What better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than with a shiny new Ruger 9mm?

News item: Americans buy record numbers of guns for Christmas

Americans bought record numbers of guns last month amid an apparent surge in popularity for weapons as Christmas presents.
~

Even The Google is ready to get this Christmas party started

Showing results for live-blogging the end times.
Search instead for the original terms: live-glogging the end times

Which reminds me, there is a critical shortage of Pennsylvania Dutch Egg Nog (the One True Egg Nog) in the Chicago area this year. (I blame Obama.) Thank God I stocked up early, though I may still run out before New Year's. Evanston First had none ... none!

In past years it's been more of a self-regulating supply, as I tend to run out at about the same time that I can no longer fit through the door to go out and buy more.

Santa/Obama Nexus, or, When Redistributors Attack the Christmastution

Taking his message into Yuletide mode, Hedrick penned "The Liberal Clause," a tea-party-themed Christmas book for children featuring a socialist Barack Obama, "Elf Peloosi" and special appearances by Joseph Stalin (No Hitler cameo? Disappointing... Ed.) and an Afro-centric minister named "Reverend Blight."

Hedrick is traveling to New York today to film a Christmas-special segment for Comedy Central's "Daily Show with Jon Stewart," Hedrick consultant Robert Harmon told The Ticket. "And sales-wise, he's doing great," Harmon added. (Yay! Ed.)

Hedrick lost his insurgent GOP primary bid in August but has segued promptly into promoting "The Liberal Clause." (Hedrick has also been busy appearing in court, on assault charges filed by his wife -- who has since sought to rescind a no-contact order between the couple, claiming that he was trying to calm her down at a time when she was "out of control.") (Ho! Ho! Ho! Ed.)

"The Liberal Clause" depicts socialist elves (Redundant? Aren't they all socialists? Ed.) -- led by Obama -- trying to take over the North Pole (forcing elves to reduce their carbon footprint, among other power grabs) and control Hedrick's hometown of Camas, Washington.

But one little girl's dedication to the "Christmastution" (Is that a thing? Ed.) saves the town from a complete takeover.

Ho! Ho! Ho!

News item: A 37-year-old woman was arrested Sunday on allegations of pushing a 100-year-old woman working as a greeter at a Milwaukee Wal-Mart, a police spokeswoman said Monday.
~

Merry Christmas!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Chan Ho Park sues ex-Dodger battery mate, claiming $460,000 loan hasn't been paid in full

News item — Chan Ho Park has sued his former Dodger battery mate Chad "Gimme Back My Phokking Cap" Kreuter, accusing him of failing to fully pay off a $460,000 loan.

Smiff and k-mad were there for Kreuter's most thrilling night in the majors!

New Opening Day tradition at Wrigley?

Not again! Giant Swedish Christmas goat statue gets torched

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) – Arsonists set fire early on Wednesday to a giant straw statue of the Swedish Yule goat, a forerunner to Santa Claus in Sweden, defying security measures for a third year in a row.

Last Minute Gift Ideas

Found this lovely one in Skymall...

Bacon and chocolate can relieve gift-giving stress

Salty and sweet collide in these chewy cookies

Maple Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies
~

Another indication that the world is ending

The Main Stream Media says it isn't.

Is Doomsday Coming? Perhaps, but Not in 2012

Apparently, the New York Times isn't impressed that the current 5,125 year cycle of 13 bak'tuns will end on December 20, 2012. (Did the Mayans have to make the world end right before Christmas? Why did they hate Jesus?)

"If you want to worry, most scientists say, you should think about global climate change (I think this blog has successfully debunked that myth - Ed.), rogue asteroids (NOW we're talking! :-) - Ed.), or nuclear war (tried it - didn't work - Ed.)."

Season's greeting from Briggs

Apparently I insulted either his photo taking skillz or photoshop skillz, and dis was da response...

Potty Mouth

The Corporal and I saw this live on New Year's Day. It was funny as hell at the time, I had to rewind the DVR to make sure. That's what CNN gets - you can't expect Kathy Griffin to play it str8 for hours on end now can you?

football SUCKS

Bears take sucking to a whole new level (obviously)
Huskies SUCK
Cats SUCK

in hindsight, blaring the horn was probably a mistake

Man steals fire truck to drive home for Christmas: police

Police in South Salt Lake, Utah, have arrested a man they say tried to steal a fire truck so he could drive home -- to Washington -- for Christmas.

Detective Gary Keller says firefighters on a medical call heard the $500,000 truck's air horn blaring Monday and ran outside. They found a man in the driver's seat trying to drive away.

German acts of Christmas retailing

Vendor sells all-natural dildos at Hamburg Christmas market

One vendor at the Santa Pauli Christmas market in Hamburg has taken a non-traditional but all-natural approach to Christmas gifts this year, selling handmade spruce wood dildos, daily Hamburger Morgenpost reported on Friday.

how to suck at sending Hanukkah cards

News item: A picture of a Christmas tree is not the first thing you would expect to see on an invitation to an event celebrating Hanukkah, but that is exactly what recipients of invitations to this year's White House Hanukkah reception initially got in the mail.

Christmas Cheer to All!

Except you, you fucking neo-con/corporatists!

image stolen from boingboing.net/

Merry Phokking Christmas Everyone!

Gomer wishes K-Mad a Merry Phokking Christmas!

Christmas came early for Smiff tonight...

YuleSmith is a quenching, hoppy "double" IPA. Appearance: Clear copper color and a creamy beige head with good retention. Flavor: Starts out with a bite of hops, but a perfect balance of maltiness and a dry finish leave you thirsting for that next sip. Aroma: The aroma starts with a heady citrusy and floral feel, and a slight overtone of vanilla. Mouthfeel (body/texture): Smooth, medium-bodied. Warm mouthfeel from the high alcohol content. Feels lush and full in the mouth. Smiff liked it.