Sarge, Smiff shake fists at clouds

7:25 PM me: ok, cool. i'll be looking for it. BP finally arrived today.

Andrew: awesome

7:26 PM you see that Des got the BP?

She's trying to play some catch-up

7:27 PM me: they hate all of my guys

Andrew: really

like who?

7:28 PM me: lessee, Garza, Moyer, Happ, Linebrink

7:29 PM basically all the Monks

cept prolly Utley

Andrew: really - I haven't looked up the Garza thing

what's to possibly hate about Moyer?!?

7:30 PM me: lousy projection - this my one gripe with the book - the write-ups often do not agree with the projection

Andrew: right

well - maybe they're taking the long view?

me: your reading - hey, this is good - and then you look down at the PECOTA - Garza 4.56 ERA or something

7:31 PM Andrew: but you know

me: Linebrink has never had an ERA near 4 - but this year it's like 4.46

Andrew: that's his 50 percent right?

7:32 PM me: so i should look at the 90% for him?

Andrew: No - I just tink

think

there are some guys who are more likely to hit higher pecotas than others

for instance

guys who have started to show improvement

me: wow, everyone on the SS-talk list likes the Utley side of that deal

Andrew: or where you know they've finally figured out their change up or something - something the machine maybe can't account for so much

they're idiots

7:33 PM me: everyone seemingly much higher on Votto & Rasmus than i am

Andrew: I feel if you're not getting the best guy in the deal you better have a really good reason for making the trade

yeah

I'm not big on Rasmus

I think obviously he could still bust out

but last year was not the year to look that dead

of course I'm looking at you Alex Gordon

me: yeah, everyone said Han Ram was the best in the deal, but still took the Utley side

Andrew: but

7:34 PM yeah

not big on Votto either

he's good

but easily replacable

me: they also assumed the guy was looking short-term, but he has no pitching

Andrew: I mean

yeah

you throw Webb into any rotation and it acquires a certain sheen

7:35 PM me: the guy never made a counter offer, i may have given up a bit more

Andrew: yeah

I think what hurt you was not offering any kind of prospect

in retrospect it seems obvious

but you even said it

the guy is constantly tearing down his team etc

we should have thrown him a golden bone

7:36 PM So Rasmus and Votto are guys

who however not great

you can still kind of dream on enough to make them interesting

I mean

I would much rather have about twenty other outfield prospects

and at least five or six 1B types floating around than those two

me: brb - got to fire up a burrito

Andrew: awesome

5 minutes

7:42 PM me: Elie takes Matt Dominguez, 3b from florida

not familiar with his work

Andrew: ha

!

Dominguez

is actually a pretty decent pick

problem

I don't see him being a superstar

7:43 PM and he's a ways a way yet

I don't know if he's worth holding for a few years

but I suppose rookie slots are cheap enough

I just feel

go for the studs

me: he's 19 - should be a while

Andrew: yeah

I don't know

7:44 PM but whatever

our draft - mine and corms - is worrisome to me

we have absolutely no bullpen

and not much out there is screaming "We're awesome"

a lot of pressure on some questionable arms

Cueto, Z, Kazmir, Volquez

7:45 PM Beckett

I mean, some good pitchers

some guys who could throw Cy Young years

but I could easily see a 4.6 era from this crew

and if we don't have a decent pen

this could be a bit of a rebuild for us

I mena

mean

if the guys come through

even three of them

we have enough offense to make up for a lot of mistakes

I think

7:46 PM but...

yeah

and it's not necessarily our fault

it's just

ugh

me: i'm trying to get some RPs with the limited # of picks i have

Andrew: yeah

me: i have no bench yet

Andrew: we're competing - that's one place where I feel really good

we have built a pretty good bench

7:47 PM me: & really only 5 SPs

Andrew: yeah

Corms isn't too worried about RPs...

and maybe I get what he's saying

I mean

hopefully we can find at least a couple decent ones in the supplementals

7:48 PM me: Dominguez was 18th in OPS in the Sally League, but he was one of the youngest players

Andrew: yeah

I m not saying he's a bad prospect

in fact

he took a big step up last year

7:49 PM and erased a lot of doubts about his bat never being able to play period

now the feeling is he will hit at least enough

and he has a great glove

I just don't know if he's going to hit enough to justify keeping him on a roster and not taking other guys coming up for the next three years

me: there was an 18yo in Sally with 39 homers

7:50 PM and 153 Ks

Andrew: wow

what's his name?

I want to look him up

did you see the Baseball America Prospect Handbook is 30 FUCKING dollars this year?

7:51 PM me: http://minors.baseball-reference.com/players.cgi?pid=33721

7:52 PM Andrew: Looks like he's 20?

well

19 during the season

still

nice contact bavr

if he can cut the strikeouts even a little and maintain that power

7:53 PM he could be pretty exciting

me: turned 19 in Nov

Andrew: Ah right

of course

1989

yep

I was already in 2010

did you watch this Glenn Beck thing?

7:54 PM Apparently by 2014 - implicitly because of Obama - we're going to be hunting dogs in the street to survive while marauding gangs of motorcycle thugs scare the women

7:55 PM me: the guy is insane - a mentally imbalanced man with his own tv show

Andrew: and they show his "movies" on the big screen occasionally

I'd never actually seen him before besides those maudlin previews

he is a fucking fuckface

these guys

7:56 PM are really coming out of the woodwork

17 minutes

8:13 PM me: Nate Robinson went OFF for the Zeniths tonight

Andrew: nice

he's been awesome lately

big second half v the Pacers?

me: 41 points

4 3's

8:14 PM 15-19 from the line

Andrew: nice

that's a nice line

you in first yet?

me: 8 rebounds, 3 assists, 2 steals

er, no, but 2nd

Andrew: how many points out?

only three assists?

me: he's a shooter, not a passer

8:15 PM Andrew: RIGHT!!!!

me: Dwyane Wade somehow does both

Andrew: yeah

8:16 PM he's like a poor man's Chris Paul

I would kill to have Chris Paul

Maybe I'll offer my whole team for him

and start from there

me: Duhon led team with 5 assists - the whole team just throws the ball at the hoop

Andrew: ha!

