Why didn't we think of this?

Now on the Twitter: @HOFJoeMorgan

Sample tweets:

Sometimes homeruns are rally killers

The key to hitting a baseball is making good contact

Asian ballplayers don't argue with umps

You know, I've always said the best way to steal second base is to get a nice lead and outrun the throw by the catcher

But i think we could do better.
~

dis figgers

Bring back QT

I have missed QT for the past several days and now find that the column has been discontinued.

QT was one of the highlights of my morning read, and it is inconceivable that your readership will let this pass without comment.

Bring back this wonderful feature!

Kathryn Vanden Berk,
Highland Park

Answer in the print edition: "Thanks for writing."*

*Now go phokk yourself

White House stunned that somebody noticed their fullas#i+ness

White House on scathing memoir by ex-staffer: 'We are puzzled'

White House aides seemed stunned by the scathing tone of the book, and Bush press secretary Dana Perino issued a statement that was highly critical of their former colleague.

"Scott, we now know, is disgruntled about his experience at the White House," she said. "For those of us who fully supported him, before, during and after he was press secretary, we are puzzled. It is sad - this is not the Scott we knew."

Perino said the reports on the book had been described to Bush, and that she did not expect him to comment. "He has more pressing matters than to spend time commenting on books by former staffers," she said. (Also: he can't read -- Ed.)

From the idiots that brought you the Bush Administration:

“market discipline is the most effective tool to limit systemic risk”

They're saying this today. Right now.

Umm, boys? Can we take another look at what's going on? Market discipline? The mind reels...

What is America searching on the 5th Anniversary of Bush's Insanity in the Desert?

Today's Top Searches
1. Miley Cyrus
2. Judy Greer
3. David Archuleta
4. Robot Dogs
5. Edmontosaurus
6. ABBA
7. Anthony Minghella
8. May Pang
9. Bread Pudding Recipe
10. Second Amendment

Why aren't all of these phokking @$$HOLES in prison?

Let's start with this @$$hole:

Rove taunted in Iowa

Former top Bush aide Karl Rove didn’t get the friendliest of receptions at the University of Iowa Sunday, CNN affiliate KCRG reports.

Rove, who was paid $40,000 to speak at the University, was confronted with an at-times hostile crowd of 1,000, and was interrupted on several occasions.

$40,000 to be lied to for an hour? Er, YOU ARE A UNIVERSITY...people learnin' and s#i+...has no one there been reading the papers since January 2001?

in SHOCKING breaking news...

BREAKING NEWS: Ballot shortages reported in some Ohio precincts; polls stay open late

Well, historically speaking, this democracy thing is new. We've only been at this for over 200 years. We will GET 'R DONE eventually. You'll see! You gotta break a few eggs to make an omelet. Or some s#i+... Jesus H. Christ, we SUCK.

Er, and Ohio - WTF? Every freakin' election it's the same thing with you. Is there something in the water in Lake Erie? Someone throw me a bone here... really, why does Ohio suck so much at this voting thing? Fitting that it's the "Mother of Presidents," the "Cradle of Coaches," the "King of the Idiots"....

save time & money: just throw darts

You remember dat "sunny forecast" from da udder day? Not only have we been fogged in for the last two days, but now it's raining. Dat's right, RAINING! (is winter ever going to end? damn dat phokking groundhog!).

The only thing worse than these snake-oil salesmen are economists. Did you see their "forecast" for consumer spending in January? Down 0.3%. What actually happened? Up o.3%. Next month, based on January, they will predict anudder uptick. Which means, the economy will back-slide again.

Is everyone everywhere brain-dead?

If Churchill came back today he would never stop throwing up...

Gandhi 'is myth', Churchill 'made up'
4 Feb 2008, 1830 hrs IST,PTI

LONDON: Mahatma Gandhi never existed while Britain's wartime Prime Minister Sir Winston Churchill was a fictional character. Don't fret. This is only what most Britons think about the great leaders.

According to a survey carried out in Britain, many believe that Mahatma Gandhi and Churchill are just mythical figures like Florence Nightingale, popularly known as the 'Lady with the Lamp'.

In fact, almost a quarter of the population have the popular notion that Churchill, "the greatest Briton of all time", was made up.

Moreover, despite his celebrated military reputation, 47 per cent of respondents feel the 12th-century English King Richard the Lionheart is fictional, according to the survey of 3,000 British teens.

In contrast, a number of fictitious characters like Sherlock Holmes, King Arthur and Eleanor Rigby were given real life status.

