Election Night Special

See also: Kevin Phillips-Bong

7:27 PM me: you know who sucks?
Kevin: lanny davis
me: who?
7:28 PM Kevin: the hillary shill on cnn right now
me: oh.
Kevin: fullas#i+ of bushian proportions
7:29 PM me: i'm going straight to the source: Hillary. SUCK IT, LOSER.
Kevin: seriously, when dana perino's head caves in, there's a job waiting for this asshole
me: how is he spinning it?
Kevin: ok i give up -- besides hill, bill, and lanny, who sucks?
me: or she? get a real first name
7:30 PM like i said:
Hillary. SUCK IT, LOSER.
Kevin: somehow, florida and michigan are obama's fault
and they're cheating for taking them away from her
7:31 PM and somehow, losing by 130,000 votes overall tonight is not losing
and somehow, all that all of this proves is that hillary is the better candidate
7:32 PM hillary won all the big states!
me: er, didn't everyone agree months ago FL & MI wouldn't be counted?
Kevin: never mind the numbers -- she's doing WAAAY better than he is
7:33 PM me: but since Clinton & Co. thought they would win in a cakewalk, they didn't give a shit then
Kevin: she's winning by behind behind -- you can't get more bushian than that
me: maybe Lanny (french?) shoulda run a better campaign...
Kevin: maybe they shutna SUCKED
7:34 PM me: your boy, Evan Bayh, on da stage...
Kevin: anywayz lets get back to baseball
besides all my players (who suck), who sucks?
me: players you will pick up later?
Kevin: yes
7:35 PM me: i run rings round ya
7:36 PM Gavin Floyd was 2 outs away from a no-hitter...
7:37 PM the Twins must really SUCK
Kevin: REALLY suck
7:38 PM me: BRUNTLETT!
E. Bruntlett homered to deep left, A. Eaton scored
Randy Johnson SUCKS
7:39 PM Kevin: "letter carriers for hillary" - she's got the disgruntled postal worker vote
me: Hillary claims the tiebreaker!
Kevin: exactly
never mind the actual numbers
me: she came from behind even though she was expected to win there
even though all the votes aren't in
Kevin: she's winning by falling farther behind
7:40 PM me: tonight is YOUR victory!
Kevin: even though all the votes arent in
is that santa claus over her left shoulder?
me: no beard
Kevin: nah -- too skinny
me: she wants YOUR money
7:41 PM Kevin: this is MY victory :-)
our opponent outspends us massively
maybe because more people send him money?
she's touched
7:42 PM i hate her
her mother had a difficult childhood :-(
7:43 PM poor bill sees his third term slipping away...
7:44 PM sounds like a victory speech -- it would be hilarious if she lost
7:46 PM she's been saying this all along (even though this is the first time i've heard her say it) -- we should give consumers a break on the gas tax this summer and MAKE THE OIL COMPANIES PAY THE GAS TAX -- even though she isn't going to be the prezzzzzzident this summer and doesn't really have any say in the matter, so why is she sounding like she can make this happen?
7:47 PM me: it's a panderer reflex - she can't help it
Kevin: what can she do about my bunions?
7:48 PM me: nothing, but Bill feels your pain
Kevin: "we have been on this campaign a long time..." (nervous laughter)
7:49 PM me: no shit, Sherlock
Kevin: she's getting me verklempft with her stories of people who have heartbreaking stores
i bet she bowls like a phokking maniac
me: whatever...does she know about da Chix? i don't pfink so
that's heartbreak
Kevin: she dont know heartbreak
7:50 PM me: is she boning Evan Bayh now?
Kevin: he's wonderful, i hear
7:51 PM me: pandering to Burmese voters now...
Kevin: pandering for the burma vote
she said burma
me: sick phokks like us think alike
Kevin: why do you suppose she did that?
7:52 PM me: she likes saying "junta"
Kevin: what's chelsea running for?
me: i do like Chelsea, even though i loathe her parents
7:53 PM give her a couple years...she'll be running for something
Kevin: i would like to have a beer with her
me: is she gonna run as an independent in Nov?
7:54 PM Kevin: i wonder if she can knock back the shots with the lunch-pail crowd like her old lady can?
florida and michigan count!
me: i dunno but we got to count the votes!!
Kevin: hahaha -- she's here all week -- try the veal!
