I'm sure this is all one big misunderstanding...

Lenny Dykstra Charged With 23 Counts By Los Angeles County

Dykstra is charged with five counts of attempted grand theft auto, eight counts of filing false financial statements, four counts of identity theft, three counts of grand theft auto and three counts of possession of a controlled substance. All are felonies.

In addition, he is charged with one misdemeanor count each of possession of a controlled substance without a prescription and unauthorized possession of a syringe.

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This is SO CUB

Cubs blunder, even in cutting $48 million bust Carlos Silva

In very related news, how does drooling Jim "Pizza Man" Hendry STILL have a job...

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That would increase the tax base...

Todd Stroger says vetoing the Cook Co. sales tax repeal could be an "Exercise in fertility"

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How to Suck at Democracy -- the PhD seminar

Today, just moments ago, the infamous Lizard People ballot came up for the Canvassing Board's review!

This ballot was initially counted as a Franken vote. The Coleman campaign challenged the ballot, claiming "Lizard People" was an identifying mark. The Board voted to uphold the challenge, arguing that they couldn't be certain that "Lizard People" wasn't a real person's name.

And in a separate post...

If Coleman wins 127 challenges and Franken wins 122, that would mean a net of 5 votes for Coleman. If the Franken campaign's estimate was correct that it was winning the re-count by 4 votes assuming that all challenges would be rejected, that would produce a Coleman win by a grand total of ... one vote!

How to Flush MEEEEEEEllions Down da Terlet

Wouldn't trust him to take the garbage to the curb:

SI.com's Jon Heyman believes the Mets and free agent Oliver Perez are too far apart in negotiations for a deal to be reached. Heyman lists the Brewers, Dodgers, Reds and perhaps the Mariners as potential suitors for Perez. He's believed to want $14 million per season for five years.

Half of the 5 years will be spent on the D.L.:

Yankees signed RHP A.J. Burnett, who had been with the Blue Jays, to a five-year, $82.5 million contract. The Yanks announcing a big contract six days after it was agreed to is actually pretty good for them. Most players have to wait weeks. The details of Burnett's deal still aren't known, such as the annual salary breakdown and what kind of no-trade protection he received. He will average $16.5 million per season, which is a nice raise from the $12 million per year that he would have earned in the final two seasons of his contract with the Jays.

Didn't he like totally suck last year:

According to SI.com's Jon Heyman's, Andy "Pettitte's people apparently are telling folks he has a $36 million, three-year offer" from an unnamed team. A rather odd line. Pettitte's "people" are the Hendricks brothers, unless Heyman is using the word to refer a group other than his agents, and they haven't gone public with much of anything regarding the Pettitte negotiations. This could be nothing more than an attempt to get the Yankees to boost their offer. Pettitte wants to stay in New York, and he hasn't gone looking for a multiyear deal since leaving Houston.

And the coup de grâce, the drunk, gutless, neverwuz... Royals GM Dayton Moore must have reached this decison thusly: "Hmmm, I've heard of him...he's still in major league baseball, right?...a proven veteran...sold!"

Royals agreed to terms with RHP Kyle Farnsworth, who had been with the Tigers, on a two-year, $9.25 million contract with a club option for 2011. We'll be generous and say Farnsworth is just as good of a bet as Ramon Ramirez for next year, even though Ramirez was the far better pitcher last season. That would essentially mean that the Royals are paying $9.25 million for Coco Crisp. After all, Ramirez was going to make about $500,000, while Crisp comes in at $5.5 million. Farnsworth will get $4.25 million next year and $4.5 million in 2010. There's a $5.25 million option for 2011 with a $500,000 buyout. It's a ridiculous sum for a small-market team to be spending on a reliever who has graded out as below average each of the last three seasons.
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add this to Bud Lite's List of Fails (cont'd)

Santo falls short again of Hall of Fame induction

December 8, 2008
BY CHRIS DE LUCA Staff Reporter

LAS VEGAS — Despite a restructured process that was thought to favor him, former Cubs third baseman Ron Santo was again denied entry into the National Baseball Hall of Fame today when the Veterans Committee failed to vote in any of the 10 finalists on the post-1942 ballot.

Santo got the most votes, but fell well short of the 75 percent necessary. He got 39 votes, good for 60.9 percent. Jim Kaat got 38 for 59.4 percent and Tony Oliva got 33 for 51.6 percent. None of the other 10 finalists got more than 50 percent of the vote.

‘‘When our board of directors restructured the Veterans Committee after the 2007 election, it did so with the goal of ensuring the voters — the living Hall of Famers — would review their peers,’’ Hall of Fame chairman Jane Forbes Clark said. ‘‘The 10 post-1942 ballot finalists all spent a substantial part of their playing career in the 1960s or the 1970s, and a vast majority of the voters were either actively playing, managing or involved in baseball in those two decades.’’

