! might have to run down to the 9/11
Kevin: bring a breathing apparatus
5:48 PM me: we'll see how many runs Hughes gives up in the 2nd...
5:49 PM Kevin: strategery - bring in joel pineiro to face the aaa giants. result - savage beating
add k-mad trying to be clever to the list of things that are still what they always have been
5:51 PM me: yezzzzur
5:52 PM Kevin: stimulus: jotting down zach miner's name as a round 38 possibility. response: savage beating
5:55 PM just noticed tallet's line today. fearsome!
11 minutes
6:06 PM me: unstoppable
6:07 PM do response on dat Crede trade wif Wong?
Hughes gets thru da 2nd!
take dat HATERS (myself)
6:08 PM Kevin: crede offer not bad, he's keeper quality as long as he's healthy. health risk is probly da only complication
me: i countered wif a 14
6:09 PM Kevin: he's trader wong -- it'll get done somehow
6:10 PM me: not always - i've told him to phokk off more than once
working on my FUCKING taxes
FUCK
6:11 PM Kevin: i would be a smartyass and point out that i did mine in febrooary...
except that i also did my 2006 and 2005 at the same time
6:12 PM it's not like da phokkers needed da money
6:13 PM me: hmmm, maybe i'll wait a coupla years den, but i wouldn't get dat 600 in cash money dere sending out (bribe)
6:14 PM Kevin: yeah you shhould file so dey send you your bribe... guatemala two goals in da last cuppla minutes
me: am i part of Operation Enduring Freedom?
6:15 PM christ, gin & tonic time
Kevin: dere is a hole in da ground wif your name on it over deres
6:16 PM me: coo
6:17 PM Kevin: gotz to call mary and tell her what i phink of her ppt prezentation (interview at notre dame weds-thurs)
6:18 PM me: i pfink it kicks ass
6:22 PM Kevin: shocker: bulls DESTROYED tonight. arent dey dead yet?
me: deres still playing?
not so shocking: Zeniths outta da money it looks
9 minutes
6:32 PM me: annuder run in 4-1 i cont. to blame you
Kevin: sounds like you have trouble taking responsibility
6:34 PM me: 5-1.............
and......
he....
GUONE
Kevin: finally
some good news
6:36 PM me: time to get a bottle of wine......
OH LORD:
6:37 PM Kevin: oh yes
me: Dorf on Pitching is in
"a nightmare for Phil Hughes tonight"
Kevin: well den... dis is his last chance to get whatever whatever whatever outta his system before he starts pitching for da horrorzzz
6:38 PM me: one out!
Coco up...
Kevin: while we're at it...
is obama retoddid?
6:39 PM how eager you gotz to be to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory?
me: mebbe
6:40 PM two outs!!
6:41 PM so Tiger lost to a white guy from South Africa?
Kevin: yeah spin that one
6:42 PM me: golf legends: another thing we now suck at
WILD PITCH!
6:43 PM anudder run!
Dorf!
6:44 PM Kevin: i blame pennsylvanians clinging to guns religion and hostility to immigrants
6:45 PM me: base hit!
Kevin: i blame you
me: anudder run!
6:46 PM SEVEN RUNS CHARGED TO HYOOOOOGHSUCKS
none to da Dorfman - doesn't seem fair
6:47 PM taxes: confused
Kevin: datz da idea
6:48 PM if you were a plutocrat whut could afford a good accountant, you wunt have dis prollem
me: yeah, shoulda though of dat
6:49 PM Kevin: whyzzit always up to me to point out da obvious?
me: ok, straight off, there is supossed to be a box 7 on the W-2
and yet, there isn't one
6:50 PM it goes 5, 6...9, 10
Kevin: yeah dat rocks
i luv dat
me: thanx, asshole
6:51 PM Kevin: hey you culda voted for da huckster and shut down da irs
17 minutes
7:08 PM me: in your honor, i picked up a Black Swan Shirazez for $7.
i'm sure it will suck
7:09 PM Kevin: i will be honored to hear how much it sucks'
7:10 PM me: got to finish the gin first and these FUCKING TAXES
Kevin: screw off cap?
me: let's see here
no
Kevin: worriesome
7:11 PM me: New Look! Same BOLD Taste
Kevin: giving normie da remote is a sure ticket to an eclectic ride across the cosmos. now getting a glimpse of pope ratzo going through files of the inquisition
7:12 PM meanwhile da chix'zz need to pick up annudder new OF
killed annudder one, aldough in fairness, roberts was already dead when we found him
me: don't drink and pick...
7:13 PM Kevin: too late
me: uh oh - what did you do?
7:14 PM Kevin: nuffin yet but brett carroll is batting his eyes at me
wait -- is dat jody gerut?
7:15 PM me: Grapes, sun wind, a dash of daring, unfiltered laughter, the feeling of leaving work at 3pm on a Thursday, the rush of having your favorite cafe name a dessert after you, the pride of filling page 6 of your passport...
Gerut is da minors
Kevin: whatever da phokk you're reading, some of us live in da real world (NOT kollyforniya)
7:16 PM chris SHNELLLLLing was brought up today
i phink
