this is probably nothing to worry about

News item: Reno has had 120 aftershocks since Friday night's earfquake.

i don't think anyone could have forseen a flip-flopping sack of bulls#i+ winning the repthuglican nomination

News item: McCain Offers Tax Policies He Once Opposed
Reversal Includes New Support for Bush Cuts

Washington Post
Friday, April 25, 2008; Page A01

On May 26, 2001, after then-Sen. Lincoln D. Chafee (R.I.) cast his vote against President Bush's $1.35 trillion tax cut, he trudged back to his office, convinced, he recalled, that he had been the lone Republican to oppose the largest tax cut in two decades.

But Chafee's staff told him that one other Republican, who had largely avoided the grueling efforts at compromise, had joined him in dissent. That senator, John McCain, was marching to his own beat, Chafee said, impervious to pressure from either side.

Now that he is the presumptive Republican presidential nominee, however, McCain is marching straight down the party line. The economic package he has laid out embraces many of the tax policies he once decried: extending Bush's tax cuts he voted against, offering investment tax breaks he once believed would have little economic benefit and granting the long-held wishes of tax lobbyists he has often mocked.

McCain's concerns -- about budget deficits, unanticipated defense costs, an Iraq war that would be longer and more costly than advertised -- have proved eerily prescient, usually a plus for politicians who are quick to say they were right when others were wrong. Yet McCain appears determined to leave such predictions behind.

"He's looking forward, not back," said Douglas Holtz-Eakin, McCain's senior policy adviser.

What Smiff won't be doing this weekend: going to the beach

Search is on for killer shark

A retired veterinarian who was swimming with members of a triathalon club is killed in a shark attack north of Fletcher Cove. A marine expert said the wounds appeared to be from a great white shark, an attack he described as "practically unprecedented" in the area.
Swimmer killed by shark remembered as a 'great guy'
Photo gallery Video

Sounds Kinky

Stimulus starts Monday

You can spend it in one place if you wish...probably at the gas station. Or the grocery store. But whatever you do, don't save it. Stimulus like this only happens at the beginning and end of disastrous presidencies, so enjoy it while it lasts!

dudes... if you're not a puppet, why is Cheney's fist so far up your @ss he can wiggle your arms?

Iraqis bristle as U.S. opens world's largest embassy

BAGHDAD — For the average American who will never see it, the new US Embassy in Baghdad may be little more than the Big Dig of the Tigris.

Like the infamous Boston highway project, the embassy is a mammoth development that is overbudget, overdue, and casts a whiff of corruption.

For many Iraqis, though, the sand-and-ochre-colored compound peering out across the city from a reedy stretch of riverfront within the fortified Green Zone is an unsettling symbol both of what they have become in the five years since the fall of Saddam Hussein, and of what they have yet to achieve.

"It is a symbol of occupation for the Iraqi people, that is all," says Anouar, a Baghdad graduate student who thought it was risk enough to give her first name. 'We see the size of this embassy and we think we will be part of the American plan for our country and our region for many, many years."

The 104-acre, 21-building enclave - the largest US Embassy in the world, similar in size to Vatican City in Rome - is often described as a "castle" by Iraqis, but more in the sense of the forbidden and dominating than of the alluring and liberating.

anudder Smiff in the rough...

Greg Smith yielded two runs in seven innings Thursday in a win over the Twins. Handed a big lead early on, Smith was able to cruise, requiring just 91 pitches to get through seven. It was his third quality start in four tries for Oakland, and the A's have recorded wins in all of his trips to the mound. It's going to be tough to send him down after Rich Harden returns.

I would be remiss if i didn't point out i SHTOLE him in rd. 32 of da FISK draft...

The Onion pays homage

Zimbabwe
Driven From A Land That Was Wrongfully Theirs

In solidarity, Smiff will be silent, too, for "Fat Guys Who Ain't Gettin' Any" - i gotsta t-shirt to wear (Fung, i'll send yas one)...

Tomorrow is the National Day of Silence. Staff who are working at public service desks may encounter students who are participating in this event by taking a vow of silence.

The Day of Silence is the largest, national student-led action towards creating safer schools for all, regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity or gender expression. The day-long vow of silence symbolically represents the silencing of LGBT students and their supporters and brings attention to and protests the discrimination, harassment, and abuse (in effect, the silencing) faced by lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex* (LGBTQI) people and their allies.

Students participating in the Day of Silence may use speaking cards or paper and pen to communicate with public service staff during this event.

