Tuesday, June 24, 2008
About which PARCers manager is ESPN's Chad Ford (not) talking?
By the way, is ___ _______ the most fun GM in the league? The guy is working on roughly 150 trade proposals as we speak. He has no qualms about calling up a team and saying, "How about Travis Outlaw and Sergio Rodriguez for Dwyane Wade." He won't blink an eye.
They couldn't help him spell cat if he was spotted the c and the t
Hall of Fame QB and good ol' boy studio host used steroids in the '70's.
If he were a baseball player there would be a congressional investigation along with calls to take his bust out of Cooperstown. But he was a football player so it won't get much play.
If he were a baseball player there would be a congressional investigation along with calls to take his bust out of Cooperstown. But he was a football player so it won't get much play.
Theocracy
Supporters of radical clerics have begun a new holy war in Iran.
The Fatwa declares that "Iraq is a nation under Allah founded on Islam" and that the party is pledged "toward dispelling the myth that Islam is separate from the state.."
They oppose any governmental action to restrict, prohibit, or remove public display of the Koran or other religious symbols.
They support a constitutional act "which would among other provisions bar the Iraqi courts from hearing and ruling in cases regarding governmental entities or officials who acknowledge "Allah as the sovereign source of law, liberty, or government." The law would also permit the impeachment and removal of judges who listen to such cases.
They would forbid judges from determining the constitutionality of laws and end Iraqi court jurisdiction in cases involving Sharia law. It calls for the impeachment of judges who, through the subjective judgment of others, "abuse their authority."
They support minimal oversight and regulation of Mosques and Madrases.
They oppose the teaching of science, where it conflicts with the Koran, or any Mullah's interpretation of the Koran.
They support criminal penalties on medical professionals and scientists who engage in education or research not supported by the Koran.
Their platform supports the widespread and systematic discrimination against homosexuals, and others, including imprisonment and fines for those violating Sharia law and removal of Iraq's jurisdiction over like cases.
... Oh wait, that was the Texas GOP and the guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
The Fatwa declares that "Iraq is a nation under Allah founded on Islam" and that the party is pledged "toward dispelling the myth that Islam is separate from the state.."
They oppose any governmental action to restrict, prohibit, or remove public display of the Koran or other religious symbols.
They support a constitutional act "which would among other provisions bar the Iraqi courts from hearing and ruling in cases regarding governmental entities or officials who acknowledge "Allah as the sovereign source of law, liberty, or government." The law would also permit the impeachment and removal of judges who listen to such cases.
They would forbid judges from determining the constitutionality of laws and end Iraqi court jurisdiction in cases involving Sharia law. It calls for the impeachment of judges who, through the subjective judgment of others, "abuse their authority."
They support minimal oversight and regulation of Mosques and Madrases.
They oppose the teaching of science, where it conflicts with the Koran, or any Mullah's interpretation of the Koran.
They support criminal penalties on medical professionals and scientists who engage in education or research not supported by the Koran.
Their platform supports the widespread and systematic discrimination against homosexuals, and others, including imprisonment and fines for those violating Sharia law and removal of Iraq's jurisdiction over like cases.
... Oh wait, that was the Texas GOP and the guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
add The Internets to the list of things John McCain knows nothing about
“Aware of the Internet,” Computer Non-User McCain Touts eBay as Recession Cure
McCain campaign aide Mark Soohoo reassured voters that “John McCain is aware of the Internet” and “You don’t actually have to use a computer to understand how it shapes the country.”
Earlier this year, the Politico’s Mike Allen (video here) asked the GOP presidential contenders whether they used a PC or Mac. In his response, McCain revealed that when it comes to high tech devices large (like private jets) or small (like personal computers), he is dependent on his beer heiress wife: “Neither. I’m an illiterate that has to rely on my wife for all of the assistance I can get.”
And when all else fails for distressed homeowners, McCain’s Americans should just join the rapidly growing ranks of those:
“Doing what is necessary — working a second job, skipping a vacation, and managing their budgets — to make their payments on time.”
Of course, John McCain isn’t speaking from personal experience when it comes to either computers or financial hardship. (As it turns out, one of McCain’s 8 homes - the one with “remote control window coverings” - is now up for sale.) Knowing even less than Ted Stevens (”series of tubes”) or George W. Bush (who “clicks around” on “the Google”), John McCain nonetheless offered the Internet as the answer for Americans struggling to make ends meet.
Yes, The Computer: that's some hi-tech shit. They've only been around for, uh, decades... I wonder if he can use the bathroom by himself, or does he rely on adult diapers?
McCain campaign aide Mark Soohoo reassured voters that “John McCain is aware of the Internet” and “You don’t actually have to use a computer to understand how it shapes the country.”
