Commando Style

In which Fungster considers ritual suicide after his humiliation...



Sarge,


It was all lined up for us. We got the opponents we wanted. Our quarterbacks had the right matchups. 50 points in the bank. Then all we needed was our superior running backs and wide receivers to do their job. Then it would have been the clash of the titans in the final. One more match to decide it all.


At least you made it close. My humiliation was total. My total team output was the worst of the season. Oh sure, it would have beaten Corporal about half the time, but I wasn't playing the Corporal. This was the playoffs. This is when you're supposed to bring it. And my team brought nothing. Absolutely nothing.


But who's to blame? You could look at the fact that my first and second round picks are out for the season with injuries. But the team went on without them, scoring more points than anyone else. Or how about picks 3, 4 and 5, who had 23 points combined, where they should have had 80. They were the leaders of the team, and they led them to a shipwreck. Of titanic proportions.

Smiff says it was an act of God. Well, why has God forsaken us? What did we do wrong? What did Smiff do right? What must Corms do to avoid God's wrath? Maybe I should go to God, talk to him, get the scoop.

Just then, God appeared. "My son, what is troubling you so?"
"Why have you forsaken us? Why did you let the non-believer win?"
"Well, do you remember last night's game?"
"Vaguely"
"In the last two minutes, when Orton let fly?"
"I do remember that."
"What happened?"
"The ball was intercepted by Minnesota"
"And why did that happen?"
"Er, because we suck?"
"No. Because the Minnesota defender went and seized the ball. The Chicago wide receiver waited for the ball and it never arrived."
"And this is relevant how?"
"Smiff won because he went out and seized the victory from your jaws. You just sat on your team and hoped they would win. He knew his team sucked so he went out there and got the players he needed to achieve victory."
"So I should drop all my players and get all new ones?"
"No, you should have players that seize the day, not ones that rest on their laurels."
"Ok, still a little confused, but I think I get it."
"Great! Oh, one more thing."
"Yes?"
"You should probably call 911."
I looked down to see a huge sword through my chest.
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!"

Just then, I woke up. Phew. Was it all a dream? Did I just dream about losing to Smiff and my team had really won? I dashed for the laptop, fired up the browser and, crap. Still lost. But now I had a message to relay to Corms from God. I had purpose once more. A reason to live. Till next week anyway...

Always your friend,

Fungster