Jesse White Tumbles

Notice how eagerly he backpedals when faced with the horrific prospect of being the last one with his integrity intact...

Reid and Durbin said Burris' certificate, since it lacks White's signature, violates a Senate rule that has been in place since the 19th century.

"This has been a rule in the United States Senate since 1884," Durbin said. "We have never, ever (ever, ever, ever... ed.) waived this rule for any election or appointment.

"Everyone has to present a certificate, signed by the governor, cosigned by the secretary of state. ... So it's an important rule and one not easily challenged or changed," said Durbin, who noted that he has known Burris for decades.

White, however, disputed the claim that his signature was needed on Burris' certificate, saying Wednesday that he was the "fall guy" for politicians who oppose Burris.

"They could have seated him without my signature," White told WGN Radio. "It carries a lot of weight, but my signature is mostly ceremonial rather than being a point of law."

In other words, my opposition was strictly symbolic, not meant to be taken seriously, nothing to see here (move along), hey where are you guys going, don't leave me standing here, etc. etc.

The Final Outrage

Buffalo loses to UConn 38-20 in the International Bowl in Toronto (the MAC now losing in foreign countries), to bring their conference bowl record to 0-4.

Meanwhile, after Ohio St. loses to Texas, the Big Ten will finish at 1-6 (and that doesn't even include Michigan, who sucked so bad they didn't qualify for a bowl).

Resolved: the Midwest needs to take a break from college football next year.

~

Wait til next year... maybe the year after... or, When Cupcakes Attack

Portland St. 79, N. Illinois 58

At least it can't get any worse, right?

NIU plays host Alaska-Anchorage on Friday.

You know your tournament sucks when...

...you have to invite the Huskies.

Great Alaska Shootout struggles to attract elite teams
Years ago, the Great Alaska Shootout was one of the country's premier Thanksgiving basketball tournaments, attracting many of the nation's best teams.

Today, it's struggling to stay afloat.

High-profile teams earning more and more to play at a ballooning number of similar tournaments threaten the 30-year-old Shootout like never before. Since 2004, the number of exempt tournaments has nearly tripled from 28 to 82.

It's why UAF's Top of the World Classic folded last month. And it's why this year's Shootout has its weakest field ever, with San Diego State, Portland State, Hampton, Northern Illinois, Louisiana Tech and Western Carolina joining UAA...
~

Things That Suck: The Los Angeles Dodgers

suction (things that suck)