7:55 PM me: she got dat right...experiment in democracy
Kevin: have we blown up the lab yet?
speaking of SUCKING -- zito gets a start tomorrow
me: B O O M
7:57 PM Kevin: i would like to have a beer with him and watch him blow up
me: speaking o which - Eaton walked the pitcher with the bases loaded...
Kevin: i wonder if he marinates himself in rocket fuel overnight or waits until the morning?
me: boff
Kevin: that takes bawlz
7:58 PM me: shirazez?
Kevin: beer
7:59 PM me: woah - when did dat happen?
Kevin: yesterday
honkers ale
8:00 PM everyone at hill's rally has a blue aura - rapture time?
cnn still not calling indiana
8:01 PM me: update:
Adam Eaton still SUCKS
8:02 PM Kevin: is that subject to change?
me: MFA
8:03 PM Kevin: another lannyism -- classic rethuglican election night bullshit -- if you look at the colors on the map, nearly the whole map is her color (SHHHHH -- it's because she's winning in all the places where nobody lives)
8:04 PM me: why isn't she way ahead then?
Kevin: gosh, i can't explain it
8:05 PM me: run rings round ya
Kevin: he sure did!
chris young (SD) SUCKED tonight btw...
me: Bruntlett: DOUBLE, RBI
8:07 PM Kevin: dellucci - pinch-hitting - GUONE
lanny is back on! explaining to all of us why she's winning by losing
me: i saw dat - i put him in the Cherries line up for Buck (dead guy)
Kevin: what a sad phokking sack of shit
8:08 PM take a look at the map! a great victory!
2209! a new number! one we made up!
8:09 PM me: i switched to CNN - is he in the Yankee uniform?
Kevin: yeah well he's a new jersey phokk
8:10 PM me: da black guy sez two zero two five
Kevin: 2+2=4? figgers that a crazy black man would come up with that
8:11 PM me: who's dis douchebag?
Indiana isn't normal? where the phokk has dis guy been all his life?
8:12 PM some phokking expert he is........
Kevin: maybe lake county indiana is on pacific time? that would explain why the vote count isnt in yet
they are right by the water after all... they may think it's the ocean
8:13 PM me: not really big on brainz over deres
8:14 PM Kevin: brainzz are overrated
unless you're a pointy-headed intellectual
effete snob
me: howa about a HYOOGE bald head?
Kevin: same phing
8:15 PM me: crap, i guess i have a brain
8:16 PM Kevin: elitist phokk
me: yep
Paul Lo Duca's back: SUCKING
8:17 PM JR Towles: .171
your fault
Kevin: i blame society
8:18 PM me: White Sox WINNER!
Chris Matthews is singing "Gary, Indiana"
God help us all
Kevin: is he drunk?
8:19 PM me: no, he's Tweety
8:21 PM Werth: GUONE
8:23 PM Kevin: obama won NC by as many votes as she won PA
me: doesn't count: more darkies in NC
Kevin: but you know, north carolina doesn't count... for some reason...
there ya go!
8:24 PM i knew there was something disqualifying it
also more college towns (see also: pointy-headed america-hating elites)
8:25 PM sox POUNDED the twins -- the blow-up doll factor?
me: YES
8:26 PM Kevin: trabbis haffner got a hit!
me: no, really?
Kevin: silly trabbis...
me: scoring error?
Kevin: possibly
8:27 PM LUDWICK: 4-4, 2 HRs -- HORROR
oh - 2 rbis
me: scoring errors?
8:28 PM Kevin: my eyesight - not so good (like the bees)
me: speaking of wine, i gotsa tasty kolly malbec heres
8:29 PM Kevin: malbec - fancy merlot?
looks like conor j lost annudder ball in his eyebrow tonight
8:30 PM me: it's like having an angora cat on his forehead
Scott Olsen: dominates!
Kevin: in full SUCKS recovery
8:32 PM lanny davis -- we are delighted with the results tonight
8:33 PM everyone is against her for pointing out she's losing
8:34 PM "i never said what i just said" -- more classic bushianism
8:36 PM me: In 1976, Davis ran for Congress as a Democrat in Maryland's 8th congressional district. After winning the Democratic nomination, he was in a close contest with Republican Newton Steers before losing after a minor scandal broke out over Davis mischaracterizing his own academic record at Yale Law School.
In 2005, President Bush appointed Davis to serve as the only Democrat on the Privacy and Civil Liberties Oversight Board.
