Battle of the Managerial Idiot-Titans

Batting third tonight:

KC: Grudzzzie
Sox: Perchinsky

Battle of the Horrific Bullpens

The Erred/Oh,Man! Horror Show is always fun, not to mention Jacque Jones getting thrown out on the basepaths. And a bullpen meltdown would not be complete w/o "Alfonsucko The 12-Fingered Menace".

Top 7th: Chi Cubs
- M. DeRosa walked
- M. DeRosa to second on wild pitch
- C. Izturis doubled to right center, M. DeRosa to third
- M. Murton hit for S. Eyre
- G. Geary relieved F. Garcia
- M. Murton homered to deep left, C. Izturis and M. DeRosa scored
- A. Soriano singled to center
- C. Floyd grounded out to pitcher, A. Soriano to second
- D. Lee singled to right, A. Soriano to third
- A. Ramirez singled to right, A. Soriano scored, D. Lee to third
- A. Alfonseca relieved G. Geary
- M. Barrett lined out to third
- J. Jones doubled to deep left center, D. Lee and A. Ramirez scored
- M. DeRosa singled to right, J. Jones out at home

6 runs, 7 hits, 0 errors
Chi Cubs 7, Philadelphia 5

Bottom 7th: Philadelphia
- R. Theriot at second
- W. Ohman relieved M. DeRosa
- M. Murton in right field
- J. Rollins flied out to right
- S. Victorino fouled out to shallow left
- A. Rowand singled to center
- C. Utley doubled to deep right, A. Rowand to third, A. Rowand scored on M. Murton's fielding error
- B. Howry relieved W. Ohman
- P. Burrell walked
- G. Dobbs doubled to deep right, C. Utley and P. Burrell scored, G. Dobbs to third advancing on throw
- A. Nunez singled to shortstop, G. Dobbs scored
- C. Ruiz homered to deep right, A. Nunez scored
- M. Bourn hit for A. Alfonseca
- M. Bourn flied out to left

6 runs, 5 hits, 1 errors
Chi Cubs 7, Philadelphia 11

greatest broadcasting team ever?

Josh "The Kid" Lewin paired with Mark "The @hole" Grace today. Gracie had some ingratiating Sammy stories! Like the year they combined for 83 homers...funny, FUNNY stuff!

dropping Tulowitski was dumb, but i did get Kid Dyn-O-Mite

J.J. Hardy had his second career grand slam, a sac fly and a walk as the Brewers crushed the Mets 12-3 on Saturday.
Such an incredible run. Hardy has five homers in eight games and 11 on the season. He totaled 14 homers over 500 at-bats in his first two years in the majors.

i wonder what Scott Rolen is doing?

Todd Helton went 2-for-4 with a homer against the Giants on Friday.
The homer was a solo blast off Giants starter Tim Lincecum. It was also just his fourth of the season, but Helton is helping the Rockies considerably with an insane .513 on-base percentage. His 10/30 K/BB ratio is one of the most impressive stats of the early season.

Juan Cruz 1978-2007 R.I.P.

Juan Cruz -R- Diamondbacks May 12 - 4:42 am et
Diamondbacks activated RHP Juan Cruz from the 15-day disabled list.

yes, he izz (wuzz) a chixx

Shawn Hill, pitching a no-hitter through five innings, left Friday night's game with a sore elbow.

something I can't find a reason to hate (yet)

The Ottawa Senators! A Canadian small-market NHL team, doing well in the playoffs. Dis could only be more subversive if day spoke French in Ottawa (d'ough da gubmint does make dem repeat everyding in French, so dat's kinda phokked up...).

Kenny and da Generalozziemo... wid da tarrists

Management leaning toward not banning alcohol

MINNEAPOLIS -- General manager Ken Williams and manager Ozzie Guillen said the White Sox will continue to discuss whether to ban alcohol in the clubhouse and on charter flights, but they weren't leaning in that direction as of Thursday.

Guillen warns players not to do anything to make team look bad

I don't have a punch line... Sarge? Buehler? anyone?

somephun ya don't see every day

an S-S sports column that conveys actual information...

D'ough I still prefer da Hiney-Bird's assessments of how much better sports would be if he were GM of every team...

looks like da Smelts rode dis one too hard

Shoulda gotten rid of him while the offers were pouring in...

What's wrong with Carlos Zambrano? The theories are piling up after another bad first inning by the Cubs' Opening Day starter led to another loss, this time 6-4 to the Pittsburgh Pirates on Thursday afternoon at Wrigley Field.

I always wondered why Smiff's eyes never move...

