There is probably an interesting story behind that, or, Dumbshine State Adventures (cont'd)

Deputies: Woman pulls gun on man during sex in moving car
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What better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than with a shiny new Ruger 9mm?

News item: Americans buy record numbers of guns for Christmas

Americans bought record numbers of guns last month amid an apparent surge in popularity for weapons as Christmas presents.
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"'Fighting Is What Redneck People Do," Explained Drunk Guy Who Shot Lawnmower..."

The article doesn't explain what his lawnmower did to piss him off.

Which of these idiots looks more prezzzdential?

For my money, it's Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.

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More stuff about America you can't make up (cont'd)

Utah's official state firearm is the M1911 pistol.
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This is your brain on cheese

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — Prosecutors say a rural Wisconsin man blasted his TV with a shotgun after watching Bristol Palin's "Dancing with the Stars" routine, sparking an all-night standoff with a SWAT team.

According to court documents, 67-year-old Steven Cowan became enraged while watching Palin dance on Monday evening. He felt Palin was not a good dancer.

He went to his bedroom and returned to the living room with a shotgun and blasted the TV, then pointed the gun at his wife, who managed to escape and call police. Tactical officers surrounded the house and finally managed to talk Cowan out Tuesday morning.

He has been charged second-degree reckless endangerment, a felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison and $25,000 in fines. It was unclear whether Cowan has retained an attorney.

Guns!

Hooray. The City of Chicago and Oak Park can now form militias to prevent the Federal government from attacking us. Oh wait. No?

People in the City of Chicago and Oak Park can now own handguns to protect themselves from criminals [read: negros]. Oh well. An exciting ruling on its face, but considering we could already own long guns, not half as nearly interesting as everyone would have us believe. And frankly, if the people braking into your house have handguns themselves (and as a pointer to would-be-theives - carry a handgun - idiot) and can get the drop on you (In my house I have my 7 year old on the watch from midnight to 4 a.m. - I've got to work after all) then how does it matter.

I love the reaction on the interwebs though. The victory won't be complete until we can all concealed carry and until we can all carry fully automatic weapons to political rallies. Frankly, I'm hoping for access to weapons of mass destruction and a repeal of the laws outlawing cold-blooded murder. Only then will the victory be complete.

Push Polled

Just got off the phone with the NRA. A message from the president with a one question poll. I was informed that the UN "one world government" and the [evil] Hillary Clinton are conspiring to take away guns from US citizens. I was kind of laughing and smirking through the whole tape recorded message. I wanted to say something clever once the gentlemen after the recorded message asked me if I opposed the plan of the UN and Hillary to take away guns - but all I could say was I disagreed with the premise of the question. I did say I supported the 2nd Amendment, which I do - with perameters. I am not big on my neighbors having nukes - which the plain language of the amendment could be read to allow - after all a weapon unused is a useless weapon. I guess if I had more energy I could have tried to engage the man in a conversation or told him I favored socialism or asked him about why he believed what he believed - oh well. Maybe I still like the Americans I disagree with too much. I told him I'd look in to the plan to strip my fellow Americans of their constitutional rights and thanked him for informing me about this potential move against liberty.

Can you tell which news story is fake and which one actually appeared in the Onion?

Nadir Of Western Civilization To Be Reached This Friday At 3:32 P.M.

According to the panel, the final event will occur at 3:32 p.m., when a tourist, believing the impressive structure to be a giant mall, will enter Chicago's Museum of Contemporary Art, and, not finding what he is looking for, ask where "the damn Radio Shack is supposed to be."

The man, dressed in Crocs and sweatpants and determined by researchers to be the final catalyst in humanity's epic downfall, will then loudly expel gas.

"This horrible but inevitable day has been a long time coming," said Davidson, before picking up a black marker and, seemingly without thought or intent, drawing a long, thick phallus on his chart. "And by the looks of things, it's almost here."

