Mysteries from the LoC Stats Files: Search Keywords of the Poor Suckers Who Wind Up Here

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CNBC, Donald Trump, and the willful self-dumbering of America (cont'd) #BRAWNDO

"Perhaps citing, as I clearly stated on air, an unconfirmed report from a conservative website was not the most conventional method to elicit a response from the loquacious Mr. Trump."

True. Next time just give him the mic and let him talk, since the journalism thing is apparently too much work for you.

On a related note, since Trump has chosen to double down on the brain-dead birther thing, the building in Chicago formerly named after him will henceforth be known as Rostenkowski Tower, or more colloquially, The Rosty.
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Artisanal Dough "Nuts" in the News

Glazed and Infused has opened its first two locations, at 1553 N. Damen Ave., near the Damen Blue Line stop in Wicker Park, and at 813 W. Fulton Market in the West Loop. A third shop, at 929 W. Armitage Ave.,opens in July.

According to Crain's:

The artisanal doughnuts are made fresh each day from whole ingredients (local butter, eggs, cream and fruit when available) and trans-fat-free shortening. The doughnuts are made with two distinct batters — light, fluffy yeast doughnuts and cake doughnuts. Flavors include: maple bacon long john (inevitably - Ed.), PB&J, vanilla bean glazed, crème brûlée, apple fritter and red velvet. 

Unlike Dunkin' Donuts, these really sound like they are legitimately artisanal, and knowing how much people eat up that artisanal s#i+, this should be a hit. My only criticism is that they passed up the opportunity to spell "infused" with a z -- "infuzed" -- which would have been phokking awesome.

I wonder what gave it away? Maybe the crash. Or the fact that it was an ambulance.

News item: Woman charged with stealing city ambulance from South Side hospital

Snuggle up with sKILLy

WGN Tom Skilling Blanket, Chicago's Very Own T-Shirt, The Cuddly Dudley & Garfield Goose:

Middle school humor is the funniest kind

For example: making fun of people's names.
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News item: University of Texas apologizes for ‘pubic affairs’ commencement typo

In fairness, the LBJ School of Pubic Affairs does sound like a school that a Democrat would establish.

Who's ready to belly up to the idiot bar today? Aha!! Here comes a regular... #BRAWNDO #idiotbar #herecomesaregular

Which animal is hating America today?

Good question! I was about to guess the beady-eyed, weasely wolverine, but it is in fact our frenemy the moose that is stabbing us in the back this time by linking antlers with the YOOOGE global warming HOAX Machine.

"As ruminants, moose have a complicated digestion system that affects their ability to self-cool, and their internal thermostats are triggered with even the smallest temperature shifts."

"Waaah - it's too hot out" ... ya gonna cry now?
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Praise for Ryan Theriot from Bruce Bochy

"Theriot has a resume and a history of hitting."

An apology

According to the stats page for this blog, over the past month, 12 people have been led to this site from whereistheoutrage.net. Suckers!
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QT is BACK, baby! #artisanal #BeefSupreme

News Headline: "Beef industry searchers for solutions after 'pink slime' uproar."
News Headline: "What if it weren't called pink slime?"
Too late for that. It is irrevocably called pink slime.
The question now is: How do we get Americans to eat pink slime?"
The answer?
Call it Artisan Pink Slime.
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Facebook Awkwardness (cont'd)

 News item: "Police: Merrimack woman sexually assaulted 15-year-old boy. 13 people recommend this."

Great news from John Coleman! We have nothing to worry about! Things are doing just fine! #BRAWNDO #biiLLLions

The world's most expensive hot dog is now MADE IN AMERICA (NO KETCHUP!)

Earlier this year, some Canadian thought he could beat Americans at our plutocracy/encased meats nexus game - an idea so wrong, the original article has been scrubbed from the internets.

America is BACK, baby!

Hot Dog Mike Juiliano creates The World’s Most Expensive Hot Dog (comma) for charity

I guess if your parents name you Hot Dog Mike, it kind of limits your career choices.

Previously, Canada held the record for the most expensive hot dog, but he thought it was time to bring the title back to America, intending no offense to Canada. (America: PHOKK YEAH!! SUCK IT, Canada ... Ed.)

The dog – made with a quarter-pound of premium beef – was also topped with lobster tail and saffron aioli. (NO KETCHUP! Ed.) ... Bystanders questioned whether the condiment covering her face was mustard or gold. At the same time, Juiliano assured everyone that the gold was "American gold" (PHOKK YEAH! Ed.).
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Dusty-like shenanigans (cont'd)

Reds manager Dusty Baker said Wednesday that the plan is for Aroldis Chapman to start "someday." (The inference being that it won't be happening anytime soon. Chapman has posted a dominant 0.00 ERA and 32/5 K/BB ratio in 18 1/3 innings of relief this season and deserves a long-form look. But Baker is as stubborn as they get and seems to think he has the Cuban left-hander pegged correctly as a setup man.)
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Baseball FAIL - Democracy FAIL degrees of separation

In the final days, Joe Ricketts, the wealthy AmeriTrade founder whose family owns the Chicago Cubs, threw $200,000 into television ads questioning Mr. Bruning’s character and business record. Mr. Ricketts is one of the primary funders of an anti-incumbent "super PAC," the Campaign for Primary Accountability, that has been roiling congressional races throughout the country.

The non-apology apology: so tricky to execute, it requires a committee

"O’Brien appointed a committee of three representatives to work with Vaillancourt to come up with an appropriate apology..."
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How to Act Human: Advice for Mitt Romney From Inside the Actors Studio

Public Service Announcement: The iPad is dangerous in Bed

Background (also included in the link) - apparently a girl fell asleep while holding her iPad above her head, dropped it, and chipped a few teeth as a result.

The iPad Is Dangerous In Bed:

I wonder what Apple will do to address this obviously fatal flaw with their device! For now, you have been warned!