Wow, almost everyone thinks he sucks

Virginia.gov
2009 June Democratic Primary Unofficial Results
Governor
Precincts Reporting: 2,499 of 2,504 (99.80%)
R. Creigh Deeds 159,284 (49.73%)
Terry R. F. McAuliffe 84,588 (26.41%)
Brian J. Moran 76,376 (23.84%)

Why does Bob Herbert hate plutocratic duck liver eaters?

Op-Ed Columnist
State of Shame
By BOB HERBERT
Published: June 8, 2009

Ferndale, N.Y.

Each feeder, for example, is responsible for feeding 200 to 300 (or more) ducks — individually — three times a day. The feeder holds a duck between his or her knees, inserts a tube down the duck’s throat, and uses a motorized funnel to force the feed into the bird. Then on to the next duck, hour after hour, day after day, week after week.

The routine is brutal and not very sanitary. Each feeding takes about four hours and once the birds are assigned a feeder, no one else can be substituted during the 22-day force-feeding period that leads up to the slaughter. Substituting a feeder would upset the ducks, according to the owners of Hudson Valley Foie Gras, which operates the farm.

Not only do the feeders get no days off during that long stretch, and no overtime for any of the long hours, but they get very little time even to sleep each day. The feeding schedule for the ducks must be rigidly observed.

When I asked one of the owners, Izzy Yanay, about the lack of a day of rest, he said of the workers: “This notion that they need to rest is completely futile. They don’t like to rest. They want to work seven days.”

Covering this story has been like stepping back in time. Farmworkers in New York do not have the same legal rights and protections that other workers have, and the state’s multibillion-dollar agriculture industry has taken full advantage of that. The workers have no right to a day off or overtime pay. They don’t get any paid vacation or sick days. When I asked one worker if he knew of anyone who had a retirement plan, he laughed and laughed.

To understand how it’s possible to treat farmworkers in New York this way you have to look back to the 1930s when President Franklin Roosevelt was trying to get Congress to pass the Fair Labor Standards Act to provide basic wage and hour protections for workers. Among the opponents were segregationist congressmen and senators who were outraged that the protections would apply to blacks as well as whites.

Most agricultural and domestic workers were black, and the legislation was not passed until those two categories of workers were excluded. New York State lawmakers, under heavy and sustained pressure from the agriculture lobby, have similarly exempted farmworkers (the vast majority of whom are now Latino) from most state labor law protections.

There was a good chance — right up until Monday, when the State Senate went through a sudden and cataclysmic change from Democratic to Republican control — that something might be done about this legislatively. On Monday evening, the Assembly passed (and Gov. David Paterson has promised to sign) a bill extending much-needed labor protections to farmworkers, including the right to at least one day of rest per week and, more important, the right to bargain collectively.

Republican senators were split on the bill, however, and the New York Farm Bureau, the lead lobbying agency for the agriculture industry, is furiously opposed to passage. With the upheaval in the Senate, the fate of the bill, called the Farmworkers Fair Labor Practices Act, is unknown.

A major supporter of the bill, the Rev. Richard Witt, executive director of the Rural and Migrant Ministry of New York, said the Senate shift would have no effect on the campaign for passage of the bill. Another supporter, Kerry Kennedy, founder of the Robert F. Kennedy Center for Justice and Human Rights, also said she will continue to push hard for passage.

“It’s shocking that these conditions could exist in New York State,” Ms. Kennedy said. “We talked to a worker who had not had a day off in 10 years.”

That is not an argument that carries much weight with the Farm Bureau. Sounding like an echo of Mr. Yanay, the bureau’s spokesman, Peter Gregg said, “They don’t want days off. The farmworkers want to work. They came here to make money.

~

He just wants to help the ballclub any way he can

"We just need to bring a little more energy and intensity to the table ... Through a season, teams go through ups and downs. It's a little dead period for us now. I know the media has been asking questions about Detroit coming in because they're simply leading the Central, but every game is important, every series is important. We're not really looking at the standings right now. We've just got to take some energy into each and every game."
-- Podzzzie

Would you like file sharing with that?

BBC NEWS Technology Swedish pirates capture EU seat

So if you're a "pirate" of the darky kind you must be hunted down and destroyed because you're causing "disruptions" to the western economic model, while if you're a pirate of the whitey kind you get representation in a continent wide parliament. Now do you understand why all us darkies are confused?

I realize this one late effort doesn't make it up to Smiff, but was Slash not available?

News item: Linkin Park guitarist chosen as UCLA commencement speaker

Books that smell like bacon? It's a Deckerian wet dream...

New Book Smell in a Can

Do you love your Kindle, but feel like it’s lacking a certain je ne sais quoi? Spray it with "New Book Smell" and get that satisfaction you’ve been missing.

Smell of Books comes in four additional aromas: Classic Musty, Crunchy Bacon, Eau You Have Cats, and Scents of Sensibility, for Jane Austen fans.

“Now you can finally enjoy reading e-books without giving up the smell you love so much. With Smell of Books you can have the best of both worlds, the convenience of an e-book and the smell of your favorite paper book.”

~

EVIDENCE MASSIVE STEROID USE CAUSES EYE DAMAGE

David Ortiz said that he is thinking about getting his eyes checked.
"There have been some situations that something has happened to my eyes, my vision," Ortiz said. "But I'm planning on getting my eyes checked out sometime soon. I don't know. It's just sometimes that I've been feeling lately. It's not anything crazy, but just to make sure." Ortiz goes on to say that he has 20-20 vision, so it's extremely doubtful that his failures at the plate this season are vision related. The struggling designated hitter was on the bench on Thursday against the Tigers with left-hander Dontrelle Willis on the mound.
~

TV - Far too forgiving

For here's someone that shouldn't be allowed to talk anymore, first, because he's always wrong, second because he's annoying, and third, because he was such a wuss on The Daily Show.



Jim Cramer: Buy A House Now, Calls Housing Bottom

Translated: HE DID A SHITLOAD OF STEROIDS

Sammy Sosa said Wednesday that he's ready to announce his formal retirement from baseball.