8:17 PM so was Keith Olbermann good tonight?

Briggs thinks so

me: haven't watched yet

8:18 PM Andrew: that's the thing that sucks about not having cable - today I would have loved to stare at the idiot box

fucking tired

first day back

never fun

me: you can watch it online

8:19 PM Andrew: really?

where?

the same night?

me: follow them on Twitter and just click on the link

Andrew: follow who?

@olbermann?

me: @Count_Down

Andrew: awesome

will do that

hang on

8:20 PM me: Video: McConnell attacking what he doesn’t understand: Feb. 23: Worst Persons: Sen. Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., clai.. http://tinyurl.com/dys4nn

Andrew: nice

I hate McConnell

and I hate that Fox News guy who interviewed the mayor of Lansing Michigan

what a DOUCHEBAG

8:21 PM me: yeah, i saw that. That mayor ROCKED. should run for the senate or governor or something

Andrew: no Doubt

guy was AWESOME

and I love the Douche

8:22 PM I wasn't talking about health care

well if you were using the bullshit $70/hour you were

you fuck

and even then

it's bullshit

because it factors in production costs

like having the lights on for the workers

the 70/hr

thing has been totally debunked

but on Fox

it's a "fact"

me: those guys are all millionaires

Andrew: fucking ASSWHOLES!

10 minutes

8:33 PM me: UConn coach Jim Calhoun: a DICK

Andrew: really?

what was he getting up to?

8:34 PM me: blew up at reporter who asked about his contract

Andrew: well you know

8:35 PM me: He makes $12 million for the university - yeah, how much do the players get from that?

Andrew: the players?

don't they all go into the NBA?

an d get shoe contracts and make millions of dollars

me: a few, very few

8:36 PM Andrew: no man

can't be

cant

fucking

be

yeah

ASSwhole

6 minutes

8:42 PM me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xokthY5zuPU

8:43 PM Andrew: have to check that out

8:45 PM me: Sen. Richard Shelby said he hasn't seen Obama's birth certificate - MASSIVE BRAIN DEATH.

Andrew: Oh yeah

I heard about that

but you know

8:46 PM has he seen Reagan's?

has he seen Bush's?

Or Clinton's?

Didn't Clinton go to like...Oxford...at some point?

And isn't that in

Europe

?

like France or something?

like the west coast of France?

8:47 PM me: yes, i would be wary of anyone that travels abroad for any reason

8:48 PM Andrew: especially during the Vietnam War

I mean

Bush

Cheney

they stayed right here

and protected Wisconsin

and Arkansas

I mean

Cheney was doing some important things

but you know if Wisconsin was attacked

he'd be out there

but notice

8:49 PM they stayed here to protect America

meanwhile

Clinton's fucking French whores and smoking Chinese marijuania

and Obama?

he's like

getting educated by Sadam Bin Laden

and learning how to infiltrate America while his friends in the Chicago Seven

8:50 PM secretly forgre

forge

a Hawaiian document

which is easier than forging a real state's document

because they're like half-Jap

and half-Samoan

me: slant-eyed devils

8:51 PM Andrew: trying to bring this country down

thank God for the brave men and women - non-gay of course - of our militias

8:56 PM me: fish taco

8:57 PM Andrew: dirty!

9:02 PM me: Arianna Huffington: MILF

Andrew: oh?

what brought this on?

me: she's on Countdown

has that accent, too

Andrew: ah

nice

9:03 PM wasn't she married to like some

complete fucking asshole?

me: i don't know about that, but he came out of the closet

Andrew: really?

9:04 PM me: the Gay Republican closet, that is

Andrew: nice

for real?

who knew?

9:05 PM me: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Huffington

9:06 PM Andrew: looking

9:08 PM me: The couple divorced in 1997, and in 1998 Michael Huffington revealed that he was bisexual.[citation needed] A 1999 magazine article claimed that Arianna Huffington "entered the marriage... with full knowledge of Michael Huffington's sexual interests in men".[3] The financial terms of their divorce agreement remain undisclosed, but Huffington gained most of her wealth from her husband. Arianna Huffington chose to retain her former husband's surname, although she had been known as Arianna Stassinopoulos Huffington during the period of her marriage.[citation needed]

9:09 PM Andrew: Nice

Apparently he's been all about trying to turn the Republicans into human beings

good luck with that

me: probably no more conservative than Diane Feinstein

9:10 PM Andrew: yeah right?

it's true

me: she sucks, and not in a good way

9:11 PM Andrew: definitely

so sad

because at one point

it seemed like she'd be cool

way back in the early 80s

9:13 PM here's an oldie but goodie from Arianna: http://ariannaonline.huffingtonpost.com/columns/column.php?id=696

5 minutes

9:19 PM me: that is a good one

Andrew: Dick Cheney to the rescue!

oh if she had only known

9:21 PM me: Mitch McConnell: T@TALLY FULL@SHIT

Andrew: oh - and he's an asshole!

9:22 PM you have to love it

9:25 PM me: @tanlines is now following @Brian_Eno

Andrew: nice

who is @tanlines

one of those porn tweets?

9:27 PM me: hmmm, it's Sally Kellerman?!

http://twitter.com/tanlines

9:28 PM oh yeah, check out:

http://twitter.com/Brian_Emo

funny

i have an admirer

Andrew: weird

diarreah/noise band

9:29 PM LOOK AT YOU!

