Truck hauling cigarettes hijacked in Downers Grove
"Bart the Murderer" - original air date October 10, 1991
At work, Fat Tony gives Bart a present, in gratitude for his help with the cigarettes.
Bart: Uh, say, are you guys crooks?
Tony: Bart, um, is it wrong to steal a loaf of bread to feed your starving
family?
Bart: No.
Tony: Well, suppose you got a large starving family. Is it wrong to steal
a truckload of bread to feed them?
Bart: Uh uh.
Tony: And, what if your family don't like bread? Say they like... cigarettes?
Bart: I guess that's okay.
Tony: Now, what if instead of giving them away, you sold them at a price
that was practically giving them away. Would that be a crime, Bart?
Bart: Hell, no!
Tony: Enjoy your gift.
At a press conference, Chief Wiggum explains that 12,000 cartons of
Laramie 100's were stolen.
Wiggum: Let me assure all you smokers out there, there is no shortage of cigarettes.
Reporter: [shouts] How do we know that?
Wiggum: Um, let me refer that question back to Jack Larson, Laramie Tobacco Products. Jack?
Jack: Thank you, Chief. Folks, I'm pleased to announce that a new truckload of Laramie's, with their smoooooooooth good taste of fresh tobacco flavor is already heading towards Springfield. The driver has been instructed to ignore all stop signs and crosswalks.
Crowd: Yaaaaaaay!
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