The chairman is displeased

As transcribed in the Trib:

Mike North: Where would you rate this season?

Jerry Reinsdorf: You want the grade up till today? What's the lowest grade you can give? This has been a disaster. It's embarrassing. But it will get better.

Mike North: With the same people?

from the people who brought you the new definition of santorum...

Saddlebacking: sad•dle•back•ing \ˈsa-dəl-ˈba-kiŋ\ vb [fr. Saddleback Church] (2009): the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities

Kicking a decomposing horse

10 anagrams for 'Rod Blagojevich'

Gov. Rich job deal
Led job rig havoc
Vocal bird, he jog
Hard job, evil cog
Oh, clod jive, brag
Hi, crave gold job?
Child rave, job go
Job? Hair clod veg
Rid havoc gel job
Chi, glad job over?

Missed in the pre-election run-up

No. 2 Leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq Killed
U.S. Military Blames Abu Qaswarah, a Moroccan, for Recent Attacks in North
By Ernesto Londoño
Washington Post Foreign Service
Thursday, October 16, 2008; Page A14

BAGHDAD, Oct. 15 -- The U.S. military on Wednesday announced the death of a man it described as the No. 2 leader of the Sunni insurgent group al-Qaeda in Iraq.

The military said it killed Abu Qaswarah on Oct. 5 during an operation in northern Iraq in which four additional alleged al-Qaeda in Iraq members were slain. Abu Qaswarah, also known as Abu Sara, directed the group's operations in northern Iraq, where al-Qaeda in Iraq remains entrenched and has been blamed for recent large-scale attacks, the military said.

Abu Qaswarah had no public profile in Iraq before the military's announcement of his death. U.S. military officials say they have been stunned by how quickly al-Qaeda in Iraq regenerates its leadership as top insurgents are detained or killed.

the panic is spreading

Failure to represent

Stam was the first Miss Indiana to win the pageant. This Hoosier said her favorite sport is football, not hoops.

"I know, it's supposed to be basketball," she said.

She was raised in Seymour, about 60 miles south of Indianapolis. Rather than the home-state Colts, she roots for the Chicago Bears. That's the team her boyfriend of three years cheers for.

Blago: the gift that keeps on taking

Thirty-two blue Blagojevich signs were erected in 2004 at a cost of $480,000. They read: "Open Road Tolling --- Rod R. Blagojevich Governor." It will cost an estimated $15,000 apiece to change them.

Which reminds me - with Blago, Big Time, and the Rezzzidunce out of the way, is it time to turn our rage on Little Todd Stroger?

stand way the phokk back

Swindler sez:

Just looking at his ERA, Pettitte appears to be coming off of a rough 2008– notably in the second half – but his BPIs and likely offensive support indicate that he continues to have some fanalytic gas left in the tank.
~

guns, butter, and tax cuts...

and I'll be dead by the time it all totally blows up! Sounds like a win-win-win-win-hey-kids-phokk-you to me.

Conclusion of hackneyed script

In the end, he left the Capitol in Springfield through a secret basement corridor full of grunting, clanking pipes, bare walls and puddles.

one advantage of a cold climate

Texas Road Signs Warn Of Zombie Attack

Besides the usual rush hour traffic, commuters in Austin, Texas, Monday also had to deal with reports of an imminent zombie attack.

Two city construction road signs near the University of Texas were hacked to display the warnings, reported the Austin American-Statesman.

The electronic signs, which usually warn motorists of traffic detours, instead included warnings such as "Caution! Zombies Ahead!" and "Nazi Zombies! Run!!!"

The signs also instructed motorists to "run for cold climates."

Feinstein: Destroying cars can help economy

CNN reports:

Under a bill introduced by Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D.-Calif., owners of older cars would get vouchers worth thousands of dollars toward the purchase of newer, more fuel-efficient vehicle. For the customer to get that cash, the car dealer would have to certify that the trade-in was getting scrapped and not resold. The car's vehicle identification number (VIN) would be tracked to make sure it never shows up on a vehicle registration again.

Crushing the old car has two benefits. First, it ensures that the consumer's purchase of a more efficient vehicle actually has a net environmental benefit. Second, it prevents a glut of used cars on the market, which would reduce trade-in values for new car buyers such as Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D.-Calif.