Earlier this year, the Politico’s Mike Allen (video here) asked the GOP presidential contenders whether they used a PC or Mac. In his response, McCain revealed that when it comes to high tech devices large (like private jets) or small (like personal computers), he is dependent on his beer heiress wife: “Neither. I’m an illiterate that has to rely on my wife for all of the assistance I can get.”
And when all else fails for distressed homeowners, McCain’s Americans should just join the rapidly growing ranks of those:
“Doing what is necessary — working a second job, skipping a vacation, and managing their budgets — to make their payments on time.”
Of course, John McCain isn’t speaking from personal experience when it comes to either computers or financial hardship. (As it turns out, one of McCain’s 8 homes - the one with “remote control window coverings” - is now up for sale.) Knowing even less than Ted Stevens (”series of tubes”) or George W. Bush (who “clicks around” on “the Google”), John McCain nonetheless offered the Internet as the answer for Americans struggling to make ends meet.
Yes, The Computer: that's some hi-tech shit. They've only been around for, uh, decades... I wonder if he can use the bathroom by himself, or does he rely on adult diapers?
life imitates Dr. Strangelove
Towns question fluoride use
Some oppose the chemical's presence in water supply
Fluoride fights stretch back more than a half-century. Recent studies, though, suggest a possible link to thyroid trouble and problems for people on dialysis. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention maintains that water fluoridation is a safe and cost-effective way to prevent tooth decay, but some scientists say questions about the long-term impact cannot be dismissed.
I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration, communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
-- Gen. Jack D. Ripper
Some oppose the chemical's presence in water supply
Fluoride fights stretch back more than a half-century. Recent studies, though, suggest a possible link to thyroid trouble and problems for people on dialysis. The U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention maintains that water fluoridation is a safe and cost-effective way to prevent tooth decay, but some scientists say questions about the long-term impact cannot be dismissed.
I can no longer sit back and allow communist infiltration, communist indoctrination, communist subversion, and the international communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
-- Gen. Jack D. Ripper
Porn is Love
Yesterday, it hit me: The hot women who make porn love men and mankind. They have those hot, hot bodies that we all look at and lust after while they go about their daily activities. They say to themselves, "I wish there was some way to give back to them." Of course, it would be impractical to sleep with all of us. There'd be no time to eat, wash, or even sleep! Instead they get it on in front of the camera, allowing us to see and hear what it would be like to nail them from behind then ejaculate all over their face and hair.
It has nothing to do with low self esteem secondary to a history of childhood sexual abuse, or a need for fast cash to get one's next fix. No no. It's all about love of men.
Women of the porn industry, thank you.
It has nothing to do with low self esteem secondary to a history of childhood sexual abuse, or a need for fast cash to get one's next fix. No no. It's all about love of men.
Women of the porn industry, thank you.
LoC Ramping Up
We topped 70 posts a week 3 weeks in a row, first time we've dun dat since August of last year. Is it the new blood we've injected into the aging beast? $#!+ blowing up faster than before? Beisbol season? Lou Daaabs?
Mugabe should be taking notes
It's good to be a penguine in Burma.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/24/world/asia/24myanmar-sub.html
I love that the NYTimes quotes a diplomat saying "...which is nuts."
“They really believe, and they have believed for a long time, that we are planning an invasion, which is nuts,” said Shari Villarosa, the highest-ranking United States diplomat in Yangon. “We are not,” she added.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/06/24/world/asia/24myanmar-sub.html
I love that the NYTimes quotes a diplomat saying "...which is nuts."
“They really believe, and they have believed for a long time, that we are planning an invasion, which is nuts,” said Shari Villarosa, the highest-ranking United States diplomat in Yangon. “We are not,” she added.
The Onion runs out of ideas, rips off K-Mad's reality...can he sue?
Really are they spying on us? This almost reads like our chat tonight...WORD FOR WORD.
BROOKLYN, NY—Mark Mendicus, 26-year-old Staples employee and principal owner of the fantasy baseball team Beat With Uggla Stick, blasted his underperforming team in the media Monday, going so far as to single out individual players, criticize their recent play, and question their commitment to winning.
"They all suck," a visibly frustrated Mendicus told reporters following Beat With Uggla Stick's head-to-head 8-2 loss to division rivals The Mark Currys. "[Alex] Rios sucks, Delmon [Young] sucks, Pedro [Martinez] fucking sucks. Everybody on my team sucks."
"The Beat With Uggla Sticks have a proud tradition of winning," continued Mendicus, whose team has made the playoffs the past two years, including a league championship win in 2006. "But apparently that means nothing to this group of players. Apparently they'd rather just lose every single 5x5 category. Apparently my players don't care about winning the 12-team Yahoo! Plus 'Mmm…Fantasy Baseball' league pennant as much as I do."
