whaaaaa?

1. Blue Ward Cyclones 215.5
2. Manky Dreadful 167.5
3. Lord Viper Elefantes 165.5

"I've got responsibilities in making certain...that we are not used as a tool to be exploited by other countries."

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan — An airstrike believed to have been carried out by a United States drone killed at least 60 people at a funeral for a Taliban fighter in South Waziristan on Tuesday, residents of the area and local news reports said...

The United States carried out 22 previous drone strikes this year, as the Obama administration has intensified a policy inherited from the Bush administration.

Before the attack on Tuesday, the Pakistani Army and Air Force had begun operations in South Waziristan against the forces of the Pakistani Taliban leader, Baitullah Mehsud. The group’s suicide bombings in major cities have terrorized Pakistanis for years.

In a serious blow to Pakistan’s effort, on Tuesday an assassin loyal to Mr. Mehsud shot and killed a rival tribal leader, Qari Zainuddin, whom the government had hoped to use as an ally in its campaign to corner the Taliban leader.

EXACTLY how I remember Bangkok

News item: City wants high-rise crane removed

No work has been done on the planned 90-story building since last year, and now it stands as a shell about 27 stories tall at the southwest corner of Wacker and Clark.

Da Mare's gonna be all over dis

News item from Lancaster, Pa.: Some 165 closed-circuit TV cameras soon will provide live, round-the-clock scrutiny of nearly every street, park and other public space used by the 55,000 residents and the town's many tourists...

Years ago, there's no way we could do this," said Keith Sadler, Lancaster's police chief. "It brings to mind Big Brother, George Orwell and '1984.' It's just funny how Americans have softened on these issues."

Yes... funny... not "hah-hah" funny... more like "holy phokking s#i+" funny... but funny...
~

Some winners do use drugs

Are you going to tell AC360, or should I?

AFP - US swimming star Michael Phelps won the 100m butterfly in a sizzling 50.48sec, flirting with the world record as he continued his 2009 World Championship build-up at the Canada Cup.

Phelps, who won an unprecedented eight Olympic gold medals at the Beijing Games last August, was just eight-hundredths outside the world record of 50.40 held by compatriot Ian Crocker, in Saturday's competition.

He also improved on his personal best time of 50.58sec, set in winning gold at Beijing.

why does Neil Steinberg HATE the plutocracy?

'Nowhere to go and no one to help them'

Fungrant

If the photo doesn't show the goods, it should not be called a "topless" photo. I leave you to find which one I'm talking about...

It was bound to happen

Next time I grab Sarge's iPhone I shall search for dis...

Well, this is amazing...

Dems now pro-war, GOP now anti-troops

So says the roll call on the war funding bill that just passed.

Warning

To those who think they can phokk with the new President...

Update: On da udder hand, there was this man on the bus today that was trying to kill a moth. With his floppy CTA pass. He even actually managed to crush it with said floppy pass on the glass. Soon as he lifts pass off the glass, moth flies off. And everyone knows how freaking slow a moth is. Just goes to show ya, our Prez has got mad skillz you just can't find on the streets.

I think the giveaway was when he started to grow a second head

The New York Phokking Times, citing lawyers with knowledge of test results, reports that Sammy Sosa is among the players who tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs in 2003. Though Sosa has been widely suspected of performance-enhancing drug use, this represents his first clear link to a positive test result. The 40-year-old, who announced his plans to retire from baseball earlier this month, is sixth on baseball's all-time home run list, with 609.
~

WHO declares SUCKS pandemic

06.16: SI.com is reporting that season-ending surgery is still a possibility for Prairie Chickens' starter Jake Peavy. Peavy and the Chix'zz medical staff will do everything in their power to rehab the injury without surgery, but the possibility still exists that it could be necessary if the ankle does not properly heal (see also: Wheelchair Baseball).

Poll Rigging (cont)

On da TV today, WGN viewers were asked to say who would win da El series, or whatever you call the next three games @ Wrigley. 75% said the Sox would win. What has this world come to when even da Trib co can't even rig its own poll? Or perhaps they did to make it more respectable...

I've always said, announcing a ballgame is not easy

But picking on Joe is so easy I almost feel bad about passing this along, except I know Smiff enjoys it.

Top of the eighth. Cliff Lee has just given up his first hit of the game to the Cardinals, a double to right. Up in the booth, Joe Morgan decides to tell a story. You know where this is going...

get right wid da Lord

The Manky Dreadful are in 3rd place.

The shocking thing is i don't think @kmaddest has owned him in any league

Eric Chavez will undergo a second microdiscectomy on his back, this time on a different spot, according to the Athletics.
The A's confirmed that he'd miss the rest of the season. "This is his best chance to play again. ... It's been tough for him personally," Geren said. "He's a big-time player, Gold Glover that we miss. I still keep the hope and stay positive that he's going to contribute next year." Chavez underwent his original microdiscectomy back on Oct. 9.
~

At least he's a good Clubhouse Guy...

