"'Fighting Is What Redneck People Do," Explained Drunk Guy Who Shot Lawnmower..."

The article doesn't explain what his lawnmower did to piss him off.

Maybe ... best line ever.

"I didn’t want to wake up tied to a tree, being invited to squeal like a little piggy for the entertainment of a 20-year-old psychopath in giant dun­ga­rees, with three teeth in his head and a bitter hatred of anyone who wasn’t also a 30-stone homophobic racist who shot at things he didn’t understand."

oh, whitey... (cont'd)

'Stunned' white supremacists keep low profile in campaign

"There's a real problem," White said in the interview last month, "in what's called the 'white movement.' One, there's a lot of people who are just mentally ill, and we deal with those a lot. No. 2, there are people who have serious sexual problems."

Sure, pick on the Republicans while they're down...

quit making sweeping generalizations about rednecks

He's writing to the Economist, but he might as well be talking to the elitist effete snobs at LoC.

SIR - In America, the redneck is not as homogeneous as Bagehot presumes. In Sarah Palin's state of Alaska, there are only two species of tree squirrel. They are both classified as "fur" animals: one has a very minimal amount of meat and the other is nocturnal. Hunting for either, while legal, is non-existent. Consequently, if you did come across someone eating "squirrel gumbo" it would be a very rare occurrence indeed.

By the way, gumbo is a dish of the American South, and is thus less likely to be found on the table of an Alaskan redneck than bear bourguignon.

stupid: the noun, or, crackers who don't care how flamboyantly America fails as long as they get to keep their guns

They're real patriotic down deres in Pennsylvania, though maybe not real crowded wif brainzzz (Philadelphia and Pittsburgh with Alabama in between, as Carville described it).

Even with little enthusiasm, Brandenburg — a Democrat — is sticking with his party. But plenty of his friends in southwestern Pennsylvania are very enthusiastic about Sarah Palin.

"There's a lot of them who are going to vote for her and McCain because of the hunting issue," he said.

So let's see... the national debt is $3279 for every man woman and child in America (if we all became $100-an-hour hookers we'd all have to work 33 hours straight in order to pay it off, in case you're trying to visualize it), we're getting our asses kicked in Iraq and Afghanistan now with Pakistan soon to follow, Iran and Norf Korea are waving their nukyalar weapons under our noses, the whole economy is going down the tubes, the dollar is losing value against Monopoly money, not to mention the accelerating extinction of all insects, plants, amphibians, and mammals on the planet, the possibility of an all-Chicago World Series, and all they're interested in is which candidate is more likely to embrace their God-given right to blow the brains out of God's little creatures (cuz they're, like, Christians an' s#i+)? Well, that explains... everything.

Be Very Afraid

Why rednecks may rule the world

The fact is that we American rednecks embrace the term in a sort of proud defiance.

Yes, just like black people embracing the term "nigga" is a sort of proud defiance.

white Southern Scots-Irish values - redneck values.

So the English are the aristocratic "uppity" ones then? (see below)

We come in one size: extra large

We fry things nobody ever considered friable - things like cupcakes, banana sandwiches and batter dipped artificial cheese…even pickles

Anyone think these two statements are related?

And most of all we are defiant and suspicious of authority, and people who are "uppity" (sophisticated) and "slick" (people who use words with more than three syllables). Two should be enough for anybody.

There's that uppity word again - will they ever learn?

We all understand that there is a political class which dominates in America, and that Sarah Palin for damned sure is not one of them. And the more she is attacked by liberal Democratic elements (translation: elite highly-educated big city people) the more America's working mooks will come to her defence. Her daughter had a baby out of wedlock? Big deal. What family has not? She is a Christian fundamentalist who believes God spat on his beefy paws and made the world in seven days? So do at least 150 million other Americans. She snowmobiles and fishes and she is a looker to boot. She's a redneck.

What they fail to understand is that once they vote in rednecks, they'll turn into those elites that they so hate. Except they aren't that smart. Those you vote in, that is. So you'll hate them, and they'll phokk things up to boot.

Smiff is back and he has this off-shore drilling thing all figured out

It's simple: states filled with dumb-ass crackers who voted for George W. Bush twice and will most likely vote for John W. McBush will get the off-shore drilling. So that will most likely be the entire coastline of Alaska and from Brownsville to Norfolk. And none of this "150 miles from the coast" bullshit. I say, a mile from the coast with an oil rig every mile. Even if it's shown there's no oil there, you get a fucking oil rig there anyway.

Meanwhile, the northeast and from San Diego to Seattle will remain pristine because these places weren't dumb enough to vote for the troglodyte homunculus and the guy who forgets to put on his pants.
~

Kentucky: the new Sodom and/or Gomorrah

Smiff tried to warn em...

Beshear routs Fletcher in the race for governor of Kentucky

Hello friends this is Pat Boone a fellow Kentuckian by descent from grandaddy Dan’l. I’ve always been proud of Kentucky’s stance on patriotic, military and moral issues; a great heritage. Now, as an American and a Christian I am very conservative about the upcoming governor’s election. Ernie Fletcher is a typical Kentuckian, he’s worked long and hard for the state, its people, and its traditions. And, of course, he has come under attack by political opponents and now he faces a man who wants his job who has consistently supported every homosexual cause: same sex marriage, gay adoption, special rights, to gay, lesbian, bisexual, even transgender individuals.

The problem (inaudible [probably something dirty]) gay advocacy groups (inaudible [probably something DELIGHTFULLY filthy]) enthusiastically endorse Beshear, knowing he’s their guy. Kentuckians have already voted to amend the state constitution to prohibit same sex marriage. Now, do you want governor who’d like Kentucky to be like another San Francisco? (Apparently so -- ed.) Please reelect Ernie Fletcher.

This message paid for by the Kentucky Republican Party. Now go phokk yourself.

prepare to be shocked again (cont'd)

Cheney Visits Hunting Lodge That Hangs The Confederate Flag

We know who to blame.

These are the people responsible for Bush being presidunce.