Mysteries from the LoC Stats Files: Search Keywords of the Poor Suckers Who Wind Up Here

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SIMPSONS DID IT!

Mmmm, three eyes, aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh

Fishermen in Córdoba, Argentina caught a three-eyed wolf fish in a reservoir fed by a local nuclear power plant, which will surely hinder the plant's owner's attempt to run for local office.

The fishermen say their discovery, which actually bears no resemblance to Blinky the three-eyed fish from The Simpsons, has begun to worry local residents who live near the reactor. And instead of feasting on their catch, and presumably gaining superpowers from its probable high levels of radiation, the men have decided to let it be tested to see if the mutation was actually a result of it being exposed to the water from the nuclear plant. After that they plan to have it embalmed for posterity, or sell it to Fox as a promotional item for their long running, and eerily prophetic, animated series. [Infobae via Geekologie]

Your brain on cheese (cont'd)

"I would like to hear more of an explanation from Governor Walker as to what exactly was being considered, and to what degree it was discussed by his cabinet members. I find it very unsettling and troubling that anyone would consider creating safety risks for our citizens and law enforcement officers."
~ Madison Chief of Police Noble Wray (not his real name; from an undisclosed location)

"Behold, the greatest breakthrough in labor relations since the cat o' nine tails."
~ Monty Burns

Alan Simpson: student ...

of the Rummy School of Poetry:

We took a big banana
and threw it into the gorilla cage
and the gorilla picked it up, like they do —
they peel it, mash it, play with it,
but they will eat some

-- Alan Simpson, on the work of the fiscal commission he co-chaired

something they said would never happen

John Tyler's face on money. I'm looking at it now. But it's only because the US Mint's presidential vetting process for the dollar coin decided to let in everyone... sort of the presidential equivalent of Everybody Gets a Trophy Day.

He was never a K-Madder, I swear

Prospectus on Mark Pawalek

[T]he Cubs appeared to have quite a find in Pawelek, when the left-hander that some saw as the top high school pitcher in the draft fell to 20th overall due to bonus concerns, and quickly signed for a slightly over-slot bonus of $1.75 million. Seen as a highly polished product who might move quickly, instead conditioning issues, effort issues, and the occasional ridiculous injury (he broke his non-throwing arm two years ago by tripping over his PlayStation) led to just four innings in a full-season league, and just 149 1/3 IP overall in his four professional seasons. Harvey and Pawelek were supposed to be the team's starting right fielder and a fixture in the rotation by now, but instead they're just footnotes in a long thesis proving that the draft is an inexact science.

life imitating the Simpsons imitating life (cont'd)

As inspired by Smiff's previous post...





UPDATE: D'ohhhh! The copyright cops must have gotten to the Simpsons video. Well here's the story to it...

UPDATE 2: Yesterday's QT today: "QT Early Warning System: One in three American voters will cast votes next week on machines that leave no paper trail for a recount."
~

Tastes like burning

Which Cubs collapse broke your heart most of all?

1969 (570 responses) 11.0%
1984 (679 responses) 13.0%
2003 (1854 responses) 35.6%
2004 (206 responses) 4.0%
2008 (1895 responses) 36.4%

5204 total responses (Results not scientific, but profoundly cub (that is so))

Biden - too phokking potty-mouthed for America's delicate sensibilities?

Does Biden Need to Watch His Language?

"I knew somebody famous was gonna come out of Scranton and I sure as HELL knew it wasn't gonna be me so I left," Biden joked of his upbringing.

Can't a guy be folksy anymore?

"And I sure as HELL can't talk about HELL without using the word HELL, now can I?"
-- Bart Simpson

why the Chicago Tribune will survive

It captures the pulse of the city (for as long as we have one).

A field guide to Chicago's doughnuts
~

life imitates the Simpsons (cont'd)

Truck hauling cigarettes hijacked in Downers Grove

"Bart the Murderer" - original air date October 10, 1991

At work, Fat Tony gives Bart a present, in gratitude for his help with the cigarettes.

Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving
family?
Bart: No.
Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal
a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? Say they like... cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price
that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Tony: Enjoy your gift.

At a press conference, Chief Wiggum explains that 12,000 cartons of
Laramie 100's were stolen.

Wiggum: Let me assure all you smokers out there, there is no shortage of cigarettes.
Reporter: [shouts] How do we know that?
Wiggum: Um, let me refer that question back to Jack Larson, Laramie Tobacco Products. Jack?
Jack: Thank you, Chief. Folks, I'm pleased to announce that a new truckload of Laramie's, with their smoooooooooth good taste of fresh tobacco flavor is already heading towards Springfield. The driver has been instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
Crowd: Yaaaaaaay!

even Mr. Burns is wid da tarrists

An odd day of polling, but one attention-grabbing result dominates the rest. That is from Ohio, where Public Policy Polling has Barack Obama ahead by 11 points. While Public Policy Polling developed a reputation as being somewhat Obama-friendly in the primaries, its track record is fairly strong, and its prior Ohio poll -- taken way back in March -- had shown McCain ahead by 8 points. As Ohio is probably the single most important state in this election (it's by no means the only important state, but it's pretty darned important), this result is enough to drive Obama past the 67 percent threshold in our overall electoral projection; we presently have him as about a 2:1 favorite to win the election.

Unclear on the concept (cont)

'Corrupting' Simpsons replaced by Baywatch on Venezuelan TV

Life imitates The Simpsons (cont'd)

Men claim all-you-can-eat buffet banned them for eating all they could eat

Meanwhile, Homer watches an advertisement on television about "The Frying Dutchman," an all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant run by Captain Horatio McCallister and wants to go... Homer goes to the restaurant with Marge, but Marge is allergic to fish. Homer orders the all-you-can-eat and eats everything. Captain McCallister kicks him out after midnight. He goes to trial with his lawyer, Lionel Hutz, claiming false advertising. Homer and the captain make an agreement: Homer is put on display as "Bottomless Pete; a remorseless eating machine", or "nature's cruelest mistake".

Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant.
Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home.
Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath.
Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant.
Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find one?
Marge: [crying] We... went... fishing.
Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man who's had ALL he could eat?