*Wha now? Gay and queer? I need a gay thesaurus or sumpfing...

i think "when" is aka "The Rapture"

Manager Bud Black said Wednesday that there "is no word" on when Mark Prior (total body malfunction) will return to the mound. Prior experienced a setback and hasn't pitched in nearly two weeks because of shoulder soreness. Before the setback he was expected to begin a minor league rehab assignment early next month.

Big Frank is back - still sucking...

There's no telling how many runs the A's may have scored if he did more than stand there and look at pitches, followed by clogging up the bases...

Oakland 1st Inning Summary
- K. Suzuki walked
- M. Ellis singled to left, K. Suzuki to second
- M. Sweeney popped out to shallow right
- F. Thomas walked, K. Suzuki to third, M. Ellis to second
- E. Brown singled to left, M. Ellis and K. Suzuki scored, F. Thomas to second
- B. Crosby walked, F. Thomas to third, E. Brown to second
- C. Denorfia singled to left, F. Thomas scored, E. Brown to third, B. Crosby to second
- D. Murphy singled to right, E. Brown and B. Crosby scored, C. Denorfia out at third
- R. Davis singled to left, D. Murphy to second
- B. Bass relieved F. Liriano
- K. Suzuki singled to center, D. Murphy scored, R. Davis to second
- M. Ellis grounded into fielder's choice, K. Suzuki out at second
- End of Inning (6 Runs, 6 Hits, 0 Errors)

this just in -- we're still really phokking stupid

Tendentious diatribe: In his 1991 book, The Reasoning Voter, political scientist Samuel Popkin argued that most people make their choice on the basis of "low-information signaling" - that is, stupid things like whether you know how to roll a bowling ball or wear an American-flag pin...

The audacity of the Obama campaign was the belief that in a time of trouble - as opposed to the peace and prosperity of the late 20th century - the low-information politics of the past could be tossed aside in favor of a high-minded, if deliberately vague, appeal to the nation's need to finally address some huge problems. But that assumption hit a wall in Pennsylvania. Specifically, it hit a wall at the debate staged by ABC News in Philadelphia - viewed by an audience of 10 million, including a disproportionate number of Pennsylvanians - that will go down in history for the relentless vulgarity of its questions...

there is more s#i+ blowing up directly after this s#i+ blows up

News item: Asked whether the planned nominations by Bush are a sign that U.S. policy is to "stay the course" in Iraq, Defense Secretary Robert Gates said the security gains achieved under Petraeus' command mean that "staying that course is not a bad idea."

was Jerry Springer unavailable? oh... never mind...

Few commencement addresses are uplifting enough to remember much past the graduation parties, but at least one law school will have an unforgettable speaker this year.

Jerry Springer, famous tabloid television show host — but also the former mayor of Cincinnati and graduate of Northwestern University School of Law — is the school's commencement speaker. Dean David E. Van Zandt issued a statement noting that Springer has had "a very successful career in the news and entertainment industries."

for the 50th anniversary, I hope to see the commemorative crystal plates

Ex-Cubs manager Lee Elia apologizing—for a price



Elia recently has worked out a deal with A & R Collectibles of Prospect Heights to sell an autographed baseball that contains a 20-second recordable sound chip that features Elia's new positive message to Cubs fans. The ball also has the inscription: "And print it!"

Through the help of former Cubs media relations man Bob Ibach, a portion of the proceeds will go to Chicago Baseball Cancer Charities. Call 1-800-581-8661 or visit www.leeunplugged.com.

was Dorf unavailable?

Saint Leo University
Saint Leo, Florida
May 03, 2008
Joe Garagiola Sr., former Major League Baseball catcher and broadcaster

was Bill Orally unavailable?

Commencement Speaker
Oral Roberts University
Tulsa, Oklahoma
May 03, 2008
Kelly Wright, Fox News correspondent

Da Fants are angry, my friends

Rampaging elephant kills 3 in Hindu temple
An elephant rampaged through a Hindu temple in southern India on Wednesday, killing three people, including one of its handlers, police said.

Elephant rampage hell caught on film
A woman was among three people killed as an elephant with a history of violence ran amok after being upset by a spectator at a temple procession.

Smiff at his lowest point

Fatass is on the right. Duh.

Lukin 4 nu jab?

Luk no furtha...

Lolcat site hiring; spelling skillz optional

Signs of the Times

As Economy Slows, So Do Laser Eye Surgeries

Debt Collection a New Frontier of India Outsourcing

Sam's Club limits rice purchases

End Times. Right on schedule...

