Showing posts with label stooooooopid. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stooooooopid. Show all posts
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
We are living in a (g)olden age (cont)
BBC News - Defecating dog sparks US shootout
Two neighbours in the US state of Mississippi (shocking - ed) drew weapons and fired at each other as an argument over a defecating dog ran out of control.
Associated Press news agency (aka librul news media - ed) said Jerry Blasingame, 60, has been charged with assault for shooting Terry Tehnet, 52, with a shotgun.
Mr Tehnet was angry because he thought Mr Blasingame's dog had defecated (damn SAT words from the librul news media again - ed) on his lawn, in a rural part of the state (there's an urban part? - ed).
Mr Tehnet, whose injuries are not life-threatening, may also be charged.
The two men gave AP different versions of what happened.
'Meet me at the levee'Mr Tehnet said he visited his neighbour to complain about dog "poop" (shit - ed) on his property.
Mr Blasingame blamed him for shooting his dog the week before, Mr Tehnet said, and told him: "Just meet me at the levee and I'll shoot you down." (aka "second amendment remedy" - ed)
Mr Blasingame told AP he got his gun and drove off but Mr Tehnet did not follow so he returned to the neighbourhood.
The two men confronted one another again and each claimed the other produced a weapon first.
"He shot twice, I returned fire," said Mr Blasingame.
Mr Tehnet said Mr Blasingame opened fire first with his shotgun so he took his pistol from his car and fired back.
He said he was hit in both hands, the shoulder, chest and side by shotgun pellets, AP reported.
Washington County Chief Deputy Sheriff Billy Barber said: "Homeowners and property owners need to respect each other's property... If a dog did that in your yard, call the law. Don't take matters into your own hands."
Monday, February 14, 2011
Dumb Criminals (cont)
Cops: Teen kills fish to eliminate ‘witnesses’ — Arlington Heights news, photos and events — TribLocal.com
A 16-year-old from Arlington Heights who burglarized an apartment with two friends killed three fish by pouring condiments in their bowl because he didn’t want to leave any witnesses, police said.
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.
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The one teen told police that upon leaving the scene, he said to his friends, “We can’t let them live, they’re witnesses,” officers said.
“He wasn’t remorseful,” criminal investigations Sgt. Mike Hernandez said. “It was disturbing. Certainly something they didn’t need to do.”
From Corporal's home town, no less. Clearly they've been watching too much CSI...
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Which does the Chicago Tribune imitate less convincingly, the Onion or a real newspaper?
Iconic '90s Onion front page:
"New President feels Nation's pain, breasts"
Chicago Tribune front page today:
"TSA feels your pain, but..."
"New President feels Nation's pain, breasts"
Chicago Tribune front page today:
"TSA feels your pain, but..."
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Brain-Dead Americans (cont)
So I got this joke in my inbox of my emails on the Internets...
What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common?
They are both in danger of being beaten to death by a Norwegian with a club !
'Course, she's a SWEDE, but you know, don't let FACTS get in the way of a lame joke. Besides, who even knows the difference between Norway and Sweden? Aren't they, like, in Finland or something? No, that's Denmark...
What do baby seals and Tiger Woods have in common?
They are both in danger of being beaten to death by a Norwegian with a club !
'Course, she's a SWEDE, but you know, don't let FACTS get in the way of a lame joke. Besides, who even knows the difference between Norway and Sweden? Aren't they, like, in Finland or something? No, that's Denmark...
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Why didn't I think of that?
Taiwanese online hunk lures 20 women into bed
With his dad, who turns out to be him
A Taiwanese man has been cuffed for allegedly posing online as a "youthful male model" and persuading up to 20 females to have sex with his father, the China Daily reports.
Hsu Shian-ming's internet pitch got a lively response from women "interested in romantic liaisons". The 55-year-old scammer convinced his victims that his old man was suffering from prostate cancer - a condition which meant he needed constant sex to stay alive.
The angels of mercy obliged, administering life-saving treatment to dad in various Taipei hotels. Pop's cancer was evidently serious, because the women were "persuaded into unconventional sex acts varying from putting foreign objects in their private parts, anal sex, or threesomes", the China Daily indelicately puts it.
The wheels came off the audacious ruse after one of the women failed in her attempts to meet the son.
She called in private investigators who revealed that father and son were one and the same person. Police arrested Hsu on Saturday, and a subsequent search of his house revealed "dozens" of photos of the handsome young man used as bait.
They also found "hundreds of female pictures each with detailed descriptions on the back". During his medical treatment, Hsu had photographed his victims nude, then used the snaps to "threaten them into doing future sex favours".