me: ...in other words, black cherry boldness accented with a dash of peppery spice-authentically, delightfully unpredictable. SIP, SAVOR, ENJOY THE BLACK SWAN LIFE.
at only $7 a bottle!
7:17 PM Shnelling: poped out today, i saw dat
popped
Kevin: wow, sounds like you are in da catbird seat over deres
me: he should be good for 3 popouts a week
Kevin: sounds like a chick
me: two words:
RAJAH DAVIS
7:18 PM Kevin: wily mo coyote called activated today
rajah davis is ALREADY a chick -- DUH!
me: ohhhhhhhh...sorry to hear dat
hopw about dis guy the Giants brought up...
Kevin: you dont subscribe to da chixzzzz timezzzzz?
7:19 PM john bow-wow-wowker?
me: yeah, yeah
7:20 PM Kevin: chix already gotz roberts, raj-d, and ortmeier -- sorta feeling drunk on crappy giants OFers
7:21 PM me: he's hot 2 HRs already
7:22 PM it also assures one of the losers will be playing
John Bowker (OF, SF)
The 24 year-old had his best year offensively in '07, achieving career-highs in doubles and HR. For his career, Bowker has hit .296/.352/.472. He doesn't have any plus tools offensively, but he does a lot of things well. He has moderate power, mostly to the pull side, and has been able to hit for a high BA due to his quick hands. Bowker, a left-handed hitter, also has found a way to hit lefties. He does strike out a lot - 100+ Ks in each of the past three seasons. His approach is also on the aggressive side and he doesn't have much speed. Defensively, Bowker is best suited for LF. He has good range and is instinctual, but has a below average arm. He's expected to get some starts over the next few weeks and could supply some much-needed offensive punch.
Kevin: or it could be da block 50 chardonnay -- six bucks at trader joes
me: it could be...IT IS!
7:24 PM Kevin: i would rather DESTROY mister SCHNELLLLLLing
7:25 PM me: he doesn't need your help
he's injured every part of his body
Kevin: spose dat is redunnant
me: TWICE
7:26 PM Kevin: i'm just glad fisk navigated the minefield of time zone changes to survive the weekend
it's like indiana around here, nobody knows what da phokk time it is
7:28 PM me: i'm still on Step 1 of my taxes - so maybe dat whole thing was my fault
7:29 PM Kevin: prollaby
7:30 PM dont forget to write "GEORGE W BUSH IS A PHOKKING @$$#O|3" on the memo line of your check
me: never gonna get that far
7:31 PM really, ii'm thinking of starting over with another online filer
govt should be run more like a business
7:35 PM Kevin: you phink you got prollems -- i';m trying to re-do the horror lineup
should prolly pay a few bills too
too late -- drinking
7:36 PM me: i've moved onto turbotax
7:37 PM FUCK EMSMARTTAX RIGHT DOWNTOWN AND PRINT IT
7:39 PM Kevin: nickelanddimemudderphokkers
7:41 PM me: "This person passed away before filing this return."
Kevin: possibly
me: really sums up everypfing
Kevin: i phink so
7:46 PM me: figgered out da prollem...
would you believe:
Smiff was to blame!
Kevin: no
7:50 PM me: so i'm back at efarttax and on dere W-2 form where asks for the control # in box a, even though on the actual form it is in box d
i'm confused again
Kevin: cant you just make some s#i+ up?
me: and they have my SS# in box d, when on the form it is in box a
back to turbotax...
7:52 PM FUCK ESMARTTAX RIGHT DOWNTOWN AND PRINT IT
7 minutes
7:59 PM me: prollem at turbotax - i'm cosnidering not filing and going OFF GRD
GRID
8:00 PM Kevin: though it did not work for me, i phink it it worf a tryu
try
8:01 PM me: i think i'm gonna i'm dat wine now
and fuck everypfing
5 minutes
8:07 PM Kevin: John Bowker homered for the second straight day on Sunday when he took Cardinals starter Joel Pinerio deep for a two-run blast.
Bowker also added a sacrifice fly and an RBI single, leaving him with four RBI on the day. The left-hander had a pretty nice season for Double-A Connecticut in 2007, hitting .307 with 22 homers and 35 doubles. That line looks even better when considering he was playing in a park that substantially favored pitchers. He's an underrated prospect who would have some value in NL-only leagues if given three or four starts per week.
me: day wine didnt have a real cork in it - concern?
Kevin: no i phink that is good
cork SUCKS
me: yeah, pick up Schnelling
Kevin: artificial cork better
twist-off best
8:09 PM me: wow it's BOLD
Kevin: shiraz is bold
me: PEPPERY
8:11 PM Kevin: just opened a cheap shiraz here -- SUCKS. not peppery, not bold
for future reference -- just cuz its at trader joes and its really cheap doesnt mean its good
8:12 PM me: really? like i've been sayin' - everyphing is a scam
8 minutes
8:20 PM me: Ken asking anudder idiotic question
why is there crap in my pants?
8:21 PM also:
Wong ignoring me