Woe is Fung

I walked down to the bus stop yesterday after a long day at work. As always, I just missed a bus as I was walking down. But no matter, it's about 6, so they're gonna send like 8 of them. Then I get to the stop. There's a note, looks like someone typed it up in Word and then just printed it out on the office HP. The message? In order to improve the flow of traffic, the following buses will no longer stop here. Of course, my bus was on that list. So now I either have to walk a block north or south extra to get to the bus which gets me home faster and you can usually get a seat, or walk two blocks less and get on a bus that's slightly slower getting me home and because I'm at the point just before it goes express there usually isn't a seat. When the difference was a block it was almost a no-brainer. Now? Oh, decisions, decisions. They just keep messing up things for Fung...

Of course, I've always said that there are way too many bus stops and they should spread apart more. But when it's my bus stop they eliminate...

Is Fung still looking for a suga momma?

Sounds promising...

Subject: hello from alexandria
Hi
My name is alexandria. I found your email on that dating site.
I also love sex on the side. I have a loving partner but he is working 16 hours a day and we have sex only once a week :( If you are interested and wanna see my pictures just email me at calexandria37@pecialwalkhada.cn Don`t reply, use the email above (my boyfriend doesn`t know about that email!)

Just thinking out loud

Was just looking at those Google Street Map things of Chicago. Happened to notice that although da Nort Side looks pretty much complete, dere are chunks of da West Side and da Sout Side that are missing. Wonder why...

Dusty Special

From FireJoeMorgan:

I Don't Think That's a Good Thing, Necessarily
From reader Evan comes this excellent Dustyism about Edwin Encarnación:

Encarnacion's homer kick-started the Reds' rally against Eric Gagne. Encarnacion is the most volatile player in the Reds' lineup - his early season defensive woes and his slump at the plate have been counter-balanced by a few clutch homers, often in the same game.

Fortunately for him, Reds manager Dusty Baker seems to be more patient with Encarnacion than previous manager Jerry Narron. "I'm happy for him because this guy bleeds internally, big-time," Baker said.

Of all the attributes of gritty players, "hemorrhaging" is rarely given its due. Especially internal hemorrhaging. Dudes who internally hemorrhage...man. Give me 8 guys like that, and a pitcher with anemia, and a couple bench guys with rotaviruses, and a closer with a leaky heart valve, and maybe a LOOGY with Polycythemia vera, and I'll win the division every time.

k-mad not just getting over it

In 1971, when the Times printed excerpts of the Pentagon Papers on its front page, it precipitated a constitutional showdown with the Nixon Administration over the deception and lies that sold the war in Vietnam. The Pentagon Papers issue dominated the news media back then. Today, however, Barstow's stunning report is being ignored by the most important news media in America -- TV news -- the source where most Americans, unfortunately, get most of their information...

Joseph Goebbels, eat your heart out. Goebbels is history's most notorious war propagandist, but even he could not have invented a smoother PR vehicle for selling and maintaining media and public support for a war: embed trusted "independent" military experts into the TV newsroom...

Are we living in Russia? No, we're way worse off than that

Inmate Count in U.S. Dwarfs Other Nations’

The United States has less than 5 percent of the world’s population. But it has almost a quarter of the world’s prisoners.

Indeed, the United States leads the world in producing prisoners... (woo-hoo! USA! USA! USA!... ed.)

“Far from serving as a model for the world, contemporary America is viewed with horror,” James Q. Whitman, a specialist in comparative law at Yale, wrote last year...

Indeed, said Vivien Stern, a research fellow at the prison studies center in London, the American incarceration rate has made the United States “a rogue state, a country that has made a decision not to follow what is a normal Western approach.”

more good news for people who like bad news (you know who you are)

Biodiversity loss will lead to sick world: experts

The world risks wiping out a new generation of antibiotics and cures for diseases if it fails to reverse the extinction of thousands of plant and animal species, experts warned Wednesday.

Biodiversity loss has reached alarming levels, and disappearing with it are the secrets to finding treatments for pain, infections and a wide array of ailments such as cancer, they said, citing the findings of a coming book.

Achim Steiner, executive director of the United Nations Environment Programme (UNEP), said more than 16,000 known species are threatened with extinction, but the number could be more.

quit yer whining

Current Temps @ 9:52 PDT

Chicago 65
San Diego 58 (wind chill 57)

there is nothing to see here, dammit (promise not to look)

These records reveal a symbiotic relationship where the usual dividing lines between government and journalism have been obliterated...

Many also shared with Mr. Bush’s national security team a belief that pessimistic war coverage broke the nation’s will to win in Vietnam, and there was a mutual resolve not to let that happen with this war.