Hsu allegedly also relieved his targets of cash and goods to the value of 200m Taiwan New Dollars (£3,725,000).
The worst hit was "a cougar surnamed Yu", who handed over gifts including seven iPhones, a £1,862 monthly allowance, diamond and pearl necklaces, a Porsche, and a "limited-edition watch valued at a staggering £145,000".
Hsu, described by police as a "divorced bald man" and "physically unattractive", faces five years in jail on each of multiple fraud raps. ®
With his dad, who turns out to be him
A Taiwanese man has been cuffed for allegedly posing online as a "youthful male model" and persuading up to 20 females to have sex with his father, the China Daily reports.
Hsu Shian-ming's internet pitch got a lively response from women "interested in romantic liaisons". The 55-year-old scammer convinced his victims that his old man was suffering from prostate cancer - a condition which meant he needed constant sex to stay alive.
The angels of mercy obliged, administering life-saving treatment to dad in various Taipei hotels. Pop's cancer was evidently serious, because the women were "persuaded into unconventional sex acts varying from putting foreign objects in their private parts, anal sex, or threesomes", the China Daily indelicately puts it.
The wheels came off the audacious ruse after one of the women failed in her attempts to meet the son.
She called in private investigators who revealed that father and son were one and the same person. Police arrested Hsu on Saturday, and a subsequent search of his house revealed "dozens" of photos of the handsome young man used as bait.
They also found "hundreds of female pictures each with detailed descriptions on the back". During his medical treatment, Hsu had photographed his victims nude, then used the snaps to "threaten them into doing future sex favours".
Hsu allegedly also relieved his targets of cash and goods to the value of 200m Taiwan New Dollars (£3,725,000).
The worst hit was "a cougar surnamed Yu", who handed over gifts including seven iPhones, a £1,862 monthly allowance, diamond and pearl necklaces, a Porsche, and a "limited-edition watch valued at a staggering £145,000".
Hsu, described by police as a "divorced bald man" and "physically unattractive", faces five years in jail on each of multiple fraud raps. ®
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Friday, February 27, 2009
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
How to Flush MEEEEEEEllions Down da Terlet
Wouldn't trust him to take the garbage to the curb:
SI.com's Jon Heyman believes the Mets and free agent Oliver Perez are too far apart in negotiations for a deal to be reached. Heyman lists the Brewers, Dodgers, Reds and perhaps the Mariners as potential suitors for Perez. He's believed to want $14 million per season for five years.
Half of the 5 years will be spent on the D.L.:
Yankees signed RHP A.J. Burnett, who had been with the Blue Jays, to a five-year, $82.5 million contract. The Yanks announcing a big contract six days after it was agreed to is actually pretty good for them. Most players have to wait weeks. The details of Burnett's deal still aren't known, such as the annual salary breakdown and what kind of no-trade protection he received. He will average $16.5 million per season, which is a nice raise from the $12 million per year that he would have earned in the final two seasons of his contract with the Jays.
Didn't he like totally suck last year:
According to SI.com's Jon Heyman's, Andy "Pettitte's people apparently are telling folks he has a $36 million, three-year offer" from an unnamed team. A rather odd line. Pettitte's "people" are the Hendricks brothers, unless Heyman is using the word to refer a group other than his agents, and they haven't gone public with much of anything regarding the Pettitte negotiations. This could be nothing more than an attempt to get the Yankees to boost their offer. Pettitte wants to stay in New York, and he hasn't gone looking for a multiyear deal since leaving Houston.
And the coup de grâce, the drunk, gutless, neverwuz... Royals GM Dayton Moore must have reached this decison thusly: "Hmmm, I've heard of him...he's still in major league baseball, right?...a proven veteran...sold!"
Royals agreed to terms with RHP Kyle Farnsworth, who had been with the Tigers, on a two-year, $9.25 million contract with a club option for 2011. We'll be generous and say Farnsworth is just as good of a bet as Ramon Ramirez for next year, even though Ramirez was the far better pitcher last season. That would essentially mean that the Royals are paying $9.25 million for Coco Crisp. After all, Ramirez was going to make about $500,000, while Crisp comes in at $5.5 million. Farnsworth will get $4.25 million next year and $4.5 million in 2010. There's a $5.25 million option for 2011 with a $500,000 buyout. It's a ridiculous sum for a small-market team to be spending on a reliever who has graded out as below average each of the last three seasons.
~
SI.com's Jon Heyman believes the Mets and free agent Oliver Perez are too far apart in negotiations for a deal to be reached. Heyman lists the Brewers, Dodgers, Reds and perhaps the Mariners as potential suitors for Perez. He's believed to want $14 million per season for five years.