9:30 PM me: been tweeting for weeks, just noticed

Andrew: mercy

well

on that cheerful note

sleep calls!

still oddly jetlagged

early morning flight

yesterday

has thrown me a bit off

leaving artstor for the night

peace!

me: sweet dreams

9:31 PM Andrew: thanks!

you too!

:(|)

V.v.V

9:32 PM me: :D

Stuff found on da internets for purchase

But have we really?

Fung needs to stop watching TV

On CMT, some guy, who loves crashing cars, sez: I especially love crashing European cars, you know, Honda, Toyota, Suzuki, all of them.

On Jeopardy, the one interesting thing about the one contestant was that he was wearing the only suit he's ever owned, which he found in a trash can freshman year of college, which was over a decade ago. It's still to be dry cleaned. Shoulda seen his hair too.

I still haven't thrown away the New Zealand moving info...

Why the phokk is this news? (cont)

CNN ticker/crawl/bottom of the screen/whatever: Socks, former White House cat, euthanized. Just in case you were tired of all the stimulus/bailout/BlagoBurris stuff.

Expect Delays, Fung

A buncha buses have been pulled off the road because they might break apart at the middle and that would be a really crappy thing to happen when you're trying to land the olympics. Not to mention that people might actually die. Among the most affected routes:

No. 136 Sheridan/LaSalle Express
No. 147 Outer Drive Express

So Fung can start literally expecting delays. Also, Burris is somehow to blame for this. But Obama will fix it.

Holy Phokking S#i+ Here It Comes!

News item: Winter storm warning in effect

match the projection with the analysis

1. 248 AB, .757 OPS, 3.9 RAR
2. 242 AB, .719 OPS, 1.0 RAR

A. On his way to another +.300 BA before fracturing kneecap (that was so k-mad!). Never the same after (see: k-mad), although xBA shows some bad luck (see also: k-mad). Super ct% means Avg will rebound. Again pegged for utility role, but that can change. Great end-gamer.

B. This is what end-game gambles look like: middling skills, doubles power, but tantalizing stretches inflate value. Rising GB% limits power. Defense is suspect, so regular playing time is a question. Take a pass.

Did you guess that 1 = B (Brendan Harris) and 2 = A (Jeff Keppinger)? Of course you did.

Turns out the End Times SUCK more than we might have imagined

[S]omething was very, very different in the fourth quarter of 2008. Sales of alcohol for off-premises consumption were down by 9.3 percent from the previous quarter, according to the Commerce Department. This is absolutely unprecedented: the largest previous drop had been just 3.7 percent, between the third and fourth quarters of 1991.

This ought to get people all riled up

You'll have to click twice...sorry

What's so awful about cheap housing?

In particular, I thought the Democratic Party was the party of cheap housing. So why aren't they trying to talk housing prices DOWN right now, particularly since so many sellers are stuck on two years ago? NYT today:

As the recession becomes more severe and unemployment mounts, [would-be home sellers] fret each week their properties remain unsold, and fear losing equity. While buyers hunt for exceptional values [ed. isn't this GOOD?], sellers feel like hostages. [...]

James Bednar, a real estate agent representing buyers at DRI Real Estate Company in Ridgewood, N.J., said many sellers overvalue their homes.

“The industry has nailed into people’s minds that their houses are worth a certain amount,” said Mr. Bednar, who blogs about the New Jersey market at njrereport.com. “Sellers remember what neighbors sold their houses for two years ago and hold on to those unrealistic comparables. They need to accept the current reality of the market.”

Mr. President, you may want to take a line from Adam Sandler...

Dusty Baker Teaches Hitting

Curious to see what Briggs thinks of this essay...

And Fung!
And Smiff!
And K-Mad!
And Ranger!
And Corporal!
And Corms!
And even Braindead Bob!

I found it interesting - but I'm afraid some of it might have flown above my head...

maybe.

The thing I'm talking about.

Really, from the New York Post? I mean, it's so classy though...

Further evidence of the New York Post brilliant and informative news reportage:

This wonderful piece of informed satire!

Or maybe it's further evidence that they suck harder than any newspaper ever made outside of 1930s Germany...

People of Lattice of Coincidence

Shouldn't we change our quote at the top from H.L.? It seems that those days are past.

I think we should all post over the next week a quote that we would like to see there and then pick from among them.

Peace!

A (Sarge)

Well it snowed in DC this morning... so explain that one, Chicken Littles

"According to the University of Illinois' Arctic Climate Research Center, global sea ice levels now equal those of 1979."
-- George Will

"We do not know where George Will is getting his information, but..."
-- University of Illinois Department of Atmospheric Sciences

Adam Posen: I do not lack all conviction.

the FT today:

The Obama administration remains opposed to federal control. Mr Geithner last week said: “Governments are terrible managers of bad assets.”

Others say he may eventually face no choice. “The danger we face is a Freddie Mac/Fannie Mae scenario where government gives the banking sector guarantees and then socialises the losses,” says Adam Posen, an economist. “That’s the worst thing we could do.”

Statistically speaking, the more versions of the story he gives, the greater the odds that one of them is correct

News item: Burris now acknowledges fundraising effort for Blagojevich

Best and brightest: This is America. It's different.

NYT's Sheryl Gay Stolberg today:

And given his experience with the Asian financial crisis of the 1990s, some economists wonder how [Larry Summers] could have signed off on a bailout plan that did not force banks to admit that they were insolvent.

“The irony is that Summers and Geithner wrote the textbook on how to manage these crises, and they lectured countries all over the world on what to do,” said Adam S. Posen, deputy director of the Peterson Institute for International Economics, lamenting that they did not “follow through with their own prescriptions.”

Another "why the phokk didn't we know about this before?" sport

Race car driving in snow.



This looks even more exciting than k-mad driving to the train every morning. But instead of this, we get endless hours of @ss#oles playing cards.