...but I'm still confused... which is the real Smiff?

3. Smiff's mouth is crooked... exactly the way it was carved by Winchell to show that Smiff was not as intelligent as Winchell's main figure, Jerry Mahoney.
5. Winchell didn't give Smiff moving eyes because Smiff isn't that smart.
6. The real Smiff was always bothered by the fact that his hair was not actual hair. Like the real Smiff, this replica's hair is painted on.

news from MAC's proud newest member

Temple U. Gets 2 Years' Probation for NCAA Rules Violations

The NCAA placed Temple University on probation for two years on Thursday and imposed other penalties after its Division I Committee on Infractions cited the university for two major rules violations and a number of secondary violations involving the men's tennis program and athletes in a number of other sports.

Tennis, the sport of cheater plutocrats...

Breaking News: Celebrity baby polar bear Knut is growing up.

Losing his cuteness?
Watch: Is he still cute?
Polar bear cubs are triple cute
Baby giraffe cuter than Knut?
Is Knut cuter than Smiff?

Phillies fanzzz keeping it real

Joe Morgan is destroying my will to live

WI@@Y WENT WIGGY

Ty W!gg!nton was ejected from Thursday's game in the fifth inning for arguing a call at third base. Wiggy! thought he had third base blocked on a play at the bag, but it appeared Melvin Mora got in there anyway. W!GGY!, irate with the safe call, got himself tossed.

stuff keeps burning up i haven't visited yet

Fire threatens Avalon on Catalina
A 400-acre wildfire erupts on Santa Catalina Island and churns toward Avalon, the major city on the island. Evacuations are under way.

TINSTAAPP

more proof...what a scary list:

Pitchers drafted ahead of Roger Clemens in 1983

1st overall: Tim Belcher, RHP, Mt. Vernon Nazarene College, Twins
5th overall: Stan Hilton, RHP, Baylor, Athletics
6th overall: Jackie Davidson, RHP, Texas HS, Cubs
7th overall: Darrel Akerfelds, RHP, Mesa CC, Mariners
10th overall: Ray Hayward, LHP, University of Oklahoma, Padres
13th overall: Joel Davis, RHP, Florida HS, White Sox
14th overall: Rich Stoll, RHP, University of Michigan, Expos
15th overall: Wayne Dotson, RHP, Texas HS, Tigers
16th overall: Brian Holman, RHP, Kansas HS, Expos
18th overall, Eric Sonberg, LHP, Wichita State, Dodgers

FANTERRIFIC!

Kelvim Escobar fanned nine Indians in his fourth career shutout Thursday.
Escobar allowed seven hits and walked none in an 103-pitch outing. It was his first shutout since he joined the Angels prior to the 2004 season. Escobar has allowed a total of three runs over his last 23 2/3 innings. He'll remain worth using in all formats until he lands back on the disabled list.

just a gift i guess...

Round 39 Thursday
8 Horror II: The Awfuling (via 10) 280 Edward Mujica SR Cle

- E. Mujica relieved J. Sowers
- J. Molina flied out to left
- C. Figgins singled to center
- R. Willits flied out to center
- C. Figgins stole second
- O. Cabrera singled to shortstop, C. Figgins to third
- V. Guerrero doubled to deep right center, C. Figgins and O. Cabrera scored
- R. Quinlan flied out to right

expect delays (cont'd)

At least 4 hurt as shots hit CTA bus

New CTA head announces jobs cuts

Cubs fall to Pirates, Zambrano struggles

are the Raiders back?

Oakland 17
Kansas City 3

Larry Rothschild: smartest man alive?

If he's had anything to do with The Formerly GawdAwful Jason Marquis' start this year (threw a shutout tonight; ERA 1.70), he's got to be in the conservation.

hmmm, maybe Ozzie was right

or da Sox are just puh-thetic:

the highest batting average in tonight's lineup is Erstad at .270.

That's followed by .200, .208, .209, .190, .221, .215, .261, .000 (that's not a pitcher, it's Gus Molina).

Of course, batting average is the most overrated stat in the game, and it's a good thing, too--because this team sucks at it.

Which is your favorite RezzziDUNCE quote?

"If the terriers and bariffs are torn down, this economy will grow."--Rochester, NY; 1/7/00

"If they predecease or die early, there's an asset base to be able to pass on to a loved one."--on Social Security money that would be stored in private accounts; Cedar Rapids, IA; 3/20/05

"I'm honored to shake the hand of a brave Iraqi citizen who had his hand cut off by Saddam Hussein."--Washington, DC; 5/25/04

Heated Battle for the Basement

11. Maddogs 111 1 8 17
12. Fightin' Bluestem 109 -1 4 11

Wotz up wid dis?