"I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame," said a delusional Sosa. "I always played with love and responsibility and I assure you that I will not answer nor listen to rumors. If anything ugly comes up in the future, we will confront it immediately, but with all our strength because I will not allow anybody to tarnish what I did in the field."
~

Look who's UNHINGED!

Manager Ozzie Guillen defended his use of DeWayne Wise in a tirade Wednesday.
"I'm tired, really tired, of fans and media talking about Wise anymore," Guillen said. "He played because I wanted him to play. He played because I made the stinking lineup ... Every time I read it, all of the sudden they're in love with Brian Anderson." Wise has posted a .172/.200/.172 line in 29 at-bats, which is one hot streak away from his career line of .211/.250/.372.
~

she speaks for millions of Illinois residents

"Daddy, I wish you were there to eat the tarantula, not Mommy."
-- Rod "Perfect Hair" Blagojevich's 6-year-old daughter, to her father

satire gets harder all the time (cont'd)

In the two weeks since Newsweek has redesigned, the magazine’s editors have sent out a statement that they intend to sever any and all connection to the turgid, dusty newsweekly of yore. And Jon Meacham, the magazine’s editor, is trying to recapture that age-old magazine editor’s trick for his newly conceived book: buzz.

For the next issue that hits newsstands on June 8, Comedy Central funnyman Stephen Colbert will be Newsweek’s guest editor...

MORE PIZZA FOR JIMBO!

Tue, Jun 2
Milton Bradley left Tuesday's game with a right calf strain, the team's official site reports.
Recommendation: Reed Johnson replaced Bradley in the field for the fourth inning. He's struggled to produce around nagging injuries this season, and it's only Year 1 of the three-year, $30 million deal that Jim Hendry gave him over the winter.
~

Where were K-Mad's commencement speaker reports this year?

Like "Larry the Cable Guy" at some community college in Texas?

Well, did anyone get a get as good as the "Idiocracy" guy? An UCSD alumnus, i might add:

Graduating seniors, graduate students, family members, friends and alumni are all invited to participate in the second annual All Campus Graduation Celebration on Friday, June 12, at 5 p.m. on RIMAC field. The campus-wide event will include an alumni grad mixer, picnic-style dinner, fireworks display and ceremony where Mike Judge, '85, an alumnus of UC San Diego and creator behind "Office Space" and "King of the Hill," will serve as keynote speaker.
~

Guns Don't Kill People in Church, People Kill People in Church

Dear Citizen,

The recent assassination of George R Tiller while in church raises the logical argument: if every member of that congregation had been armed, the assassin would have thought twice before marching into the church. It is imperative that you, citizen, defend your right to carry firearms, concealed or not, into your house of worship as described in the 2nd Amendment of our Constitution. Write your Congressman today and send your contribution to your local NRA chapter.

Thank you for your support.
God bless America.

Adam Kovac
President, NRA

G. Gordon Liddy: fecund... and an idiot... and ready to launch... and frying his brain on human growth hormone...

Gee, Gordon, in 2009: "I understand that they found out today that Miss Sotomayor is a member of La Raza, which means in illegal alien, 'the race.' And that should not surprise anyone because she’s already on record with a number of racist comments... Let’s hope that the key conferences aren’t when she’s menstruating or something, or just before she’s going to menstruate. That would really be bad. Lord knows what we would get then."

Gee, Gordon, in 2002: "I am often asked my secret for remaining virile, vigorous, potent and fecund. (Really? How often? Because this news surprises me... Ed.) The secret is that, in addition to not smoking or drinking alcohol, exercising and following a diet low in calories, fat and red meat and high in fish, I have for some time been taking a Human Growth Hormone Releasant specially formulated for me and heretofore not available to the public. Now, under the brand name Nature's Youth HGH, the exact formula I have been using is available to you. My secret is out. Nature's Youth HGH is how I stay 'Good to Go and Ready to Launch!'"

something they said would never happen

John Tyler's face on money. I'm looking at it now. But it's only because the US Mint's presidential vetting process for the dollar coin decided to let in everyone... sort of the presidential equivalent of Everybody Gets a Trophy Day.

Smiff Invasion: Da Update

July 3-15

You have been warned.

I figgered since we're all so patriotic i would want to be deres for da fort and all the shits blowin' up as we recreate the many wars we've been in. YAY!

At da Hotel Blake July 10-14. Da udder days at the Hotel Fung and elsewheres? Make an offer. I'm sure Fung would be happy to be rid of me for a few (or all) nights.

Going to da Sox on July 9th. Open to udder games. Anyone got cheap Cubs tix? Also, monkeys fly outta my butt.

Will The Decker be in town?
~

A Trailblazing Denial

Sen. Burris Denies Wrongdoing Over Senate Seat

~

Crazy Being Crazy

Carlos Zambrano was ejected from Wednesday's game against the Pirates in the seventh inning after bumping into umpire Mark Carlson.
Zambrano was upset about a play at the plate, and after being tossed, he made a big scene, indicating that he had ejected Carlson from the game, throwing a ball into left field, throwing his glove against the dugout screen and clubbing the dugout's Gatorade fountain with a bat. The Arlington Daily Herald anticipates that he'll be suspended for at least one start. He gave up two runs -- one earned -- in 6 1/3 innings before departing.
~

Football - more than just a game

Well, in Yurup anyway...

Why is there buttock stabbing in Rome?

The Kollyforniya Constitution: the ant farm of democracy

Today's fun fact (quoted from Kolly Supreme Court Prop 8 decision): "more than 500 amendments to the California Constitution have been adopted since ratification of California’s current Constitution in 1879."

like an approaching asteroid?

News item: "Nearly Headless" Nick Johnson is believed to be on the Mets' radar, according to Ken Rosenthal of FOX Sports.

and he's a Smelt

According to the Chicago Sun-Times, the Cubs are eyeing Padres' third baseman Kevin Kouzmanoff.

Hard to imagine; or, who signs him next?