Milton Bradley went 2-for-4 with a two-run double on Friday, giving him just his third multi-RBI game of the season.

So why was he still being booed? Bradley ran into an out in the sixth, lost a flyball in the sun in the seventh and then forgot how many outs there were and threw a live ball into the stands in the eighth. He should be quite embarrassed about his play.
~

How does the Google's all-seeing eyeball in the sky know I'm a nort'-side drunken a$$#ole?

Gmail is trying to sell me a "Horry Kow" t-shirt. $13.99!

Got $28 Meeeelion?

Den do I have a fantastic real estate opportunity for ya:

http://www.villataj.com/

Finally, we've found our Spades house. And Smiff is so not invited to stay over.

raising the question: how many senses of the word "baseball," or "player," or "baseball player," are there?

I'll give you one for damn sure - he is a grinder.

Cleveland Indians manager and former Prairie Chicken Eric Wedge, on Manky Dreadful infielder Mark DeRosa:

"He's a baseball player in every sense of the word."

turns out he also sucks as a manager

"If Kenny brought Beckham here, it's because Josh Fields was not doing his job."
-- Ozzie &*@#! Guillen

Josh Fields in 2009: .237 BA, .304 OBP, .333 SLG, .637 OPS
Ozzie Guillen's career stats: .264 BA, .287 OBP, .338 SLG, .626 OPS

Lovie Do

chicagotribune.com: The Sporting News ranked the Bears' Lovie Smith as the 20th-best coach in the NFL. Do you agree?
No, Lovie's winning record speaks for itself. (1851 responses) 48.4%
Yes. In-game adjustments, Ron Rivera, sticking with Rex...shall I go on? (1974 responses) 51.6%
3825 total responses (Results not scientific, but get a brain moranic)

End Times Prediction

'Tiny chance' of planet collision

So if we don't phokk it up over the next few billion years, Venus or Mars (or a super freakish MercuVenus combo planet) could come in and finish us off. And there's nothing the United Federation of Planets can do to stop it! Mwahahahahaha!

Saving FAIL

One's life savings aren't even safe under the mattress anymore. What is this world coming to?

Israel woman 'bins $1m mattress':

Earth to Josh Fields: Ozzie Is The Phokking Manager

Josh Fields earned the ire of manager Ozzie Guillen after saying that he wanted answers from the organization about his future.

"Oh, you better be careful for what you say and what you wish," said Guillen "It's not my fault that we brought [Gordon] Beckham here. If [GM] Kenny [Williams] brought Beckham here, it's because Josh Fields was not doing his job. Am I wrong?"
~

Wow, almost everyone thinks he sucks

Virginia.gov
2009 June Democratic Primary Unofficial Results
Governor
Precincts Reporting: 2,499 of 2,504 (99.80%)
R. Creigh Deeds 159,284 (49.73%)
Terry R. F. McAuliffe 84,588 (26.41%)
Brian J. Moran 76,376 (23.84%)

Why does Bob Herbert hate plutocratic duck liver eaters?

Op-Ed Columnist
State of Shame
By BOB HERBERT
Published: June 8, 2009

Ferndale, N.Y.

Each feeder, for example, is responsible for feeding 200 to 300 (or more) ducks — individually — three times a day. The feeder holds a duck between his or her knees, inserts a tube down the duck’s throat, and uses a motorized funnel to force the feed into the bird. Then on to the next duck, hour after hour, day after day, week after week.

The routine is brutal and not very sanitary. Each feeding takes about four hours and once the birds are assigned a feeder, no one else can be substituted during the 22-day force-feeding period that leads up to the slaughter. Substituting a feeder would upset the ducks, according to the owners of Hudson Valley Foie Gras, which operates the farm.

Not only do the feeders get no days off during that long stretch, and no overtime for any of the long hours, but they get very little time even to sleep each day. The feeding schedule for the ducks must be rigidly observed.

When I asked one of the owners, Izzy Yanay, about the lack of a day of rest, he said of the workers: “This notion that they need to rest is completely futile. They don’t like to rest. They want to work seven days.”

Covering this story has been like stepping back in time. Farmworkers in New York do not have the same legal rights and protections that other workers have, and the state’s multibillion-dollar agriculture industry has taken full advantage of that. The workers have no right to a day off or overtime pay. They don’t get any paid vacation or sick days. When I asked one worker if he knew of anyone who had a retirement plan, he laughed and laughed.