8:22 PM Monks backup C could be INJ - i am SHOCKED
8:23 PM actually he was the backup to the backup who is injured
Kevin: souds like you got chikken prollems
8:24 PM me: Fants have the 1st good offensive day of the year, i think
be prepared: Milton Bradley soon to be SHITCANNED
8:25 PM didn't start either of the last two games
probably has an ingrown toenail
8:28 PM Kevin: dumb dumb dumb dumb question
8:33 PM me: ok: George "FUCKING ASSHOLE" Bush owes me $831
8:34 PM but i've never gotten a refund like dat, so i musta did sumfing wrong
so
should i pay $9.95 for audit protection?
or just LET IT ROLL
i'm depending on YOU
8:35 PM Kevin: you: totally phokked
me: is that a no? yes? mebbe?
8:36 PM Kevin: george w bush is a phokking a$$hole
me: we covered dat...for 7 years
8:38 PM Kevin: well if yer really getting $831 back, 10 bucks insurance doesnt seem like so much
8:39 PM but i went to h+r block this year and paid them MEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLIONNZZZZZZZZ so what da phokk do i know?
8:40 PM hint: not a whole phokking lottofamuch
on my phird bottlawine tonight dough so must be doing somephing right
8:41 PM dis just in dough - george w bush is a phokking @###0|3
8:42 PM me: three bottles?
is there a AAmeeting nearby?
8:43 PM Kevin: "are you proud of me? can i go home now? -- brownie "brownie" brown
8:45 PM speaking of dead people: 4/13 10:05 pm: Jonathan Papelbon won't be available to pitch on Sunday night, MLB.com confirms. He had to wait through a long rain delay to close the game on Saturday and is simply getting the day off.
8:46 PM he will be missed
me: Turbotax charges $31 to file a state return: can you spell: R I P O F F ?
Kevin: no i cannot but dat does sound purdy expensive
8:47 PM me: yeah, i told them to FUCK OFF
Kevin: dat musta been satisfying
8:48 PM me: i'd pay $10 fer the convenience, but $31? i also told them AND PRINT IT
Kevin: did you mention RIGHT DOWNTOWN?
dey prolly figgered as much anyway
8:50 PM me: oh, right - just told 'em - also told 'em to FUCK OFF again in case they didn't hear the first time
55 minutes
9:45 PM me: Joe Crede is mine!
he'll be dead soon
Kevin: i will blame you den
9:46 PM me: AND i still have my supp pick left
9:47 PM Kevin: AND micah bowie: available
9:48 PM me: i am shocked to hear there is corruption in Iraq - i mean, everything else has been going so well
Kevin: need i add: tyler yikes
that is disappointing but i'm sure they will muddle frough
me: don't add
5 minutes
9:54 PM me: 4th bottle?
9:55 PM Kevin: should i?
9:56 PM me: what could possibly go wrong?
Kevin: k
9:57 PM me: Rezko is involved - wah roh
9:59 PM Franquelis?
what is a Randor Bierd?
10:02 PM Kevin: whu? are you making up words now?
me: mebbe
10:03 PM Not much to go on for Bierd, but it's apparent that the Orioles are trying to catch lightning in a bottle here. Bierd was marginally impressive in spring training (11.1 IP, 2.38 ERA, 5.7 Dom, 1.4 Cmd), but last year's 144 BPV is enough to catch anyone's eye, no matter the level of competition. Bierd appears to have good command and the ability to limit home runs, but let's see how that translates to major league performance. Bierd is worth monitoring, but not worth rostering just yet.
how duz Henry Blanco sound?
10:04 PM i figger Montero is never coming back, and Barajas will be gone for weeks, months
10:05 PM Kevin: dis just in - my head hurts. it is prollaby nuffing to worry about
10:08 PM me: k
10:09 PM Kevin: montero is a prairie chicken so he is prollaby coughing up blood as you read this
me: yes, and a Bluestem?
10:11 PM Kevin: why yes! he was!
news item: • Obama accuses rivals of twisting his words for political gain
he will be missed
11 minutes
10:23 PM me: dat cancer guy wuz pretty kool
Kevin: who dat?
10:24 PM 60 minutes?
me: on da 60 minutes
let's save the plutocrats first
10:26 PM Kevin: i missed him, but genelly speaking, plutocratic illnesses are tragic, while the deaths of poor PHOKKS is sorta unfortunate but necessary
10:27 PM me: watch it online
did guy invented a cure machine in his kitchen
10:28 PM radio waves and shit get in dere and kick cancer's ASS
Kevin: in udder words, if faith-based initiatives work for the economy, than ability-to-pay-based-initiatives work for miracles
ow cancer's balls?
10:29 PM me: mebbe
worked on rats
Kevin: like from the toilet?
me: da terlet?
Kevin: yes
10:30 PM me: what about terlets?
did you open more wine?
Kevin: possibly
also - its like tomorrow an s#i+ here
10:31 PM me: being there sucks
Kevin: yes it does
10:32 PM so den... i better get some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...s
10:33 PM me: z