Orioles released RHP Adam Eaton.
Eaton has been terrible by any standard, with an 8.56 ERA. With few natural options to replace him and a staff in dire need of pitching, Eaton's release speaks volumes about how much he can help a big-league team at this point. No word yet on who will get his next start. Matt Albers will take his roster spot, but he's been relieving for Triple-A Norfolk.
~

this just in: Liberty University had a Democrat(ic) Party club

News item: Liberty University, the conservative Christian institution founded by the late Rev. Jerry Falwell, has revoked its recognition of the student Democratic Party club, reports The News & Advance, in Lynchburg, Va. The university had officially recognized the group in October.

I guess it's not a prank, or they would have used it to fire Dusty by now

05.22: The Reds' Twitter page is reporting that the team has designated Darnell McDonald for assignment. He will be replaced by Jonny Gomes, who was called up in a corresponding move.... 05.22: According to the Reds' official Twitter page, the team has optioned Ramon Ramirez to Triple-A Louisville. ...

What could possibly go wrong?

Joe Biden is speaking in Beirut today.

proven veteran...P R O V E N

Scott Podsednik(notes), signed to give the White Sox better baserunning, has been picked off first base in three straight games. Thursday, he also was doubled off first on a bases-loaded liner to third.
~

Ozzie's cranium is somewhere in the dark reaches of space by now

Minnesota 20, Chi White Sox 1

a snippet of Hawk

"But we had Yastrzemski... who won the Triple Crown that year..."

Whitey: Lobotomized.

Apparently a new front has been opened in the Cubs-Cards war. One where everyone loses, except the t-shirt vendors. How can we be in a recession when people buy crap like that?

Mr. Carol Newquist wouldn't like this one bit

News item: Free Viagra for the unemployed

"We have to have lobotomies for anyone who earns less than ten thousand a year.* I don’t like it, but it’s an emergency."

-- Mr. Carol Newquist, in Little Murders

(* in 1969 dollars)
~

what could possibly go wrong?

Laynce Nix is a Prairie Chicken.

Africa, safe?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8021547.stm

Why did I come back?

Business as usual

Alderman's aide gave himself a parking pass

Why is this news? Why get a job in government if you can't get around all the "inconveniences" the "taxpayer" has to go through?

nobody saw this coming (cont'd)

News item: A day after Yahoo! Sports reported that Brett! Favre had told Vikings coach Brad Childress he was going to remain retired, ESPN! broke a story that the quarterback could still end up with the Vikings...

the mystical middle-eye-in-the-center-of-the-forehead wisdom of Dusty

John Fay of the Cincinnati Enquirer reports that Laynce Nix may have supplanted Chris Dickerson as the Reds' left fielder.

"I talked to (Chris) Dickerson," Dusty Baker said. "I said, ‘Hey man, you’ve got to go back to work. Nix is going good right now.’ It’s about winning ballgames. I’m not saying it’s all his fault. But Nix is doing his thing." The late former k-madder Nix is hitting .353 despite his bout with a virulent strain of posthumous SUCKS, while Dickerson is batting just .217 with 21 strikeouts in 60 at-bats.

Wacky foreign differences (cont)

Turkish TV blurs out cigarettes.

The Google and The Facebook, among others, switch to the language of the country you're in. Even if, say, you've used Facebook in English for like, two years, the second you log in in Turkey everything's in Turkish and you have to figure out how to change it back, when everything's in Turkish. I can understand if you just go to the Google without logging in, but once you've logged in it should go to English.

That would increase the tax base...

Todd Stroger says vetoing the Cook Co. sales tax repeal could be an "Exercise in fertility"

~

Whitey Panicking (again)

Fung left the States just before this whole swine flu thing blowed up. He watched from the cradle of civilization as the western world went ape $#!+ over some virus. Everyone where I was just kinda talked about it as what was going on "over there". Fung got to Europe today. Masks and fever detecting machines and panic galore. Well, in the airport anyway. Can't imagine what's happening over in Mexico and Mexico north.

when the End Times come (are they here yet?), LoC will bear a substantial responsibility

LoC is currently the only Google hit for "live-blogging the End Times."

nobody saw this coming

News item: Favre to meet with Vikings

this new kid seems to have things pretty much figgered out already

New Cubs pitcher Randy Wells on his first major league start this Friday:

"The other team wants to win. I want to win. I have to go out there and pitch a game."
~

Lou concedes before game, Cubs lose

But he's a Hall of Fame manager, right?

San Francisco 6 Chi Cubs 2 Final

~

Stay Classy Cardinals' Fans

Not funny: Cardinals fan sports 'Zambrano mows my lawn' T-shirt

~

Why didn't we think of this?

Now on the Twitter: @HOFJoeMorgan

Sample tweets:

Sometimes homeruns are rally killers

The key to hitting a baseball is making good contact

Asian ballplayers don't argue with umps

You know, I've always said the best way to steal second base is to get a nice lead and outrun the throw by the catcher

But i think we could do better.
~

Onion or real? (cont'd)

Study finds conservative viewers of Stephen Colbert's comedy show think he's on their side

Do conservatives not understand that Stephen Colbert is joking?
...

"Conservatives not only processed the messages as targeting liberals, but also processed the source as being conservative, Republican, and disliking liberals," the paper says. "By contrast, liberals perceived Colbert as just kidding."

Missed Third Strike

Hmm. In addition to looking up the etymology of if you see kay today I learned about this amazing missed third strike rule. Did everyone know about this and have they been keeping it a secret or have I just been out of the loop all these years? Fungster - the wiki entry made a lot of parallels between early baseball and Cricket. Maybe its time for another cricket post.

FINALLY!

News headline: Scientists Claim to Create Glow-in-the-Dark Dogs
~

Smiff goes viral

Carnival dreams of a better, pantsless world

Washington Nationals

My hometown Nationals are 2-1 going into tonight's game against the Phillies. In the last game, my little guy turned two outs in a single inning with force-outs at second. At the plate he drove one hard down the third base line. We are working on hitting as he just hacks at the ball (batts left, throws right) and he has recently developed a fear of catching a thrown ball. Kindergardeners! Any words of wisdom from the plethora of potential brain-dead GMs on the site here? Where on the interwebs can I find how to help him in the very basics.

