Another Thing I Hate: The L Train

To content myself until the next time Will Carroll has a chat, I include my complaint letter to the MTA:

Discussion Thread
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Customer (a decker) - 01/12/2008 02:45 AM
It took an hour and a half to get from First Avenue to Nassau tonight.

And this is after sitting around and having to let trains go four of five mornings this week because they were too crowded to get on. One day I had to let two trains go by before I could get on one. Which is better than one of the days last week when I had to let three go by. I leave with a forty-five minute cushion between when I should get to work and when I could logically expect to if the L train doesn't suck but isn't ideal. Twice in the last couple weeks I've walked in right at the time I was due in - that means the L train was running forty-five minutes slower than I could logically expect it to, during rush hour, in terms of actually being able to get on and get to work. One time, I have to admit, it wasn't the train's fault - I waited for a bus in Greenpoint (ha haha - I
mean I should know better to do that - faster to walk the 22 minutes pretty much everyday - but that's another matter).

I really don't think you guys know what you're doing.

Everyday it amazes me that I have no choice but to pay for service that is infuriating, uncomfortable and inconvenient. Seriously, why am I paying $76 a month for this? Why?

Why is it that if I try to travel anywhere when it's not rush hour the G train is closed, the L train is running on one track on no tracks or just kind of showing up and running in seven sections and it's all the time. The damn thing never works. And then when it does work, you run three trains one right after the other and then one doesn't run for ten minutes...and the things are so crowded - try getting on one of those trains.

The tipping point was tonight - I didn't want to complain - I know you guys have a tough job - but the inferior quality of service is to such a dismal low that it needs to be commented on. You are not doing a good job. I sometimes wonder if you are doing what you claim to do at all - that is, transport New York City with any kind of economy and skill.

I love New York, and when I move eventually, I will miss it terribly, I will content myself with the fact that I do not have to think about the L train everyday.'

Response
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Dear L line customer:

As your new line general manager, you have my commitment to improve your ride with us. Your comments are important to me in reaching that goal, and I thank you for writing. Please know that I will review each e-mail personally, and contact you if I need more information. The line general manager program is a new concept, and I look forward to your support in making it a success.

Sincerely,
Greg Lombardi

Response to the Response
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Dear Greg,

What would you like me to do to help make it a success? Would you like me to get down there and dig? At this point, I would.

One day, I will wake up, George Bush will have announced that he's voluntarily committing himself to a war crimes tribunal and the news will have an additional report that former Vice President Dick "Dick" Cheney was attacked by a mob of angry college students who covered him with fake blood and bacon grease, afterwards he will apologize for his actions and say the only way he can expiate himself is through hari kari, a foreign concept, but a just one; President Anjelica Huston will announce that the $750 billion package to reinvigorate troubled schools is appearing to have effect with the information not coming from test scores, but from where actual students attend college and graduate from college; corporations will be running scared from upstart independent competition which is not limited by a corrupt and evil tax code and the Chicago Cubs, under manager Greg Maddux and bench coach Ryne Sandberg, will be celebrating Ron Santo Day just before game seven of the World Series against the Tampa Bay Devil Rays (which they will win 3-1 on a two run bases clearing double in the 8th by pinch hitter Carlos Zambrano - Ron Santo, silent on the microphone will worry some viewers until some five minutes later, he says softly that this is the most beautiful moment of his life, full of exactly the meaning he thought it would be - he will thank his parents and Kenny Hubbs, he will be surrounded by his former roommate, Glenn Beckert, Randy Hundley and Billy Williams in the booth - Ernie Banks will be in the left field bleachers, not with frat boy assholes, but regular fans - since the costs of the seat will not be so much as to require a trust fund), and on that day, Greg, earlier in the morning, on my way to the airport so I can get back to Chicago in time to make the game, I will take the L Train into the city really quick so I can buy my friend Corms a few books from the Strand. The train will show up after a brisk three minute wait. It will not be crowded. The seats will be filled, but I will gladly stand and nod to the other commuters. We will all be relaxed. Instead of Digitized Person announcing that the next stop is First Avenue in this Manhattan Bound L Train, the cool tones of Willie Nelson will give me that information. I will chuckle. Last week I was told quickly and without excessive length or volume of where I was going and in what direction by the comforting and inspirational voice of Al Green. Sometimes at bars we will discuss the relief we feel now that Digitized Person has been retired.

What I found so aggravating about all this, is the part that is least likely to happen, is what happened on the L train. Which, when empty at the depot, will still smell faintly of urine.