Chicagopedia

The hawk /th/haawk/ n. slang. 1. Intense Chicago wind. Disputed: Sweeps up children and cats. ("All mighty Hawk. Talkin' about Mr. Wind. Kind of mean around winter time." -- singer Lou Rawls); 2. Andre Dawson, 1980s Cubs outfielder. Origin: Intense playing style; 3. Ken Harrelson, White Sox announcer. Origin: Prominent nose.

E-mail us at chicagopedia@suntimes.com with ideas for other Chicago definitions.

Haven't they suffered enough?

RezzziDUNCE G. Dumbya (Idiot) to visit Kansas.

Vice-RezzziDUNCE Dick "Dick" (Dick) (HOoOYGE ASSHOLE (War Criminal) (Draft Dodger) (Coward) (Morally Bankrupt) Cheney (!!D!CK!!) to visit Baghdad.

frog showers? locusts? i just work here...

An isolated t-storm this afternoon/evening? Partly cloudy at night. Fog patches? Ludwick breakout?

furdurmore, dere is annudder train directly behind dis one

News item: Murton's at-bats coming

are they piloting the plane?

News item: Cubs ban alcohol from clubhouse, flights

how bad has Jim Edmonds gotten?

After originally being written into the second spot in the lineup, Jim Edmonds was dropped to sixth Tuesday.

He switched places with Ryan Ludwick.

dey don't got dis in Chicago

Sports on local news featuring college and high school baseball highlights, and a feature on college womens' track and field...

Also, out of control wild fires.

yeah, right...i also have hair

Felix Hernandez (elbow, owned by Decker*) said he felt fine after a 50-pitch simulated game Tuesday.
"Today, I feel pretty good," said Hernandez, who has been on the disabled list since April 19 with a strained right elbow. "Tomorrow, I'll feel even better, I think." Hernandez is penciled in to make his return to the rotation on May 15.

*Also see Harden, Rich.

a definition of insanity

Any manager who thinks Jorge Julio can pitch.

Marlins manager Fredi Gonzalez reiterated Tuesday that he sees Jorge Julio returning to the closer's role.
"Our plan is for him to be the closer," Gonzalez said. "That’s [what] we got him to be. Our plan is to do that. There’s no time schedule for that. We’ll keep running him out there."

Also, methinks Fredi went to The Ozzie School of Insanity (see: Erstad, Darin).

road trip?...damn, missed it...MF@...

On Tuesday, May 8, the Brewers are partnering with WITI FOX 6, Froedert & The Medical College of Wisconsin, and the National Prostate Cancer Coalition to conduct free digital (DRE) and PSA blood test prostate cancer screenings, from 7a.m. through 3p.m. A mobile clinic vehicle will be set up in front of TGI Friday's restaurant, located on the northeast corner of Miller Park. In addition, the Brewers will provide two tickets to a future Brewers game to every person screened. Parking is free and no appointment is necessary.

tough one tonight

Pittsburgh 4
Chi Cubs 3
Final 15

already up to 86...people's heads are in flames...Smiff sweatin' a little

Hot and getting hotter
Lindbergh Field is already up to 78 this morning, so a new record daily high for San Diego seems likely. The record for May 8 is only 81. Even if a sea breeze kicks in, it still shouldn't be enough to keep the temperature below 81. The Catalina Airport is already up to 83, so a sea breeze would likely be warm.
A couple of record highs were set in the county yesterday. Brown Field hit 86, topping the mark of 82 set in 1960, and the Oceanside Airport reached 88, breaking the record of 76 set in 2004.
Tomorrow should be cooler by 5 to 10 degrees in most areas except the desert.

instead of raising my taxes, why don't you go out and buy an SUV and build a three-car garage like mine?

Business sends SOS to state about RTA
More mass transit funds urged, tax on gas suggested

If the Illinois General Assembly does not act immediately to reform and refinance the region's mass transit system, the Chicago area's economic health will be jeopardized, according to an influential group of business leaders.

The state must give the Regional Transportation Authority the power to raise additional revenue, including increasing the sales tax and levying a gasoline tax of up to 5 percent per gallon, the business-backed civic group Chicago Metropolis 2020 said.

"This is a group of business people standing up and saying, 'We're willing to push for additional taxes, including a gas tax.' This is very significant," said George Ranney Jr., Chicago Metropolis' president and CEO.
...

The RTA is asking the state to fill a current shortfall of $226 million and to provide $400 million annually for operations. In addition, $10 billion is needed over the next five years for capital improvements.

