The all-time list of how poor suckers wound up here

Lattice of Coincidence ~ Search Keywords ~ All Time
lattice of coincidence 382
fuck you 191
butcher 80
buckeyes suck 53
mets suck 46
angry polar bear 25
latticeofcoincidence.blogspot.com 22
blogger 20
nude recreation 13
henry chase hager (who? - ed.) 12
~

DJ Brings the Wisdom

DJ on Francisco Liriano: "The main thing he needs to do is get guys out."
~

Further apologies to the poor suckers who ask themselves: "How did I wind up here?"

Lattice of Coincidence ~ Search Keywords ~ July 28 - Aug. 4
ksu black squirrel student government 5
mad cat funny 3
sewer scum drawing 3
constant flow of bullshit 2
latticeofcoincidence.blogspot.com 2
wide open lattice fence nude men 2
boner+nyc+subway 1
cat miss me 1
cat that gives the finger 1
economic bullshit 1

#YOOOOGE rematch of 2008 men's #Olympics #handball final tomorrow! #Iceland vs. France! @smiff was right! I've been remiss!

And it's not in the middle of the night this time! 1:30pm CST (God's Time)!

Four teams reach quarterfinals at Olympic handball
~

Someone is falling down on the job with the Icelandic Handball updates

Get The Phokk Outta Here, Sweden

~

Another one of those little things we probably don't have to worry about (cont'd)

An avian flu that jumps from birds to mammals is killing New England's baby seals

Based on full genome sequencing and phylogenetic analysis, seal H3N8 descended from an avian strain that has been circulating in North American waterfowl since 2002, which implies recent transmission from wild birds to seals.
...

Given these findings along with the long history of the spread of avian influenza to humans—most notably H1N1 and H5N1—seal H3N8 could pose a threat to public health.
~

Handball. Argentina. Iceland. #Olympics. ICELAND.

Sunday, 3:30am Central Time US&A (God's Time)
~

No Edumacation for the Damned

In a brilliant move coninciding with the rough level of thought and discourse in this country, school vouchers in Louisiana, which may otherwise be used for religious education, cannot be used for Muslim religious education.  And don't get me started on atheists - why they even need an education is beyond me - there's not even here for any reason anyway. 

The article

Why does the National Academy of, Like, Science and Shit hate America?

On the other hand, Kollyforniya isn't losing beachfront property, it's gaining saltwater marshland.

News item: Imaginary "rising sea levels" could "flood" San Francisco aeroport in a decade
~

Sounds about right...

Wrigley Field Supporters Propose Tearing Down Rest Of Chicago:

I'm sure this is likewise little if anything to worry about: "Earth Is Headed for Disaster, Interdisciplinary Scientific Review Concludes"

Earth Is Headed for Disaster, Interdisciplinary Scientific Review Concludes

An interdisciplinary group of 22 scientists, combining paleontological evidence with ecological modeling, has concluded that the earth appears headed toward catastrophic and irreversible environmental changes.

Their report, in the June 7 issue of the journal Nature, describes an exponentially increasing rate of species extinctions, extreme climate fluctuations, and other threats that together risk a level of upheaval not seen since the large-scale extinctions 65 million years ago that killed off the dinosaurs.

...

Their conclusion is that the damaging effects, when combined, appear even worse than each of the experts has seen in his or her own field, Mr. Barnosky said. "These are all driving forces that in fact are greater than what we saw in the past," he said.

...

But for others, the warning contained in the Berkeley-led report may not be strong enough. "I suspect it's a little too optimistic," said Paul R. Ehrlich, a professor of population studies at Stanford University known for his 1968 book The Population Bomb.

Mr. Ehrlich said he foresees a series of dire threats to humanity, many virtually untouched by political leaders, including climate change, water shortages, and the widespread use of man-made toxins. Even a single repercussion of one of those, such as water scarcity leading to nuclear war between India and Pakistan, could devastate populations worldwide, he said.

"Generally the scientific community has spoken many times," Mr. Ehrlich said, "but nobody's paying any attention."

