World's oldest joke traced back to 1900 BC
It is a saying of the Sumerians, who lived in what is now southern Iraq and goes: "Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap."
Showing posts with label try the veal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label try the veal. Show all posts
Friday, August 1, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Face time with Cheney: not a YOOOGE amount, just a couple hunnert thousand
In New Headache for SMU's Bush Library, Lobbyist Hints at Cash-for-Meetings Deal
Do you want Vice President Dick Cheney’s undivided attention for an hour? Stephen P. Payne, a Texas-based lobbyist, has some advice about how to grease the wheels for such a meeting: Make a six-figure donation to the George W. Bush Presidential Center, a library and museum complex that is scheduled to be built at Southern Methodist University.
When Mr. Payne made that suggestion in a London restaurant last week, he thought he was talking to an agent of the exiled president of Kyrgyzstan. He was actually speaking with undercover representatives of The Times of London, which has posted a video of the encounter.
“I think that the [exiled president’s] family, children, whatever, should probably look at making a contribution to the Bush library,” Mr. Payne says in the video. “How big, I don’t know. It would be like maybe a couple of hundred thousand dollars, something like that. Not a huge amount, but enough to show that they’re serious.”
Mr. Payne, a member of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security’s Secure Borders and Open Doors Advisory Committee, (Open Doors - I get it! Good one! Try the veal! Ed.) runs a Houston lobbying firm called Worldwide Strategic Partners. He has no affiliation with the George W. Bush Presidential Library Foundation or with Southern Methodist. In a statement released on Sunday, Mr. Payne argues that he was entrapped (puzzled? Ed.) by the Times agents’ “bizarre leading questions and strange hypothetical comments.”
. . .
Last year the U.S. House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed a bill that would require transparency in donations to presidential libraries. There has been no Senate vote because Sen. Ted Stevens, a Republican of Alaska, has placed a hold on the measure (SHOCKING! Ed.). . .
Do you want Vice President Dick Cheney’s undivided attention for an hour? Stephen P. Payne, a Texas-based lobbyist, has some advice about how to grease the wheels for such a meeting: Make a six-figure donation to the George W. Bush Presidential Center, a library and museum complex that is scheduled to be built at Southern Methodist University.
When Mr. Payne made that suggestion in a London restaurant last week, he thought he was talking to an agent of the exiled president of Kyrgyzstan. He was actually speaking with undercover representatives of The Times of London, which has posted a video of the encounter.
“I think that the [exiled president’s] family, children, whatever, should probably look at making a contribution to the Bush library,” Mr. Payne says in the video. “How big, I don’t know. It would be like maybe a couple of hundred thousand dollars, something like that. Not a huge amount, but enough to show that they’re serious.”
Mr. Payne, a member of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security’s Secure Borders and Open Doors Advisory Committee, (Open Doors - I get it! Good one! Try the veal! Ed.) runs a Houston lobbying firm called Worldwide Strategic Partners. He has no affiliation with the George W. Bush Presidential Library Foundation or with Southern Methodist. In a statement released on Sunday, Mr. Payne argues that he was entrapped (puzzled? Ed.) by the Times agents’ “bizarre leading questions and strange hypothetical comments.”
. . .
Last year the U.S. House of Representatives overwhelmingly passed a bill that would require transparency in donations to presidential libraries. There has been no Senate vote because Sen. Ted Stevens, a Republican of Alaska, has placed a hold on the measure (SHOCKING! Ed.). . .
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
actually... um, no
Perino: Bush Has 'Actually' Reduced US Global Warming Emissions
At a July 3 briefing, White House press secretary Dana "Fullas#i+" Perino made the bizarre claim that the United States has "actually" reduced "actual emissions" of greenhouse gases, complaining that President Bush "gets absolutely no credit at all." (Waaaaahhh... Ed.)
At a July 3 briefing, White House press secretary Dana "Fullas#i+" Perino made the bizarre claim that the United States has "actually" reduced "actual emissions" of greenhouse gases, complaining that President Bush "gets absolutely no credit at all." (Waaaaahhh... Ed.)
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Winning Hearts and Minds! (WHAM!) (cont'd!), or, it's just that perception thingy again
Exams Back Up Reports of Detainee Abuse, Group Says
The first extensive medical examinations of former detainees in U.S. military jails offer corroboration for prisoners' claims of physical and psychological abuse at the hands of their American captors, a Boston-based human rights group said in a report released yesterday.