To understand how it’s possible to treat farmworkers in New York this way you have to look back to the 1930s when President Franklin Roosevelt was trying to get Congress to pass the Fair Labor Standards Act to provide basic wage and hour protections for workers. Among the opponents were segregationist congressmen and senators who were outraged that the protections would apply to blacks as well as whites.

Most agricultural and domestic workers were black, and the legislation was not passed until those two categories of workers were excluded. New York State lawmakers, under heavy and sustained pressure from the agriculture lobby, have similarly exempted farmworkers (the vast majority of whom are now Latino) from most state labor law protections.

There was a good chance — right up until Monday, when the State Senate went through a sudden and cataclysmic change from Democratic to Republican control — that something might be done about this legislatively. On Monday evening, the Assembly passed (and Gov. David Paterson has promised to sign) a bill extending much-needed labor protections to farmworkers, including the right to at least one day of rest per week and, more important, the right to bargain collectively.

Republican senators were split on the bill, however, and the New York Farm Bureau, the lead lobbying agency for the agriculture industry, is furiously opposed to passage. With the upheaval in the Senate, the fate of the bill, called the Farmworkers Fair Labor Practices Act, is unknown.

A major supporter of the bill, the Rev. Richard Witt, executive director of the Rural and Migrant Ministry of New York, said the Senate shift would have no effect on the campaign for passage of the bill. Another supporter, Kerry Kennedy, founder of the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights, also said she will continue to push hard for passage.

“It’s shocking that these conditions could exist in New York State,” Ms. Kennedy said. “We talked to a worker who had not had a day off in 10 years.”

That is not an argument that carries much weight with the Farm Bureau. Sounding like an echo of Mr. Yanay, the bureau’s spokesman, Peter Gregg said, “They don’t want days off. The farmworkers want to work. They came here to make money.

~

He just wants to help the ballclub any way he can

"We just need to bring a little more energy and intensity to the table ... Through a season, teams go through ups and downs. It's a little dead period for us now. I know the media has been asking questions about Detroit coming in because they're simply leading the Central, but every game is important, every series is important. We're not really looking at the standings right now. We've just got to take some energy into each and every game."
-- Podzzzie

Would you like file sharing with that?

BBC NEWS Technology Swedish pirates capture EU seat

So if you're a "pirate" of the darky kind you must be hunted down and destroyed because you're causing "disruptions" to the western economic model, while if you're a pirate of the whitey kind you get representation in a continent wide parliament. Now do you understand why all us darkies are confused?

I realize this one late effort doesn't make it up to Smiff, but was Slash not available?

News item: Linkin Park guitarist chosen as UCLA commencement speaker

Books that smell like bacon? It's a Deckerian wet dream...

New Book Smell in a Can

Do you love your Kindle, but feel like it’s lacking a certain je ne sais quoi? Spray it with "New Book Smell" and get that satisfaction you’ve been missing.

Smell of Books comes in four additional aromas: Classic Musty, Crunchy Bacon, Eau You Have Cats, and Scents of Sensibility, for Jane Austen fans.

“Now you can finally enjoy reading e-books without giving up the smell you love so much. With Smell of Books you can have the best of both worlds, the convenience of an e-book and the smell of your favorite paper book.”

~

EVIDENCE MASSIVE STEROID USE CAUSES EYE DAMAGE

David Ortiz said that he is thinking about getting his eyes checked.
"There have been some situations that something has happened to my eyes, my vision," Ortiz said. "But I'm planning on getting my eyes checked out sometime soon. I don't know. It's just sometimes that I've been feeling lately. It's not anything crazy, but just to make sure." Ortiz goes on to say that he has 20-20 vision, so it's extremely doubtful that his failures at the plate this season are vision related. The struggling designated hitter was on the bench on Thursday against the Tigers with left-hander Dontrelle Willis on the mound.
~

TV - Far too forgiving

For here's someone that shouldn't be allowed to talk anymore, first, because he's always wrong, second because he's annoying, and third, because he was such a wuss on The Daily Show.



Jim Cramer: Buy A House Now, Calls Housing Bottom

Translated: HE DID A SHITLOAD OF STEROIDS

Sammy Sosa said Wednesday that he's ready to announce his formal retirement from baseball.

"I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame," said a delusional Sosa. "I always played with love and responsibility and I assure you that I will not answer nor listen to rumors. If anything ugly comes up in the future, we will confront it immediately, but with all our strength because I will not allow anybody to tarnish what I did in the field."
~

Look who's UNHINGED!