This was a major theme, for example, with Paul E. Vallely, a Fox News analyst from 2001 to 2007. A retired Army general who had specialized in psychological warfare, Mr. Vallely co-authored a paper in 1980 that accused American news organizations of failing to defend the nation from “enemy” propaganda during Vietnam.

“We lost the war — not because we were outfought, but because we were out Psyoped,” he wrote. He urged a radically new approach to psychological operations in future wars — taking aim at not just foreign adversaries but domestic audiences, too. He called his approach “MindWar” — using network TV and radio to “strengthen our national will to victory...”

The access came with a condition. Participants were instructed not to quote their briefers directly or otherwise describe their contacts with the Pentagon.

In the fall and winter leading up to the invasion, the Pentagon armed its analysts with talking points portraying Iraq as an urgent threat. The basic case became a familiar mantra: Iraq possessed chemical and biological weapons, was developing nuclear weapons, and might one day slip some to Al Qaeda; an invasion would be a relatively quick and inexpensive “war of liberation.”

At the Pentagon, members of Ms. Clarke’s staff marveled at the way the analysts seamlessly incorporated material from talking points and briefings as if it was their own.

“You could see that they were messaging,” Mr. Krueger said. “You could see they were taking verbatim what the secretary was saying or what the technical specialists were saying. And they were saying it over and over and over.” Some days, he added, “We were able to click on every single station and every one of our folks were up there delivering our message. You’d look at them and say, ‘This is working...’”

But if the trip pounded the message of progress, it also represented a business opportunity: direct access to the most senior civilian and military leaders in Iraq and Kuwait, including many with a say in how the president’s $87 billion would be spent. It also was a chance to gather inside information about the most pressing needs confronting the American mission: the acute shortages of “up-armored” Humvees; the billions to be spent building military bases; the urgent need for interpreters; and the ambitious plans to train Iraq’s security forces...

“I saw immediately in 2003 that things were going south,” General Vallely, one of the Fox analysts on the trip, recalled in an interview with The Times.

The Pentagon, though, need not have worried.

“You can’t believe the progress,” General Vallely told Alan Colmes of Fox News upon his return. He predicted the insurgency would be “down to a few numbers” within months...

They also understood the financial relationship between the networks and their analysts. Many analysts were being paid by the “hit,” the number of times they appeared on TV. The more an analyst could boast of fresh inside information from high-level Pentagon “sources,” the more hits he could expect. The more hits, the greater his potential influence in the military marketplace, where several analysts prominently advertised their network roles.

“They have taken lobbying and the search for contracts to a far higher level,” Mr. Krueger said. “This has been highly honed...”

Good News for People Who Love Bad News

World Food Program warns of 'silent tsunami' of hunger (AP)

UN says Darfur conflict worsening, with perhaps 300,000 dead

Bob Herbert: Clueless in America

Gas guzzlers are a hit in China

Mizzou names Ken Lay chair

Is air pollution killing the bees?

Clinton Camp Vows to Go On, but Sees Need to Win 2 States

George Bush Makes Cameo Appearance On Deal or No Deal

Ready for a cold beer? Then be ready to pay more

Lynchings in Congo as penis theft panic hits capital (HUH?!?!)

But it ain't all bad:

Masturbation may prevent prostate cancer

Drunks are back...already totally sucking at #16

http://www.baseballprospectus.com/hm/

another shocker, if you can bear another shock

Media's refusal to address the NYT's "military analyst" story continues

"I was hoping to write about the fallout from the NYT's Saturday story regarding the media's use of Pentagon-controlled "independent" military analysts, but there hasn't really been any fallout at all. Despite being accused by the NYT in a very lengthy, well-documented expose of misleadingly feeding government propaganda to their viewers and readers, virtually all media outlets continue their steadfast refusal to address or even acknowledge the story."

Empirical Proof...

...of what Smiff has always suspected...

How Valid Are T.V. Weather Forecasts

“We have no idea what’s going to happen [in the weather] beyond three days out.”
“There’s not an evaluation of accuracy in hiring meteorologists. Presentation takes precedence over accuracy.”
“All that viewers care about is the next day. Accuracy is not a big deal to viewers.”

Now, granted they only tested Kansas City in the summer, but the message is simple: If you can read, you too can be a meteorologist.

Cricket goes Bollywood

Boys, take at look at this. Take a good hard look at this picture. Explain to me what this has to do with cricket? I mean, I understand the (American) football oaf fans have to be entertained somehow in the 2 hours of a game where nothing is happening, but cricket? Oh, right, cricket has 8 times as much time with nothing going on. Never mind, bring 'em on...

