today's QT yesterday

Someone's seen a little too much 'Jurassic Park'

May 29, 2007
BY ZAY N. SMITH Sun-Times Columnist

Ken Ham, founder of Kentucky's new Creation Museum, which includes depictions of humans and dinosaurs living together on a planet created 6,000 years ago:
"Everyone has to defend their position in a way that is logical and scientific."

And for anyone who doubts creationist scientists: Their work is peer-reviewed by both Fred and Wilma.

Bullpen of Horrors (cont'd)

C Orvella relieved E Jackson.
C Monroe homered to center.
G Sheffield walked.
G Sheffield stole second.
G Sheffield to third on balk by C Orvella.
M Ordonez singled to left, G Sheffield scored.
B Stokes relieved C Orvella.

I could try to blame Smiff...

Joakim Soria (shoulder) is scheduled to undergo an MRI Tuesday.

Soria was placed on the disabled list Saturday, but manager Buddy Bell said Sunday that the Royals "don’t think it’s that serious." "We will know more on Wednesday," Bell said

How long before this happens to Halladay?

"Splinching, or the separation of random body parts, occurs when the mind is insufficiently determined."

-- Wilkie Twycross, in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

can Cholly count?

- J. Rollins doubled to left
- S. Victorino sacrificed to third, J. Rollins to third

Any idea why you would be sacrificing down 2-0 in the 1st inning? Is dis a Yahoo screwup or is Cholly dis stupid? or both? bad squirrel again?

Cubs reach new level of awfulness

In the 5-3 loss today, they were shutout for 6 innings by B.H. Kim.

he's no Wiggy (not awful enough)

The Chukar Cherry bench is getting mighty thin. Come to think of it, so is the starting rotation (Ohka, Batista...ugh). You know who's to blame here.

Devil Rays optioned outfielder-designated hitter Jonny Gomes to Triple-A Durham.
Rays manager Joe Maddon makes it pretty obvious who his favorites are, and it was clear he was down on Gomes even before the regular season started. Given the chance, Gomes would at least match Ty Wigginton's .244 average and .446 slugging percentage while besting his .277 OBP by 50 points or more. However, one of those two has spent the season as the regular cleanup hitter, while the other had started 14 times in 48 games. Gomes needs a chance to move on.

I hate Kyle Loshe. HATE.

So after he TOTALLY SUCKED for the last month in the Monk rotation, i finally took him out. Didn't even list on the lineup anywhere. Of course, today he throws a shutout. What an @SS. This also means that David Wells will be lit up this week.

how shall we insult the troops?

* Bush photo-op trying to look like he gives a s#i+
* Plutocrats golfing
* Crackers driving around in circles really fast, burning fuel
* John Wayne playing war on TV

a lot of fancy talk which means:

Sam Perlozzo is an idiot.

Baseball conditionals
http://itre.cis.upenn.edu/%7Emyl/languagelog/archives/004521.html

"We just needed one fly ball or a base hit with the bases loaded, and we've got a different ballgame," Perlozzo said.

did he piss on their graves?

Bush pays tribute to troops at Arlington

In a related outrage...

News Item: President Bush proclaims May 28 as Memorial Day, calling for Americans to "pause with solemn gratitude and deep respect for all our fallen service men and women who have given their lives for our country and our freedom."
News Item: Plans revealed to cut veterans' health benefits starting in two years in an effort to maintain tax cuts and balance the budget.

how bad ya gotta be to be replaced by Todd Wellemeyer?

K-Mad bad...

Cardinals optioned RHP Anthony Reyes to Triple-A Memphis.
Todd Wellemeyer will take his rotation spot.

Lost on Jeopardy

A: "A Bizarre Finish"

Q: How did the Cubs lose again today?

Funny Stuff

- A. Ethier hit for A. LaRoche
- S. Eyre relieved M. Wuertz
- A. Ethier homered to deep right
- N. Garciaparra hit for B. Clark
- B. Howry relieved S. Eyre

Also funny: Brenley and dat udder guy rationalizing why Cliff Floyd can't bunt.

Gotta love the Cubs' broadcasts.

I see they are still featuring the "babes in the stands" montages. That's classy. And when the team usually stinks, like this year, you have to feature something to keep da fanz interested.

When Idiot Analysts Attack

I caught a little bit of the Padres game last night and after the game two of the featured talking heads were: Mark Grant and Bob Scanlan. Couldn't hear the brilliant things they were saying, but they had plenty of experience in How-NOT-To Pitch they could draw from.

When Idiot Managers Attack

My nominee for the worst manager in baseball: Jim Tracy in Pittsburgh. Somehow, with all the lousy bats the Pirates have he manages to bat Jason Bay, their best hitter by far, usually 5th in the lineup. Jim, you want your best hitter up in the 1st inning, hopefully with at least one runner on base. Today, he had Jose Bautista (awful), Chris Duffy (awful), Freddy Sanchez and Andy LaRoche (.199 BA) coming up before Bay. Also, when he manages to get Ryan Doumit in the lineup (.954 OPS, best on the club), he usually hits 6th. No wonder the Pirates never get any better. Oh yeah, am i shocked that Tracy is from Ohio and played for the Cubs?

Smiff is outraged.

Rank Team Points Pts Change
1. Columbus Bureaucrats 199.5 4.5
2. Lord Viper Elefantes 198.5 -1.5

k-mad scours da Trib headlines so you don't have to

Cicadas on the march
Chicago Gardener: They're here!
My phokkkking @@sss... I hear nuttin, I see nuttin...

Vote: Which Sox reliever scares you?
How many votes do I get?

Dikka's retort: Gene Upshaw a fraud
Iz dat da teacup calling da teakettle a tea receptacle, or what?

Acting weird? That's so Piniella
Is Smiff writing dese?

Phil Rogers: Baseball's other black eye
Drool Cup? A hack maybe, but a black eye on baseball? Well, maybe...

Vote: Which Cubs reliever scares you?
How many votes do Sarge and Corms get?

Clemens' return may come at Cell
Road trip? 'Boo til ya Spew' Nite at da Cell?

Worker dies at Tribune facility
Police say the man was caught in a conveyor. Video
Dey show video of dere own workers being eaten by dere machines? How Monty Burns can you get?

Flooding, lightning hit suburbs
Strong storms lead to two fires and flooding.
My phokkking @@@ssss... I saw nuttin, I heard nuttin...

Hey Decker - Smart Guy - CRAM IT!

Adam Eaton: FIVE wins.