Manager Ozzie Guillen defended his use of DeWayne Wise in a tirade Wednesday.
"I'm tired, really tired, of fans and media talking about Wise anymore," Guillen said. "He played because I wanted him to play. He played because I made the stinking lineup ... Every time I read it, all of the sudden they're in love with Brian Anderson." Wise has posted a .172/.200/.172 line in 29 at-bats, which is one hot streak away from his career line of .211/.250/.372.
~

she speaks for millions of Illinois residents

"Daddy, I wish you were there to eat the tarantula, not Mommy."
-- Rod "Perfect Hair" Blagojevich's 6-year-old daughter, to her father

satire gets harder all the time (cont'd)

In the two weeks since Newsweek has redesigned, the magazine’s editors have sent out a statement that they intend to sever any and all connection to the turgid, dusty newsweekly of yore. And Jon Meacham, the magazine’s editor, is trying to recapture that age-old magazine editor’s trick for his newly conceived book: buzz.

For the next issue that hits newsstands on June 8, Comedy Central funnyman Stephen Colbert will be Newsweek’s guest editor...

MORE PIZZA FOR JIMBO!

Tue, Jun 2
Milton Bradley left Tuesday's game with a right calf strain, the team's official site reports.
Recommendation: Reed Johnson replaced Bradley in the field for the fourth inning. He's struggled to produce around nagging injuries this season, and it's only Year 1 of the three-year, $30 million deal that Jim Hendry gave him over the winter.
~

Where were K-Mad's commencement speaker reports this year?

Like "Larry the Cable Guy" at some community college in Texas?

Well, did anyone get a get as good as the "Idiocracy" guy? An UCSD alumnus, i might add:

Graduating seniors, graduate students, family members, friends and alumni are all invited to participate in the second annual All Campus Graduation Celebration on Friday, June 12, at 5 p.m. on RIMAC field. The campus-wide event will include an alumni grad mixer, picnic-style dinner, fireworks display and ceremony where Mike Judge, '85, an alumnus of UC San Diego and creator behind "Office Space" and "King of the Hill," will serve as keynote speaker.
~

Guns Don't Kill People in Church, People Kill People in Church

Dear Citizen,

The recent assassination of George R Tiller while in church raises the logical argument: if every member of that congregation had been armed, the assassin would have thought twice before marching into the church. It is imperative that you, citizen, defend your right to carry firearms, concealed or not, into your house of worship as described in the 2nd Amendment of our Constitution. Write your Congressman today and send your contribution to your local NRA chapter.

Thank you for your support.
God bless America.

Adam Kovac
President, NRA

G. Gordon Liddy: fecund... and an idiot... and ready to launch... and frying his brain on human growth hormone...

Gee, Gordon, in 2009: "I understand that they found out today that Miss Sotomayor is a member of La Raza, which means in illegal alien, 'the race.' And that should not surprise anyone because she’s already on record with a number of racist comments... Let’s hope that the key conferences aren’t when she’s menstruating or something, or just before she’s going to menstruate. That would really be bad. Lord knows what we would get then."

Gee, Gordon, in 2002: "I am often asked my secret for remaining virile, vigorous, potent and fecund. (Really? How often? Because this news surprises me... Ed.) The secret is that, in addition to not smoking or drinking alcohol, exercising and following a diet low in calories, fat and red meat and high in fish, I have for some time been taking a Human Growth Hormone Releasant specially formulated for me and heretofore not available to the public. Now, under the brand name Nature's Youth HGH, the exact formula I have been using is available to you. My secret is out. Nature's Youth HGH is how I stay 'Good to Go and Ready to Launch!'"

something they said would never happen

John Tyler's face on money. I'm looking at it now. But it's only because the US Mint's presidential vetting process for the dollar coin decided to let in everyone... sort of the presidential equivalent of Everybody Gets a Trophy Day.

Smiff Invasion: Da Update

July 3-15

You have been warned.

I figgered since we're all so patriotic i would want to be deres for da fort and all the shits blowin' up as we recreate the many wars we've been in. YAY!

At da Hotel Blake July 10-14. Da udder days at the Hotel Fung and elsewheres? Make an offer. I'm sure Fung would be happy to be rid of me for a few (or all) nights.

Going to da Sox on July 9th. Open to udder games. Anyone got cheap Cubs tix? Also, monkeys fly outta my butt.

Will The Decker be in town?
~

A Trailblazing Denial

Sen. Burris Denies Wrongdoing Over Senate Seat

~

Crazy Being Crazy

Carlos Zambrano was ejected from Wednesday's game against the Pirates in the seventh inning after bumping into umpire Mark Carlson.
Zambrano was upset about a play at the plate, and after being tossed, he made a big scene, indicating that he had ejected Carlson from the game, throwing a ball into left field, throwing his glove against the dugout screen and clubbing the dugout's Gatorade fountain with a bat. The Arlington Daily Herald anticipates that he'll be suspended for at least one start. He gave up two runs -- one earned -- in 6 1/3 innings before departing.
~

Football - more than just a game

Well, in Yurup anyway...

Why is there buttock stabbing in Rome?

