There is probably an interesting story behind that, or, Dumbshine State Adventures (cont'd)

Deputies: Woman pulls gun on man during sex in moving car
~

"'Fighting Is What Redneck People Do," Explained Drunk Guy Who Shot Lawnmower..."

The article doesn't explain what his lawnmower did to piss him off.

"If Carnival and Las Vegas had a baby, this would be the placenta"

"The Marlins are planning a structure beyond the center-field wall of their new ballpark. This structure will light up and make a fancy hullabaloo whenever a Marlin hits a home run. And remember, they have Mike Stanton, so they could be firing up this thing quite a bit.

"Now close your eyes, and think about what this structure might look like. Go ahead. Let your imagination run wild...

"Behold. This is what will happen when the Marlins hit a home run. It's what Bernie Brewer thinks he's sliding down after a couple buttons of peyote. Don't avert your eyes. Look at it. Study it. This is what we've become."
~

Job Creator Brainstorming, or, Onion or Real (cont'd)?, or, The Dumbshine State (cont'd)

"I'm on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people," Workman said. "This is an example of Big Brother government.

"All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get," Workman said. "In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?"
~

On the agenda for next week: putting Brawndo on the crops

Pinellas County Commission votes to stop putting fluoride in water supply

"Fluoride is a toxic substance," said tea party activist Tony Caso of Palm Harbor. "This is all part of an agenda that's being pushed forth by the so-called globalists in our government and the world government to keep the people stupid so they don't realize what's going on."

He added: "This is the U.S. of A, not the Soviet Socialist Republic."

Meet your new Chair of the House Foreign Affairs Committee (great work everyone!)

How Ileana Ros-Lehtinen killed the bill to prevent forced child marriages

Only in America (cont)

First Black Friday desperadoes in line at Best Buy | Technically Incorrect - CNET News

Because if someone's ahead of you for doorbuster savings, the terrists have won.

Everyone: unhinged (cont'd)

HOUSTON (shocking!) — President Obama's plan to deliver a speech to public school students on Tuesday has set off a revolt among conservative parents, who have accused the president of trying to indoctrinate their children with socialist ideas and are asking school officials to excuse the children from listening.

The uproar over the speech, in which Mr. Obama intends to urge students to work hard and stay in school, has been particularly acute in Texas, where several major school districts, under pressure from parents, have laid plans to let children opt out of lending the president an ear...

Mark Steyn, a Canadian author and political commentator, speaking on the Rush Limbaugh show on Wednesday, accused Mr. Obama of trying to create a cult of personality, comparing him to Saddam Hussein and Kim Jong-il, the North Korean leader.

The Republican Party chairman in Florida, Jim Greer, said he "was appalled that taxpayer dollars are being used to spread President Obama’s socialist ideology.”

And Chris Stigall, a Kansas City talk show host, said, "I wouldn’t let my next-door neighbor talk to my kid alone; I’m sure as hell not letting Barack Obama talk to him alone."

It's not enough to ban bestiality - we must ban inter-species marriage as well

The act of bestiality is a step closer to becoming illegal in Florida now that a Senate committee voted to slap a third-degree felony charge on anyone who has sex with animals.

Florida is one of only 16 states that still permit bestiality -– a fact that animal-rights activist and Sunrise Sen. Nan Rich learned to her horror when a Panhandle man three years ago was suspected of accidentally asphyxiating a family goat with which he was copulating.
. . .

Rich's proposal was amended to target only those who derived or helped others derive "sexual gratification" from an animal. The amendment specified that conventional dog-judging contests and animal-husbandry practices are permissible.

That last provision tripped up Miami Democratic Sen. Larcenia Bullard.

"People are taking these animals as their husbands? What’s husbandry?" she asked. Some senators stifled their laughter as Chairman Charlie Dean explained that husbandry was the rearing and caring of animals.

Bullard didn't get it.

"So that maybe have been the reason the lady was so upset about that monkey?" Bullard asked, referring to a Connecticut case where a woman’s suburban chimpanzee want mad and was shot...

The Palin Effect in reverse, or, brain-dead Floridians whut cain't tell the difference between Barack Obama and a radio prankster

I wonder what tipped her off? Maybe the phony French accent.

Ros-Lehtinen hangs up on Obama. Twice.

Is Ileana Ros-Lehtinen a little paranoid?

Maybe.

On Wednesday, the Republican congresswoman got a call from President-elect Barack Obama, didn't believe it was him, and hung up on him. Twice.

According to Ros-Lehtinen's flack Alex Cruz, the congresswoman received the call on her cell phone from a Chicago-based number and an aide informed her that Obama wanted to speak to her. When Obama introduced himself, Ros-Lehtinen cut him off and said, "I'm sorry but I think this is a joke from one of the South Florida radio stations known for these pranks." Then she hung up.

Moments later, Obama tried again, this time through his soon-to-be chief of staff, Rahm Emanuel.

"Ileana, I cannot believe you hung up on the President-Elect," Emanuel said. And then--yes, you know what's coming--she hung up on Emanuel saying she "didn't believe the call was legitimate."

In other news, the cops just shot John Dillinger

UAL Corp.’s stock bottomed out Monday morning after a six-year-old news report about the company’s Chapter 11 bankruptcy filing resurfaced on the Internet.

The report sent shares of the Chicago-based carrier plunging to 1 cent, from a close Friday of $11.92, before trading was halted.

The fallout spread to the industry as a whole, pushing down airline stocks 20% at one point Monday morning.