Unless the legislature acts by July 1, the RTA said, the CTA, Metra and Pace will begin considering fare hikes and service cuts (Red Line will now run backwards).

Chicago Metropolis' plan proposes seven funding options, including an RTA-imposed gas tax of up to 5 percent.

The plan also proposes an increase the RTA sales tax to 1.25 percent from 1 percent in the CTA service area, and an increase in each of the collar counties from the current quarter percent to at least one-half percent.

But with gasoline prices well over $3 a gallon, Chicago Metropolis' gas tax proposal "could not have come at a worse time," said David Schulz, director of the Infrastructure Technology Institute at Northwestern University.

oh! to be a merry plutocrat...

News item: The firm that plans to redevelop the Old Main Post Office has asked the city to provide 51 meeelllion dollars in tax-increment financing to help cover the cost of converting the massive structure into offices, a hotel and condominiums.

After eight years of planning, Chicago-based Walton Street Capital LLC will present its redevelopment proposal for the Art Deco building to the city’s Community Development Commission at a 1 p.m. meeting Tuesday. Key to Walton Street’s plan is its request for tax-increment financing (TIF), one of the largest such requests in Chicago in the past several years.

If approved by the commission and City Council, the TIF subsidy will cover about 17% of the $310 million in total project cost, according to a report prepared by staff of the Department of Planning and Development.

"Without this assistance, the developer would not achieve reasonable rates of return, and therefore, would not undertake the project," the report says.

Walton Street aims to demolish about 800,000 square feet of the 2.5-million-square-foot structure, which straddles the Congress Parkway and has sat vacant since the U.S. Postal Service moved to another facility inn 1996. The firm plans to convert the building into 450,000 square feet of office space, 300 condominiums and a 236-room hotel.

Downtown condos? A new loop hotel? Offices?? Those never make money... what are they thinking? That wacky, risk-it-all entrepreneurial spirit... thank you you wacky risk-taking plutos! We'd all still be living in teepees if not for your devil-may-care, come-what-may, it's only money wackiness...

...

In a TIF district, property taxes are frozen when the district is created and any incremental increase in property taxes goes into a fund used to pay for infrastructure improvements or to subsidize real estate developments favored by the city. The TIF money for the Post Office would come from the Canal/Congress TIF District.

So how much do the taxpayers get back if the thing makes, like, a beeeelllllion dollars? Nothing to see here, move along, etc.? Dat's my guess...

A blizzard of disinformation from Snow...

So the White House Press Secretary argues that "if you don't request it, you're not going to get it," when asked about his reaction to Governor Sebelius' contention that clean-up and ability to counter-act the consequences stemming from the forces of nature were slowed by the fact that the Kansas National Guard has much of its equipment in Iraq.

Once again, we find an administration much more interested in playing politics than it is in creating positive results. This might work in an election cycle, but it is poor government.

Beyond poor, and, in fact, disgraceful.

Besides, playing politics was bad politics.

Why not instead say, "We are taking steps to insure that whatever is needed now, will be given now. Kansas is hurting, and I suspect, so is Governor Sebelius. Whatever might be said at this time, when feelings are running high and people have been confronted with great tragedy are understandable. Right now we want results, and we will work with the governor to insure that those results are as best as can be gotten now."

The reason that they are only left with politics is because nobody would believe Snow if he said that.

And it would bring up the already spectral form of Katrina. And they've done shit there too.

They can't say what they need to say because their politics has already failed their policy too many times. And they can't back up a statement like that because, simply put, they don't know how.

It's another reminder that Iraq is not the only failing of this administration, it is but the brightest and saddest star in a constellation of failures dating back to that sad day when George W. Bush declared victory in an election for U.S. president in which only nine people voted.

Like other Scalia decisions, this one has sucked.

Now Kansas is another point on that constellation that looks a bit like a dollar sign crossed with a corpse.

mmmmmmmmm, nymphs...

Cicada nymphs can wait no longer

Like a scene from a science-fiction movie, red-eyed insects are popping up now in freshly turned gardens, squirming beneath logs and stones and digging tunnels as they plot their escape.

After a 17-year wait, a few cicadas are making an early break from the subterranean world. If scientific predictions hold, the insects will appear en masse in the Chicago area May 22.
...

Must be a metaphor for something...
Before long, the inch-long nymphs will emerge, find a nearby leaf and molt to become hard-shelled, black adults. They don't bite or damage property, but they'll make a tremendous racket as they desperately look for mates. A few weeks later, they'll die.


Which of the following most closely describes your reaction to them?