Mendicus had high expectations for his team coming into the season, but his players have been plagued by injuries and inconsistency, losing six of their first eight matchups en route to a 22-46-14 overall record. The historically temperamental owner did not hold back his opinions after their latest humiliating defeat, telling the New York Post that Prince Fielder "had better start hitting some fucking home runs already" before making several vicious personal attacks on the first baseman, calling him a "fatass," a "fat bastard," and a "fat fuck" in the course of one statement.
"I paid $38 for [Fielder], and this is what I get?" Mendicus said, directing reporters' attention to Fielder's "putrid" Yahoo! Game Log. "Twelve home runs. Twelve goddamn home runs. When you pay $38 for a guy, you had better give them a hell of a lot more than 12 home runs through the first half. I got you for your power, buddy, not your walks. This is a batting average league, anyway, not an on-base percentage league, so walks don't fucking matter. It's like these guys don't understand that."
Mendicus continued his heated rant, calling shortstop Felipe Lopez a "talentless hack whose multiple position eligibility is the only thing saving his ass from waivers," claiming that pitcher Ian Snell is "killing [him] in WHIP, absolutely killing [him]," and encouraging outfielder Brad Hawpe to "go eat shit." He then accused the whole team of not stealing enough bases and "not playing like true Beat With Uggla Sticks."
He did, however, reserve some praise for hot-hitting second baseman Dan Uggla upon learning that Uggla homered twice that day, saying, "That's you, Danny."
With his team already down 9-1 in this week's matchup against Gary Sheffield's Head Vein, Mendicus issued an ultimatum, claiming that unless his team delivers at least a tie, there will "be some changes around here." Mendicus said that "no one is safe," and had particularly strong words for pitcher Chris Young, who three weeks ago was hit in the face with a line drive and has not made a single start since.
"Toughen up, you little baby," Mendicus said. "You don't throw with your face, do you? I already got Phil [Hughes] in the DL slot, so you better get your ass back in action."
Mendicus has a reputation for following his players' performance with intense scrutiny and personal investment, often to a fanatical degree. It is rumored that he monitors their progress on multiple Yahoo! Sports box score windows on his computer screen, and will erupt into obscenity-laden tirades at work after a mere groundout or caught stealing.
"Fuck you Edwin, you good-for-nothing piece of shit," Mendicus was overheard as saying while angrily clicking the "Refresh" button on his web browser 14 times after pitcher Edwin Jackson loaded the bases with three straight walks. "Throw the ball over the goddamn plate. I need a win here, you idiot. I'm getting killed in wins."
For some players on Mendicus' team, the demand for instant results, the constant threats to be released or traded, and the nonstop verbal abuse is too much. Pitcher Jeremy Guthrie has been dropped and picked up by Mendicus seven times already this season, and he says he doesn't like playing under such volatile conditions.
"I wish he'd have a little faith in me," Guthrie said. "I don't like being picked up the night before my start and then simply dropped the next day. It wears on you as a player. And now I have to explain myself to my kids when they read in the papers that their daddy is a 'shit-for-brains asshole who can't even get five strikeouts when that's all we needed to win the category.'"
"I'm sorry, but when I have runners on first and third and one out, I'm going to go for the double play to get out of the inning, not the strikeout," Guthrie added. "Even though they don't give out 'points' for double plays."
Some players, however, praised Mendicus for his fiery attitude and desire to win, saying they prefer that to the kind of owners who treat their fantasy teams like nothing more than a fun distraction from their real jobs.
"It's good that he cares," said Beat With Uggla Stick catcher Jorge Posada. "Some owners, like Garrett Baldwin of the Smilin' Joe Randas, or Mike Broberg of Tiny Damon, they just sort of check in every once in a while to see how we're doing, but that's it. In fact, I've been on the Tiny Damon's bench since I went on the DL in April, and they don't even have anyone in the catcher slot. That's just shoddy ownership."
"But there's also a thing called caring too much," Posada added. "You can only be called a worthless shitbag after popping out so many times before it starts to sting. It's at the point where playing for Mendicus is almost as bad as playing for Hank Steinbrenner.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Karl Rove on Barack Obama
"Even if you never met him, you know this guy...he's the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by."
Briggs and I coulda written this
But, of course, or (un)fortunately, we don't work for the Worlds Awfulest Newspaper (tie), so we couldn't. Well, we shoulda written it here. But we didn't, coz we're lazy. So we're too late...
Bulgaria: Between two worlds
Bulgaria: Between two worlds
A shockingly large percentage of Lou Dobbs viewers are so freaking obviously lemmings (cont)
Do you believe the government of the United States should, at a minimum, keep track of people who are in this country on so-called "temporary visas?"
Yes: 98%
No (and Lou of course can't imagine who these phokks are): 2%
Coming next, a definition of what "keeping track of" means.
Yes: 98%
No (and Lou of course can't imagine who these phokks are): 2%
Coming next, a definition of what "keeping track of" means.