This is part of the inauguration of the new Indian Premier League, so they pulled all the stops. It's good to know our cheerleaders can be exported to bring in much needed foreign currency to help in the ongoing financial crisis. Things the US exports has been going down over the years, but they could represent a new boobm.

are balloon animals art?

Apparently so.

was Carrot Top unavailable?

2008 commencement speakers
Dan Marino, University of Pittsburgh, April 27
Bianca Jagger, Simmons College, May 17
Jay Bilas, Ohio Valley University, May 3
Star Jones, Lane College, April 27
Clarence Thomas, High Point University, May 3
Dana Perino, Colorado State University at Pueblo, May 3
The Rezzidunce George W. Bush, Furman University, May 31

who needs Baseball Prospectus when ya gots dis sort of wine-infused, elitist analysis...for FREE

7:34 PM me: talking to Decker...zzzzzzzzzzzz
7:35 PM Kevin: you knew da risks
excited about the Horror?
me: nope
7:36 PM Kevin: its early yet...
7:38 PM me: they look lucky to me
7:39 PM Kevin: just wait til i have all 7 of my pitchers back
7:42 PM me: box of wine in the mail today...i'm set
7:43 PM Decker to land Wed.
5 minutes
7:48 PM me: Chix kill Rajah and Dillon...nice going
7:49 PM Kevin: i was very pleased
me: you're so mean!
7:50 PM Kevin: YORVIT!
guone
7:51 PM me: Justin Germano? you got him? TOTALLY SUCKED
7:52 PM Kevin: no but he was a chicken for a while last year... prollaby still gots da hives an shit
me: oh, he's got SUCKS
7:53 PM Kevin: aint no pill gonna cure his illlzzzzzz
me: nope
speaking of sucking, Hacking Masser Matt Morris setting records for awfulness
7:54 PM Kevin: very not impressive... but can he keep his job (sucking)?
7:55 PM me: they'll have to pay him $8 mill or something, and then some other idiot GM will pick him up because...he's a proven veteran
Kevin: you need that in the clubhouse
7:56 PM "I feel good," Duchscherer said. "I took six days off after the strain. I started throwing after that, and I haven't felt a thing since I started throwing. I feel perfectly normal."
arrangements are pending
me: will there be a showing? or cremation?
Kevin: closed casket (too gruesome)
7:57 PM (for da kidddzzz)
me: speaking of dead people: Matt Chico...SUCKED
7:58 PM Kevin: shoulda picked him over bulger
me: well, he's still in the majors...
7:59 PM Kevin: although bulger's line as a horror: 1-0, 0.00 era, .000 baaa
baaa = batting average against... ASSHOLE
me: all you have to do is draft about anudder hundred of dem
8:00 PM Kevin: dere ya go
8:01 PM me: Correia dominating again...
8:02 PM didn't get Midwest results...6-0?
8:03 PM Kevin: regrettably, no
me: fuckers
8:05 PM Kevin: positive run diff
me: so we had a reverse-Horrors week
8:06 PM Kevin: horrorz had a positive run diff
8:07 PM horrorz +37 on the year
me: pinch-running for the Phillies: T.J. Bohn
Kevin: never heard of him
me: what are the Monks?
good Lord - Pedro Feliz drew a walk
8:08 PM Kevin: +44
me: there, i run rings round ya
Kevin: that you lack clutch hitting?
8:09 PM me: that and...
gfy
8:10 PM Kevin: just wait til horrror getts back bedard, grandy, and most importantly....
dan johnson
8:11 PM me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Carlos Diaz: bases loaded double
8:12 PM Kevin: canadiens... les habitants... da rezzzzzidents?
me: Bruntlett's up!
hu now? what? canucks? huuuuuuh?
Kevin: 24th time montreal has elimiliminated bruins from playoffs
8:13 PM me: Bruntlett: OUT!
Kevin: SHOCKING
me: let me make a wild guess here:
hockey?
8:14 PM Kevin: lucky
me: Bruntlett 0-4...now "batting" .170...who needs J-Roll?
8:15 PM Kevin: yes
capitalists still alive
8:19 PM me: - T.J. Bohn in left field
- B. Hawpe safe at first on left fielder T.J. Bohn's fielding error
8:20 PM Kevin: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
me: capitalists will win...flyers always choke in the playoffs
8:21 PM Y. Torrealba flied out to deep center...grab some bench Yorvit
8:23 PM R. Spilborghs struck out looking
he SUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKS
8:25 PM Kevin: he's ryan phokking spillborghzzzz for crissakes
8:26 PM me: i know...PHOKK HIM
DOWNTOWN
PRINT IT
Kevin: PLAYGROUND
8:27 PM me: C@CKS#CKERZ
Micah Bowie in...is dat floodgates i here?
hear, duh
8:28 PM Kevin: build an ark
me: Cookiehead Jenkins singles...
Kevin: not his real name?
8:29 PM me: Coste HBP
real name is Cookiehead, but gies by Geoff
or goes
8:32 PM Werth: DOUBLE
8:34 PM Bohn up - LOOK OUT
8:37 PM D O U B L E 2 R B I
T!
J!!
BOHN!!!
Kevin: stunning
8:38 PM me: Bowie's ERA: now 9.00
Horrors looking at him...
Kevin: he SUCKS
8:39 PM me: you're catching on...
and yet he's on your radar
8:40 PM it's a mystery
like G-O-D
Kevin: now you're catching on
8:41 PM chico: 0-4
8:42 PM he's just resting
he's just pining for the fjords
8:43 PM me: pining for the fee-YORDS? he's STONE DEAD
8:44 PM Chico didn't strike anyone out and he allowed three walks and eight hits. He was clearly struggling to locate his pitches, as evidenced by the bases-loaded walk he issued to Braves pitcher Tim Hudson. After back-to-back disastrous outings, Chico's spot in the rotation could be in jeopardy if he doesn't improve against the Cubs in his next outing.
in other words...AWFUL
8:45 PM Matt Morris was rocked for eight runs in four innings by the Marlins on Monday night. So far we've used "tagged," "pounded," and "rocked" to describe his outings this season. He allowed nine hits in the three innings, and two of them were home runs. This could be a very long season for Morris.
8:46 PM hmmm....Chix looking at him: Noah Lowry had an MRI on Monday after feeling a tingling sensation in his injured forearm.
8:47 PM ?
Phillies CRUSH Rockies
8:48 PM Conor Jackson: .357
8:49 PM Kevin: hate (though he'sstill a smelt)
Chris Young was held out of Sunday's lineup because of flu-like symptoms.
bird flu?
8:50 PM me: can you die from that? then...yes
8:54 PM Kevin: bedtime
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
8:55 PM me: yes
11? early...must be out of fucking merlot