Evil Apple (cont)

Casinos are warned about card-counting iPhone app

Bushian (Euro Style)

Nuclear subs collide in Atlantic

Roland Burris has this vote of confidence and it's phokking golden

The former governor's publicist issued a statment today about the Sun-Times story regarding Burris.

"There's absolutely nothing inappropriate that took place between Gov. Blagojevich and Sen. Burris in connection to the governor's appointment of Mr. Burris to the U.S. Senate," the statment said.

"The governor acted ethically and honestly and believes Sen. Burris did too."

the Pakistani Taliban's #1: alive

ISLAMABAD, Pakistan — Two missiles fired from American drone aircraft killed at least 25 people, including Arab and Uzbek fighters of Al Qaeda and the Taliban, in South Waziristan on Saturday morning, according to a Pakistani intelligence official and local residents.

The attack was on three compounds, including one where the leader of the Pakistani Taliban, Baitullah Mehsud, and foreign and local fighters loyal to him sometimes gather, according to the official and residents.

Mr. Mehsud, one of the most feared leaders in Pakistan’s lawless tribal areas, was not among those killed, according to the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak to the press.

Fuck-Rod Wondering What Permutation Of His Name Will Be Used For Steroid Story

MIAMI—Alex "Fuck-Rod" Rodriguez, who has been given many unflattering nicknames by the press during the course of an eventful and turbulent career, found himself wondering what unflattering sobriquet he would be awarded for lying about his steroid use. "I really didn't like being called 'A-Fraud' by my teammates," Stupid-Goddamned-Son-of-a-Bitch-Rod told sources Wednesday. "That was hurtful, and reading it in Joe Torre's book was a real letdown." As of press time, Lying-Prick-Rod was unavailable for comment, as he was busy falsely accusing Sports Illustrated reporter Selena Roberts of trying to break into the Coral Gables mansion in which Complete-and-Total-Sack-of-Flaming-Fucking-Shit-with-Tiny-Shriveled-Balls-Rod currently resides.
~

Maybe Fung could help us out with this phokking piece of s#i+?

It Figures

He's a little early this year...

Report: Brett Favre set to retire
Updated: 29 minutes ago

Idiocracy! The network premiere - Comedy Central, Sunday 10pm Effete Snob Time, 9pm God's Time

If this doesn't make you want to watch it, you probably don't want to watch it.

Wishful thinking?

Or Freudian Slip? Or maybe we've found W's new occupation?

South African TV channel makes 'Bush is dead' Bushism

42% of Chicagoans Agree: WE SUCK

Forbes lists Chicago among nation's miserable cities

Chicago is America's third most miserable city, beating out bleak towns like Flint, Mich. and Buffalo, NY, according to a recently released Forbes magazine list.
Chicago's dubious ranking comes just six months after the magazine dubbed Chicago the most stressed-out city in America.
The magazine said Chicago's weather, long commute times, rising unemployment and the country's highest sales tax earned it the number three spot on the list, below Stockton, Calif. and Memphis.
For the first time this year, Forbes used "corruption" as a factor when ranking America's 150 largest metropolitan areas in order of misery, according to Forbes.com.
"Illinois' record of public corruption, particularly in the governor's office, is staggering," the article says. "Five of the past nine governors have been charged with crimes, and three, as of now, have served time in prison." To add insult to injury, the magazine writes that people have been migrating out of the city the last seven years, and that the Cubs' 100 year long title drought is 40 percent longer than any other major professional sports team.
Forbes used nine factors -- commute times, corruption, pro sports teams, Superfund sites, income and sales taxes, unemployment, violent crime and weather -- when ranking the cities.
Following Stockton, Memphis and Chicago are Cleveland, Modesto, Calif., Flint, Detroit, Buffalo, Miami and St. Louis.
Read the entire Forbes article "America's Most Miserable Cities."

POLL RESULTS ::
Is Chicago a miserable city?
Yes
42%
252 votes
No
57%
336 votes
Total Votes: 588

Of course, Steve "Flat Tax" Forbes: MAJOR DOUCHEBAG. (--ed.)
~

lots of good arguments here on all sides

Eating Meat: Vegetarians / I’d Even Eat People, just not Dick Cheney / It is our responsibility to eat Dick Cheney, if possible

Another reason for that four months spent going door-to-door and living with the aunt in Dayton

Glenn Greenwald: "Obama fails his first test on civil liberties and accountability -- resoundingly and disgracefully"

Boo di freaking Hoo

You Try to Live on 500K in This Town

I'm sure the 15,000 people you laid off also feel sympathetic to your 500k plight.

Chicago: Not real?

If you believe dis guy den yep...

C H E A T

Miraculous recovery!

+42 in the last 12 hours! ...that's the temperature here in northern Virginia, not anything having to do with the economy. 23 F at 5am, 65 now?!

This really encapsulates the debacle quite nicely...

From Gail Collins today, who has been my favorite columnist at the Times lately:

I dropped out of school for a semester to campaign for Barack Obama. And now I’m asking myself whether I spent four months living with my aunt and going door to door in Dayton, Ohio, just so we could have a stimulus plan written by a bunch of moderate Republicans and conservative Democrats in the Senate.

The great scientist speaks (again)

Paul Krugman, February 21, 2001:

Last but perhaps not least among causes of the consumer funk is the administration’s own determined pessimism. Mr. Bush has a bully pulpit, and he is using it to preach economic alarm. This adds powerfully to the chorus of doomsaying. And when it comes to short-term economics, believing can sometimes make it so.

The title of Krugman's column from this Thursday? "On the Edge." Consider it his own little contribution to the insane amount of doomsaying being done by our current President.

Da Mare is a Putz (cont'd)

Here's what he said Wednesday about city workers, as justification for selling off the Skyway, the parking meters, and anything else that might generate long-term revenue, for beellions of instantly gratifying dollars:

"They're not customer-related. They're gonna leave at 5 o'clock. They're gonna leave at 4:30 or 4:00. (Why not 3:30? - Ed.) I'm sorry. (He's not sorry - Ed.) We're on a time clock. They walk out. But in the private sector, when you have a customer, you're gonna stay there making sure they're happy and satisfied.