Gov. Pat Quinn is in charge

Blago out of Illinois Politics PERMANENTLY. W and Blago in the same month? Surely this must be a sign of the end times...

Great news! Blago back home safe (same day! wow, quick! it's great to have your own jet and stick somebody else with the tab) and went for a jog

"Yeah, it's unprecedented, but future generations will know that we have this thing called impeachment, and whenever any of our leaders, who are human beings like us, overstep the boundaries, the process is in place," Meeks said. "We have this thing called impeachment and it's bleeping golden and we've used it the right way."

This Murphy feller is coming out of this looking pretty good... not hard to imagine him beating whoever beats Quinn in the primary as the Democrat Party implodes in Illinois...

Sen. Matt Murphy of Palatine, whom Senate Republicans have put in the spotlight during the impeachment process, offered a blistering critique of Blagojevich.

"He reminded us today in real detail that he is an unusually good liar," Murphy said. "We bent over backwards to make sure that this process was fair."

"His conduct this last week, though, is not why I'm voting to convict him," Murphy said. "It's pretty clear that he extorted or attempted to extort."

"He came down and wrapped himself in the constitution," Murphy said. "He's a hypocrite."

"Is there any real question in anybody's mind that the thing he saw as 'bleeping golden' he planned to use for his own benefit, not for the state of Illinois? I don't think so," Murphy said, referring to Obama's vacated U.S. Senate seat.

liberal, Obama-sycophantic media at it again

REPORT: GOP Lawmakers Outnumber Democratic Lawmakers 2 To 1 In Stimulus Debate On Cable News»

As Media Matters has documented, during the Bush administration, the media consistently allowed conservatives to dominate their shows, booking them as guests far more often than progressives. The rationale was that Republicans were “in power.”

It appears that old habits die hard. Even though President Obama and his team are in control of the executive branch and Democrats are in the majority in Congress, the cable networks are still turning more often to Republicans and allowing them to set the agenda on major issues, most recently on the debate over the economic recovery package. . .

The drastically imbalanced coverage isn’t the first time that the news networks have effectively supported attacks on the recovery plans. As ThinkProgress reported on Monday, the cable networks, the Sunday shows and the network newscasts promoted a controversial CBO non-report 81 times before the actual CBO analysis of the stimulus plan was released.

annudder mission accomplished

John McKay, who represented the Riverside County-based California Lutheran High School, said the ruling correctly acknowledged that the school's purpose was to "teach Christian values in a Christian setting pursuant to a Christian code of conduct."

Done.
~

Is this the last phokking plane ride we have to pay for?

Happening today
• Now: Governor flying to Springfield

Maybe our next gubnor will discover that the gubnor has, like, an office and s#i+... right there in the phokking capital...

He's pointing at you, Fung

Pitchfork attacks Yo-Yo Ma as "rank opportunist"

Fresh off hitting minor controversy on Inauguration Day, the famous cellist has become collateral damage in the indie tastemakers' latest anti-Smashing Pumpkins broadside:

The Pumpkins' "FOL" will soundtrack the commercial for the Hyundai Genesis Coupe, which will air immediately before kickoff on Sunday. Because, you know, when you think of the mid-90s modern-rock-radio glory days, you think of Hyundai. According to a press release, the commercial will focus on the car's "fluid design and track-worthy performance." Fellow rank opportunist Yo-Yo Ma will also soundtrack a Genesis Coupe ad, though that one won't air during the Super Bowl.

Fat Blips (cont)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn494V1JrIc

This commercial bothers Fung. So because her child who has an imagination calls this woman a twin of a snowman, that means she's fat & has to go on a special K diet? And she was wearing a freaking winter coat at the time too? What is this country coming to?

Who will address our crumbling golf infrastructure?

Congress looks to keep stimulus cash from zoos, golf courses

"I swear I just saw Smiff on TV celebrating in the clubhouse! But that can't be, can it?"

