Showing posts with label George Carlin Rules. Show all posts
Showing posts with label George Carlin Rules. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
some GC quotes
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
The status quo sucks.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.
Here is something you’ll never hear: "If you don’t stop giving me a blow job, I’m calling the police."
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
...more
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
The status quo sucks.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.
Here is something you’ll never hear: "If you don’t stop giving me a blow job, I’m calling the police."
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
...more
this sucks
Comedian George Carlin dies in Los Angeles at 71
Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs and dirty words, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday, a spokesman said. He was 71.
Carlin, who had a history of heart and drug-dependency problems, died at Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica about 6 p.m. PDT (9 p.m. EDT) after being admitted earlier in the afternoon for chest pains, spokesman Jeff Abraham told Reuters.
Known for his edgy, provocative material, Carlin achieved status as an anti-Establishment icon in the 1970s with stand-up bits full of drug references and a routine called "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television." A regulatory battle over a radio broadcast of the routine ultimately reached the U.S. Supreme Court.
In the 1978 case, Federal Communications Commission vs. Pacifica Foundation, the top U.S. court ruled that the words cited in Carlin's routine were indecent, and that the government's broadcast regulator could ban them from being aired at times when children might be listening.
Carlin's comedic sensibility often came back to a central theme: humanity is doomed.
"I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas," he told Reuters in a 2001 interview.
Carlin, who wrote several books and performed in many television comedy specials, is survived by his wife Sally Wade, and daughter Kelly Carlin McCall.
Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs and dirty words, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday, a spokesman said. He was 71.
Carlin, who had a history of heart and drug-dependency problems, died at Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica about 6 p.m. PDT (9 p.m. EDT) after being admitted earlier in the afternoon for chest pains, spokesman Jeff Abraham told Reuters.
Known for his edgy, provocative material, Carlin achieved status as an anti-Establishment icon in the 1970s with stand-up bits full of drug references and a routine called "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television." A regulatory battle over a radio broadcast of the routine ultimately reached the U.S. Supreme Court.
In the 1978 case, Federal Communications Commission vs. Pacifica Foundation, the top U.S. court ruled that the words cited in Carlin's routine were indecent, and that the government's broadcast regulator could ban them from being aired at times when children might be listening.
Carlin's comedic sensibility often came back to a central theme: humanity is doomed.
"I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas," he told Reuters in a 2001 interview.
Carlin, who wrote several books and performed in many television comedy specials, is survived by his wife Sally Wade, and daughter Kelly Carlin McCall.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Golf, by George Carlin
I know where we can build housing for the homeless: golf courses. Perfect: golf courses. Just what we need: plenty of good land in nice neighborhoods, land that is currently being wasted on a meaningless, mindless activity engaged in primarily by white, well-to-do male businessmen who use the game to get together to make deals to carve this country up a little finer among themselves.
I am getting tired, really getting tired of these golfing cocksuckers in their green pants and their yellow pants and their orange pants, and their precious little hats and their cute little golf carts.
It is time to reclaim the golf courses from the wealthy and turn them over to the homeless. Golf is an arrogant, elitist game and it takes up entirely too much room in this country.
It is an arrogant on its very design alone. Just the design of the game speaks of arrogance. Think of how big a golf course is. The ball is that fucking big! What do these pin-headed pricks need with all that land? There are 17,000 golf courses in America. They average over 150 acres a piece. That’s 3 million-plus acres; 4,820 square miles. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist — there’s another thing: the only blacks you’ll find in country clubs are carrying trays — and a boring game. Boring game for boring people. Have you ever watched golf on television? It’s like watching flies fuck.
And a mindless game, mindless. Think of the intellect it must take to draw pleasure from this activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick, and then walking after it! And then hitting it again! I say, “Pick it up asshole, you’re lucky you found the fucking thing. Put it in your pocket and go home, you’re a winner. You’re a winner — you found it!”
No, no chance of that happening. “Dorko” in the plaid knickers is going to hit it again and walk some more. Let these rich cocksuckers play miniature golf. Let him fuck with a windmill for an hour and a half or so, see if there’s really any skill among these people.
I know there are some people who play golf who don’t consider themselves rich. Fuck ‘em! And shame on them for engaging in an arrogant, elitist past time.
I am getting tired, really getting tired of these golfing cocksuckers in their green pants and their yellow pants and their orange pants, and their precious little hats and their cute little golf carts.
It is time to reclaim the golf courses from the wealthy and turn them over to the homeless. Golf is an arrogant, elitist game and it takes up entirely too much room in this country.
It is an arrogant on its very design alone. Just the design of the game speaks of arrogance. Think of how big a golf course is. The ball is that fucking big! What do these pin-headed pricks need with all that land? There are 17,000 golf courses in America. They average over 150 acres a piece. That’s 3 million-plus acres; 4,820 square miles. You could build two Rhode Islands and a Delaware for the homeless on the land currently being wasted on this meaningless, mindless, arrogant, elitist, racist — there’s another thing: the only blacks you’ll find in country clubs are carrying trays — and a boring game. Boring game for boring people. Have you ever watched golf on television? It’s like watching flies fuck.
And a mindless game, mindless. Think of the intellect it must take to draw pleasure from this activity: hitting a ball with a crooked stick, and then walking after it! And then hitting it again! I say, “Pick it up asshole, you’re lucky you found the fucking thing. Put it in your pocket and go home, you’re a winner. You’re a winner — you found it!”
No, no chance of that happening. “Dorko” in the plaid knickers is going to hit it again and walk some more. Let these rich cocksuckers play miniature golf. Let him fuck with a windmill for an hour and a half or so, see if there’s really any skill among these people.
I know there are some people who play golf who don’t consider themselves rich. Fuck ‘em! And shame on them for engaging in an arrogant, elitist past time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