"We can't compete with the private sector. The private sector has a complete idea of who your customers are. (They know when your customers are sleeping... they know when they're awake... Ed.) Government doesn't have customers. They only have citizens. (Very naughty, ungrateful citizens... Ed.)"

Here's what he said Thursday, when people who are out all night plowing snow objected to being portrayed as 9-to-4 clock-watchers:

"I said that some people just watch the clock -- government workers or anybody else -- and leave. (Actually that's exactly NOT what I said, but I'm Da Mare... Ed.) But here in Chicago, we're fortunate that people just don't watch the clock... I never said city workers of . . . Chicago are not good workers. Would you correct that for me? (Because my point was that Chicago needs to sell off all its assets because workers in other government bodies are not good workers -- would you correct that for me? Ed.) I know it's hard because I'm a ping-pong ball for the media. (Yes, I'm deploying the Palin Defense - 'the media doesn't get me...' Ed.) (Also, if I'm a ping pong ball, it might be the kind that's been shot out of the *&%@ of a hooker... Ed.) City workers work hard. I talked about the city in a positive way. But you're trying to follow me in a negative way so you have people yelling at me."

Is this Decker's life story?

For my money, Ebert is the best writer in Chicago.

"The Class" might have been set in any classroom in the Western world, and I believe most teachers would recognize it. It is about the power struggle between a teacher who wants to do good and students who disagree about what "good" is. The film is so fair that neither side is seen as right, and both seem trapped by futility.

we are living in a golden age (cont'd), or, these are k-mad's eyeballs on caffeine

"Nutritionist Caffeine Eye Roll-On is a new roll on with a massage application and is specially designed to encourage drainage around the eye contour area. The massage technique from the roll on effect stimulates the natural micro-circulation and drainage of the skin."

K-Mad needs a weekend

I was going to post something making fun of Da Mare, but every time I look at the Scum Slimes there's so much other depressing stuff in there that it seems pointless. This is what happens when it warms up enough to thaw my brain and all the foul humours are unleashed...

So in a nutshell - Da Mare is putz.

Shocking (cont)

Palin names daughter after ESPN HQ town?

What was even more shocking is that there are kids out there named ESPN. At least Bristol, no matter the motivation, is a real name. Whenever we think she's gone totally overboard, it turns out there are people crazier than she. Which is phokking scary.

They can have my Arctic cod when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers

Global warming spurs commercial fishing moratorium in U.S. Arctic

He seems to have gotten the handle on being a Senator pretty quick...

Constituents finding it hard to reach Senator Roland Burris
February 5, 2009
SPRINGFIELD, Ill. -- Constituents say they are finding it hard to contact Sen. Roland Burris by telephone and through the Internet.
Wayne Lovern of Chatham said he called Burris' office in Washington five times on Tuesday and got nothing but busy signals. He said he resorted to sending an e-mail to Sen. Dick Durbin's office and asking his staff to walk it over to Burris' office.
Bill Franklin of Springfield wanted to tell Burris how he should vote on the economic stimulus package but couldn't get through to anyone. Franklin said he's resorted to Googling Burris to find some way to contact the senator but with no luck.
Burris' chief of staff, Darrel Thompson, said the senator's office is doing its best to answer phones amid high call volumes and a small staff.
~

Thanks for the warning, DICK

Cheney warns of new attacks, curses purifying rays of the sun

Former Vice President Dick "Dick" (Dick) Dick Cheney warned that there is a "high probability" that terrorists will attempt a catastrophic nuclear or biological attack in coming years, and said he fears the Obama administration’s policies will make it more likely the attempt will succeed.

I don't doubt the first part for a moment, but the second part sounds pretty assfaced coming from the guys who did such a swell job in 2001...
~

Oh, I think they probably do

"I don’t know if the American public deserve me..."
-- Joe the Phokking Plumber
~

Cheering thought as the baseball season approaches...

Clonod (St. Louis): The Cubs' core players (except Soto and Z) are all 31-33 years old, and their farm system is a disaster. Is it just me, or is that window closing fast?

Joe Sheehan: Hence the push to trade for Peavy and open it as wide as possible. They're where the Astros were in 2004-05.

for your black velvet portrait gallery

Joe the Plumber Black Velvet Painting on ebay - Only $250

What to do, who to join...as usual, too many options

Oh yeah, Commish ASSFACE made $18 MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEllion last year to SUCK.

Hmmm, no plain and simple Bud Selig SUCKS facegroup. Could be my calling.

Bud Selig should be fired as MLB Commissioner
412 members

Bud Selig is a douche
136 members

Bud Selig should suck a wang.
81 members

Fire Bud Selig
68 members

Bud Selig is the Antichrist
69 members

F**K Bud Selig
63 members

Fuck Bud Selig
54 members

Bud Selig can suck it, we had game 5 won easily.. (Phillies group!)
33 members

1,000,000 people that think Bud Selig is the worst commisioner ever (at least 29 do)
29 members

Baseball fans for the removal of Bud Selig as head of MLB
28 members

I hate bud selig for making astros play in Milwaukee
24 members

bud selig is a retarded bitch
23 members

1,000,000 Fans to Impeach Bud Selig (or 21)
21 members

Start New Fire Bud Selig
17 members

BUD SELIG: Enemy of Baseball
16 members

Fire Bud Selig
13 members

Bud Selig Is An Assclown - Fire Him!!!
11 members

Bud Selig and Barry Bonds can go to Hell together
9 members

Bud Selig NEEDS to resign/be fired
9 members

Way to go Bud Selig..... yea right......
8 members

Bud Selig blew it!
8 members

Allan H. Selig...He's Not Our Bud
Network: SIU Edwardsville
7 members

Why did Bar/Bri hire Bud Selig to teach the Con Law lectures? (HUH?)
7 members

Bud Selig- One giant bag of douche
4 members

FIRE BUD SELIG!!!!!!!
3 members

Bud Selig is a complete jackass
3 members

Bud Selig for President...'08.
2 members

Bud Selig, Worst MLB Commissioner Ever
1 member

John Coleman hates to say he told you so, but John Coleman told you so

"Forty-four percent of U.S. voters now say long-term planetary trends are the cause of global warming, compared to 41% who blame it on human activity..."