A sub committee did review a ballot of players who began their careers before 1943 and elected nine-time All-Star and five-time World Series champion Joe Gordon, a second baseman who played for the Yankees and Indians.

Among the players on the post-1942 ballot, Santo was the clear favorite under the revamped system, which cut the field to just 10 names before a final vote. There has been growing pressure on the committee to swing its doors open after gaining the reputation for being hard-liners.

‘‘The process was not redesigned with the goal of necessarily electing someone, but to give everyone on the ballot a very fair chance of earning election through a ballot of their peers,’’ Clark said. ‘‘The vote reinforces the selections of the Baseball Writers’ Association of America and maintains the high standards set by the BBWAA. A 75 percent threshold is extremely difficult to attain, but the highly selective process helps ensure that enshrinement in the Baseball Hall of Fame remains the greatest honor in the game.’’

Contacted by the Sun-Times on Sunday, Santo admitted he was anxious.

‘‘Nothing's going to change in my life if I don't get in,’’ he said before the results were announced. ‘‘I believe what I've done in baseball is Hall of Fame, and that would satisfy me immensely. But it's not going to make a difference to [family, friends and fans who have reached out]. They're still going to be around if I don't get in. That's what means a lot to me. ‘‘Am I excited about it? I've been so disappointed. This is my best chance, so don't get me wrong. But I thought I had a great chance [the past two elections].’’

Rounding out the post-1942 ballot were Gil Hodges (28 votes, 43.8 percent), Joe Torre (19, 29.7 percent), Maury Wills (15, 23.4 percent), Luis Tiant (13, 20.3 percent), Vada Pinson (12, 18.8 percent), Al Oliver (9, 14.1 percent), Dick Allen (7, 10.9 percent).

More evidence morons were voting: Dick Allen finishes behind Wills, Pinson & Oliver. His OPS+ is 19th all-time, the same as Willie Mays.
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Anudder heartwarming holiday tale...

Hey kids: BLAMMO!

Motive still unclear in Toys "R'' Us fatal shootings

Moreno and Meza apparently shot each other, as evidenced by two guns recovered near their bodies and eyewitness accounts. The store reopened Saturday with extra security on hand.

Witnesses said the men were with two women who got into a fight that escalated into the fatal shootings, which sent terrified shoppers and their children scrambling for safety.

“I think the obvious question everyone has is who takes loaded weapons into a Toys R Us?” Ferguson said. “I doubt it was the casual holiday shopper."
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Ever wonder why i'm named Smith?

Plaxico Burress reportedly sought treatment for his gunshot wound Friday night by checking himself into a hospital under the codename "Harris Smith."
Plax also allegedly told medical staff at New York-Cornell Hospital that he'd been shot at an Applebee's. Hospital workers immediately recognized him and did not report the injury to authorities, putting them at risk of legal action. Police found Burress' gun after searching his home with him not present.
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A Nation Unhinged

Election spurs 'hundreds' of race threats, crimes

Cross burnings. Schoolchildren chanting "Assassinate Obama." Black figures hung from nooses. Racial epithets scrawled on homes and cars. Incidents around the country referring to President-elect Barack Obama are dampening the postelection glow of racial progress and harmony, highlighting the stubborn racism that remains in America.

From California to Maine, police have documented a range of alleged crimes, from vandalism and vague threats to at least one physical attack. Insults and taunts have been delivered by adults, college students and second-graders. There have been "hundreds" of incidents since the election, many more than usual, said Mark Potok, director of the Intelligence Project at the Southern Poverty Law Center, which monitors hate crimes....
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Woops, I totally fucked everything up for eight years--and you only know the half of it--anyway, sorry! In my defense, I'm a fucking moron...

...i thought i would just be on vacation and cutting brush most of the time...

Bush reveals key moments he regrets

Looks like we'll have to wait for more "insights" as there isn't a publisher that wants to publish his steaming pile of memoirs right now, if you can believe that...
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this is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd)

Obama win triggers run on guns
Buyers said to fear crackdown on their rights, civil unrest, darky

HOUSTON — A week after the election of Barack Obama, gun buyers across the country are voting with their feet, flocking to gun stores to stock up on assault rifles, handguns and ammunition.

Some say they are worried that the incoming Obama administration will attempt to reimpose the ban on assault weapons that expired in 2004. Others fear the loss of their right to own handguns. A few say they are preparing to protect themselves in the event of a race war.

But whatever the reason, gun dealers in red and blue states alike say they've never seen anything like the run on weaponry they've been experiencing since Election Day— surpassing even the panic buying in the days after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks.

The Massively Brain-Dead:



Gun sales and the paranoid right: A sucker born every minute
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If Jesus came back today he would never stop throwing up...

Monks brawl at Christian holy site in Jerusalem

JERUSALEM (AP) -- Israeli police rushed into one of Christianity's holiest churches Sunday and arrested two clergyman after an argument between monks erupted into a brawl next to the site of Jesus' tomb.