Some analysts believe the coming cultural sinkhole—the most intellectually and spiritually degrading moment conceivable by science or philosophy—will signal the end of mankind's decay and lead to a steady upward climb. Still, they warned, the event itself could be catastrophically lowbrow.

"With each passing minute, we're getting closer to a second Dark Ages," said noted art critic Mark Lefevre, tearing out pages from his report, folding each into a paper airplane, and tossing decades of hard work around the room. "Unless something is done to protect what little sophistication and refinement we have left, Western society may soon regress to a point of no return. We need to act, and act fast."

"Come on," added the two-time MacArthur "genius grant" recipient, before stripping down to his undergarments and brandishing an automatic assault rifle. "Let's get 'er done!"

Ammo Sales Spike Continues Months After Obama Elected

Bullet-makers are working around the clock, seven days a week, and still can't keep up with the nation's demand for ammunition.

Shooting ranges, gun dealers and bullet manufacturers say they have never seen such shortages. Bullets, especially for handguns, have been scarce for months because gun enthusiasts are stocking up on ammo, in part because they fear President Barack Obama and the Democratic-controlled Congress will pass antigun legislation — even though nothing specific has been proposed and the president last month signed a law allowing people to carry loaded guns in national parks.

They sure grow up fast these days

Is there a more "American" headline?

7-year-old shoots 4-year-old with mom's gun
Associated Press
Published on Tue, Aug 18, 2009 at 13:38 in World section
Tags: Detroit, Shooting , Flint
INVESTIGATIONS ON: The four-year old was taken to a local hospital and is critical.
Related Stories
Bra deflects bullet aimed at Detroit woman

Flint (Michigan): A four-year-old boy remains in critical condition after police say he was shot by his seven-year-old cousin on Flint's north side.
Authorities say the shooting happened just before 10 pm on Sunday, about 55 miles northwest of Detroit.
Police told The Flint Journal that the seven-year-old boy found a loaded gun in his mother's bedroom, went into his own room, pointed the gun at his cousin and fired.
The four-year old was taken to a local hospital. No further details were released.
The state Department of Human Services is investigating.
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I'm guessing neither one was a Rhodes Scholar

Cops: Ohio man shot self after running over friend
The Associated Press 5:03 a.m. March 23, 2009
SAGAMORE HILLS, Ohio — Police say an Ohio man fatally shot himself in the head moments after realizing he had run over a friend in a bar parking lot.
Summit County Sheriff's Sgt. Scott Cottle says witnesses saw Erich Schultz and Stacy DiJulius arguing in the parking lot after both had been drinking at a bar in Sagamore Hills, about 20 miles south of Cleveland.
Cottle says 38-year-old Schultz tried to drive away in his Jeep, but DiJulius tried to enter the vehicle as it moved and fell under one of the tires. Cottle says it appears Schultz accidentally ran over DiJulius and he felt so bad about it that he took out a gun and shot himself.
The 39-year-old DiJulius died at a hospital after Saturday night's accident. Schultz died on Sunday.
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And his father said unto him...BLAM!

Police: Man stabs son for wearing hat in church

BALTIMORE (AP) -- Police said a 58-year-old man stabbed his teenage son after he refused to take off his hat at church earlier in the day. The father and his 19-year-old son got into an argument on Sunday afternoon. That's when police said the father went to a car, got a knife and stabbed his son in the left buttock and fled.
The son was taken to University of Maryland Medical Center for treatment. The father's name was withheld pending his arrest.
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Anudder heartwarming holiday tale...

Hey kids: BLAMMO!

Motive still unclear in Toys "R'' Us fatal shootings

Moreno and Meza apparently shot each other, as evidenced by two guns recovered near their bodies and eyewitness accounts. The store reopened Saturday with extra security on hand.

Witnesses said the men were with two women who got into a fight that escalated into the fatal shootings, which sent terrified shoppers and their children scrambling for safety.

“I think the obvious question everyone has is who takes loaded weapons into a Toys R Us?” Ferguson said. “I doubt it was the casual holiday shopper."
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Ever wonder why i'm named Smith?