GM

Can I now root for GM to fail? In response to the curent market downturn, which has hit their truck and large vehicle sales particularly hard, they have decided to eliminate Saturn (small European-based cars, until recently no trucks), explore the sale of Saab (now bankrupt, small Americanized Euro cars, until recently no trucks), explore the sale of Hummer (wow!), and eliminate Pontiac (small sporty cars, until recently no trucks). Outside of US they are also looking for potential bidders for Opel (good European cars). They ruined Saab. They made Saturn into Opel and then killed it.

They are keeping GMC (all trucks), Chevy (trucks and POS cars), Cadillac (large trucks and high-end), Buick (cars for octiginarians/Chinese). With affordable cars like the Aveo, Cobalt, the Impala - with its full imprimatur of white-trashdom, and the partially redesigned Malibu - almost not-vomit inducing, how could they go wrong?

The only American car I have ever owned was a Pontiac. My dad worked for GM in Flint, MI. GM is dead to me now.

tough one tonight

Well, he is Adam Eaton after all...

Trouble in Da Paradise Dat Works?

SEIU Poll: Daley Approval Rating At 41%

in response to the overwhelming public clamor

Here are the Top 50 LoC labels, up to and including this post. I leave it to others to perform the social sciency analysis...

1. stooooooopid (163)
2. FULLA$#i+ (125)
3. Bushian (119)
4. we are living in a golden age (cont'd) (115)
5. bad ideas (100)
6. SHOCKING (99)
7. totally phokked (95)
8. that's so America (92)
9. whitey keeping darky down (cont) (84)
10. expect delays (81)
11. zzzzzzzzzz........... (77)
12. s#i+ blowing up (70)
13. Cub (that is so) (68)
13. s#i+ for brainz (68)
15. move along - nothing to see here (67)
16. adventures in plutocracy (65)
17. brain-dead GMs (62)
18. brain-dead managers (61)
18. he SUCKS (61)
20. Idiocracy (60)
21. how is k-mad to blame? (56)
21. improbable things (56)
21. weather (whining about) (56)
21. woops (56)
25. America-hating "Americans" hating America (55)
26. offered without comment (54)
27. Dumbya (53)
27. brain-dead Americans (53)
27. moron (53)
30. da hottest blog on da internets (52)
31. YAY (51)
32. rezzziDUNCE (50)
32. they SUCK (50)
34. McCain: unhinged (49)
34. Rod "Perfect Hair" Blagojevich (49)
34. World's Awfulest "Newspaper" (tie) (49)
34. how does k-mad do it (cont'd)? (49)
38. HOLY PHOKKING S#I+ WE'RE SO PHOKKED (48)
39. America: bacon to the world... mmmm bacon... (47)
39. How to Suck at Democracy (47)
41. ASSHOLE (46)
41. Da City Dat Works (46)
41. and the kicker is: we're all dead (46)
44. Dick "Dick" (Dick) Dick Cheney (45)
44. fightin' phils (45)
46. End Times (will they hurry up already?) (42)
46. poll results not scientific (but idiotic) (42)
48. How to Suck at Everything (41)
49. the end times? (40)
50. s#i+ blowing up (soon) (39)

Lucky you guys: Smiff in da house AGAIN!

Dat's right, Smiff will be in Chicago in July for ALA. Probably arriving the 7th or 8th and staying through until like 17th or 18th. I should be staying in the loop in a hotel from the 10th-13th with a couple colleagues. But the rest of the time I AM ALL YOURS. Who wants to get in on this excellent s#i+ blowing up (soon) opportunity and put Smiff up for a few days?
~

It's been a great signing, so far...

Milton Bradley is not in the Cubs' starting lineup on Thursday.
He returned to action on Wednesday night, but went 0-for-4 with three strikeouts, and manager Lou Piniella has now told him he won't start until he's 100 percent. Furthermore, when he does return, he's expected to bat sixth instead of fourth. Micah Hoffpauir, starting in right field on Thursday, will get the majority of playing time until Bradley is ready.

So between "not being 100 percent," suspensions and the weather (blame Skilly!), M-Brad might be looking at 100 games played this year. Still, he is great in the clubhouse.

In related "What is Hendry smoking?" news, Luis Vizcaino (ERA 0.00) and his $3.6 million* salary have been released and Jeff Samardzija has been recalled. I must have missed what Samardzija has done other than walking a lot of guys?

*Make that $4.6 million since Pizza Man gave Colorado $1 million to take the mistake that was Jason Marquis off his hands.

Dontcha wish you just had millions of dollars to piss away hoping something might stick?

Fox News - wid da tarrists

The Colorado River, the Yellow River in northern China, the Ganges in India and the Niger in West Africa are losing water, in some cases because of the effects of climate change*, a new study finds.

* Which doesn't exist, by the way...

Bush team motto?

"a perfect storm of ignorance and enthusiasm."

Lessons in Politics

#47 - Don't admit to fathering a child unless you absolutely have to. Because once you admit to the one, more & more people come forward and before you know it you're on Maury.

Third Paraguay love-child claim

More reasons Trump Tower Sucks

Trump tower Chicago complaint: Bright lights are a big pain

Though my first reaction was "Erm, they're called blinds, or curtains. Anyone that can buy a condo for just under a mil should know that." On da udder hand, if you're gonna buy a condo for just under a mil, I think that earns you the right to bitch to Trump about anything you want to. Just don't put it in the paper. The rest of us couldn't give a ...

Hey! Was the kid supposed to watch!?!

Mom leaves 4-year-old alone in car to have sex at 2 a.m.
Recommend (9) Comments

April 21, 2009

FROM STNG WIRE REPORTS
(SOUTH HOLLAND) A Florida woman is charged with endangering the life of a child for allegedly leaving her 4-year-old son alone in a car so she could have sex in south suburban South Holland.

Leslie Foster, 18, of Jacksonville, Fla., was arrested on the 14700 block of West Riverside Drive in South Holland just before 2 a.m. Monday, according to South Holland police.

Foster allegedly left her 4-year-old son in one car while she went to have sex in another car, police said.

The boy wanted his mother, so he got out of the car and walked down the street knocking on doors until the resident of one home let him in and called 911, police said.

The boy was not harmed.

Foster was able to post bail and is scheduled to appear in court May 29 at the Markham Courthouse.