The clash between Armenian and Greek Orthodox monks broke out in the Church of the Holy Sepulcher, revered as the site of Jesus' crucifixion, burial and resurrection.

The brawling began during a procession of Armenian clergymen commemorating the 4th-century discovery of the cross believed to have been used to crucify Jesus....
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From the troglodyte homunculus who said Kerry was going to win, or, OUTLIER

Pollster John Zogby: "Is McCain making a move? The three-day average holds steady, but McCain outpolled Obama today, 48% to 47%. He is beginning to cut into Obama's lead among independents, is now leading among blue collar voters, has strengthened his lead among investors and among men, and is walloping Obama among NASCAR voters. Joe the Plumber may get his license after all. "Obama's lead among women declined, and it looks like it is occurring because McCain is solidifying the support of conservative women, which is something we saw last time McCain picked up in the polls. If McCain has a good day tomorrow, we will eliminate Obama's good day three days ago, and we could really see some tightening in this rolling average. But for now, hold on."

Nate gives this a smackdown: Trick or Treat

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Plot remarkably like their brainz...

Skinhead plot to assassinate Obama wasn't fully formed: authorities (AP)

BELLS, Tenn. – Two white supremacists charged with plotting to behead blacks across the country and assassinate Barack Obama while wearing white top hats and tuxes were likely too disorganized to carry out the plot, authorities said, and their planning was riddled with blunders.

Paul Schlesselman, 18, of Helena-West Helena, Ark., and Daniel Cowart, 20, of Bells are accused of dreaming up the plan. While authorities say they had guns capable of creating carnage, documents show they never got close to getting off the ground.

Among the blunders: They drew attention to themselves by etching swastikas on a car with sidewalk chalk, only knew each other for a month, couldn't even pull off a house robbery, a friend ratted them out to authorities, and their brains have been deprived of oxygen since birth...

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Bruce Bochy: is oxygen getting to his brain?

Tim Lincecum's first career complete game was a 138-pitch shutout of the Padres on Saturday. Lincecum is an incredible pitcher. We're really hoping that's still the case in a few years, but we're becoming more skeptical every time Bruce Bochy sends him back out for that one extra inning. Does anyone really think the NL's ERA leader needs a confidence boost at this point? Why on earth send him back out to pitch the ninth in a 7-0 game when he's already thrown 118 pitches? He just threw 127 pitches on Monday. He had an 132-pitch outing on Aug. 27 (and followed it up with one of his worst starts of the year). Lincecum gave up two hits in the ninth tonight, bringing the Padres' total for the night up to four. He ended up striking out 12. It was an outstanding performance. However, it wouldn't have been any less impressive had he left after eight.
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With each player move, Asstros GM Ed Wade solidifies his status as the most idiotic GM in baseball (non-Brian Sabean Division)

Astros signed RHP Brian Moehler to a one-year, $2.3 million contract extension with a mutual option for 2010.
Moehler has been the Astros' biggest surprise this year, somehow managing to maintain an ERA under 4.00 two years after amassing a 6.57 ERA as a starter for the Marlins. That he's turning 37 in December and has an abysmal strikeout rate doesn't bode well for his chances of keeping it up in 2009. He'll probably be penciled into the rotation, but it'd be no surprise to see him off the roster by Memorial Day.

Astros signed outfielder Darin Erstad to a one-year, $1.75 million contract extension for 2009.
The Astros remain very much content with mediocrity. Because he's a left-handed hitter backing up a left-handed hitter, Erstad wasn't a great fit for the Astros in the first place. He's actually done a pretty good job, posting a .293/.325/.384 line in 263 at-bats. However, he's no longer a basestealer, he's lost a little something on defense and there's little chance his power is coming back.
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Disturbing things posted on the Youtubes

158 days of the BRAIN-DEAD MORON left...

more Olympics shenanigans

News Item: "Extra innings will have a new look in what could be baseball's last Olympic appearance. Each team's at-bat in the 11th inning and beyond will begin with runners on first and second base. Teams may start the 11th at any point in their batting order. . . ."

Or put it another way: The game of baseball has already had its last Olympic appearance.

Charles Krauthammer: A Douchebag of Liberty

Obama isn't close to earning his stripes

...has there ever been a presidential nominee with a wider gap between his estimation of himself and the sum total of his lifetime achievements?

Smiff's response at the soon-to-be slimmer, news-free Trib:
That would be the current president, a man I am sure Krauthammer voted for twice. Bush 43 had ZERO accomplishments as governor or in business, but that was good enough for Mr. Krauthammer in 2000 and 2004. Bush proceeded to become the worst president we've ever had, and it's not even close. While Obama might be inexperieced, he at least has something that Bush has never had: intellect and a brain. McCain does have this, but agrees with Bush on nearly every issue. Krauthammer wants more of that? How do morons like this still have nationally syndicated columns??