The Kollyforniya Constitution: the ant farm of democracy

Today's fun fact (quoted from Kolly Supreme Court Prop 8 decision): "more than 500 amendments to the California Constitution have been adopted since ratification of California’s current Constitution in 1879."

like an approaching asteroid?

News item: "Nearly Headless" Nick Johnson is believed to be on the Mets' radar, according to Ken Rosenthal of FOX Sports.

and he's a Smelt

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, the Cubs are eyeing Padres' third baseman Kevin Kouzmanoff.

Hard to imagine; or, who signs him next?

Orioles released RHP Adam Eaton.
Eaton has been terrible by any standard, with an 8.56 ERA. With few natural options to replace him and a staff in dire need of pitching, Eaton's release speaks volumes about how much he can help a big-league team at this point. No word yet on who will get his next start. Matt Albers will take his roster spot, but he's been relieving for Triple-A Norfolk.
~

this just in: Liberty University had a Democrat(ic) Party club

News item: Liberty University, the conservative Christian institution founded by the late Rev. Jerry Falwell, has revoked its recognition of the student Democratic Party club, reports The News & Advance, in Lynchburg, Va. The university had officially recognized the group in October.

I guess it's not a prank, or they would have used it to fire Dusty by now

05.22: The Reds' Twitter page is reporting that the team has designated Darnell McDonald for assignment. He will be replaced by Jonny Gomes, who was called up in a corresponding move.... 05.22: According to the Reds' official Twitter page, the team has optioned Ramon Ramirez to Triple-A Louisville. ...

What could possibly go wrong?

Joe Biden is speaking in Beirut today.

proven veteran...P R O V E N

Scott Podsednik(notes), signed to give the White Sox better baserunning, has been picked off first base in three straight games. Thursday, he also was doubled off first on a bases-loaded liner to third.
~

Ozzie's cranium is somewhere in the dark reaches of space by now

Minnesota 20, Chi White Sox 1

a snippet of Hawk

"But we had Yastrzemski... who won the Triple Crown that year..."

Whitey: Lobotomized.

Apparently a new front has been opened in the Cubs-Cards war. One where everyone loses, except the t-shirt vendors. How can we be in a recession when people buy crap like that?

Mr. Carol Newquist wouldn't like this one bit

News item: Free Viagra for the unemployed

"We have to have lobotomies for anyone who earns less than ten thousand a year.* I don’t like it, but it’s an emergency."

-- Mr. Carol Newquist, in Little Murders

(* in 1969 dollars)
~

what could possibly go wrong?

Laynce Nix is a Prairie Chicken.

Africa, safe?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8021547.stm

Why did I come back?

Business as usual

Alderman's aide gave himself a parking pass

Why is this news? Why get a job in government if you can't get around all the "inconveniences" the "taxpayer" has to go through?

nobody saw this coming (cont'd)

News item: A day after Yahoo! Sports reported that Brett! Favre had told Vikings coach Brad Childress he was going to remain retired, ESPN! broke a story that the quarterback could still end up with the Vikings...

the mystical middle-eye-in-the-center-of-the-forehead wisdom of Dusty

John Fay of the Cincinnati Enquirer reports that Laynce Nix may have supplanted Chris Dickerson as the Reds' left fielder.

"I talked to (Chris) Dickerson," Dusty Baker said. "I said, ‘Hey man, you’ve got to go back to work. Nix is going good right now.’ It’s about winning ballgames. I’m not saying it’s all his fault. But Nix is doing his thing." The late former k-madder Nix is hitting .353 despite his bout with a virulent strain of posthumous SUCKS, while Dickerson is batting just .217 with 21 strikeouts in 60 at-bats.

Wacky foreign differences (cont)

Turkish TV blurs out cigarettes.

The Google and The Facebook, among others, switch to the language of the country you're in. Even if, say, you've used Facebook in English for like, two years, the second you log in in Turkey everything's in Turkish and you have to figure out how to change it back, when everything's in Turkish. I can understand if you just go to the Google without logging in, but once you've logged in it should go to English.

That would increase the tax base...

Todd Stroger says vetoing the Cook Co. sales tax repeal could be an "Exercise in fertility"

~

Whitey Panicking (again)

Fung left the States just before this whole swine flu thing blowed up. He watched from the cradle of civilization as the western world went ape $#!+ over some virus. Everyone where I was just kinda talked about it as what was going on "over there". Fung got to Europe today. Masks and fever detecting machines and panic galore. Well, in the airport anyway. Can't imagine what's happening over in Mexico and Mexico north.

when the End Times come (are they here yet?), LoC will bear a substantial responsibility

LoC is currently the only Google hit for "live-blogging the End Times."

nobody saw this coming

News item: Favre to meet with Vikings

this new kid seems to have things pretty much figgered out already

New Cubs pitcher Randy Wells on his first major league start this Friday:

"The other team wants to win. I want to win. I have to go out there and pitch a game."
~

Lou concedes before game, Cubs lose

But he's a Hall of Fame manager, right?