This is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd), or, They can have my incandescent light bulb when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers

Climate Scientists Lament a Nation Stuck on the Wrong Debate

The global warming debate in Congress, the states and on the campaign trail centers on two issues: Is Earth warming, and if so are humans to blame?

But ask most climate scientists, and they'll tell you that these are the only questions not in dispute. Climate change is a matter of how bad and by when, they'll say -— not whether.

Actually, I have a different question: Why are the collectivists trying to collect all my favorite light bulbs?

House votes to block enforcement of energy efficient light bulb standards

Thank God there are still a few defenders of liberty willing to stand up to Uncle Bo and his Stasi Brownshirt redistributors.

And quit worrying about our grandkids -- they'll thank us later, when they're raking in the dough at the Railsplitter Pineapple Co. (DON'T USE THAT! I haven't trademarked it yet!)

There are about 874,000 Google hits for "redistributor in chief," by the way.
~

Get a brain, morans! #Amercia

Al Qaeda's number two: Kill him again, for the first time

I think it's the second time in just the last couple of weeks that we did this. Fine with me. This guy is such a phokking prick, I'm totally ok with killing him over and over again.

News item: U.S. strike killed al-Qaeda’s No. 2 leader
~

Hiney Bird Alert: Some Syracuse grad on Yahoo who never played the game calls Hawk an "imbalanced wingnut"

"Now, if Hawk Harrelson knew any of this – if this announcer in the American League knew anything about the game of baseball – he would understand that in fact Mark Wegner had done the right thing."

Ooooooooh.
~

This is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd), or, Why does science hate America?, or, Perpetrators of most elaborate hoax ever going to ever more elaborate lengths to perpetrate hoax (cont'd)

Warming gas levels hit 'troubling milestone' (new team name?)

"It's been at least 800,000 years — probably more — since Earth saw carbon dioxide levels in the 400s, Butler and other climate scientists said."

Well then, I'd say this was overdue.
~

Illinois Meltdowns (cont)

Illinois lawmaker erupts during pension reform debate -- chicagotribune.com:

Hawk goes apeshit

Ken "Hawk" Harrelson Melts Down After White Sox Pitcher Ejected For Throwing Behind A Batter:

Mysteries from the LoC Stats Files: Search Keywords of the Poor Suckers Who Wind Up Here

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

CNBC, Donald Trump, and the willful self-dumbering of America (cont'd) #BRAWNDO

"Perhaps citing, as I clearly stated on air, an unconfirmed report from a conservative website was not the most conventional method to elicit a response from the loquacious Mr. Trump."

True. Next time just give him the mic and let him talk, since the journalism thing is apparently too much work for you.

On a related note, since Trump has chosen to double down on the brain-dead birther thing, the building in Chicago formerly named after him will henceforth be known as Rostenkowski Tower, or more colloquially, The Rosty.
~

Artisanal Dough "Nuts" in the News

Glazed and Infused has opened its first two locations, at 1553 N. Damen Ave., near the Damen Blue Line stop in Wicker Park, and at 813 W. Fulton Market in the West Loop. A third shop, at 929 W. Armitage Ave.,opens in July.

According to Crain's:

The artisanal doughnuts are made fresh each day from whole ingredients (local butter, eggs, cream and fruit when available) and trans-fat-free shortening. The doughnuts are made with two distinct batters — light, fluffy yeast doughnuts and cake doughnuts. Flavors include: maple bacon long john (inevitably - Ed.), PB&J, vanilla bean glazed, crème brûlée, apple fritter and red velvet. 

Unlike Dunkin' Donuts, these really sound like they are legitimately artisanal, and knowing how much people eat up that artisanal s#i+, this should be a hit. My only criticism is that they passed up the opportunity to spell "infused" with a z -- "infuzed" -- which would have been phokking awesome.

I wonder what gave it away? Maybe the crash. Or the fact that it was an ambulance.