The assessments of 11 men formerly held in U.S. detention camps overseas revealed scars and other injuries consistent with their accounts of beatings, electric shocks, shackling and, in at least one case, sodomy, according to the report by Physicians for Human Rights. Most also had symptoms of long-term psychological damage, including post-traumatic stress disorder, the group said.
The evaluations backed up the men's stories of physical and sexual assault and documented psychological damage that had left many of them severely impaired, the report said. For example, exams and X-rays of one of the former detainees showed scars and joint injuries that supported his description of being suspended for hours by his arms at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.
All 11 men were eventually released from custody without being charged with crimes.
In a statement accompanying the report, retired Maj. Gen. Antonio M. Taguba, who led the Army's first official investigation on Abu Ghraib, said the new evidence suggested a "systematic regime of torture" inside U.S.-run detention camps.
CIA Played Larger Role In Advising Pentagon
Torture "is basically subject to perception," CIA counterterrorism lawyer Jonathan Fredman told a group of military and intelligence officials gathered at the U.S.-run detention camp in Cuba on Oct. 2, 2002, according to minutes of the meeting. "If the detainee dies, you're doing it wrong." (Ha! Good one! He's here all week! -- Ed.)
General who probed Abu Ghraib says Bush officials committed war crimes
WASHINGTON — The Army general who led the investigation into prisoner abuse at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison accused the Bush administration Wednesday of committing "war crimes" and called for those responsible to be held to account.
The doctors and experts determined that the men had been subject to cruelties that ranged from isolation, sleep deprivation and hooding to electric shocks, beating and, in one case, being forced to drink urine.
Bush has said repeatedly that the United States doesn't condone torture.
The first extensive medical examinations of former detainees in U.S. military jails offer corroboration for prisoners' claims of physical and psychological abuse at the hands of their American captors, a Boston-based human rights group said in a report released yesterday.
The assessments of 11 men formerly held in U.S. detention camps overseas revealed scars and other injuries consistent with their accounts of beatings, electric shocks, shackling and, in at least one case, sodomy, according to the report by Physicians for Human Rights. Most also had symptoms of long-term psychological damage, including post-traumatic stress disorder, the group said.
The evaluations backed up the men's stories of physical and sexual assault and documented psychological damage that had left many of them severely impaired, the report said. For example, exams and X-rays of one of the former detainees showed scars and joint injuries that supported his description of being suspended for hours by his arms at the Abu Ghraib prison in Iraq.
All 11 men were eventually released from custody without being charged with crimes.
In a statement accompanying the report, retired Maj. Gen. Antonio M. Taguba, who led the Army's first official investigation on Abu Ghraib, said the new evidence suggested a "systematic regime of torture" inside U.S.-run detention camps.
CIA Played Larger Role In Advising Pentagon
Torture "is basically subject to perception," CIA counterterrorism lawyer Jonathan Fredman told a group of military and intelligence officials gathered at the U.S.-run detention camp in Cuba on Oct. 2, 2002, according to minutes of the meeting. "If the detainee dies, you're doing it wrong." (Ha! Good one! He's here all week! -- Ed.)
General who probed Abu Ghraib says Bush officials committed war crimes
WASHINGTON — The Army general who led the investigation into prisoner abuse at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison accused the Bush administration Wednesday of committing "war crimes" and called for those responsible to be held to account.
The doctors and experts determined that the men had been subject to cruelties that ranged from isolation, sleep deprivation and hooding to electric shocks, beating and, in one case, being forced to drink urine.
Bush has said repeatedly that the United States doesn't condone torture.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
where's the gratitude?
Maliki raises possibility that Iraq might ask U.S. to leave
BAGHDAD — Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki raised the possibility that his country won't sign a status of forces agreement with the United States and will ask U.S. troops to go home when their U.N. mandate to be in Iraq expires at the end of the year.
BAGHDAD — Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al Maliki raised the possibility that his country won't sign a status of forces agreement with the United States and will ask U.S. troops to go home when their U.N. mandate to be in Iraq expires at the end of the year.
Friday, June 13, 2008
that Nuri -- what a kidder!
AMMAN (Reuters) - Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki said on Friday talks with the United States on a long-term security pact were at a stalemate because of U.S. demands that encroached on Iraq's sovereignty.
Friday, May 16, 2008
"I'll be here all week..."
Huckabee at NRA Meeting: Jokes about shooting presidential candidates are funny!