San Francisco 6 Chi Cubs 2 Final

~

Stay Classy Cardinals' Fans

Not funny: Cardinals fan sports 'Zambrano mows my lawn' T-shirt

~

Why didn't we think of this?

Now on the Twitter: @HOFJoeMorgan

Sample tweets:

Sometimes homeruns are rally killers

The key to hitting a baseball is making good contact

Asian ballplayers don't argue with umps

You know, I've always said the best way to steal second base is to get a nice lead and outrun the throw by the catcher

But i think we could do better.
~

Onion or real? (cont'd)

Study finds conservative viewers of Stephen Colbert's comedy show think he's on their side

Do conservatives not understand that Stephen Colbert is joking?
...

"Conservatives not only processed the messages as targeting liberals, but also processed the source as being conservative, Republican, and disliking liberals," the paper says. "By contrast, liberals perceived Colbert as just kidding."

Missed Third Strike

Hmm. In addition to looking up the etymology of if you see kay today I learned about this amazing missed third strike rule. Did everyone know about this and have they been keeping it a secret or have I just been out of the loop all these years? Fungster - the wiki entry made a lot of parallels between early baseball and Cricket. Maybe its time for another cricket post.

FINALLY!

News headline: Scientists Claim to Create Glow-in-the-Dark Dogs
~

Smiff goes viral

Carnival dreams of a better, pantsless world

Washington Nationals

My hometown Nationals are 2-1 going into tonight's game against the Phillies. In the last game, my little guy turned two outs in a single inning with force-outs at second. At the plate he drove one hard down the third base line. We are working on hitting as he just hacks at the ball (batts left, throws right) and he has recently developed a fear of catching a thrown ball. Kindergardeners! Any words of wisdom from the plethora of potential brain-dead GMs on the site here? Where on the interwebs can I find how to help him in the very basics.

GM

Can I now root for GM to fail? In response to the curent market downturn, which has hit their truck and large vehicle sales particularly hard, they have decided to eliminate Saturn (small European-based cars, until recently no trucks), explore the sale of Saab (now bankrupt, small Americanized Euro cars, until recently no trucks), explore the sale of Hummer (wow!), and eliminate Pontiac (small sporty cars, until recently no trucks). Outside of US they are also looking for potential bidders for Opel (good European cars). They ruined Saab. They made Saturn into Opel and then killed it.

They are keeping GMC (all trucks), Chevy (trucks and POS cars), Cadillac (large trucks and high-end), Buick (cars for octiginarians/Chinese). With affordable cars like the Aveo, Cobalt, the Impala - with its full imprimatur of white-trashdom, and the partially redesigned Malibu - almost not-vomit inducing, how could they go wrong?

The only American car I have ever owned was a Pontiac. My dad worked for GM in Flint, MI. GM is dead to me now.

tough one tonight

Well, he is Adam Eaton after all...

Trouble in Da Paradise Dat Works?

SEIU Poll: Daley Approval Rating At 41%

in response to the overwhelming public clamor

Here are the Top 50 LoC labels, up to and including this post. I leave it to others to perform the social sciency analysis...

1. stooooooopid (163)
2. FULLA$#i+ (125)
3. Bushian (119)
4. we are living in a golden age (cont'd) (115)
5. bad ideas (100)
6. SHOCKING (99)
7. totally phokked (95)
8. that's so America (92)
9. whitey keeping darky down (cont) (84)
10. expect delays (81)
11. zzzzzzzzzz........... (77)
12. s#i+ blowing up (70)
13. Cub (that is so) (68)
13. s#i+ for brainz (68)
15. move along - nothing to see here (67)
16. adventures in plutocracy (65)
17. brain-dead GMs (62)
18. brain-dead managers (61)
18. he SUCKS (61)
20. Idiocracy (60)
21. how is k-mad to blame? (56)
21. improbable things (56)
21. weather (whining about) (56)
21. woops (56)
25. America-hating "Americans" hating America (55)
26. offered without comment (54)
27. Dumbya (53)
27. brain-dead Americans (53)
27. moron (53)
30. da hottest blog on da internets (52)
31. YAY (51)
32. rezzziDUNCE (50)
32. they SUCK (50)
34. McCain: unhinged (49)
34. Rod "Perfect Hair" Blagojevich (49)
34. World's Awfulest "Newspaper" (tie) (49)
34. how does k-mad do it (cont'd)? (49)
38. HOLY PHOKKING S#I+ WE'RE SO PHOKKED (48)
39. America: bacon to the world... mmmm bacon... (47)
39. How to Suck at Democracy (47)
41. ASSHOLE (46)
41. Da City Dat Works (46)
41. and the kicker is: we're all dead (46)
44. Dick "Dick" (Dick) Dick Cheney (45)
44. fightin' phils (45)
46. End Times (will they hurry up already?) (42)
46. poll results not scientific (but idiotic) (42)
48. How to Suck at Everything (41)
49. the end times? (40)
50. s#i+ blowing up (soon) (39)

Lucky you guys: Smiff in da house AGAIN!