News item: Woman charged with stealing city ambulance from South Side hospital

Snuggle up with sKILLy

WGN Tom Skilling Blanket, Chicago's Very Own T-Shirt, The Cuddly Dudley & Garfield Goose:

Middle school humor is the funniest kind

For example: making fun of people's names.
~

News item: University of Texas apologizes for ‘pubic affairs’ commencement typo

In fairness, the LBJ School of Pubic Affairs does sound like a school that a Democrat would establish.

Who's ready to belly up to the idiot bar today? Aha!! Here comes a regular... #BRAWNDO #idiotbar #herecomesaregular

Which animal is hating America today?

Good question! I was about to guess the beady-eyed, weasely wolverine, but it is in fact our frenemy the moose that is stabbing us in the back this time by linking antlers with the YOOOGE global warming HOAX Machine.

"As ruminants, moose have a complicated digestion system that affects their ability to self-cool, and their internal thermostats are triggered with even the smallest temperature shifts."

"Waaah - it's too hot out" ... ya gonna cry now?
~

Praise for Ryan Theriot from Bruce Bochy

"Theriot has a resume and a history of hitting."

An apology

According to the stats page for this blog, over the past month, 12 people have been led to this site from whereistheoutrage.net. Suckers!
~

QT is BACK, baby! #artisanal #BeefSupreme

News Headline: "Beef industry searchers for solutions after 'pink slime' uproar."
News Headline: "What if it weren't called pink slime?"
Too late for that. It is irrevocably called pink slime.
The question now is: How do we get Americans to eat pink slime?"
The answer?
Call it Artisan Pink Slime.
~

Facebook Awkwardness (cont'd)

 News item: "Police: Merrimack woman sexually assaulted 15-year-old boy. 13 people recommend this."

Great news from John Coleman! We have nothing to worry about! Things are doing just fine! #BRAWNDO #biiLLLions

The world's most expensive hot dog is now MADE IN AMERICA (NO KETCHUP!)

Earlier this year, some Canadian thought he could beat Americans at our plutocracy/encased meats nexus game - an idea so wrong, the original article has been scrubbed from the internets.

America is BACK, baby!

Hot Dog Mike Juiliano creates The World’s Most Expensive Hot Dog (comma) for charity

I guess if your parents name you Hot Dog Mike, it kind of limits your career choices.

Previously, Canada held the record for the most expensive hot dog, but he thought it was time to bring the title back to America, intending no offense to Canada. (America: PHOKK YEAH!! SUCK IT, Canada ... Ed.)

The dog – made with a quarter-pound of premium beef – was also topped with lobster tail and saffron aioli. (NO KETCHUP! Ed.) ... Bystanders questioned whether the condiment covering her face was mustard or gold. At the same time, Juiliano assured everyone that the gold was "American gold" (PHOKK YEAH! Ed.).
~

Dusty-like shenanigans (cont'd)

Reds manager Dusty Baker said Wednesday that the plan is for Aroldis Chapman to start "someday." (The inference being that it won't be happening anytime soon. Chapman has posted a dominant 0.00 ERA and 32/5 K/BB ratio in 18 1/3 innings of relief this season and deserves a long-form look. But Baker is as stubborn as they get and seems to think he has the Cuban left-hander pegged correctly as a setup man.)
~

Baseball FAIL - Democracy FAIL degrees of separation

In the final days, Joe Ricketts, the wealthy AmeriTrade founder whose family owns the Chicago Cubs, threw $200,000 into television ads questioning Mr. Bruning’s character and business record. Mr. Ricketts is one of the primary funders of an anti-incumbent "super PAC," the Campaign for Primary Accountability, that has been roiling congressional races throughout the country.

The non-apology apology: so tricky to execute, it requires a committee

"O’Brien appointed a committee of three representatives to work with Vaillancourt to come up with an appropriate apology..."
~

How to Act Human: Advice for Mitt Romney From Inside the Actors Studio

Public Service Announcement: The iPad is dangerous in Bed

Background (also included in the link) - apparently a girl fell asleep while holding her iPad above her head, dropped it, and chipped a few teeth as a result.