United in a statement said the South Florida Sun-Sentinel was responsible for its stock tanking after the paper posted as current news on its Web site a six-year-old news story written by sister publication the Chicago Tribune.

Can't wait for the audio

Man calls 911 after Subway left sauce off sandwich

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
Published: August 4, 2008
Filed at 3:01 p.m. ET

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- Jacksonville police say Reginald Peterson needs to learn that 911 is not the appropriate place to complain that Subway left the sauce off a spicy Italian sandwich.

Police said the 42-year-old man dialed 911 twice last week so he could have his sub made correctly. The second call was to complain that officers weren't arriving fast enough.

Subway workers told police Peterson became belligerent and yelled when they were fixing his order. They locked him out of the store after he left to call police.

When officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the proper use of 911. Those efforts failed, and he was arrested on a charge of making false 911 calls.

Peterson did not have a listed phone number.
------
Information from: The Florida Times-Union, http://www.jacksonville.com

It's not a symbol of slavery - it's a symbol of the bravery of the men who fought to preserve slavery

Battle over Confederate flag hits highways
Yoooge displays along interstates raise old debates over the history of war and slavery.

Despite years of boycotts, schoolyard bans, and banishment from capitol domes, the Southern battle colors are flying, higher than ever.

Indeed, the Tampa Confederate Veterans Memorial and its 139-foot flagpole features one of at least four giant "soldier's flags" flying over bumper-to-bumper interstates in Florida and Alabama. With more planned in Tennessee, Georgia, Kentucky, and possibly South Carolina, the interstate show of force, experts say, highlights the potential backlash from banning nostalgic symbols from the public square.

Unlike the flags that were taken down from the capitol domes in Columbia, S.C. and Tallahassee, Fla., these new auto dealer-sized flags – sewn in China (of course - Ed.) – may be legally untouchable. Raised on private property, the Tampa flag was OK'd by county zoning officials and the Federal Aviation Administration.

offered without comment

Well, ok, one comment...

Sub teacher claims fired for 'wizardry'

LAND O' LAKES, Fla., May 6 (UPI) -- A former substitute teacher in Land O' Lakes, Fla., claims he was fired by the school district because he was "accused of wizardry."

Jim Piculas said Pat Sinclair, who is in charge of substitute teachers for the Pasco County School District, called him to say the district would no longer be using his services after he performed a disappearing-toothpick magic trick while teaching at Rushe Middle School, the Tampa (Fla.) Tribune reported Tuesday.

"She said, 'You've been accused of wizardry,'" Piculas said.

However, Assistant Superintendent Renalia DuBose denied the district ever used the word "wizardry" in its dealings with Piculas and said the magic trick was far down the list of reasons the sub is not being asked back.

The district said in a letter to Piculas that he was being let go because he did not follow lesson plans, allowed students to use computers despite being told not to by another teacher, and he left a student in charge during his fifth-period class. (Hey, maybe he gave the kid an internship... Ed.)

offered without comment

Well, ok, one comment...

News item: Governor Charlie Crist of Florida has been fighting to cut 10 cents from the state's gasoline tax for two weeks in July...

If experience with such gas-tax "holidays" is any guide, drivers would save less than politicians suggest. But that is not necessarily the point.

"It's about trying to serve the people and trying to understand and have caring, compassionate hearts for what they're dealing with at the kitchen table," said Crist, a Republican.

brainzzz shortage: it's an epidemic, folks

*my mother lives here

State moves to ban fake testicles on vehicles
Fri Apr 25, 2008 12:03pm EDT
By Michael Peltier
TALLAHASSEE, Florida (Reuters) - Senate lawmakers in Florida have voted to ban the fake bull testicles that dangle from the trailer hitches of many trucks and cars throughout the state.
Republican Sen. Carey Baker, a gun shop owner from Eustis*, Florida, called the adornments offensive and proposed the ban. Motorists would be fined $60 for displaying the novelty items, which are known by brand names like "Truck Nutz" and resemble the south end of a bull moving north.
The Florida Senate voted last week to add the measure to a broader transportation bill, but it is not included in the House version.
In a spirited debate laced with double entendre, Senate lawmakers questioned whether the state should curtail freedom of expression in vehicle accessories.
Critics of the ban included the Senate Rules Chairman, Sen. Jim King, a Jacksonville Republican whose truck sported a pair until his wife protested.
The bill's sponsor doubted it would succeed.
"It's probably not going to make it through the process," Baker said on Thursday. "It won't be much of story in a few days."

The Dumbshine State (cont'd)

Do-over primary getting lost in the mail

"There's no authority under Florida law that would allow county supervisors of election or the state to verify signatures in an election of a state party..."

Last week, the party said a mailed ballot would cost $4 million to $6 million. The new estimate: $10 million to $12 million...

on the plus side, Florida has schools

Yesterday, the Florida Board of Education voted 4-3 to adopt new science standards that, for the first time, would require public schools to teach evolution. Previously, Florida's science standards referred to evolution as "biological changes over time," but those rules "were slammed by scientists as vague and shallow..."

But instead of accepting this scientific standard, the Florida Board approved "a last-minute alternative" following numerous public complaints and objections made by religious conservatives. The new Florida school science standard on evolution will come with a caveat: "The subject will be taught as 'the scientific theory of evolution.'"

are they sure it isn't Bigfoot?

Mystery Fla. animal likely a squirrel

MACCLENNY, Fla. - An animal sneaking around Baker County is not an orangutan as originally thought but likely a fox squirrel, state wildlife officials said Friday. Officers with the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission laid doughnuts at a base of a tree after residents reported seeing a "big orange ball of fur."