Penn Dems: not exactly stuffed with brainz

Hunters - Obama 31% Clinton 56%

Bowlers - Obama 33% Bowlers 54%

Gun Owners - Obama 28% Clinton 53%

Beer Drinkers - Obama 44% Clinton 44%

A bunch of rich phokks playing golf? Why yes, that is more important than, oh, final exams...

They are also encouraging staff to work from home, or go on vacation... Well, i am told that Tiger owns Torrey Pines, and Tiger winning another major ranks #1 on the list of Current Important Things: 1) Tiger winning another major 2) The Economy 3) Gas Prices 4) American Idol 5) War in Iraq. So we all have to sacrifice during Tigertime. But if he loses to, oh, some white schmuck from South Africa again, don't even bother showing up for the British Open, Eldrick...

SUBJECT: U.S. Open and Spring Quarter Final Examinations

As you may know, the U.S. Open Golf Tournament will be held at the Torrey Pines Golf Course the week of June 9 through June 15, the same week that Spring Quarter final examinations are scheduled. The traffic impact on the campus, and on all who work and attend here, will be very significant. For more information, see the March 21st Campus Notice from UC San Diego Transportation and Parking Services, http://adminrecords.ucsd.edu/Notices/2008/2008-3-21-1.html).

Please be aware of the following regarding Spring Quarter final exams:

* In-class final exams must be delivered as scheduled, according to the Registrar's Schedule of Final Exams (http://blink.ucsd.edu/Blink/External/Topics/Policy/0,1162,18016,00.html).

* Instructors are expected to administer all in-class final exams on the scheduled date and time, regardless of the Tournament's impact on the campus.

* Instructors may opt to require a take-home final exam in place of the in-class final. If so, the take-home final exam cannot be due prior to the scheduled date and time of the in-class final exam. On a class-wide basis, electronic submission by students of completed final exams is not acceptable.

* Instructors may, but are not required to, accommodate requests for alternate exam dates during final exam week.

* No instructor may administer a final exam before final exam week. (See Academic Senate Policy on Final Exams,
http://www-senate.ucsd.edu/committees/cep/policychanges/midterm.htm.)

* Instructors may not assign an Incomplete grade because a student missed an in-class final exam due to traffic, lack of parking spaces, etc. (See Academic Senate Regulation on Incompletes, http://www-senate.ucsd.edu/manual/Regulations/PartI/500.htm#500b).

* The responsibilities of Teaching Assistants continue as usual during final exam week.