Dat's right, Smiff will be in Chicago in July for ALA. Probably arriving the 7th or 8th and staying through until like 17th or 18th. I should be staying in the loop in a hotel from the 10th-13th with a couple colleagues. But the rest of the time I AM ALL YOURS. Who wants to get in on this excellent s#i+ blowing up (soon) opportunity and put Smiff up for a few days?
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It's been a great signing, so far...

Milton Bradley is not in the Cubs' starting lineup on Thursday.
He returned to action on Wednesday night, but went 0-for-4 with three strikeouts, and manager Lou Piniella has now told him he won't start until he's 100 percent. Furthermore, when he does return, he's expected to bat sixth instead of fourth. Micah Hoffpauir, starting in right field on Thursday, will get the majority of playing time until Bradley is ready.

So between "not being 100 percent," suspensions and the weather (blame Skilly!), M-Brad might be looking at 100 games played this year. Still, he is great in the clubhouse.

In related "What is Hendry smoking?" news, Luis Vizcaino (ERA 0.00) and his $3.6 million* salary have been released and Jeff Samardzija has been recalled. I must have missed what Samardzija has done other than walking a lot of guys?

*Make that $4.6 million since Pizza Man gave Colorado $1 million to take the mistake that was Jason Marquis off his hands.

Dontcha wish you just had millions of dollars to piss away hoping something might stick?

Fox News - wid da tarrists

The Colorado River, the Yellow River in northern China, the Ganges in India and the Niger in West Africa are losing water, in some cases because of the effects of climate change*, a new study finds.

* Which doesn't exist, by the way...

Bush team motto?

"a perfect storm of ignorance and enthusiasm."

Lessons in Politics

#47 - Don't admit to fathering a child unless you absolutely have to. Because once you admit to the one, more & more people come forward and before you know it you're on Maury.

Third Paraguay love-child claim

More reasons Trump Tower Sucks

Trump tower Chicago complaint: Bright lights are a big pain

Though my first reaction was "Erm, they're called blinds, or curtains. Anyone that can buy a condo for just under a mil should know that." On da udder hand, if you're gonna buy a condo for just under a mil, I think that earns you the right to bitch to Trump about anything you want to. Just don't put it in the paper. The rest of us couldn't give a ...

Hey! Was the kid supposed to watch!?!

Mom leaves 4-year-old alone in car to have sex at 2 a.m.
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April 21, 2009

FROM STNG WIRE REPORTS
(SOUTH HOLLAND) A Florida woman is charged with endangering the life of a child for allegedly leaving her 4-year-old son alone in a car so she could have sex in south suburban South Holland.

Leslie Foster, 18, of Jacksonville, Fla., was arrested on the 14700 block of West Riverside Drive in South Holland just before 2 a.m. Monday, according to South Holland police.

Foster allegedly left her 4-year-old son in one car while she went to have sex in another car, police said.

The boy wanted his mother, so he got out of the car and walked down the street knocking on doors until the resident of one home let him in and called 911, police said.

The boy was not harmed.

Foster was able to post bail and is scheduled to appear in court May 29 at the Markham Courthouse.

Question of the Day

So how does everyone feel about potentially losing Texas to secession? Or succession as commenters on CNN felt like they should call it?

Used 4 outta 5 Texas labels on dat one. Hey K-Mad, we haven't done a label count in a while have we?

Best Sport in the world

To all the haters (Smiff) that say that football, not the American type or the Aussie type but the Association type, the type that everyone in the world plays, has a buncha 1-nil ties all the freaking time, I give you this final score:

Liverpool 4, Arsenal 4.

Last week's Champions League game:

Chelsea 4, Liverpool 4.

Well, both results sucked for the Reds. But they had to be fun games to watch. Unlike anything involving Fukudome.

Da Bulls, Debunked.

That Bulls logo might not be what you think it is

When you want to make a zero tolerance omelet, sometimes you have to break a few eggs of excessive intrusion

News item: The case of a 13-year-old Arizona girl strip-searched by school officials looking for ibuprofen pain-reliever will be heard by the U.S. Supreme Court this week.

What the Main Stream Media won't tell you: In the wake of 9/11, school officials had good reason to suspect that it was ibuprofen laced with anthrax.
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Did I miss something?