Question of the Day

So how does everyone feel about potentially losing Texas to secession? Or succession as commenters on CNN felt like they should call it?

Used 4 outta 5 Texas labels on dat one. Hey K-Mad, we haven't done a label count in a while have we?

Best Sport in the world

To all the haters (Smiff) that say that football, not the American type or the Aussie type but the Association type, the type that everyone in the world plays, has a buncha 1-nil ties all the freaking time, I give you this final score:

Liverpool 4, Arsenal 4.

Last week's Champions League game:

Chelsea 4, Liverpool 4.

Well, both results sucked for the Reds. But they had to be fun games to watch. Unlike anything involving Fukudome.

Da Bulls, Debunked.

That Bulls logo might not be what you think it is

When you want to make a zero tolerance omelet, sometimes you have to break a few eggs of excessive intrusion

News item: The case of a 13-year-old Arizona girl strip-searched by school officials looking for ibuprofen pain-reliever will be heard by the U.S. Supreme Court this week.

What the Main Stream Media won't tell you: In the wake of 9/11, school officials had good reason to suspect that it was ibuprofen laced with anthrax.
~

Did I miss something?

How did we get to the point where waterboarding two guys 266 times is good/legal but shaking hands with someone is bad/wrong?

Oh yeah - Brit Hume loves the 24

Then Fox News senior political analyst Brit Hume took it a step further by emphasizing that Obama "needs to aware of what he may have unleashed here," warning of the possibility of "Congressional show trials" and emphasizing:

"What we really need is to have all these techniques at our disposal... they talk about the banging of the guy's head against the wall. It turns out to be very controlled and it's a soft wall that gives way... I'm not at all sure that's torture.

Fantasy Basketball 08-09

Winner - Briggs

Briggs, who, by his own admission doesn't talk enuff smack, takes the title for the second year in a row after years of runner-upping and a kiss your sister tie.  It was "only" a 20 point win this time around - chink in the armor?  He's already predicting a three peat, which I believe would be unprecedented.

Tie for 2nd - Fungster

Long the "guy in the middle", the guy whose teams would be in the top second half of the standings (table if you're English), Fungster's team finally put it together and made it into the money for the first time ever.  The team had a Briggs described "Fungsurgency" with a few days to go into second place, then nearly fell out of second with horrific end of season play.  Nevertheless, Fung is pleased.

5th place  - Smiff

Smiff continues to prove he's a Roto god by improving on his position and point total in a sport that he knows nuthin about.  He will be a little disappointed that he wasn't able to hold on to 2nd place, a position he held for most of the last month or so, until the "Fungsurgency" occurred.  He retains bragging rights over Sarge, although at this point one wonders what that is worth these days.

Tie for 7th place - Corms

A team wracked by injuries, Corms' team got in by far the fewest amount of games in the league. Nevertheless, there's quality there, as he managed a respectable middle of the table finish.  It shows that last years 3rd place was no fluke.

11th (and final) place - Sarge

Oi.  Or is it Oy? It's been a steady decline for Sarge since the glory days of Parcers 2004.  The Center position seemed to give Sarge fits, and a lot of games were missed there.  Just like in baseball, he's stacking up the young'uns, and hopes to make a run soon.  Will he continue to hold on to Matrix?

Not mentioned:  K-Mad (too sexy for Fantasy Basketball), Corporal (if it doesn't involve da Bears, he doesn't want to know), Ranger (he's the best at what he does, he has no time for anything else).

Much better

After drawing my ire for favoring football over hoops and the Bears to the Colts, Miss America has apologized from downtown (Indianapolis):

Miss America, Katie Stam showed off her Hoosier roots prior to the Pacers game last night. While players were going through individual workouts an hour and a half before the tip, Ms. Stam and her sparkling smile showed up courtside in a custom Pacers jersey.

After chatting up assistant coach, Jay DeFruscio, Miss America stepped on the court as if she wanted to try a shot. Bold, I thought.

Then she stepped behind the arc. Yes, Miss America lined up to shoot a regulation NBA three pointer. This has to end badly, right? The woman is tiny, plus the basketball looked more like a medicine ball in contrast to her body.

The first attempt was woefully short, but Miss America's elbow was tucked nicely, wrist cocked with appropriate wrinkles and the follow through was pure. Not bad.

Her second attempt was far better and while it was still a few feet short, this suddenly didn't seem so ridiculous.

After calling for one more shot, Miss America put it all together. The legs, the form, the follow through all in perfect rhythm. The ball floated through the air with a nice, subtle backspin before splashing through the net.

something truly 'shocking'

News headline: Blagojevich pleads 'not guilty'
~

Mushroom of the Year

Strange the things you'll find on the interwebs - Wikipedia. I can't see writing about mushrooms on any more than a yearly basis, so I tried to title the post appropriately.

Phallus indusiatus.

Sounds like a Harry Potter incantation. Might as well be. This mushroom has apparently produced spontaneous orgasms in women. Men apparently find the smell unpleasant. Anyone know where these are sold?

Roster-Depleted Bears Sign Tire Swing For Cutler To Throw To

CHICAGO—Anticipating that new Bears quarterback Jay Cutler will need more targets than converted cornerback Devin Hester and undersized journeyman Rashied Davis—the only receivers on their squad who have ever caught an NFL pass—the Chicago Bears signed a tire swing to their roster Tuesday. "We are expecting great things from this tire swing once the tire and Cutler get some practice time and develop some chemistry," receivers coach Darryl Drake said of the six-year-old Goodyear all-season radial suspended from a tree branch by a 7-foot length of rope. "This could easily be the best quarterback-receiver duo in recent Bears history." Analysts say that, while the move is somewhat unorthodox, Chicago was prudent in passing on veteran free agents Amani Toomer and Joe Jurevicius in favor of offering the tire swing a 3-year, $2.4 million contract.
~

Bailout winners found in SHOCKING location

On Wall Street, of course...

New York Times
ECONOMIC VIEW
Why Creditors Should Suffer, Too
By TYLER COWEN
April 4, 2009

THE Obama administration’s proposals to reform financial regulation sound ambitious enough as they aim to bring companies like A.I.G. under a broader umbrella of government rule-making and scrutiny.