The coincidence of the U.S. Open and finals week is unquestionably very inconvenient. But, with thoughtful planning and careful adherence to the above standards, the UC San Diego community, working together, can prevent any disruption of our academic enterprise. Your cooperation in this effort is important and greatly appreciated. And Kick Ass, Tiger!!

What could possibly go wrong?

Daley criticizes CTA on evacuation
After initially defending the CTA's response to Blue Line problems last week, Mayor Richard Daley said today the agency should have done a better job. [Note to Da Mare: maybe fund mass transit, like, more?-Ed.]
Daley: 'You have to have communication' Video
Red Line train derails

More felons allowed to enlist in Army, Marines

Skiles to take over as Milwaukee Bucks' next coach

Cubs in first, but real test starts now

and so it begins

News item: With baby boomers preparing to retire as the best educated and most skilled workforce in U.S. history, a growing chorus of demographers and labor experts is raising concerns that workers in California and the nation lack the critical skills needed to replace them.

Joe: I'm pretty sure what's killing the crops is this Brawndo stuff.
Secretary of State: But Brawndo's got what plants crave. It's got electrolytes.

Fox Newscaster: He tried taking water from toilets, but it is Secretary Not Sure who finds himself in the toilet now. And as history pulls down its pants and prepares to lower ITS ASS on Not Sure's head, it will be daddy justice crapping on him this time.

Did Joe Inglett have compromising photos?

Ok, Frank Thomas is an ass, and is one of those "there is no I in team" guys. And he wasn't hitting. He'll be 40 years old next month. But if age and declining production is the issue, why sign him to a 2 year, $18 million contract with a $10 million option in the first place? His selfish attitude in Chicago is well-documented. Nothing new there. Also, he didn't hit the first two months of last year, either, but still led the team in HRs and RBI (meanwhile, Vernon Wells, he of the $126 million contract, was awful).

The result of this move meant Rod Barajas and Joe Inglett played the last two days. Yeah, Joe Inglett! They also called up Robinson Diaz, another catcher who can't hit. Apparently, Adam Lind is injured. You know, the guy that should have been playing LF, but the Jays signed Shannon Stewart instead (whose OPS is lower than Frank's and his last quality season was in 2004).

Really, how could any of us run a team worse than J.P. Ricciardi has? Granted, it's tough being in the same division with the Red Sox and Yankees, but if you're going to spend $100 million on payroll, how about attempting to do it wisely? Or develop a farm system? Or play some of the young players you do have instead of mediocrities like Stewart?

And if you want your brainz to completely ooze out of your skull, read this:

Releasing Frank Thomas makes the Blue Jays better

I'm sure the Cubs are pulling this scam, too--someone get Greg Couch on da case

Beer is high on price, low on alcohol content

Padres fans already know beer sold at Petco Park has a higher price tag than the same thing elsewhere. But they might be surprised to learn some of the beer also has lower alcohol content. Three of the downtown ballpark's domestic draft brands – Budweiser Select, Miller Lite and Miller Genuine Draft – contain 3.2 percent alcohol by weight. Go to a bar and most regular domestic draft beer will have about 4 percent alcohol by weight. Most light beers run about 3.4 percent.

Padres officials say lower-alcohol beer, like higher prices, is part of an “alcohol management plan,”* meant to keep fans from overindulging. They also say it's common practice in the sports industry and hardly limited to Petco.

[*aka "ripoff manangement plan"...]

The difference in cost is 32 percent. A keg of Budweiser Select goes for $76, according to California Department of Alcoholic Beverage Control records. The 3.2 percent version of Bud Select runs $52.

But today's higher beer prices could make the lower alcohol content harder to swallow. In 1988, a beer at a Padres game was $2. When adjusted for inflation, that $2 beer would be $3.61 today. The cheapest beer at Petco now is a 16-ounce domestic draft for $6.50.

Of course, if you're dumb enough to drink budmillerscoors swill and pay $8.50 for it, you're probably not gonna notice, or care.

more offensive: $45 bleacher tickets, but that's just me

Do you think the Fukudome T-shirts are offensive?
Yes (99 responses) 53.8%
No (85 responses) 46.2%
184 total responses (Results not scientific, but idiotic)

Racist T-shirt at Wrigley?

