Monday, November 19, 2007

"News" Item: Fat Blips

The Health Of America
The United Health Foundation recently ranked the 50 states, top to bottom, in order of healthiest to least healthy. Here are some of the key rankings, along with the factors that placed them there.

STATE, THIS YEAR'S RANK (LAST YEAR'S RANK): REASON
West Virginia, 44 (45): Governor delivered on promise of squirrel in every pot
New York, 27 (8): Trans-fats ban in restaurants forcing residents to mug/rape/murder one another
New Jersey, 21 (14): Clerical error in medical records corrected
California, 25 (21): Role demanded a more diabetic look
Illinois, 28 (27): Chicago extended legal limit for deep-dish depth
Nevada, 39 (38): 38 wasn't working for them; trying luck with 39
Wyoming, 19 (23): Health department ordered all unhealthy people to stay home when United Health Foundation was in town

In all seriousness (er, sorta), the bottom 10 states are all in the South. They all went for Bush. Obviously, being a fat phokk makes you dumber (i was a lot smarter 25 years ago). "Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life."--Dean Wormer

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