But there is a big hole in these proposals, as there has already been in the government’s approach to bailing out failing financial companies. Even as they focus on firms deemed too big to fail, the new proposals immunize the creditors and counterparties of such firms by protecting them from their own lending and trading mistakes.

This pattern has been evident for months, with the government aiding creditors and counterparties every step of the way. Yet this has not been explained openly to the American public.

In truth, it’s not the shareholders of the American International Group who benefited most from its bailout; they were mostly wiped out. The great beneficiaries have been the creditors and counterparties at the other end of A.I.G.’s derivatives deals — firms like Goldman Sachs, Merrill Lynch, Deutsche Bank, Société Générale, Barclays and UBS.

These firms engaged in deals that A.I.G. could not make good on. The bailout, and the regulatory regime outlined by Timothy F. Geithner, the Treasury secretary, would give firms like these every incentive to make similar deals down the road.

I vote for dead people

Apparenly Missouri likes their politicians, well, underground, as it were. Stiff? Not breathing?

Dead mayor re-elected by US town

Though in the first case, the other alternative was Ashcroft. So perhaps this says way more about the other guy...

Hadn't seen the post below. Clearly this is annudder case of zombies out & about. You have been warned.

Zombies are everywhere!

I read it in the USA TODAY today.

Zombies are everywhere. (See? Ed.)

There are books galore, movies in the works, perhaps a Broadway play. There's even a zombie march in Cambridge, Mass., at noon this Sunday...

Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies written with Jane Austen (Quirk Books, $12.95), a book best described as Mr. Darcy meets Dawn of the Dead, says zombies connect because they're lovable menaces, funny, and easy metaphors.

"They've always been used to skewer the ills of society," he says. "It's not surprising they're making a comeback in these intense times."

They're not just for grown-ups.

The Forest of Hands and Teeth by Carrie Ryan (Delacorte Press for Young Readers, $16.95) is a tale of teen angst in a post-apocalyptic world. There's also Zombie Queen of Newbury High by Amanda Ashby and You Are So Undead to Me by Stacey Jay, both in stores, and Strange Angels by Lili St. Crow, on sale May 14.

people are soooo sensitive

Walgreens pulls Obama Chia Pet after complaints

Walgreens has pulled a Barack Obama version of the Chia Pet from its stores, and the decision leaves about 200,000 of the pottery plant kits in a West Side Chicago warehouse.

The Deerfield-headquartered drugstore chain made the move Friday after getting a few complaints about the item since the product's April 1 launch, a spokeswoman said...

The $19.99 Chia Obama, which sprouts foliage in the space where hair would be, is still available at chiaobama.com... YAY!

2 Schools of Thought

Transcribed roughly from memory, with embellishments to make the speakers seem more brilliant (than they already are).

Corporal: I am excited about Cutler. All they need now is to grab Harrison or Holt or Boldin (now that T.O. is in Buffalo) and they can have an incredible offense with their backfield and their tight ends.

Ranger: Do you think they are going to do that?

Corporal: I read that Pace signed with them 30 minutes after hearing Cutler signed. It is going to be a chance for him to go out with a good team, and possibly some playoff games. I think that the wide receivers may have the same line of thought.

Ranger: That makes some sense, but I'm concerned...

Corporal: All they need is a good wideout opposite Hester and someone is going to get single coverage. Cutler can carve them up then.

Ranger: Isn't it more likely that Angelo says "by signing Cutler we have already immeasurably upgraded our offense ... he will make our receivers better ... we didn't see any reason to go out now in an effort to upgrade an already upgraded receiving corps(e)."

Corporal: [silent indignation].

Fung is NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Fung would not normally put up a Scumchester highlight. But this was phokking awesome. As in it filled me with awe. And rage at the same time. If Scumchester win da Premier League on dat goal, well, Fung may as well start rooting for da cubbies too, for they, like Liverpool, will be waiting for quite a while for their next championship...

Bill Simmons, on Nellie and a Serf

There hasn't been nearly enough made of how screwed up the Warriors are right now. Their front office and ownership situation is a world-class mess. Their coach has been in "I'm Keith Hernandez" Mode since the 2007 Dallas upset and looks like he's actively trying to get fired. They have two young players everyone loves -- Randolph and Monta Ellis -- only they've been antagonized to the degree that it might affect them long-term. In Randolph's case, how can a lottery team not play a talent like Randolph 35 minutes a game? What the hell is going on here??? For some reason, the only media member who seems to care is Tim Kawakami. I don't get it. If I were a Warriors fan, I would be organizing protests outside the arena complaining about Randolph's playing time. It's insane. Imagine if Chicago was 16-50 and played Derrick Rose 10 minutes a game. Would you think that was weird? You would, right? Welcome to Anthony Randolph's world.

Is it still April Fools?

The Broncos have agreed in principle to trade Jay Cutler to the Bears for Kyle Orton, first-round picks in 2009 and 2010, and a 2009-third round pick. The Bears will receive Denver's fifth-round pick this year. Bears fans like GM Jerry Angelo now. There were late reports the Redskins were near a deal, but the Bears swooped in. The compensation is quite fair for Denver considering the circumstances, but it's still an amazing coup for Chicago. You just don't often get a top-five quarterback entering his prime, and that's what Cutler is. They have their first "franchise quarterback" since Sid Luckman in the 1940s, and all their offensive talent gets upgraded now. With that said, Cutler's fantasy value takes a huge hit going from a high-powered offense with talented young receivers to a conservative attack lacking in playmakers.
~

He was never a K-Madder, I swear

Prospectus on Mark Pawalek

[T]he Cubs appeared to have quite a find in Pawelek, when the left-hander that some saw as the top high school pitcher in the draft fell to 20th overall due to bonus concerns, and quickly signed for a slightly over-slot bonus of $1.75 million. Seen as a highly polished product who might move quickly, instead conditioning issues, effort issues, and the occasional ridiculous injury (he broke his non-throwing arm two years ago by tripping over his PlayStation) led to just four innings in a full-season league, and just 149 1/3 IP overall in his four professional seasons. Harvey and Pawelek were supposed to be the team's starting right fielder and a fixture in the rotation by now, but instead they're just footnotes in a long thesis proving that the draft is an inexact science.