Is a shirt with "Horry Kow" on the front and Kosuke Fukudome's name on the back OK?
• Strohl: It's 'racist'
• 'Funny? Not at all'

I see the point, and yet this is still hilarious:

[in a Chinese restaurant]
Waiter #1, Waiter #2, Waiter #3: [singing] Deck the halls with boughs of horry, ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.
Chop Suey Palace Owner: No, no, not 'ra ra ra ra', 'la la la la'! Try again.
Waiter #1, Waiter #2, Waiter #3: Deck the halls with boughs of horry, ra ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra.
Chop Suey Palace Owner: No, no! Sing something else.
Waiter #1, Waiter #2, Waiter #3: Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way. Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sreigh!

so not shocking it's shocking how not shocking it is

WASHINGTON -- Yesterday, the New York Times exposed a secret Pentagon effort to spread favorable views of the war by recruiting and planting military analysts in the nation's news media. These pundits became fixtures of war coverage on most major network, cable, radio and print news outlets without disclosing their considerable conflicts of interest in their own work as consultants, lobbyists and contractors for military interests.

More Poll Results

Should Bill Maher be fired after his comments about the pope?
Yes, they were inappropriate (979 responses)
46.9%
No, it's just an act (1109 responses)
53.1%
2088 total responses (Results not scientific, but idiotic)

Speaking of Fungster's faith in democracy

There continues to be nothing to see here, keep moving in a certain Southern African country after a crucial election that was held at some point within the last month or so. The results should be ready just as soon as they have them. Which is later.

‘Vote recount to take longer’

Although, if I remember correctly, didn't the election here in 2000 take like weeks to resolve? The difference is, they resolve in public here. Other places, they resolve in private. They don't want to alarm or surprise the public, so wait till you know the result, then release the result. No partial releases, just the full Monty. Which, as I said, won't be right now. Later. Now keep moving, nothing to see here...

Keep 'em coming

Clinton: Obama would be 'leap of faith'

Whereas you or McCain are 'sure bets'? Please, pretty please, Pennsylvania, please put this plutocrat out of here misery and put the faith in democracy back in da Fungster. Please?

propping up Iran's newest ally

BAGHDAD — In the Iraqi government’s fight to subdue the Shiite militia of Moktada al-Sadr in the southern city of Basra, perhaps nothing reveals the complexities of the Iraq conflict more starkly than this: Iran and the United States find themselves on the same side.

next question: could he crush C*e*e*'s head like an overripe melon?*

Schwarzenegger: Bush’s New Global Warming Plan = ‘No More Glaciers’

* This question is strictly scientific / theoretical and in no way implies that the Governator should do this, or that he is not a nice man

It finally happened

It took almost 4 years, but after years of glances, stares, sneak peeks, and ogling, we finally have seen some extra curricular activity out of a hotel window. Set the whole office abuzz. Even the construction workers next door stopped to take a look. Of course it's their fault. They were all the way at the window. Do that stuff inside gosh darn it!

a celebration of specialness

President Bush Participates in Joint Press Availability with Prime Minister Gordon Brown of the United Kingdom

(Question: when did a press conference become press availability, and when can we have press conferences back? Ed.)

Bush: I'm -- been a pleasure to welcome a good friend to the Oval Office, and had a good discussion. Appreciate our special relationship with Britain, and I believe that the actions we've taken are making it stronger.

All in all, we had a fabulous conversation. I'm looking forward to dinner tonight. The Prime Minister is bringing his wife Sarah up here to the White House. And I'm -- Laura and I are going to cook you up a meal. (Laughter.) Well, we'll eat one with you. (Laughter.) (He's here for eight years -- try the veal. Ed.)

Brownie: It's my profound belief that over many decades, no international partnership has served the world better than the special relationship between our two countries, the United States and the United Kingdom.

Bush: Look, I'm interested in succeeding in Iraq. I mean, it's -- this is a mission that is succeeding on the security front, it's getting better on the economic front, and it's improving on the political front... And so, so long as I'm the President, my measure of success is victory and success.

We got a great relationship. And it's -- we're working on a variety of issues... So it's -- our relationship is very special and it's -- I'm confident future Presidents will keep it that way. There's just such a uniqueness in the relationship. That's not to say you can't have other friends, and we do. But this is a unique relationship, truly is. And I value -- I value my personal friendship, as well as our -- the relationship between our countries.

Look, if there wasn't a personal relationship I wouldn't be inviting the man to a nice hamburger. (Laughter.) Well done, I might add.

Brownie: I'm very proud to be here today to celebrate a special relationship. In 1941, Winston Churchill met Franklin Roosevelt and inaugurated what is the modern phase of that special relationship... And what I think is fascinating is that over the next few months we will be developing that special relationship in new ways... So this is a special relationship not just of governments, but of peoples. And I look forward to its enhancement at all levels in the years to come...

ooh snap

Such defacing of American values is to be expected, I guess, from a network whose debate moderators refuse to wear flag pins.
-- Frank Rich