The iPad Is Dangerous In Bed:

I wonder what Apple will do to address this obviously fatal flaw with their device! For now, you have been warned!

Sexy Time (cont)

Police: Man drove 111 mph for sex:

Amorous Intentions - always phokking things up...

I did not make this up

Prairie Chicken Head Giveaway (First 1,500 Fans)

This may be one of the most unique giveaways in the history of the sports, and you don't want to miss it! The first 1,500 fans will receive a Prairie Chicken Head. Get to the park early, because these are sure to go fast!
~

Was literally everyone else unavailable?

News item: World famous eater Kobayashi makes his first visit to Schaumburg for Boomers Opening Weekend.

Kobayashi is a professional eater who memorably challenged a Kodiak bear to a televised eating contest.

Did the bear know he was being challenged? Because I think if he did, he would have eaten Kobayashi.

In addition to Kobayashi’s appearance, the Boomers will be celebrating Opening Weekend with a one-of-a-kind Prairie Chicken Helmet Giveaway...

Okay, now I'm getting interested.
~

Ver nice, how much?

BBC News - Kazakh gold medallist is played Borat anthem in Kuwait:

Why does Rick Santorum HATE the Pope?

Does Santorum think the pope is a ‘radical environmentalist’?

I assume someone will be denied Communion over this.
~

Well, this explains how @kmaddest does it...

To Lose Weight, Just Drink a Gallon of Coffee:

So THAT'S how the bees disappeared...

The Associated Press: Swarm of bees delays Giants-Diamondbacks game:

The grounds crew came up with a sweet solution.

They smeared a combination of concession-stand lemonade and cotton candy on two utility carts and lured many of the bees away from fans and players.

Whatta buncha boobs

Tit Thinks it's People:

Making $#!+ up: sKILLy Division

Saskatchewan Screamer? What's next, British Columbia Brawler?

America, Distilled

From a Trib story about the "Santorum surge":

Part of the Santorum surge can be accounted for by disaffected supporters of Newt Gingrich, the former speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives.

"I decided to support him three weeks ago. Before that, I was for Gingrich," said Steve Izev, 34, of Westerville, Ohio. "The more popular he got, the more I liked him."

The more popular he got, the more I liked him. Before that I liked the other guy that was getting popular. I love it. So....honest. I'm not really thinking about it, I'm just going with whoever everyone else likes, coz this Romney guy is suspect in some sort of way...

Someone who agrees with the @fungsterm

I'm a Chicagoan, and I like ketchup on my hot dog. Deal with it. | Chicago Quirk:

Why does Rolling Stone want Romney to win?

Back when he was running for president in 2008, Barack Obama insisted that medical marijuana was an issue best left to state and local governments. "I'm not going to be using Justice Department resources to try to circumvent state laws on this issue," he vowed, promising an end to the Bush administration's high-profile raids on providers of medical pot, which is legal in 16 states and the District of Columbia.

But over the past year, the Obama administration has quietly unleashed a multi­agency crackdown on medical cannabis that goes far beyond anything undertaken by George W. Bush. The feds are busting growers who operate in full compliance with state laws, vowing to seize the property of anyone who dares to even rent to legal pot dispensaries, and threatening to imprison state employees responsible for regulating medical marijuana. With more than 100 raids on pot dispensaries during his first three years, Obama is now on pace to exceed Bush's record for medical-marijuana busts. "There's no question that Obama's the worst president on medical marijuana," says Rob Kampia, executive director of the Marijuana Policy Project. "He's gone from first to worst."

Onion or Real? Area Man Has Heart Attack at Heart Attack Grill

Man Has Heart Attack While Eating At The Heart Attack Grill

"He had been eating a Triple Bypass Burger — or, a sandwich stacked with three patties of beef..."
~

Carl's Jr. Computer: Enjoy your EXTRA BIG ASS FRIES!
~

Awesome new films

I thought Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter looked promising.