...no, it can't be. It was this guy:

I'm disappointed in all of you for not beating me to posting this

The instructions for constructing this massive torpedo-shaped amalgamation of two pounds of bacon woven through and around two pounds of sausage and slathered in barbecue sauce first appeared last month on the Web site of a team of Kansas City competition barbecuers. They say a diverse collection of well over 16,000 Web sites have linked to the recipe, celebrating, or sometimes scolding, its excessiveness. A fresh audience could be ready to discover it on Super Bowl Sunday.

You won't have Rod "Perfect Hair" Blagojevich to kick around much longer

In 1980, most twentysomething men probably pined to bump into one of the Beatles or maybe Bo Derek; Blago wanted the autograph of our nation’s most notorious politician. Knowing this is like being handed the lost first chapter of The Blagojevich Saga after reading three-quarters of the way through: You’re already up to your eyeballs in drama, but everything that transpired thus far now rings truer— The taped conversations! The threats during taped conversations! The swearing during taped conversations!
~
In the summer of 1980 before he started law school, Blago and a friend, on their first trip to New York City, (the friend was later in the news for giving Blago's daughter a check for $1,500 after the man's wife got a state job) awoke at 4:30 am so 23-year-old Rod could get an autograph from Nixon as he left his Upper East Side townhouse for his morning walk. Wearing a suit, Nixon emerged at 7. As his secret service agents eyed the boys warily, Blago, wearing running shorts, was waiting with his line: "Mr. President, can I trouble you for an autograph?" He asked that Nixon sign the autograph to his mother who, Blagojevich explained, loved Nixon because "he had suffered so much," had "two lovely daughters," and "was loyal to Pat."
~
While going to school at Northwestern University, Blagojevich idolized Nixon, according to friends, frequently defending him during the Watergate scandal. According to a long-time Blagojevich friend, the future governor often found inspiration in Nixon's "me against the world" sensibility. Blagojevich particularly loved the fact that Nixon bounced back after the "you won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore" speech after losing the race for California governor in 1962.
~

One less thing to worry about

Though somehow, this is still bound to wipe out the Horror bullpen eventually...

Doc’s confession: We made up ‘cello scrotum’
~

"errors and mistakes" were made (cont'd)

From today's Chronicle of Higher Education...

In 2007, after several high-profile plagiarism scandals, Southern Illinois University released a 17-page report on how to deal with the issue. The report includes a lengthy definition of plagiarism, explaining exactly what does and does not merit the dreaded "p" word.

One problem: That definition appears to have been plagiarized.

The 139-word definition used in the report is nearly identical to the definition adopted by Indiana University in 2005. . .

In recent years, Southern Illinois has had more than its share of plagiarism cases. In 2006, the chancellor of the Carbondale campus was asked to step down after it was discovered that portions of a strategic plan he wrote for Southern Illinois had been taken from a strategic plan he helped write for another university.

The following year it was revealed that the president of the system, Glenn Poshard, had copied large sections of his 1984 dissertation without citation. A university committee deemed the copying "errors and mistakes" rather than plagiarism. . .

Boobies!

'Man boobs'
Why UK is seeing big rise in male breast reduction

I'd recommend wearing a bro myself...

Fungrant

Scrabble Beta sucks.  No way to sugar coat it.  Scrabble Beta sucks.  They sued to get a better (though obviously a ripoff) product yanked from the Facebooks and then they put up this product that sucks arse.  Case & Point - I gets a note yesterday saying Corms came back for more after a defeat over the weekend.  Fung goes in - says no active game.  Then it says error, please reload, which it like ALWAYS FREAKING SAYS!  So Corms, I don't see your game - it doesn't show up.  Scrabulous didn't have those fancy graphics, but it freaking worked (most of the time).  Hasbro, get off your arse and fix this $#!+.

pray harder, dude (cont'd)

"It may not come off this way, but you’ve never met a host who wants to be wrong more than me. (Well then... great news! - Ed.) I pray, literally pray, each day, 'Dear Lord, show me where I'm wrong.'"
. . .

"This man may be a capitalist, but he is probably more of a socialist. He has surrounded himself with Marxist views his whole life, so how much of it has rubbed off on him, I think, is a reasonable question to ask." (God? Buehler? Anyone? - Ed.)

Are we paying for this?