why does God hate Tom Glavine?

“That’s what it takes,” Nationals manager Manny Acta said, when asked about seeing Glavine leave.

“It’s destiny. You can always go hard in whatever you want to do. The guy above,” Acta said, and paused, pointing skyward. “He’s got the last word.”

Chip Caray Nails It: Or how to make 4 mistakes in 7 words

In praising Jimy Williams work ethic with young players, said:

"Adam Everett, who is a young, budding star with the Houston Astros..."

Let's see, he plays for Minnesota now.

Not young: he's 31 years old.

Not budding: he has been on a major league roster since 2001.

A star? Ok, the guy is good fielding SS, but his career batting line is .246/.298/.355. He's the definition of "good field, no hit" and has been since he was young and budding.

Chip's bulb is dimmer than Skip's and Harry's, and that is saying A LOT.

However, on the list of Carays I Hate, he only places 3rd:

1) Skip Caray
2) Harry Caray
3) Chip Caray

When did this happen?

So i'm watching the Cubs/Phillies game on TBS. Huh?

Mr. Leather Larceny himself on the call. Does it get any better than this?

Apparently, the Phillies gotta be happy wif Pedro Feliz at 3rd. Well, he hitting .214 with a .663 OPS. That's pretty good, i have to say. Wes Helms last year: .665 OPS. They paid the Marlins to make him go away.

Also: Fukudome is the greatest import since the VW Bug. So cute!

can't win for losing

Current Temps:

Chicago 40
San Diego 78 (yesterday 87)

Yesterday's tough score:

Cubs 1
Phillies 7