While almost 65 per cent of respondents believe that mythical figure King Arthur existed and led a round table of knights at Camelot, 58 per cent of teens think that Holmes really lived at 221B Baker Street.

Fifty-one per cent of respondents believed that Robin Hood lived in Sherwood Forest, robbing the rich to give to the poor, while 47 per cent believed Eleanor Rigby was a real person rather than a creation of The Beatles.

The poll also revealed that nearly three quarters of those surveyed did not read history books while and 61 per cent admitted that they changed channels rather than watching historical programmes on television.

"While there's no excuse for demoting real historical figures such as Churchill, the elevation of mythical figures to real life showed the impact good films could have in shaping the public consciousness.

"Stories like Robin Hood are so inspiring that it's not surprising people like to believe these characters truly existed," the British media quoted Paul Moreton, the Head of UKTV Gold channel, which commissioned the poll, as saying.

This looks about right...

Notice the absence of Africa...

another possibility: they're both "idiots"

News item: Romney, McCain accuse each other of being "liberal"

The Brain-Dead GMs Steel Cage Death Match

Astros GM Ed Wade is in Los Angeles talking to free agents Kaz Matsui and Randy Wolf. It seems that the Astros and Matsui aren't quite as close to a deal as Tracy Ringolsby and Richard Justice indicated last night, so maybe the Cubs could still steal him away.

Pizza Man vs. Dead Weight: A Battle of Idiots for the Ages. Who is going to be the first to say "I am a moron" and sign Matsui to HYOOOGE contract he doesn't deserve? I mean, the guy had a couple of good months playing in Colorado. Before dat he totally sucked with the Mets, who traded him to the Rockies for--are you ready for this?--Eli Marrero. Do Messrs. Henry and Wade not have access to, i dunno, baseball-reference.com? Am i the only who can find this on the internets? Well, if anyone in the World Series-free (since 1908) organizations spent 5 minutes to look at his stats they would find his gawdawful road numbers for 2006-07: .260/.293/.397 & .249/.304/.333. He's the same player he was with the Mets: not good and now older. Is there some kind of aspiring GM-school these guys go to and have their brains removed before embarking on their careers? The Cubs and Asstros would get similar (or better) production out of players they are already have (Chris Burke, The Riot &tc.). And why don't the Cubs just play Eric Patterson for crying out loud? The mind boggles with how idiotic these idiots truly are...

Too busy watching "Ow, My Balls"?

Americans Are Closing the Book on Reading, Study Finds

Americans aren't just reading fewer books, but are reading less and less of everything, in any medium. That's the doleful conclusion of "To Read or Not to Read," a report scheduled for release today by the National Endowment for the Arts.

Note to the brainiacs at NEA: we have our own art, which our lives frequently imitate.

ok, first up, these 40%...

News Item: Survey finds that 40 percent of Americans favor the government's occasional use of torture.

they must know he's one of Decker's...

According to Tracy Ringolsby*, the Giants have "let it be known that Tim Lincecum, their No. 1 pick in 2006, can be had for a quality bat."

Hmmm, unless it's Miguel Cabrera, this would be an incredibly stupid thing to do. Of course, this is Brian Sabean* we're dealing with (see ridiculous Barry Zito signing), so anything possible. Cabrera might be too young for Sabean - maybe he could get Moises Alou back from the Mets? What's Willie McCovey up to (they have his cove right there in right field!). Meanwhile, he's considering bringing Omar Vizquel back for not one, but two years...

*moron

and don't get them started on that "phokking bitch" Mother Theresa

China says Canada-Dalai Lama meeting "disgusting"

Cedric Benson rips Corms, Fung, Decker, udder idiot Bears' fanz

Following another sub par performance Sunday (sez you), Cedric Benson lashed out at critics.
"I've been hearing a lot of people criticize and talk stuff. They're not watching the games or the plays. They're just throwing out criticism. Do I need to run with more of a burst? No. And [expletive] [phokk?] them. So I guess I'm getting to the hole and walking through the hole, right."

I'm wif Sir Cedric on dis one, knowing the focus group that is talking stuff. You guys might want to spend more time watching the game and less time with your faces buried in a bag of Doritos...

This was surprising to them?

Steve Trachesel's poor performance Sunday has put his spot in the rotation in jeopardy. "We have to think about this," Cubs' manager Lou Piniella said. "I don't know what we're going to do. We'll know in the next couple of days. There's no sense in rushing into any decisions about anything."

a book? uh, what's that?

One in four Americans say they read no books in 2006

whose bulb is dimmest?

My money is still on Sullivan.