But I have been upstaged. Iron Sky tells the story of how a Nazi space program deposited the master race on the dark side of the moon, where they went on to live for 70 years, studying our culture, and only now returning to exploit our weaknesses. Oh - and the president is apparently Sarah Palin.

All this and the twinkie workers are apparently going on strike. The cosmic dissonance is going to tear the planet apart.

Shamelessly Recycling

I'm pretty sure I've posted this before, why else would it be on my hard drive?

"We don't need to ask who you're talking to. We know."

[T]he Obama administration...has brought more prosecutions against current or former government officials for providing classified information to the media than every previous administration combined. [...]

“The Justice Department has always taken seriously cases in which government employees and contractors entrusted with classified information are suspected of willfully disclosing such classified information to those not entitled to it,” a department official explained. “As a general matter, prosecutions of those who leaked classified information to reporters have been rare, due, in part, to the inherent challenges involved in identifying the person responsible for the illegal disclosure and in compiling the evidence necessary to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt.”

This is probably nothing to worry about (cont'ing)

Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., noticed that to subject American citizens to arrest without warrant and to detain us without trial violates the Fourth, Fifth, and Sixth Amendments of the Constitution. Feinstein proposed to specifically exempt American citizens from the NDAA's arrest policy.

Her clarification of the NDAA passed the Senate by a vote of 98 to 1. That's as bipartisan as it gets, even in good times. In these times, passage of Feinstein's clarification was a miracle of agreement.

Yet in the NDAA's final version, as signed by President Obama, American citizens are not exempt. How did that happen? [...]

The Obama White House specifically asked that U.S. citizens be subject to arrest without warrant and detention without trial.

Congressman Falls for The Onion's Planned Parenthood 'Abortionplex' Story

Meet the next rising Republican star...

Meet John Fleming, the unfortunate Republican U.S. Representative from Louisiana who made that wonderful and all-too-common mistake of thinking that an Onion article was real and telling his Facebook followers to read it.

Who was all gung ho about Iceland again?

Iceland Is So Inbred It Needs a Website to Avoid Incest:

Huh huh, Icelandic "handball". Huh huh, huh huh...

Presidential Power. Also, Al Green Sucks.

Sales of Al Green up nearly 500% after Obama 'cover' - POLITICO.com:

Who knew that President Obama could make a 30-odd year old song shoot up the chartsagain?

Digital sales of Al Green's (hate dis guy - ed) 1972 hit "Let's Stay Together" (hate dis song - ed) are up 490 percent, since a video of the president singing a few bars at a fundraiser surfaced last week.

According to Nielsen SoundScan, the song was downloaded about 16,000 times last week — making it the best week for the song since digital sales data became available in 2003.

And that's the only Obama-Al Green (add dat to the nexus list - ed) news.

House Democrats, at a retreat in Maryland, presented President Obama with a CD of the caucus doing a rendition of the song. POLITICO's Seung Min Kim has more.

To which the Fungster says Boooooooooooo!

John Coleman hates to tell you he told you so, but John Coleman told you so (cont'd)

There's a @kmaddest and @fungsterm moment in the middle...

Canadian plutocrats, we got your dog here

DougieDog Hot Dogs says the footlong creation is "mouth-wateringly delicious" — and it'll set diners back $100.

The Dragon Dog is made with a bratwurst infused with century-old Louis the 13th cognac, which costs more than $2,000 a bottle.

Other ingredients include Kobe beef seared in olive and truffle oil, fresh lobster (NO KETCHUP! - ed.) and a secret picante sauce.
~

This is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd)

Using computer modeling and observations, researchers concluded that carbon dioxide emissions have already raised ocean acidity far beyond the range of natural variations. Meaning, that oceans have acidified more in the last 200 years, than they did in the previous 21,000 years.
~

For 35 years in a row, science has been rooting for the terrorists to win ...

... or, perpetrators of most elaborate hoax ever going to ever more elaborate lengths to perpetrate hoax (cont'd)

This marks the 35th straight year that global temperatures were warmer than normal. NOAA's records for world average temperatures date back to 1880.
~

Exciting developments in booze (cont'd)

We can now drink meteorite-infused wine.