Fun places for Smiff to go on the Facebook

Facebook hates Bud Selig

Though to be fair, I never pay my taxes either

a fine way to say "thanks @ss#oles!" to our brave private mercenaries

State Department Cancels Iraq Contract With Blackwater

The chairman is displeased

As transcribed in the Trib:

Mike North: Where would you rate this season?

Jerry Reinsdorf: You want the grade up till today? What's the lowest grade you can give? This has been a disaster. It's embarrassing. But it will get better.

Mike North: With the same people?

from the people who brought you the new definition of santorum...

Saddlebacking: sad•dle•back•ing \ˈsa-dəl-ˈba-kiŋ\ vb [fr. Saddleback Church] (2009): the phenomenon of Christian teens engaging in unprotected anal sex in order to preserve their virginities

Kicking a decomposing horse

10 anagrams for 'Rod Blagojevich'

Gov. Rich job deal
Led job rig havoc
Vocal bird, he jog
Hard job, evil cog
Oh, clod jive, brag
Hi, crave gold job?
Child rave, job go
Job? Hair clod veg
Rid havoc gel job
Chi, glad job over?

Missed in the pre-election run-up

No. 2 Leader of Al-Qaeda in Iraq Killed
U.S. Military Blames Abu Qaswarah, a Moroccan, for Recent Attacks in North
By Ernesto Londoño
Washington Post Foreign Service
Thursday, October 16, 2008; Page A14

BAGHDAD, Oct. 15 -- The U.S. military on Wednesday announced the death of a man it described as the No. 2 leader of the Sunni insurgent group al-Qaeda in Iraq.

The military said it killed Abu Qaswarah on Oct. 5 during an operation in northern Iraq in which four additional alleged al-Qaeda in Iraq members were slain. Abu Qaswarah, also known as Abu Sara, directed the group's operations in northern Iraq, where al-Qaeda in Iraq remains entrenched and has been blamed for recent large-scale attacks, the military said.

Abu Qaswarah had no public profile in Iraq before the military's announcement of his death. U.S. military officials say they have been stunned by how quickly al-Qaeda in Iraq regenerates its leadership as top insurgents are detained or killed.

the panic is spreading

Failure to represent

Stam was the first Miss Indiana to win the pageant. This Hoosier said her favorite sport is football, not hoops.

"I know, it's supposed to be basketball," she said.

She was raised in Seymour, about 60 miles south of Indianapolis. Rather than the home-state Colts, she roots for the Chicago Bears. That's the team her boyfriend of three years cheers for.

Blago: the gift that keeps on taking

Thirty-two blue Blagojevich signs were erected in 2004 at a cost of $480,000. They read: "Open Road Tolling --- Rod R. Blagojevich Governor." It will cost an estimated $15,000 apiece to change them.

Which reminds me - with Blago, Big Time, and the Rezzzidunce out of the way, is it time to turn our rage on Little Todd Stroger?

stand way the phokk back

Swindler sez:

Just looking at his ERA, Pettitte appears to be coming off of a rough 2008– notably in the second half – but his BPIs and likely offensive support indicate that he continues to have some fanalytic gas left in the tank.
~

guns, butter, and tax cuts...

and I'll be dead by the time it all totally blows up! Sounds like a win-win-win-win-hey-kids-phokk-you to me.

Conclusion of hackneyed script

In the end, he left the Capitol in Springfield through a secret basement corridor full of grunting, clanking pipes, bare walls and puddles.

one advantage of a cold climate

Texas Road Signs Warn Of Zombie Attack

Besides the usual rush hour traffic, commuters in Austin, Texas, Monday also had to deal with reports of an imminent zombie attack.

Two city construction road signs near the University of Texas were hacked to display the warnings, reported the Austin American-Statesman.

The electronic signs, which usually warn motorists of traffic detours, instead included warnings such as "Caution! Zombies Ahead!" and "Nazi Zombies! Run!!!"

The signs also instructed motorists to "run for cold climates."

Feinstein: Destroying cars can help economy

CNN reports:

Under a bill introduced by Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D.-Calif., owners of older cars would get vouchers worth thousands of dollars toward the purchase of newer, more fuel-efficient vehicle. For the customer to get that cash, the car dealer would have to certify that the trade-in was getting scrapped and not resold. The car's vehicle identification number (VIN) would be tracked to make sure it never shows up on a vehicle registration again.

Crushing the old car has two benefits. First, it ensures that the consumer's purchase of a more efficient vehicle actually has a net environmental benefit. Second, it prevents a glut of used cars on the market, which would reduce trade-in values for new car buyers such as Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D.-Calif.

Gov. Pat Quinn is in charge

Blago out of Illinois Politics PERMANENTLY. W and Blago in the same month? Surely this must be a sign of the end times...

Great news! Blago back home safe (same day! wow, quick! it's great to have your own jet and stick somebody else with the tab) and went for a jog

"Yeah, it's unprecedented, but future generations will know that we have this thing called impeachment, and whenever any of our leaders, who are human beings like us, overstep the boundaries, the process is in place," Meeks said. "We have this thing called impeachment and it's bleeping golden and we've used it the right way."

This Murphy feller is coming out of this looking pretty good... not hard to imagine him beating whoever beats Quinn in the primary as the Democrat Party implodes in Illinois...