Almost didn't post this since Fung is being such a sourpuss

Smiff on da Newsmeat

Be sure to check out my FEC filing!

~

Da Coldest Blog on da Internets?

What's happened to us? Look at those paltry weekly numbers for the year. Pathetic. Black man got elected pRezzidunce and we got nuttin to say? Country's going socialist & we got nuttin? We've gone soft. And I blame Smiff.

Silver sells out, moves to the Big Apple (isn't this the Decker career path?)

FiveThirtyEight Joins East Coast Media Elite

~

Do they do bridge repair?

News item: KFC filling potholes in marketing effort

(Crain’s) — Don't be surprised if you see Col. Sanders out filling potholes. In an unusual cause-marketing push, KFC is tackling the pothole problem in Louisville, Ky. in exchange for stamping the fresh pavement with "Re-freshed by KFC," a chalky stencil likely to fade away in the next downpour...

Chicago has been in talks with a company about long-term sponsorship of pothole repair. [Chicago Department of Transportation spokesman Brian] Steele would not name that company.

There are probably some humorous possibilities.

Tuck this one away

American Association
Grand Prairie AirHogs - Signed OF Aaron Garza
~
"The name "AirHogs" is a slang term used by U.S. military pilots, and refers to the city's aviation industry."
-- The Wikipedia
~

On da udder hand, "No Title Nellie" is BRAIN-DEAD, so who knows?

Anthony Randolph started in his hometown on Wednesday (Dallas), finishing with 10 points, six rebounds and two steals, but Don Nelson wasn't thrilled with him after the game.
"Because he came home, I wanted to start him," Nelson said. "I was pretty disappointed when he reverted back to the way he wants to play, which is the way that we had him in training camp — coming down wild and shooting every time. I bent over backwards to make sure he played a lot tonight so he could play in front of his family, and that was a bit of a disappointment." Knowing Nelson, his anger with the young big man could result in another start over Brandan Wright in his next game.
~

This post is making me hungry... I could really go for a slice of Molto's pizza right now...

Idaho teacher sells advertising space on tests

POCATELLO, Idaho -- Good morning, class, and welcome to U.S. history, brought to you by Molto Caldo Pizzeria.

In a cash-strapped Idaho high school where signs taped near every light switch remind the staff to save electricity, an enterprising teacher has struck a sponsorship deal with a local pizza shop: Every test, handout and worksheet he passes out to his students reads MOLTO'S PIZZA 14" 1 TOPPING JUST $5 in bright red, inch-high letters printed along the bottom of every page.

He might want to check the morgue

MESA, Ariz. -- Cubs reliever Chad Gaudin is trying to find himself this spring, an odyssey which began when he was selected by the Andersonville Horror in the 24th round of this year's FISK draft.

He's got da BAEKs -- Bury Annudder Execrable K-Madder.

They warned us!

AIG employee quits at 'betrayal'

The mass exodus of those who would "save" "AIG" has begun. They won't get their bonuses, so they're outta dere. Taking with them their expertise in er, um, ah, I'll get back to you on that one.

To Cheer Us Up!

Somebody's going to get rich! Was here and found this little gem of happiness about the bank plan.

Bronte Capital


Why the Countrywide guys should be allowed to get mega-rich

Posted: 24 Mar 2009 04:23 PM PDT
Pimco is a bond management firm which has come through this crisis almost unscathed. The monthly letters from Pimco are amongst the few must-reads of Wall Street. I have no reason to believe that Pimco has ever acted with anything but integrity.

A few days ago I posted about cumulative loss data at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. I pointed out that Fannie's credit on qualifying mortgages was consistently worse than Freddie's and asked for comments. One comment suggested – and I have since confirmed – that the main difference was that Countrywide largely originated for Fannie – and was Fannie's largest source of loans.

Given that they used the same sort of computer data as everyone else it is likely that they were at best aggressive in how they confirmed mortgagee income and employment. Its a culture thing.

And given that the losses at Fannie and Freddie now appear to belong to the US Government these guys were not nice to taxpayers.

The guys from Countrywide have started a new firm – Penny Mac – which will deal in scratch-and-dint mortgages. They clearly have some experience in the area. The New York times wrote a story which was – at least editorially – a little sickened by how guys that manage to cause the crisis are now profiting from it. The tone rings politically true.

The terms for the Geithner funds were written so that Pimco could (almost certainly) run one of the funds. Indeed the terms appear to be written in a way as to maximise conflicts of interest. This is a problem – because say $10 billion that Pimco puts up will give Pimco power to buy maybe $200 billion in bonds.

Pimco owns a lot of debt of large banks. If they were to use that $200 billion for say $80 billion of overpayment as suggested by Steve Waldman then they could make good their huge holdings of bank debt. They are conflicted. The conflict is large.

By contrast if the Countrywide guys are to put in the bulk of their personal fortunes they are not conflicted. (It would be almost everything they had – and they have no other remaining interests.)

The treasury should refuse Pimco's application and accept Penny Mac's if Penny Mac makes a decent submission.

Its an outcome that politically stinks. It will deliver a fortune to the Countrywide guys. It will sure play badly in the New York times.

But agency problems are at the core of how we got into this crisis – whether it be mortgage brokers with an incentive to say one thing and do another or whether it is traders who got paid huge bonuses when they lied about their mark-to-market profits or rating agencies who were paid by issuers of dodgy debt..

The Treasury should be writing the criteria to minimise agency problems – and instead they have written them to maximise agency problems.

This is not good.

Maybe Fung could translate this?

Man of Kent is a delicious stop up Rte 7 in upstate New York on the way to Vermont. Adam reminded me of it today - and I decided to visit it on the web and found this:

Man of Kent Cricket Club Enjoy a Friendly Win

Match report by Nigel Johnson

Scorecard

Hoosick NY, August 13th 2006.