Imagine a wine connoisseur swirling Cabernet Sauvignon around in his mouth, and then comparing the experience to "drinking elements from the birth of the solar system."

With those exact words, vineyard owner Ian Hutcheon is promoting Meteorito, the first wine aged with a roughly 4.5 billion-year-old meteorite believed to be from the asteroid belt between Mars and Jupiter.
~

Rick Perry - Savoring the Dumbering

His campaign is probably almost over, so we must cherish these golden nuggets of inanity (new team name?) while they're still coming.

"When you have a country [Turkey] that is being ruled by what many would perceive to be Islamic terrorists, when you start seeing that type of activity against their own citizens, then yes, not only is it time for us to have a conversation about whether or not they belong to be in NATO, but it's time for the United States, when we look at their foreign aid, to go to zero with it."

— Rick Perry

This was the most jaw-dropping statement of the night.

The ruling party of Turkey is moderately Islamic, but it generally has not interfered with the country’s secular traditions. While Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton has prodded the leadership about its commitment to media freedoms, few analysts — if any — would say the Turkish leadership is made up of "Islamic terrorists." We really have no idea what Perry is talking about.

As for foreign aid, Turkey is a wealthy country that already gets virtually no foreign aid from the United States. The State Department this year made a request for about $5 million, which was earmarked for peace-keeping and security operations — not what one could consider traditional "foreign aid."
~

I guess what's been killing the bees should have been obvious

If they need to find a healthier way to cope with all that bee stress, I suggest booze.

Apparently, neonicotinoids are "a group of toxic chemicals designed to paralyse insects by attacking their nervous systems." But, as it turns out, bees are insects too. Hmmph. And you spelled "paralyze" wrong.

Nicotine-based pesticides in widespread use by farmers are implicated in the mass deaths of bees, according to a new study by US scientists.

The authoritative, peer-reviewed research undermines the pesticide industry's long-repeated arguments that bees are not being harmed, and piles pressure on UK and US authorities to follow other countries by introducing bans on the chemicals.

Pesticide companies have been trying to protect their multi-billion pound businesses by lobbying internationally against bans on neonicotinoids, a group of toxic chemicals designed to paralyse insects by attacking their nervous systems.

Agricultural crops in Scotland, England and around the world are dosed with the chemicals to prevent insects from damaging them. But evidence has been mounting that they could be to blame for the "colony collapse disorder" that has been decimating bee populations.

The US has been losing one-third of its honeybee hives every year, while beekeepers in Europe say that more than one million bee colonies have been wiped out in France, Germany, Italy and the UK since 1994.

Although neonicotinoids have faced bans or restrictions in Germany, France, Italy and Slovenia, regulators in the UK and the US have so far accepted the industry's contention that the toxins were not poisoning bees.

But that view has now been seriously challenged by a new study from scientists at Purdue University in West Lafayette, Indiana. They found neonicotinoids in bees, in pollen, in soil and in dandelions, suggesting that bees could be contaminated in several different ways.

"We know that these insecticides are highly toxic to bees; we found them in each sample of dead and dying bees," said Christian Krupke, associate professor of entomology at Purdue and a co-author of the study. Bees also suffered from tremors, unco-ordinated movement and convulsions, which are all signs of insecticide poisoning...

Still one of the funniest things ever

Last time they met ... NIU vs Alabama ... Sept. 20, 2003

Crocodile Hunting

BBC News - Bungee cord snaps above crocodile-infested waters:

Those Aussies...

White people ... we got problems ...

'SNL' On White People Problems With Charles Barkley (VIDEO)
~

latticeofcoincidence.brawndo? #BRAWNDO

News item: A U.S. Commerce Department official is warning of possible "unintended and unforeseen consequences" of domain name expansion, The National Law Journal reports. The Internet Corp. for Assigned Names and Numbers approved the upcoming expansion. The group will accept applications for registration of almost any word in any language as a generic top-level domain name, such as dot-computer or dot-furniture.