• 4.6% Charming (419 responses)
• 30.7% Intriguing (2805 responses)
• 29.0% Annoying (2648 responses)
• 23.6% Disgusting (2153 responses)
• 9.4% Terrifying (861 responses)
• 2.7% Appetizing (249 responses)

9135 total responses
(Poll results not scientific, but idiotic)

the technobots are in our schools

Teaching all the wrong lessons
The Case for Zero Tolerance of Modern School Administrators (cont'd):

Officials announced that a new public school in Peterborough, England, will avoid the problem of playground bullies at recess by having no playground or recess.

There will also be no breaks for refreshments, the officials said, as arrangements will be made for the students to "hydrate during the learning experience."

da next K-Madder?

Listed at SS for Akron, with a .926 OPS...

Designated Hitters
788 B 25 Cle Choy Foo, Rodney

what coulda been for da Cherries

Hughes,Ph 8 0 0 0 4 7

The Economist: stealing Smiff's act

Expect delays

The Chicago Transit Authority (CTA) announced in April that a construction project will cause delays on three rail lines, from now until 2009. As the CTA works to expand capacity on the Brown line, which runs between downtown and the north-west side, it is taking certain tracks out of service, to reconfigure them and rebuild their platforms. The construction will interfere with the Brown, Purple and Red lines, which together serve 185,000 people each day. CTA officials have said that trips on these lines could take up to twice as long as usual, and have recommended that commuters take buses or find alternative routes. The city has hired more bus drivers, anticipating an imminent increase in passengers. Grumpy commuters may or may not be soothed by the promise that, when the expansion is complete, they will enjoy modernised stations and longer trains.

it's not the chill, it's the chilly humidity

Current conditions:

Chicago, 6:04pm: 83º, humidity 19%
San Diego, 4:04pm: 74º, humidity 39% (clammy!)

does "the hand" also inc. earthquakes, floods, tornados, tsunamis, and the Crab Queens bullpen?

SEN. MCCAIN: I believe in evolution. But I also believe, when I hike the Grand Canyon and see it at sunset, that the hand of God is there also.

my favorite response from the Republican "debate"

MR. VANDEHEI: Governor Romney, Daniel Dukovnic from Walnut Creek, California, wants to know: What do you dislike most about America?
MR. ROMNEY: Gosh. I love America. I’m afraid I’m going to be at a loss for words, because America for me is not just our rolling mountains and hills and streams and great cities, it’s the American people. And the American people are the greatest people in the world. What makes America the greatest nation in the world is the heart of the American people -- hard-working, innovative, risk-taking, God-loving, family-oriented American people. It’s that optimism we thank Ronald Reagan for. Thank you, Mrs. Reagan, for opening up this place in his memory for us. It is that optimism about this great people that makes us the greatest nation on Earth.

more progress ahead

U.S. warns of heavier casualties in Iraq

He's talking to you, K-Mad

"There's no cave deep enough for America, or dark enough to hide."--RezzziDUNCE 8/29/02

Uh Oh

According to the St. Petersburg Times, the Devil Rays are expected to recall Chad Orvella from Triple-A to replace Ruddy Lugo on the roster.

Wes Helms: The Immovable Object aka The Booter

After watching him in the field last night, i was left wondering if he more resembles this or this. He almost makes me miss dis guy.

poll finds idiocy rate at a still-troubling 28%

Annudder new Bush low

Krauthammer: snowjobber?

The Surge: First Fruits

"(Democrats) campaigned for changing the course the administration was on last November. Which the president has done."

Yes. We don't just want more of the same, we want LOTS more of the same.

And sit on your stats, you phokking stat-heads. We're taking the fight to the enemy, so if more people start getting killed, it's only evidence that it's working.

Mike Downey

What a fucking moron. He gets paid how much to write crap like this?

words elude me

Erstad gets Pods' spot at leadoff

Our long, national nightmare is finally over.

Roger Clemens is getting a minor league contract from the Yankees, and he expects to make his return to the majors at the end of the month.
Clemens announced his decision during the seventh inning of Sunday's game at Yankee Stadium. Still no details about the contract, though a prorated salary in the $20 million-$24 million range is what was expected.

Stud?

Is this a star or a hot streak?

A lot of people are pointing to his BABIP rate and arguing that Upton has been incredibly lucky so far, and I agree with that. But look at this kid, he's a lot of fun to watch.

Outside of the Cubs, Indians and A's right now, there's no team I'm pulling for more than the Devil Rays.

Cubs did good today to not let a game get away from them. I'm taking that as a positive. Even if it was the gNats...