Half of the 5 years will be spent on the D.L.:
Yankees signed RHP A.J. Burnett, who had been with the Blue Jays, to a five-year, $82.5 million contract. The Yanks announcing a big contract six days after it was agreed to is actually pretty good for them. Most players have to wait weeks. The details of Burnett's deal still aren't known, such as the annual salary breakdown and what kind of no-trade protection he received. He will average $16.5 million per season, which is a nice raise from the $12 million per year that he would have earned in the final two seasons of his contract with the Jays.
Didn't he like totally suck last year:
According to SI.com's Jon Heyman's, Andy "Pettitte's people apparently are telling folks he has a $36 million, three-year offer" from an unnamed team. A rather odd line. Pettitte's "people" are the Hendricks brothers, unless Heyman is using the word to refer a group other than his agents, and they haven't gone public with much of anything regarding the Pettitte negotiations. This could be nothing more than an attempt to get the Yankees to boost their offer. Pettitte wants to stay in New York, and he hasn't gone looking for a multiyear deal since leaving Houston.
And the coup de grâce, the drunk, gutless, neverwuz... Royals GM Dayton Moore must have reached this decison thusly: "Hmmm, I've heard of him...he's still in major league baseball, right?...a proven veteran...sold!"
Royals agreed to terms with RHP Kyle Farnsworth, who had been with the Tigers, on a two-year, $9.25 million contract with a club option for 2011. We'll be generous and say Farnsworth is just as good of a bet as Ramon Ramirez for next year, even though Ramirez was the far better pitcher last season. That would essentially mean that the Royals are paying $9.25 million for Coco Crisp. After all, Ramirez was going to make about $500,000, while Crisp comes in at $5.5 million. Farnsworth will get $4.25 million next year and $4.5 million in 2010. There's a $5.25 million option for 2011 with a $500,000 buyout. It's a ridiculous sum for a small-market team to be spending on a reliever who has graded out as below average each of the last three seasons.
~
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Who needs raving lunatics, the mentally challenged, or MORANS when there is the punditry class?
The 10 Worst Predictions for 2008
Prognostication is by far the riskiest form of punditry. The 10 commentators and leaders on this list learned that the hard way when their confident predictions about politics, war, the economy, and even the end of humanity itself completely missed the mark.
1. “If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she’s going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her, then. … Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single Democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.” —William Kristol, Fox News Sunday, Dec. 17, 2006
Weekly Standard editor and New York Times columnist William Kristol was hardly alone in thinking that the Democratic primary was Clinton’s to lose, but it takes a special kind of self-confidence to make a declaration this sweeping more than a year before the first Iowa caucus was held. After Iowa, Kristol lurched to the other extreme, declaring that Clinton would lose New Hampshire and that “There will be no Clinton Restoration.” It’s also worth pointing out that this second wildly premature prediction was made in a Times column titled, “President Mike Huckabee?” The Times is currently rumored to be looking for his replacement.
~
Prognostication is by far the riskiest form of punditry. The 10 commentators and leaders on this list learned that the hard way when their confident predictions about politics, war, the economy, and even the end of humanity itself completely missed the mark.
1. “If [Hillary Clinton] gets a race against John Edwards and Barack Obama, she’s going to be the nominee. Gore is the only threat to her, then. … Barack Obama is not going to beat Hillary Clinton in a single Democratic primary. I’ll predict that right now.” —William Kristol, Fox News Sunday, Dec. 17, 2006
Weekly Standard editor and New York Times columnist William Kristol was hardly alone in thinking that the Democratic primary was Clinton’s to lose, but it takes a special kind of self-confidence to make a declaration this sweeping more than a year before the first Iowa caucus was held. After Iowa, Kristol lurched to the other extreme, declaring that Clinton would lose New Hampshire and that “There will be no Clinton Restoration.” It’s also worth pointing out that this second wildly premature prediction was made in a Times column titled, “President Mike Huckabee?” The Times is currently rumored to be looking for his replacement.
~
Monday, December 8, 2008
Brain-Dead Quinquagenarians (soon): The Dumbering
I blame society.
If the data are objectively assessed, which age-slice of today's working-age adults really does deserve to be called the dumbest generation?
The answer may surprise you. No, it's not today's college-age kids, nor even today's family-starting 30-somethings. And no, it's not the 60-year-olds who once grooved at Woodstock. Instead, it's Americans in their 40s, especially their late 40s -- those born from the late 1950s to the mid-1960s.