Could be dot-smiff's time to shine.
~

Ozzie / Big Z nexus?

News item: Marlins close to landing Zambrano from Cubs
~

Could only happen to a white guy...

US border crossed by man using iPad as ID:

I will be scanning my passport into my iPad immediately!

What better way to celebrate the birth of Jesus than with a shiny new Ruger 9mm?

News item: Americans buy record numbers of guns for Christmas

Americans bought record numbers of guns last month amid an apparent surge in popularity for weapons as Christmas presents.
~

Meet the King ... the Prairie King

Best comment: "Can you eat them??"



Welcome to Boomer Country!
~

Beleaguered | be·lea·guered (bē-lē-gərd)

DePaul (6-3) at Northern Illinois (0-8) (ET)

"Northern Illinois's season has been a struggle thus far as it is currently 0-8 after some tough losses. The Huskies' low point came as it lost to Nebraska- Omaha, a non Division I opponent. Coach Mark Montgomery's team has struggled offensively as it is averaging just 54 points per game on 35.5 percent shooting from the field. The Huskies have allowed their opponents to average 72.3 points per game on 43.8 percent shooting from the floor."
~

"'Fighting Is What Redneck People Do," Explained Drunk Guy Who Shot Lawnmower..."

The article doesn't explain what his lawnmower did to piss him off.

Just in time for Christmas!

Though it's a bit humiliating that the Brits beat us to this...

"The urinal-based video game system uses infrared sensors to enable users to steer down a ski slope while knocking over penguins or perform other simple actions by aiming their urine to the left, right, or center."
~

"If Carnival and Las Vegas had a baby, this would be the placenta"

"The Marlins are planning a structure beyond the center-field wall of their new ballpark. This structure will light up and make a fancy hullabaloo whenever a Marlin hits a home run. And remember, they have Mike Stanton, so they could be firing up this thing quite a bit.

"Now close your eyes, and think about what this structure might look like. Go ahead. Let your imagination run wild...

"Behold. This is what will happen when the Marlins hit a home run. It's what Bernie Brewer thinks he's sliding down after a couple buttons of peyote. Don't avert your eyes. Look at it. Study it. This is what we've become."
~

Think your airline sucks?

BBC News - Comtel Air probe after passengers 'told to buy fuel':

"An airline is set to investigate reports that it asked passengers to pay £20,000 towards the cost of fuel to complete their journey to the UK."

An airline - investigating itself? Good luck wid dat!

This is why we fail.

Love this article. But even better are the comments.

How can you not love this. Comment 1.10

ARTICLE:

When Danford planted watermelons last year, he estimates he paid a trucking company close to $10 million to transport them.

COMMENTER:

10 million? Is that a misprint? If he can spend that much on transportation, then he can pay more than $10 an hour.

ARTICLE:

But what if he paid a higher hourly wage? The going rate now is $10 an hour. "The [pickle] company wouldn't buy it from you then," [the farmer] says. They'd turn to suppliers in other states where labor is cheaper -- states that allow undocumented immigrants to continue working under the radar.

COMMENTER:

Could someone please explain to me how this works? Why would the pickle company care how much you pay your workers? I guess I am ignorant in the ways of farming.

That comment is precious to me. You had me at ... . Oh well, nevermind.

Another commenter pointed out that the farmer had essentially admitted to hiring illegal laborers and should be jailed. The big tent of the right. Small government, big jails.

When Cupcakes Attack (cont'd)

Carthage College wins its tuneup for its big season-opener against Martin Luther (who throws a mean two-handed set shot).

Carthage College 74, Northern Illinois 70
~

There are almost as many suckers who read this blog as contributors!

We're like, awesome.

Please delight in this curious trifle, to-day

When saying something flamboyantly brain-dead, it's best to USE ALL CAPS BECAUSE YOU NEED BE MORE CLEAR

More infuriating elevator bullcrap

Alright, so its probably meant only to provoke, but the elevator flashes up today's crap. Most Americans believe that women should be legally required to change their last names to their husband's last name at marriage. I guess the study is from a couple years ago, but ugh.