How did we get to the point where waterboarding two guys 266 times is good/legal but shaking hands with someone is bad/wrong?

Oh yeah - Brit Hume loves the 24

Then Fox News senior political analyst Brit Hume took it a step further by emphasizing that Obama "needs to aware of what he may have unleashed here," warning of the possibility of "Congressional show trials" and emphasizing:

"What we really need is to have all these techniques at our disposal... they talk about the banging of the guy's head against the wall. It turns out to be very controlled and it's a soft wall that gives way... I'm not at all sure that's torture.

Fantasy Basketball 08-09

Winner - Briggs

Briggs, who, by his own admission doesn't talk enuff smack, takes the title for the second year in a row after years of runner-upping and a kiss your sister tie.  It was "only" a 20 point win this time around - chink in the armor?  He's already predicting a three peat, which I believe would be unprecedented.

Tie for 2nd - Fungster

Long the "guy in the middle", the guy whose teams would be in the top second half of the standings (table if you're English), Fungster's team finally put it together and made it into the money for the first time ever.  The team had a Briggs described "Fungsurgency" with a few days to go into second place, then nearly fell out of second with horrific end of season play.  Nevertheless, Fung is pleased.

5th place  - Smiff

Smiff continues to prove he's a Roto god by improving on his position and point total in a sport that he knows nuthin about.  He will be a little disappointed that he wasn't able to hold on to 2nd place, a position he held for most of the last month or so, until the "Fungsurgency" occurred.  He retains bragging rights over Sarge, although at this point one wonders what that is worth these days.

Tie for 7th place - Corms

A team wracked by injuries, Corms' team got in by far the fewest amount of games in the league. Nevertheless, there's quality there, as he managed a respectable middle of the table finish.  It shows that last years 3rd place was no fluke.

11th (and final) place - Sarge

Oi.  Or is it Oy? It's been a steady decline for Sarge since the glory days of Parcers 2004.  The Center position seemed to give Sarge fits, and a lot of games were missed there.  Just like in baseball, he's stacking up the young'uns, and hopes to make a run soon.  Will he continue to hold on to Matrix?

Not mentioned:  K-Mad (too sexy for Fantasy Basketball), Corporal (if it doesn't involve da Bears, he doesn't want to know), Ranger (he's the best at what he does, he has no time for anything else).

Much better

After drawing my ire for favoring football over hoops and the Bears to the Colts, Miss America has apologized from downtown (Indianapolis):

Miss America, Katie Stam showed off her Hoosier roots prior to the Pacers game last night. While players were going through individual workouts an hour and a half before the tip, Ms. Stam and her sparkling smile showed up courtside in a custom Pacers jersey.

After chatting up assistant coach, Jay DeFruscio, Miss America stepped on the court as if she wanted to try a shot. Bold, I thought.

Then she stepped behind the arc. Yes, Miss America lined up to shoot a regulation NBA three pointer. This has to end badly, right? The woman is tiny, plus the basketball looked more like a medicine ball in contrast to her body.

The first attempt was woefully short, but Miss America's elbow was tucked nicely, wrist cocked with appropriate wrinkles and the follow through was pure. Not bad.

Her second attempt was far better and while it was still a few feet short, this suddenly didn't seem so ridiculous.

After calling for one more shot, Miss America put it all together. The legs, the form, the follow through all in perfect rhythm. The ball floated through the air with a nice, subtle backspin before splashing through the net.

something truly 'shocking'

News headline: Blagojevich pleads 'not guilty'
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Mushroom of the Year

Strange the things you'll find on the interwebs - Wikipedia. I can't see writing about mushrooms on any more than a yearly basis, so I tried to title the post appropriately.

Phallus indusiatus.

Sounds like a Harry Potter incantation. Might as well be. This mushroom has apparently produced spontaneous orgasms in women. Men apparently find the smell unpleasant. Anyone know where these are sold?

Roster-Depleted Bears Sign Tire Swing For Cutler To Throw To

CHICAGO—Anticipating that new Bears quarterback Jay Cutler will need more targets than converted cornerback Devin Hester and undersized journeyman Rashied Davis—the only receivers on their squad who have ever caught an NFL pass—the Chicago Bears signed a tire swing to their roster Tuesday. "We are expecting great things from this tire swing once the tire and Cutler get some practice time and develop some chemistry," receivers coach Darryl Drake said of the six-year-old Goodyear all-season radial suspended from a tree branch by a 7-foot length of rope. "This could easily be the best quarterback-receiver duo in recent Bears history." Analysts say that, while the move is somewhat unorthodox, Chicago was prudent in passing on veteran free agents Amani Toomer and Joe Jurevicius in favor of offering the tire swing a 3-year, $2.4 million contract.
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