Well, it could have been the biggest banana skin ever, but in fact turned into one of our best performances and that takes into account a feisty and youthful opponent who thought they could win. It was the best day for Summer cricket and the wicket looked great, even with the minor problems of the pitch markings (!) Steve showed up with 10 High Schoolers from the electric city, and more than a few of them had serious cricket genes, and it was great to see Alton again, and there is for sure no better ambassador of cricket to mentor this new team, lead by Matthew Persaud, son of Maurice Persaud - need I say more. Evidently these kids had been practicing every Tuesday for some time now, and probably with the senior squad on Friday's, and I am sure that after our failure against the Mad Dogs, Steve thought we were ripe for the taking - well the best laid plans of Weisse and men, we proved 'em wrong. And did we!!

It did not start well, when this Captain lost the toss, and was pleasantly surprised when we were asked to bat first. I always go on the principal that it is far better to have the runs on the board, than to chase down runs on a worn wicket. Kumar and I opened the innings and rode our luck a little, having to deal with some short "bodyline" bowling, and accurate medium pace from their Captain. Still we were able to stick around long enough to take the sting out of the bowling attack before I succumbed to a mistimed shot and was caught out of their Captains bowling, still we had close to 40 runs on the board and a significant improvement on our previous effort. I can't recall the batting order but it seemed that everyone was more or less able to put runs on the board, and especially Kumar, Balki, Kirk, Mick and top scorer Eric who plundered some "sit up and beg" bowling in the middle overs. 100 runs appeared and went, along with 150, and we batted out our allotted 30 overs with great aplomb, garnering a total of 190 some for 9. Good efforts also from Allen with his ever present runner Balki, and Joe, who will want to forget his nightmare dismissal, I'm sure.

After our mid innings break we went out confident of a defensible total, especially with our bowling line up. Kumar and Neel opened the bowling and runs from the opposition were slow, apart from punishing the occasional loose ball. Balki, Kirk, Tim, and Eric followed and pretty much finished them off, and we certainly were able to take every chance that came on offer. Great catches taken, return throws, a neat stumping, and some stump splitting bowling ripped out wickets at regular intervals and in the end it was only a matter of time before the inevitable happened. I must say that from my vantage point behind the wicket I thought that Steve was a little too eager for success, especially with his umpiring calls (!) But it was a credit that everyone stuck to their task with victory in sight. Well done indeed to the team. Moving on now, I don't know who is available for practice tonight but a show of hands would help decide. I have a knee strain and will not be able to participate tonight, and have work commitments for this Sunday and possibly next Thursday (!) So please speak up if you want to practice and so something can be coordinated. In terms of games we are pretty much done at the school now, but it would be worth planning an away game or two in September if there was some interest. So shabbash to all for a great team effort on Sunday - a great way to close out the year, short as it is at Hoosac.

What does this mean Fung?

BREAKING:

Paul Harvey is Still Dead.

Thank God.

~

Howie Long: Asshole

The excruciating and mildly amusing commercials of the tourney

3. Howie Long. Do you want me to hate Howie Long, Chevrolet? Because I do. I couldn't hate him more if he spent all day yesterday sitting next to me and jabbing me in the thigh with a pitchfork every time I blinked. And when I think about how much more Howie Long I'm going to be seeing over the next few weeks, it makes me hate Howie Long even more.
Tell me, Howie, what's so unmasculine about a having a step to get in the back of your truck? Are all truck owners expected to have a 40-inch vertical leap? There's literally no other scenario on the planet where a person would be expected to navigate a climb of that height without the use of a step. But this poor guy is the object of Howie Long's derision because he wants a step to get into the bed of his truck?
What's your deal, Howie Long? What do you have against the use of basic technology to help a person do something they might not otherwise be able to easily do? Man-step. What do you want to the guy to do, pole vault into the back of the truck? Do you stand outside of public buildings all day, Howie, waiting for someone who uses a wheelchair to use an entrance ramp, and then say, "Hey buddy, way to use your little man-ramp"? Jerk.

And am i the only one to notice his pedophile ad? The one with the annoying little girl, a close-up of his crotch and her pointing at it, before they get into the back seat of a truck together? That's the ad. Really.

I am never buying a fucking Chevy. Fuck them and FUCK Howie Long. ASSHOLE.
~

Smiff: The Statue

I'm guessing neither one was a Rhodes Scholar

Cops: Ohio man shot self after running over friend
The Associated Press 5:03 a.m. March 23, 2009
SAGAMORE HILLS, Ohio — Police say an Ohio man fatally shot himself in the head moments after realizing he had run over a friend in a bar parking lot.
Summit County Sheriff's Sgt. Scott Cottle says witnesses saw Erich Schultz and Stacy DiJulius arguing in the parking lot after both had been drinking at a bar in Sagamore Hills, about 20 miles south of Cleveland.
Cottle says 38-year-old Schultz tried to drive away in his Jeep, but DiJulius tried to enter the vehicle as it moved and fell under one of the tires. Cottle says it appears Schultz accidentally ran over DiJulius and he felt so bad about it that he took out a gun and shot himself.
The 39-year-old DiJulius died at a hospital after Saturday night's accident. Schultz died on Sunday.
~

Obama, Ozzie Agree: Go Full Retard

Ozzie Guillen’s muses include advising Obama

GLENDALE, Ariz. – President Barack Obama’s apology for his Special Olympics crack to Jay Leno while lampooning his bowling skills may not be enough to satisfy Gov. Sarah Palin, who ripped Obama for a “degrading remark.” But the president might be heartened to hear that a fellow Chicago South Sider, one who knows something about political incorrectness, has his back.

“I thought it was funny,” said Ozzie Guillen, the never-lost-for-something-to-say manager of the Chicago White Sox. “People take it out of context. The [expletive*] people in this country think you have to worry about what you’re saying, what you’re thinking. … I love when I see Obama’s picture in the paper with a beer in his hands. It’s awesome. He’s a human being. He’s a guy who enjoys life.”...

[fucking?--ed.]
~

Question submitted

6 y.o.: Hercules is strong.

me: yeah.

6 y.o.: Is anyone stronger than Hercules?

me: well his father is Zeus, and Zeus is stronger.

6 y.o.: who is the strongest god?

me: hard to say.

6 y.o.: who do most people say is strongest?

me: most people don't talk about stong gods anymore. People around here mostly worship the god of the bible and his son Jesus.

6 y.o: do you think Jesus could kill god?