5:17 PM me: Brett Myers? SUCKS.
Kevin: not now - working on inspiring LoC post...
democracy hangs in the balance...
must... save... the people...
5:18 PM me: i'll say, it could all hinge on that post
Kevin: i phink so
5:27 PM me: fuckface working on a 9 hitter thru 4 IP
Steve Carlton he ain't
Kevin: he's crafty
me: anudder big fly for Howard
5:34 PM me: shockingly, assface gives up another run
also, Big Z: the big sucking
5:35 PM Kevin: you're just setting yourself up for a spectacular phillytastic disappointment
5:36 PM me: total body weight loss tomorrow:
The Brewers will have Yovani Gallardo start Thursday's game against the Reds.T
BOOM
Kevin: yes
5:37 PM me: GUONE:
- C. Durbin relieved B. Myers
Kevin: bout phokking time
5:43 PM me: well now, you laid America bare wiff dat last post
5:47 PM apparently, David Letterman is going to crush McCain for cancelling on him
also, this just in: i am going the fuck home
5:48 PM zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Kevin: bout phokking time
i did didnt i?
me: then there's this crap:
- C. Durbin relieved B. Myers
- C. Ruiz catching
- O. Infante reached on fielder's choice, B. McCann scored, C. Kotchman to second on first baseman R. Howard's throwing error
- J. Francoeur struck out swinging
- B. Jones singled to left, C. Kotchman scored, O. Infante to second
fuck it, i'm gone
5:48 PM Kevin: shocking
da phokking thing SUCKS
~~~~~
7:23 PM me: Jeff Samardzija SUCKS
Kevin: smiff is angry?
me: YOU SUCK
Kevin: me?
YOU suck
7:24 PM me: EVERYTHING SUCKS
Kevin: on this we can agree
7:25 PM me: but at least i didn't watch President SUCKS
7:26 PM Kevin: mccain is: a) senile b) insane c) drunk d) a titanic asshole on a gargantuan scale of yoogeness e) all of the above
7:31 PM me: liar? no lying liar deres?
7:32 PM Kevin: guess dat poll needs some shakin up an some fixin
7:35 PM me: Couric: I’m just going to ask you one more time - not to belabor the point. Specific examples in his 26 years of pushing for more regulation.
Palin: I’ll try to find you some and I’ll bring them to you.
Kevin: to be fair, i would have flubbed that question too
7:45 PM me: Bob Howry about to SUCK
next job for Bush: new GM of the Detroit Lions
7:46 PM Kevin: that would be a black hole of suck
7:52 PM me: Mets SUCK AGAIN. Runner at 3rd, no outs, don't score.
Kevin: its like they had persistent SUCKS
7:53 PM me: Ramon Castro WHIFFS wiff bases loaded
7:54 PM This just in:
your Chicago White Sox SUCK
Kevin: massively
me: SWEPT by the Pirahnas (wrong again--ed.)
Did Ozzie make a choking sign after the game?
7:56 PM Kevin: why were they in first to begin with?
me: KO replacing McCain on Letterman tonight
Kevin: yeah dat sounds good
me: more news on Palin's witch doctor
Kevin: dat dude sounds purdy creepy
7:57 PM me: he's the Alan Keyes of witch doctors
Kevin: i phink dat nails it
8:02 PM me: speaking of SUCKING:
Homunculi in 5th
Kevin: yeah dat totally sucks...
8:05 PM me: McCain took time out of his day to meet with Lady de Rothschilde
who SUCKS
Kevin: but is not an elitist
8:07 PM me: Mets' Luis Ayala SUCKS
Kevin: you really hate the mets
8:10 PM me: something that doesn't suck: this tasty $7 pinot
WAH ROH:
Wootz is in...
8:11 PM Kevin: youre missing a delightful phokking merlot here
me: Oct 16th: lots of drinking begins
Kevin: will the living envy the dead?
me: a good chance
8:16 PM Mets lose - THEY SUCK
8:17 PM Kevin: toad ya
8:20 PM me: 54,416 LOSER Muts fanz
Kevin: its shocking how much they suck
8:21 PM you cant blame them for wanting to squeeze in one last visit to shangri-la
me: aka The DUMP
8:24 PM Holy Crap:
8:25 PM Phil Hughes pitched well tonight
Kevin: expect something gruesome
8:33 PM me: here's a surprise:
Jonathon Sanchez totally SUCKED tonight
Kevin: we hatesez him
8:49 PM me: the Fant Effect: every player i've picked up this month has gotten inured:
Willy Taveras is done for the season because of a stress fracture in his right lower leg.
Kevin: how is smiff to blame?
me: i know you?
Kevin: dat would do it
8:56 PM me: in related news:
Cameron Maybin left Wednesday’s game in the sixth inning due to a stiff left hip.
8:57 PM Kevin: are wheelchairs allowed on the field?
me: not yet
Kevin: shit