Gov's TV tour continues:
6:45 a.m. CBS' Evening News
7:00 a.m. CBS' Early Show
8:10 a.m. Fox & Friends
8:45 a.m. AP TV
10:30 a.m. Fox Business Network
11:15 a.m. In Session/TruTV
12:30 p.m. FOX's Glenn Beck
1:30 p.m. CNN's Campbell Brown
2:00 p.m. MSNBC's Rachel Maddow
2:30 p.m. FOX's Greta Van Susteren
3:30 p.m. CNN's DL Hughley

Maybe Rush Limbaugh could write for Pravda

Look, for a typical example, at Pravda.ru, the Russian Web site that succeeded the organ of the Soviet Communist Party. Writing in the spirit of times past, one of its authors informed readers last week that Obama's presidency was a sham. After all, he "became the president because one needed a scapegoat during hard times of the crisis," and he will not last: "If Obama does not manage to extricate the nation from the crisis in two or three years, the Republicans will unveil their real candidate, and Obama's presidency will finish earlier than expected." The U.S. president, in other words, is merely a placeholder -- a description that makes him sound remarkably similar to the president of Russia.

the clinical evaluation is in: he's not crazy, he's just an @sshole

Though I think the full medical term is yooge PHOKKING @sshole...

He quotes poets at press conferences, but seldom takes questions. Reporters have seen him grab cell phones from complete strangers, interrupting conversations to say, "Hi, this is the governor." When lawmakers unanimously reject his proposal to tax businesses, he says that’s a vote of confidence.

Is Gov. Rod Blagojevich crazy?

The answer: Not exactly, according to experts in mental and personality disorders. But that doesn’t mean Blagojevich qualifies as normal.

"I’m not sure the question is about (mental) stability," says Dr. Joe Bohlen, a Springfield psychiatrist. "It may be more about personality."

"Personality," my friends...
~

"This is William Kristol’s last column."

K-Mad's search for a scapegoat goes on (cont'd)

Coffee Linked to Lower Dementia Risk

Wonderful

Jon Hilkevitch: When CTA driver runs light, you pay

The change was made in part because of pressure from the bus drivers union in response to the proliferation of red-light cameras across the city, officials said.

Once again, darned unions making us pay for what the drivers should pay for.

Running red lights is not condoned under any circumstances, including to get tardy buses back on schedule, transit officials said.

"Bus operators are professional drivers, and they are taught defensive driving," Gaffney said. "When they are approaching an intersection, they are supposed to be covering the brake [pedal with their foot], and if they see the yellow light, they should be prepared to bring the bus to a safe stop."

Asked to respond to comments from bus drivers that sudden stops could cause injury to bus passengers, Gaffney said the drivers are "trained to avoid driving in a manner that would cause them to stop suddenly."

Yes, well they all need a refresher course on this one. Whenever I've been standing on a bus I've been nearly sent flying quite a few times. And lots of those times we aren't at a traffic light, but in rush hour traffic on LSD. They all think driving = gassing it up and then jamming on the brakes, so it's funny that they try and get out of the red light thing by saying "but then we'd have to jam on the brakes" when that's how they normally drive.

I remember a copper coming over and just chewing out a bus driver for running a light on Michigan. I didn't see the whole thing but he kept coming up with lame excuse after lame excuse and she was having none of it. Wish we had more like her. If the CTA pays and then "disciplines" the drivers internally, who's to say that they don't just sweep it under the carpet and make us pay?

Don't try this at home... ok, Smiff can try it, but he has to report back to the rest of us

There isn't much to making bacon vodka: You throw a few cooked slices into the bottle, put it in a cupboard, and wait three weeks.

Police Should be Given More Power

That must be one old looking 14 year old.

As seen on Krusty's Kavalcade of Komedy

You too can sign up for updates about Barack Obama's Renew America Together (BORAT) initiative at http://www.usaservice.org

Find yourself (through the) printing (of) money

Ben Bernanke, on the bailout(s):

I've been condemned by traditional economists who said that printing money is responsible for inflation. ...I found myself doing extraordinary things that aren't in the textbooks.

No, just kidding, that's the chief central banker of Zimbabwe.