Fantasy-hoops plutocrat to get richer
The Indiana Pacers and Toronto Raptors have held discussions about a possible trade involving Jermaine O'Neal and T.J. Ford, according to reports in the Indianapolis Star and the Toronto Star.
The Raptors -- eager to move an unhappy Ford and make Jose Calderon their starting point guard -- also would include center Rasho Nesterovic and possibly their first-round pick in Thursday's draft, both newspapers reported.
The Raptors -- eager to move an unhappy Ford and make Jose Calderon their starting point guard -- also would include center Rasho Nesterovic and possibly their first-round pick in Thursday's draft, both newspapers reported.
Why driving is so awesome
And riding the bus is so for losers...
Yes! It's the Knight Rider satnav!
Or perhaps I should call this beating a dead horse silly. Trying to extract a river from a pebble. Making a mountain out of Shakira's small and humble boobies. Siphoning additional value from an 80's TV series. Oh, wait...
Yes! It's the Knight Rider satnav!
Or perhaps I should call this beating a dead horse silly. Trying to extract a river from a pebble. Making a mountain out of Shakira's small and humble boobies. Siphoning additional value from an 80's TV series. Oh, wait...
some GC quotes
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
The status quo sucks.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.
Here is something you’ll never hear: "If you don’t stop giving me a blow job, I’m calling the police."
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
...more
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
The status quo sucks.
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
The planet is fine. The people are fucked.
You can prick your finger — just don’t finger your prick.
Here is something you’ll never hear: "If you don’t stop giving me a blow job, I’m calling the police."
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I don’t have pet peeves — I have major psychotic fucking hatreds!
I wanna live. I don’t wanna die. That’s the whole meaning of life: Not dying! I figured that shit out by myself in the third grade.
...more
this sucks
Comedian George Carlin dies in Los Angeles at 71
Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs and dirty words, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday, a spokesman said. He was 71.
Carlin, who had a history of heart and drug-dependency problems, died at Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica about 6 p.m. PDT (9 p.m. EDT) after being admitted earlier in the afternoon for chest pains, spokesman Jeff Abraham told Reuters.
Known for his edgy, provocative material, Carlin achieved status as an anti-Establishment icon in the 1970s with stand-up bits full of drug references and a routine called "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television." A regulatory battle over a radio broadcast of the routine ultimately reached the U.S. Supreme Court.
In the 1978 case, Federal Communications Commission vs. Pacifica Foundation, the top U.S. court ruled that the words cited in Carlin's routine were indecent, and that the government's broadcast regulator could ban them from being aired at times when children might be listening.
Carlin's comedic sensibility often came back to a central theme: humanity is doomed.
"I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas," he told Reuters in a 2001 interview.
Carlin, who wrote several books and performed in many television comedy specials, is survived by his wife Sally Wade, and daughter Kelly Carlin McCall.
Comedian George Carlin, a counter-culture hero famed for his routines about drugs and dirty words, died of heart failure at a Los Angeles-area hospital on Sunday, a spokesman said. He was 71.
Carlin, who had a history of heart and drug-dependency problems, died at Saint John's Health Center in Santa Monica about 6 p.m. PDT (9 p.m. EDT) after being admitted earlier in the afternoon for chest pains, spokesman Jeff Abraham told Reuters.
Known for his edgy, provocative material, Carlin achieved status as an anti-Establishment icon in the 1970s with stand-up bits full of drug references and a routine called "Seven Words You Can Never Say On Television." A regulatory battle over a radio broadcast of the routine ultimately reached the U.S. Supreme Court.
In the 1978 case, Federal Communications Commission vs. Pacifica Foundation, the top U.S. court ruled that the words cited in Carlin's routine were indecent, and that the government's broadcast regulator could ban them from being aired at times when children might be listening.
Carlin's comedic sensibility often came back to a central theme: humanity is doomed.
"I don't have any beliefs or allegiances. I don't believe in this country, I don't believe in religion, or a god, and I don't believe in all these man-made institutional ideas," he told Reuters in a 2001 interview.
Carlin, who wrote several books and performed in many television comedy specials, is survived by his wife Sally Wade, and daughter Kelly Carlin McCall.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
in the meantime, it would be prudent to expect the occasional delay
Those old transit blues
The CTA's "Countdown to a new Brown"? How many years? How many stations? And earthquakes aren't part of our reconstruction equation. We don't open stations. We close them. We put up with slow zones, evacuations and even derailments. And then we're told to "Leave early. Leave late. Alternate."
Like move, perhaps? Seriously.
The CTA's "Countdown to a new Brown"? How many years? How many stations? And earthquakes aren't part of our reconstruction equation. We don't open stations. We close them. We put up with slow zones, evacuations and even derailments. And then we're told to "Leave early. Leave late. Alternate."
Like move, perhaps? Seriously.
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