Plaxico Burress reportedly sought treatment for his gunshot wound Friday night by checking himself into a hospital under the codename "Harris Smith."
Plax also allegedly told medical staff at New York-Cornell Hospital that he'd been shot at an Applebee's. Hospital workers immediately recognized him and did not report the injury to authorities, putting them at risk of legal action. Police found Burress' gun after searching his home with him not present.
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this is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd)

Obama win triggers run on guns
Buyers said to fear crackdown on their rights, civil unrest, darky

HOUSTON — A week after the election of Barack Obama, gun buyers across the country are voting with their feet, flocking to gun stores to stock up on assault rifles, handguns and ammunition.

Some say they are worried that the incoming Obama administration will attempt to reimpose the ban on assault weapons that expired in 2004. Others fear the loss of their right to own handguns. A few say they are preparing to protect themselves in the event of a race war.

But whatever the reason, gun dealers in red and blue states alike say they've never seen anything like the run on weaponry they've been experiencing since Election Day— surpassing even the panic buying in the days after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

The Massively Brain-Dead:



Gun sales and the paranoid right: A sucker born every minute
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just in time to save the holiday consuming season

News item: 2009 Sarah Palin calendar goes on sale

stupid: the noun, or, crackers who don't care how flamboyantly America fails as long as they get to keep their guns

They're real patriotic down deres in Pennsylvania, though maybe not real crowded wif brainzzz (Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between, as Carville described it).

Even with little enthusiasm, Brandenburg — a Democrat — is sticking with his party. But plenty of his friends in southwestern Pennsylvania are very enthusiastic about Sarah Palin.

"There's a lot of them who are going to vote for her and McCain because of the hunting issue," he said.

So let's see... the national debt is $3279 for every man woman and child in America (if we all became $100-an-hour hookers we'd all have to work 33 hours straight in order to pay it off, in case you're trying to visualize it), we're getting our asses kicked in Iraq and Afghanistan now with Pakistan soon to follow, Iran and Norf Korea are waving their nukyalar weapons under our noses, the whole economy is going down the tubes, the dollar is losing value against Monopoly money, not to mention the accelerating extinction of all insects, plants, amphibians, and mammals on the planet, the possibility of an all-Chicago World Series, and all they're interested in is which candidate is more likely to embrace their God-given right to blow the brains out of God's little creatures (cuz they're, like, Christians an' s#i+)? Well, that explains... everything.

just in time for squirrel hunting season

WASHINGTON: The House took up legislation Tuesday to eliminate most of the gun restrictions in the U.S. capital, including a ban on semiautomatic weapons.

this is probably nothing to worry about

News headline: More churchgoers are carrying guns

haven't we all made this mistake at least once?

Actor Dennis Farina arrested for bringing gun to airport
The former 'Law and Order' actor, who tried to board a flight at LAX with a handgun, tells police he forgot it was in his briefcase.
By Jean-Paul Renaud
Los Angeles Times Staff Writer

May 12, 2008

Dennis Farina is a bum shot.

Still, Los Angeles International Airport police took no chances Sunday with the former "Law and Order" actor, who was teased for his poor shooting skills during his earlier career as a Chicago police officer.

Farina, 64, was booked in a felony case after LAX screeners found a loaded handgun in his briefcase as he prepared to board a plane.

The actor, who is often cast as a foul-mouthed mobster or cop, was contrite when he told airport police and FBI agents that he had forgotten he put the .22-caliber semi-automatic weapon in the case, authorities said. He spent most of the day in a Van Nuys jail and was released on $35,000 bail.

"He was apologetic and very cooperative, and he said he understood what was going to happen," said LAX Police Sgt. Jim Holcomb.

Farina had no permit for the gun, and it was not clear why he was carrying it. A representative for the actor could not be reached.

Holcomb said Farina told investigators he put the gun in the case before driving to L.A. from Arizona for the United Airlines flight to Chicago. He was booked on suspicion of carrying a concealed weapon.