During a speech before the National Rifle Association convention Friday afternoon in Louisville, Kentucky, former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee — who has endorsed presumptive GOP nominee John McCain — joked that an unexpected offstage noise was Democrat Barack Obama looking to avoid a gunman.
“That was Barack Obama, he just tripped off a chair, he’s getting ready to speak,” said the former Arkansas governor, to audience laughter. “Somebody aimed a gun at him and he dove for the floor.”
During a speech before the National Rifle Association convention Friday afternoon in Louisville, Kentucky, former Republican presidential candidate Mike Huckabee — who has endorsed presumptive GOP nominee John McCain — joked that an unexpected offstage noise was Democrat Barack Obama looking to avoid a gunman.
“That was Barack Obama, he just tripped off a chair, he’s getting ready to speak,” said the former Arkansas governor, to audience laughter. “Somebody aimed a gun at him and he dove for the floor.”
Monday, April 21, 2008
a celebration of specialness
President Bush Participates in Joint Press Availability with Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom
(Question: when did a press conference become press availability, and when can we have press conferences back? Ed.)
Bush: I'm -- been a pleasure to welcome a good friend to the Oval Office, and had a good discussion. Appreciate our special relationship with Britain, and I believe that the actions we've taken are making it stronger.
All in all, we had a fabulous conversation. I'm looking forward to dinner tonight. The Prime Minister is bringing his wife Sarah up here to the White House. And I'm -- Laura and I are going to cook you up a meal. (Laughter.) Well, we'll eat one with you. (Laughter.) (He's here for eight years -- try the veal. Ed.)
Brownie: It's my profound belief that over many decades, no international partnership has served the world better than the special relationship between our two countries, the United States and the United Kingdom.
Bush: Look, I'm interested in succeeding in Iraq. I mean, it's -- this is a mission that is succeeding on the security front, it's getting better on the economic front, and it's improving on the political front... And so, so long as I'm the President, my measure of success is victory and success.
We got a great relationship. And it's -- we're working on a variety of issues... So it's -- our relationship is very special and it's -- I'm confident future Presidents will keep it that way. There's just such a uniqueness in the relationship. That's not to say you can't have other friends, and we do. But this is a unique relationship, truly is. And I value -- I value my personal friendship, as well as our -- the relationship between our countries.
Look, if there wasn't a personal relationship I wouldn't be inviting the man to a nice hamburger. (Laughter.) Well done, I might add.
Brownie: I'm very proud to be here today to celebrate a special relationship. In 1941, Winston Churchill met Franklin Roosevelt and inaugurated what is the modern phase of that special relationship... And what I think is fascinating is that over the next few months we will be developing that special relationship in new ways... So this is a special relationship not just of governments, but of peoples. And I look forward to its enhancement at all levels in the years to come...
(Question: when did a press conference become press availability, and when can we have press conferences back? Ed.)
Bush: I'm -- been a pleasure to welcome a good friend to the Oval Office, and had a good discussion. Appreciate our special relationship with Britain, and I believe that the actions we've taken are making it stronger.
All in all, we had a fabulous conversation. I'm looking forward to dinner tonight. The Prime Minister is bringing his wife Sarah up here to the White House. And I'm -- Laura and I are going to cook you up a meal. (Laughter.) Well, we'll eat one with you. (Laughter.) (He's here for eight years -- try the veal. Ed.)
Brownie: It's my profound belief that over many decades, no international partnership has served the world better than the special relationship between our two countries, the United States and the United Kingdom.
Bush: Look, I'm interested in succeeding in Iraq. I mean, it's -- this is a mission that is succeeding on the security front, it's getting better on the economic front, and it's improving on the political front... And so, so long as I'm the President, my measure of success is victory and success.
We got a great relationship. And it's -- we're working on a variety of issues... So it's -- our relationship is very special and it's -- I'm confident future Presidents will keep it that way. There's just such a uniqueness in the relationship. That's not to say you can't have other friends, and we do. But this is a unique relationship, truly is. And I value -- I value my personal friendship, as well as our -- the relationship between our countries.
Look, if there wasn't a personal relationship I wouldn't be inviting the man to a nice hamburger. (Laughter.) Well done, I might add.
Brownie: I'm very proud to be here today to celebrate a special relationship. In 1941, Winston Churchill met Franklin Roosevelt and inaugurated what is the modern phase of that special relationship... And what I think is fascinating is that over the next few months we will be developing that special relationship in new ways... So this is a special relationship not just of governments, but of peoples. And I look forward to its enhancement at all levels in the years to come...
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