Lattice of Coincidence: 12/28/08

Saturday, January 3, 2009

this is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd)

Canada's forests, once huge help on greenhouse gases, now contribute to climate change

VANCOUVER — As relentlessly bad as the news about global warming seems to be, with ice at the poles melting faster than scientists had predicted and world temperatures rising higher than expected, there was at least a reservoir of hope stored here in Canada's vast forests.

The country's 1.2 million square miles of trees have been dubbed the "lungs of the planet" by ecologists because they account for more than 7 percent of Earth's total forest lands. They could always be depended upon to suck in vast quantities of carbon dioxide, naturally cleansing the world of much of the harmful heat-trapping gas.

But not anymore.

In an alarming yet little-noticed series of recent studies, scientists have concluded that Canada's precious forests, stressed from damage caused by global warming, insect infestations and persistent fires, have crossed an ominous line and are now pumping out more climate-changing carbon dioxide than they are sequestering.

Worse yet, the experts predict that Canada's forests will remain net carbon sources, as opposed to carbon storage "sinks," until at least 2022, and possibly much longer.

"We are seeing a significant distortion of the natural trend," said Werner Kurz, senior research scientist at the Canadian Forest Service and the leading expert on carbon cycles in the nation's forests. "Since 1999, and especially in the last five years, the forests have shifted from being a carbon sink to a carbon source."

Translation: Earth's lungs have come down with emphysema. Canada's forests are no longer our friends. . .

Friday, January 2, 2009

A toast to Blago

That's the kind of scandal Americans can enjoy, and we'd forgotten how much fun they could be. These days when news of a big scandal breaks it means another hundred billion dollars went missing or another major industry collapsed. Except for your scandal, Rod. The fact that the country is a shambles has made your scandal all that much more fun. You're like the guy who shows up five minutes after the apocalypse and demands he get the 4% raise he was promised before the flames engulfed the earth.

And boy do you know how to milk it. You're not taking your lumps with dignity, doing what you can to limit the damage done. You're going down swinging. Christ, just yesterday you appointed someone to that Senate seat and made sure that anyone who challenges the appointment would be called a racist! You essentially called your legislature a lynch mob! That was fantastic!

You're beautiful Rod. You're clueless, you're guileless, and most of all, you're guilty as shit. And that hair. Oh man, that gorgeous hair.

You really cheered us up when we needed it, Rod. Thanks buddy. And Happy f**kin' New Year!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Blago finds his soulmate

Roland Burris's Monument to Me

Roland Burris, the man Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich picked to succeed Barack Obama in the Senate, might get to etch another accolade into the monument he built for himself if this appointment goes through. . .