8:37 PM Kevin: shocking, and shocking
8:38 PM me: In 1999, Davis wrote a memoir of his work in the White House entitled Truth to Tell: Tell It Early, Tell It All, Tell It Yourself: Notes from My White House Education. His most recent book, which appeared in 2006, is entitled Scandal: How "Gotcha" Politics Is Destroying America. The book received praise from politicians and commentators across party lines, including Senators Evan Bayh and Lindsey Graham.
In 2006, through opinions expressed in the Wall Street Journal (August 8, 2006) and on Fox News, Davis strongly supported longtime friend Joseph Lieberman in his losing bid against Ned Lamont for the Democratic Party nomination for the post of U.S. senator from Connecticut. He then continued to support Lieberman when he ran and won the General Election as an Independent.
8:39 PM Kevin: yooooge shocker
7 minutes
8:46 PM Kevin: gary IN is cooking the vote
8:47 PM me: good - FRY it up
Kevin: it shouldn't count since there are lots of black people there
me: yes
8:48 PM Kevin: i'm sure jesse jackson did well there, for example
me: say, has Mary heard anything from ND?
Kevin: no and she is going kerrrrazzzzyyy... you will hear when i do
8:49 PM me: cath-O-licks - i don't trust 'em
Kevin: me neither -- though it appears the county where ND is went for barack
me: university elites
Kevin: obama STEALING the vote -- i dont trust him
8:50 PM there will be a federal investigation\
8:54 PM ledezzzzzzzzzzzma starts thursday
8:55 PM me: B O O M
8:56 PM Duchscherer dominates. You're welcome.
8:57 PM Kevin: yes!
8:58 PM me: Kuroda...not so much
Kevin: he sucked so much
27 minutes
9:26 PM me: http://static.crooksandliars.com/2008/05/carrot_for_president.jpg
9:28 PM Kevin: is the ficus running too?
9:29 PM me: Mitt-fer-brainz has 5% of the vote in Indiana...
9:30 PM Kevin: sounds iike some mcbush-hating out there
9:33 PM me: Santiago Casilla: 18 1/3 shutout innings and counting (Monk! Wyvern! FANT!)
Kevin: never heard of him
9:34 PM me: dats why i win "on the margins"
9:36 PM Balentien: 2 hits, 2B. you're welcome.
9:37 PM Kuo: 8 outs, 7 Ks, still sucks
9:39 PM Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Kevin: kuo is a mainstay in the smelts bullpen
9:40 PM me: only one left?
9:41 PM Kevin: yes
22 minutes
10:03 PM me: Ryan Ludwick went 4-for-4 with two doubles and a walk Tuesday against the Rockies. Ludwick is still hitting .349/.426/.675 on the season, but he hasn't found himself in the starting lineup against right-handers at all lately. That's the case even though his career OPS is 100 points better against righties. In Tony La Russa's defense, the rest of the Cardinals' outfield has been quite productive as well. However, Ludwick has to be rather frustrated.
10:05 PM Kevin: if he doesnt have the internets tony might not have that info
me: are they still cooking the votes in Gary?
Kevin: still cooking
10:06 PM me: i always knew dat godforsaken hellhole was good for sumpfing
10:07 PM Kevin: gary mayor is on now denying it all
they're being "methodical"
me: i love da machine
10:08 PM Kevin: mayor of hammond is giving it to mayor of gary
me: methodical=cookin'
what channel is dis on?
Kevin: cnn
10:09 PM me: i'm boycotting dem since they hired your boy, Tony Snowjob
Kevin: just went from 56 to 98 % in and he didnt catch up
looks like he wont catch her
10:10 PM me: 56 to 98 %?
Kevin: yeah all at once, from lake county
10:13 PM me: MSNBC sez Hill-Rod is the "apparent" winner
Kevin: cnn just called it too
10:16 PM me: Indiana proves once again: they SUCK
Kevin: shocking
6 minutes
10:23 PM Kevin: cnn blaming hillarys win on old people
obama won under 65 vote
10:24 PM me: why don't they croak already?
Kevin: they will
10:25 PM me: soon?
10:26 PM Kevin: i had alls i can stands
me: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz?
Kevin: yes
10:28 PM i look forward to hearing how hillary wrapped up the nomination in the morning
10:29 PM me: well, she won the big states