8:58 PM me: Bush: "business that make bad decisions should fail"...like ALL of his businesses, inc. his presidency - WHAT A PHOKKING MORON
he SSSSSSSSSSSSSSUCKS
8:59 PM Kevin: it makes my head want to explode
9:00 PM me: K. Correia: 1 IP, 6 runs...all YOU
Kevin: i guess... he was so last year tho
9:16 PM me: Yahoo SUCKS
Kevin: now what?
9:17 PM me: fantasy section is down
9:18 PM Kevin: dats ok - letterman is HATING on mccain
and here comes ko
9:19 PM me: YAY
9:21 PM Kevin: letterman: "this just stinks..."
9:42 PM me: Yahoo still SUCKS
9:43 PM Kevin: no question

Fun Horror Facts

AAA Catcher leads the Andersonville Horror in OPS. MI@@Y Montero is 2nd.

AAA Pitcher leads the team in walks, losses, and runs allowed. He is second in appearances (behind Joe Smiff!). He has stepped on a rake, fallen down the dugout steps, punched 23 Gatorade buckets, fallen from the upper deck, been run over by a bus, attacked by penguins, suffered a season-long imbalance of the humours, stapled his hand to a rosin bag, squirted suntan lotion into his eye, and been attacked by crabs, but has not spent a day on the disabled list.

War Isn't News

"If I were to watch the news that you hear here in the United States, I would just blow my brains out because it would drive me nuts."
-- Lara Logan, chief foreign correspondent for CBS News

Why does Lara hate free markets? The media give the people what they want, and war is really depressing. (And the people are pretty stupid.)

The New York Mets Suck (cont'd)

The Phillies aren't exactly tearing it up right now, but at least they lose to good teams. The Mets tonight were pummeled 11-0 at home by the worst team in baseball. The opposing pitcher: R.A. Dickey--yes, that R.A. Dickey. Even better, 49,386 idiotic, drooling troglodyte homunculi witnessed the ass-walloping.

R.A. Dickey blanked the Mets for seven innings on Tuesday night as the Mariners cruised to an 11-0 victory. In his three previous starts this season, Dickey had gone 0-3 with a 14.11 ERA. Tonight he finally got his knuckleball working and allowed just six hits and a pair of walks while striking out five over seven frames. He might get another shot because of tonight's start, but he's still a risky pick-up.

in the meantime, it would be prudent to expect the occasional delay

Those old transit blues

The CTA's "Countdown to a new Brown"? How many years? How many stations? And earthquakes aren't part of our reconstruction equation. We don't open stations. We close them. We put up with slow zones, evacuations and even derailments. And then we're told to "Leave early. Leave late. Alternate."

Like move, perhaps? Seriously.

@&^$*#%!

Bot 9th: Chi Cubs
- S. Phokkface @ssbag Linebrink relieved M. Thornton
- A. Ramirez homered to deep center

there is another delay directly behind this one (expect delays)

K-Mad is flying out of Midway tonight, by the way... both O'Hare and Midway currently report "major delays," by the way...

Metra Union Pacific West Line shut down

(Crain's) — Commuter trains along the Metra Union Pacific West Line were stopped Friday afternoon due to a non-toxic leak that has caused slippery and unsafe track conditions, the agency said.

Details of the incident were scarce, though a Metra service update says trains running in both directions have been halted indefinitely.

Officials are recommending that commuters look for alternate transportation. There's no word on when the track could reopen.

A spokesman couldn't be reached for comment.

Trains on the same line, which runs between Chicago's Ogilvie Transportation Center and far west suburban Elburn, also experienced delays Friday morning when an outbound train struck and killed a man in Wheaton.

Things That Suck: The New York Mets

Scott Schoeneweis, Omar Minaya and Willie Randolph. Remember when Schoeneweis totally sucked with the White Sox? He later sucked with the Reds, but the Mets still signed him to a 3 year, 10.8 mEEEEEELLLLion dollar contract (career ERA: 4.94). And then he proceeded to SUCK in his 1st year with the Muts. Was Omar Minaya on crack? There must be dozens of lefties in the minors who can do what he does (SUCK) for the league minimum. So... you have a pitcher that can't find the plate in a tie game (and you leave him in?), and then you intentionally walk the bases loaded. Yes, it sets up a force play, but if he can't throw a strike, what phokking difference does it make?