I'm guessing if you polled a certain subsection of this wonderful land, you would find a group who is in favor of cutting viable male babies out of the wombs of their pregnant mothers and wood chipping the women.

Let's just go back to this:

"If a man happens to meet a virgin woman who is not engaged to be married, and he seizes her and rapes her, but is caught in the act, the rapist must pay the girl's father fifty silver shekels. She must marry the rapist, because he has violated her. And so long as he lives he may not divorce her."

Zombie Nation

President most Americans want back to handle our economic crisis ... Reagan.

Observed in the elevator this morning. Charities that Americans would most want to volunteer their time for ... No. 1 Animal charities at 17%; No. 2 poor and needy 15%.

I can't help thinking Orwell would be proud.

Love this title

Cougar spotted roaming central Wisconsin

I'm not going to read the article and just going to assume that some rich middle aged lady is cruising around Eau Claire looking for some cheese fed hunks...

SIMPSONS DID IT!

Mmmm, three eyes, aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh

Fishermen in Córdoba, Argentina caught a three-eyed wolf fish in a reservoir fed by a local nuclear power plant, which will surely hinder the plant's owner's attempt to run for local office.

The fishermen say their discovery, which actually bears no resemblance to Blinky the three-eyed fish from The Simpsons, has begun to worry local residents who live near the reactor. And instead of feasting on their catch, and presumably gaining superpowers from its probable high levels of radiation, the men have decided to let it be tested to see if the mutation was actually a result of it being exposed to the water from the nuclear plant. After that they plan to have it embalmed for posterity, or sell it to Fox as a promotional item for their long running, and eerily prophetic, animated series. [Infobae via Geekologie]

This is probably nothing to worry about (cont'd) ... wait ... what's that about coffee?

Tendentious lefty diatribe on global warming/food scarcity nexus, and even more ominously, global warming/coffee scarcity nexus
~

Where Cain got 9-9-9 from

He just turned 666 over...

Job Creator Brainstorming, or, Onion or Real (cont'd)?, or, The Dumbshine State (cont'd)

"I'm on a quest to seek and destroy unnecessary burdens on the freedom and liberties of people," Workman said. "This is an example of Big Brother government.

"All that it does is prevent some dwarfs from getting jobs they would be happy to get," Workman said. "In this economy, or any economy, why would we want to prevent people from getting gainful employment?"
~

Sox fans, get used to more of this

Which of these was heard on Fox News and which appeared in a reputable news source (the Onion)?

Layoffs Are Necessary If We Want To Keep The Lights On,' Says CEO Halfway Through Tasting Menu

[Plutocrat] Complains Boston Protesters Got "Between Me And A Steak Dinner."

Of course, the Onion is a satirical newspaper, but then Fox News is a satirical television network, so this could be splitting hairs.
~

On the agenda for next week: putting Brawndo on the crops

Pinellas County Commission votes to stop putting fluoride in water supply

"Fluoride is a toxic substance," said tea party activist Tony Caso of Palm Harbor. "This is all part of an agenda that's being pushed forth by the so-called globalists in our government and the world government to keep the people stupid so they don't realize what's going on."

He added: "This is the U.S. of A, not the Soviet Socialist Republic."

He Gone!

You know who I mean. Don't even need to link to anything. I tell you what.

He'll be grabbing some bench elsewhere. Who'll be grabbing some Sox bench? I think it's time to bring Jerry Manuel back - the complete opposite of Ozzie. But sigh, you know the Sox will grab some inexperienced guy to become a first time manager - haven't they done that the last 8 times?

Life won't be as entertaining without him. You can put that on the board.

Skilly Sez®

Yesterday: rain. Today: rain. Tomorrow: rain. Wednesday: rain. Thursday: rain.

There is probably an interesting story behind that

News item: Dodgers Dress Mexican Pitcher As Taco
~

Making $#!+ up: Fox Sports Division

Get a brain MORAN!

Literally Unbelievable » "this Moran":