Sen. Matt Murphy of Palatine, whom Senate Republicans have put in the spotlight during the impeachment process, offered a blistering critique of Blagojevich.

"He reminded us today in real detail that he is an unusually good liar," Murphy said. "We bent over backwards to make sure that this process was fair."

"His conduct this last week, though, is not why I'm voting to convict him," Murphy said. "It's pretty clear that he extorted or attempted to extort."

"He came down and wrapped himself in the constitution," Murphy said. "He's a hypocrite."

"Is there any real question in anybody's mind that the thing he saw as 'bleeping golden' he planned to use for his own benefit, not for the state of Illinois? I don't think so," Murphy said, referring to Obama's vacated U.S. Senate seat.

liberal, Obama-sycophantic media at it again

REPORT: GOP Lawmakers Outnumber Democratic Lawmakers 2 To 1 In Stimulus Debate On Cable News»

As Media Matters has documented, during the Bush administration, the media consistently allowed conservatives to dominate their shows, booking them as guests far more often than progressives. The rationale was that Republicans were “in power.”

It appears that old habits die hard. Even though President Obama and his team are in control of the executive branch and Democrats are in the majority in Congress, the cable networks are still turning more often to Republicans and allowing them to set the agenda on major issues, most recently on the debate over the economic recovery package. . .

The drastically imbalanced coverage isn’t the first time that the news networks have effectively supported attacks on the recovery plans. As ThinkProgress reported on Monday, the cable networks, the Sunday shows and the network newscasts promoted a controversial CBO non-report 81 times before the actual CBO analysis of the stimulus plan was released.

annudder mission accomplished

John McKay, who represented the Riverside County-based California Lutheran High School, said the ruling correctly acknowledged that the school's purpose was to "teach Christian values in a Christian setting pursuant to a Christian code of conduct."

Done.
~

Is this the last phokking plane ride we have to pay for?

Happening today
• Now: Governor flying to Springfield

Maybe our next gubnor will discover that the gubnor has, like, an office and s#i+... right there in the phokking capital...

He's pointing at you, Fung

Pitchfork attacks Yo-Yo Ma as "rank opportunist"

Fresh off hitting minor controversy on Inauguration Day, the famous cellist has become collateral damage in the indie tastemakers' latest anti-Smashing Pumpkins broadside:

The Pumpkins' "FOL" will soundtrack the commercial for the Hyundai Genesis Coupe, which will air immediately before kickoff on Sunday. Because, you know, when you think of the mid-90s modern-rock-radio glory days, you think of Hyundai. According to a press release, the commercial will focus on the car's "fluid design and track-worthy performance." Fellow rank opportunist Yo-Yo Ma will also soundtrack a Genesis Coupe ad, though that one won't air during the Super Bowl.

Fat Blips (cont)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vn494V1JrIc

This commercial bothers Fung. So because her child who has an imagination calls this woman a twin of a snowman, that means she's fat & has to go on a special K diet? And she was wearing a freaking winter coat at the time too? What is this country coming to?

Who will address our crumbling golf infrastructure?

Congress looks to keep stimulus cash from zoos, golf courses

"I swear I just saw Smiff on TV celebrating in the clubhouse! But that can't be, can it?"

...no, it can't be. It was this guy:

I'm disappointed in all of you for not beating me to posting this

The instructions for constructing this massive torpedo-shaped amalgamation of two pounds of bacon woven through and around two pounds of sausage and slathered in barbecue sauce first appeared last month on the Web site of a team of Kansas City competition barbecuers. They say a diverse collection of well over 16,000 Web sites have linked to the recipe, celebrating, or sometimes scolding, its excessiveness. A fresh audience could be ready to discover it on Super Bowl Sunday.

You won't have Rod "Perfect Hair" Blagojevich to kick around much longer

In 1980, most twentysomething men probably pined to bump into one of the Beatles or maybe Bo Derek; Blago wanted the autograph of our nation’s most notorious politician. Knowing this is like being handed the lost first chapter of The Blagojevich Saga after reading three-quarters of the way through: You’re already up to your eyeballs in drama, but everything that transpired thus far now rings truer— The taped conversations! The threats during taped conversations! The swearing during taped conversations!
~
In the summer of 1980 before he started law school, Blago and a friend, on their first trip to New York City, (the friend was later in the news for giving Blago's daughter a check for $1,500 after the man's wife got a state job) awoke at 4:30 am so 23-year-old Rod could get an autograph from Nixon as he left his Upper East Side townhouse for his morning walk. Wearing a suit, Nixon emerged at 7. As his secret service agents eyed the boys warily, Blago, wearing running shorts, was waiting with his line: "Mr. President, can I trouble you for an autograph?" He asked that Nixon sign the autograph to his mother who, Blagojevich explained, loved Nixon because "he had suffered so much," had "two lovely daughters," and "was loyal to Pat."
~
While going to school at Northwestern University, Blagojevich idolized Nixon, according to friends, frequently defending him during the Watergate scandal. According to a long-time Blagojevich friend, the future governor often found inspiration in Nixon's "me against the world" sensibility. Blagojevich particularly loved the fact that Nixon bounced back after the "you won't have Dick Nixon to kick around anymore" speech after losing the race for California governor in 1962.
~

One less thing to worry about

Though somehow, this is still bound to wipe out the Horror bullpen eventually...

Doc’s confession: We made up ‘cello scrotum’
~

"errors and mistakes" were made (cont'd)

From today's Chronicle of Higher Education...

In 2007, after several high-profile plagiarism scandals, Southern Illinois University released a 17-page report on how to deal with the issue. The report includes a lengthy definition of plagiarism, explaining exactly what does and does not merit the dreaded "p" word.

One problem: That definition appears to have been plagiarized.