Paul McAnulty had a walkoff HBP against the Mets' Scott Schoeneweis in the Padres' 2-1 victory on Thursday. After entering a tie game, Schoeneweis walked the first two batters he faced and then failed on his first attempt to corral Adrian Gonzalez's shot up the middle, forcing him to settle for getting one out at first. An intentional walk to load the bases followed, and Schoeneweis' first pitch to McAnulty hit him up by his shoulder. It made a winner of Trevor Hoffman, who pitched a scoreless top of the ninth.

s#i+ blowing up (soon)

If he pitches at home, i'm going to wear a hat that day...

Padres purchased the contract of LHP Shawn Estes from Triple-A Portland. Estes will take the roster spot of Kevin Cameron. He was 4-2 with a 3.67 ERA in six Triple-A starts, but won't be worth using in fantasy leagues.

Big Frank is back - still sucking...

There's no telling how many runs the A's may have scored if he did more than stand there and look at pitches, followed by clogging up the bases...

Oakland 1st Inning Summary
- K. Suzuki walked
- M. Ellis singled to left, K. Suzuki to second
- M. Sweeney popped out to shallow right
- F. Thomas walked, K. Suzuki to third, M. Ellis to second
- E. Brown singled to left, M. Ellis and K. Suzuki scored, F. Thomas to second
- B. Crosby walked, F. Thomas to third, E. Brown to second
- C. Denorfia singled to left, F. Thomas scored, E. Brown to third, B. Crosby to second
- D. Murphy singled to right, E. Brown and B. Crosby scored, C. Denorfia out at third
- R. Davis singled to left, D. Murphy to second
- B. Bass relieved F. Liriano
- K. Suzuki singled to center, D. Murphy scored, R. Davis to second
- M. Ellis grounded into fielder's choice, K. Suzuki out at second
- End of Inning (6 Runs, 6 Hits, 0 Errors)

Things That Continue to Suck

Big 10 football. Please, no more Fuckeyes in the championship game. Let's see, they didn't play one team (before yesterday) with fewer than 4 losses. They played a bunch of cupcakes out of conference (all you need to know is two of them were MAC teams). They lost to Illinois at home. (Like Ohio State, Illinois was crushed in their bowl game.) Seeing as they were blown out last year, it's no surprise (with an even lesser quality team) they were blown out this year.

Speaking of awful... in case you missed it, a MAC team (Blowing Green) lost 63-7 in their bowl game. And they lost to TULSA! It was the largest margin of victory in bowl history, topping Alabama's 61-6 win over Syracuse in the 1953 Orange Bowl (who could forget dat one?).

And you know there are at least twice as many bowl games than there should be when the Big 10 are in eight of them and the MAC are in three of them. And they were a combined 3-8.

how will they blow it?

Chicago 13
Minnesota 6
Halftime

I don't care -- I'm going to bed. I'll say dis dough... for all the talk of Grossman, the oh-fensive line is even more totally gross, man.

Are you ready for some football?

I am but these games are on this morning:

Ohio State at Michigan: who will finish on top of the hyoooge s#i+pile known as the Big Ten?
Northwestern at Illinois: Cats suckin' big-time already.
Tulsa at Army: why on earth is this game being televised?
Syracuse at Connecticut: depressing SU fact of the week: they have scored over 20 points once all season
The Citadel at Virginia Military Institute: uh, why??
Duke at Notre Dame: who will finish on top of the s#i+pile known as the worst BCS-conf. team in the country?

Then this afternoon:

Northern Illinois at Navy: uh, did they run out of games to show? could Navy break 100? Their point totals the last 5 weeks: 48, 24, 52, 46, 74.

k-mad in our Nation's capital, feeling at home

Everyding here sucks too. Da Crapitals (5-8). Da Whizz (0-3). Da Navy (needed three overtimes to beat Notre Dame [which sucks titanically]). And don't get me started on da Gnats (hint: they SUCK).

Not to mention the Enormous Matter-Devouring Black Hole of a Gaping @sshole-in-Chief, da RezziDUNCE, George (Gee Dumbya) "Dumphokk" Bush (HE SUCKS).

dude, like the Mets, you SUCK