If the data are objectively assessed, which age-slice of today's working-age adults really does deserve to be called the dumbest generation?
The answer may surprise you. No, it's not today's college-age kids, nor even today's family-starting 30-somethings. And no, it's not the 60-year-olds who once grooved at Woodstock. Instead, it's Americans in their 40s, especially their late 40s -- those born from the late 1950s to the mid-1960s.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Anudder heartwarming holiday tale...
Hey kids: BLAMMO!
Motive still unclear in Toys "R'' Us fatal shootings
Moreno and Meza apparently shot each other, as evidenced by two guns recovered near their bodies and eyewitness accounts. The store reopened Saturday with extra security on hand.
Witnesses said the men were with two women who got into a fight that escalated into the fatal shootings, which sent terrified shoppers and their children scrambling for safety.
“I think the obvious question everyone has is who takes loaded weapons into a Toys R Us?” Ferguson said. “I doubt it was the casual holiday shopper."
~
Motive still unclear in Toys "R'' Us fatal shootings
Moreno and Meza apparently shot each other, as evidenced by two guns recovered near their bodies and eyewitness accounts. The store reopened Saturday with extra security on hand.
Witnesses said the men were with two women who got into a fight that escalated into the fatal shootings, which sent terrified shoppers and their children scrambling for safety.
“I think the obvious question everyone has is who takes loaded weapons into a Toys R Us?” Ferguson said. “I doubt it was the casual holiday shopper."
~
Ever wonder why i'm named Smith?
Plaxico Burress reportedly sought treatment for his gunshot wound Friday night by checking himself into a hospital under the codename "Harris Smith."
Plax also allegedly told medical staff at New York-Cornell Hospital that he'd been shot at an Applebee's. Hospital workers immediately recognized him and did not report the injury to authorities, putting them at risk of legal action. Police found Burress' gun after searching his home with him not present.
~
Plax also allegedly told medical staff at New York-Cornell Hospital that he'd been shot at an Applebee's. Hospital workers immediately recognized him and did not report the injury to authorities, putting them at risk of legal action. Police found Burress' gun after searching his home with him not present.
~
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz(cont)
Joe the Plumber to become Joe the Published, after book deal
Can we buy this book, get together and burn it? We should all gather in a field in Ohio and burn it. We should all be there too. No excuses. Bring the kids too.
Can we buy this book, get together and burn it? We should all gather in a field in Ohio and burn it. We should all be there too. No excuses. Bring the kids too.
Friday, November 14, 2008
dis figgers
Bring back QT
I have missed QT for the past several days and now find that the column has been discontinued.
QT was one of the highlights of my morning read, and it is inconceivable that your readership will let this pass without comment.
Bring back this wonderful feature!
Kathryn Vanden Berk,
Highland Park
Answer in the print edition: "Thanks for writing."*
*Now go phokk yourself
I have missed QT for the past several days and now find that the column has been discontinued.
QT was one of the highlights of my morning read, and it is inconceivable that your readership will let this pass without comment.
Bring back this wonderful feature!
Kathryn Vanden Berk,
Highland Park
Answer in the print edition: "Thanks for writing."*
*Now go phokk yourself
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I heard George Halas sent him a box of chocolates
Sports reporter's Singletary goof mortifies Fox
In addition to the postgame fire and brimstone that has made him a YouTube legend already, new 49ers coach Mike Singletary was part of another moment Sunday that's a video sensation. During a pregame interview, Fox Sports sideline reporter Danyelle Sargent asked him: "I heard your mentor Bill Walsh was one of the first phone calls that you made when you found out that you had the job. What does it mean to you to coach the 49ers?" Singletary was understandably tongue-tied, since Walsh died in July 2007. Fox producers were understandably mortified and didn't air that portion of the interview. But the clip was part of the "open feed" that news organizations access. Sargent has earned Internet infamy before; in 2006, she cursed on the air, thinking her microphone was off.
~
In addition to the postgame fire and brimstone that has made him a YouTube legend already, new 49ers coach Mike Singletary was part of another moment Sunday that's a video sensation. During a pregame interview, Fox Sports sideline reporter Danyelle Sargent asked him: "I heard your mentor Bill Walsh was one of the first phone calls that you made when you found out that you had the job. What does it mean to you to coach the 49ers?" Singletary was understandably tongue-tied, since Walsh died in July 2007. Fox producers were understandably mortified and didn't air that portion of the interview. But the clip was part of the "open feed" that news organizations access. Sargent has earned Internet infamy before; in 2006, she cursed on the air, thinking her microphone was off.
~
Thursday, October 23, 2008
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