The 139-word definition used in the report is nearly identical to the definition adopted by Indiana University in 2005. . .

In recent years, Southern Illinois has had more than its share of plagiarism cases. In 2006, the chancellor of the Carbondale campus was asked to step down after it was discovered that portions of a strategic plan he wrote for Southern Illinois had been taken from a strategic plan he helped write for another university.

The following year it was revealed that the president of the system, Glenn Poshard, had copied large sections of his 1984 dissertation without citation. A university committee deemed the copying "errors and mistakes" rather than plagiarism. . .

Boobies!

'Man boobs'
Why UK is seeing big rise in male breast reduction

I'd recommend wearing a bro myself...

Fungrant

Scrabble Beta sucks.  No way to sugar coat it.  Scrabble Beta sucks.  They sued to get a better (though obviously a ripoff) product yanked from the Facebooks and then they put up this product that sucks arse.  Case & Point - I gets a note yesterday saying Corms came back for more after a defeat over the weekend.  Fung goes in - says no active game.  Then it says error, please reload, which it like ALWAYS FREAKING SAYS!  So Corms, I don't see your game - it doesn't show up.  Scrabulous didn't have those fancy graphics, but it freaking worked (most of the time).  Hasbro, get off your arse and fix this $#!+.

pray harder, dude (cont'd)

"It may not come off this way, but you’ve never met a host who wants to be wrong more than me. (Well then... great news! - Ed.) I pray, literally pray, each day, 'Dear Lord, show me where I'm wrong.'"
. . .

"This man may be a capitalist, but he is probably more of a socialist. He has surrounded himself with Marxist views his whole life, so how much of it has rubbed off on him, I think, is a reasonable question to ask." (God? Buehler? Anyone? - Ed.)

Are we paying for this?

Gov's TV tour continues:
6:45 a.m. CBS' Evening News
7:00 a.m. CBS' Early Show
8:10 a.m. Fox & Friends
8:45 a.m. AP TV
10:30 a.m. Fox Business Network
11:15 a.m. In Session/TruTV
12:30 p.m. FOX's Glenn Beck
1:30 p.m. CNN's Campbell Brown
2:00 p.m. MSNBC's Rachel Maddow
2:30 p.m. FOX's Greta Van Susteren
3:30 p.m. CNN's DL Hughley

Maybe Rush Limbaugh could write for Pravda

Look, for a typical example, at Pravda.ru, the Russian Web site that succeeded the organ of the Soviet Communist Party. Writing in the spirit of times past, one of its authors informed readers last week that Obama's presidency was a sham. After all, he "became the president because one needed a scapegoat during hard times of the crisis," and he will not last: "If Obama does not manage to extricate the nation from the crisis in two or three years, the Republicans will unveil their real candidate, and Obama's presidency will finish earlier than expected." The U.S. president, in other words, is merely a placeholder -- a description that makes him sound remarkably similar to the president of Russia.

the clinical evaluation is in: he's not crazy, he's just an @sshole

Though I think the full medical term is yooge PHOKKING @sshole...

He quotes poets at press conferences, but seldom takes questions. Reporters have seen him grab cell phones from complete strangers, interrupting conversations to say, "Hi, this is the governor." When lawmakers unanimously reject his proposal to tax businesses, he says that’s a vote of confidence.

Is Gov. Rod Blagojevich crazy?

The answer: Not exactly, according to experts in mental and personality disorders. But that doesn’t mean Blagojevich qualifies as normal.

"I’m not sure the question is about (mental) stability," says Dr. Joe Bohlen, a Springfield psychiatrist. "It may be more about personality."

"Personality," my friends...
~

"This is William Kristol’s last column."

K-Mad's search for a scapegoat goes on (cont'd)

Coffee Linked to Lower Dementia Risk

Wonderful

Jon Hilkevitch: When CTA driver runs light, you pay

The change was made in part because of pressure from the bus drivers union in response to the proliferation of red-light cameras across the city, officials said.

Once again, darned unions making us pay for what the drivers should pay for.

Running red lights is not condoned under any circumstances, including to get tardy buses back on schedule, transit officials said.

"Bus operators are professional drivers, and they are taught defensive driving," Gaffney said. "When they are approaching an intersection, they are supposed to be covering the brake [pedal with their foot], and if they see the yellow light, they should be prepared to bring the bus to a safe stop."

Asked to respond to comments from bus drivers that sudden stops could cause injury to bus passengers, Gaffney said the drivers are "trained to avoid driving in a manner that would cause them to stop suddenly."

Yes, well they all need a refresher course on this one. Whenever I've been standing on a bus I've been nearly sent flying quite a few times. And lots of those times we aren't at a traffic light, but in rush hour traffic on LSD. They all think driving = gassing it up and then jamming on the brakes, so it's funny that they try and get out of the red light thing by saying "but then we'd have to jam on the brakes" when that's how they normally drive.

I remember a copper coming over and just chewing out a bus driver for running a light on Michigan. I didn't see the whole thing but he kept coming up with lame excuse after lame excuse and she was having none of it. Wish we had more like her. If the CTA pays and then "disciplines" the drivers internally, who's to say that they don't just sweep it under the carpet and make us pay?

Don't try this at home... ok, Smiff can try it, but he has to report back to the rest of us

There isn't much to making bacon vodka: You throw a few cooked slices into the bottle, put it in a cupboard, and wait three weeks.

Police Should be Given More Power

That must be one old looking 14 year old.

As seen on Krusty's Kavalcade of Komedy

You too can sign up for updates about Barack Obama's Renew America Together (BORAT) initiative at http://www.usaservice.org

Find yourself (through the) printing (of) money

Ben Bernanke, on the bailout(s):

I've been condemned by traditional economists who said that printing money is responsible for inflation. ...I found myself doing extraordinary things that aren't in the textbooks.

No, just kidding, that's the chief central banker of Zimbabwe.