Ozzie Guillen would like a lineup of 100 of these players...

...including himself!

The 100 Worst Baseball Players Of All Time: A Celebration

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Still true, 4 years later...

Watching a South Park from 2007. Stan & Kyle meet Jay Cutler, then the Broncos QB, at a party. Stan says to him "Well, you kinda suck, but my Dad says you might be great one day!" We're still waiting...

Lies, damn lies, and statistics (cont)

Realty trade group overreported Chicago home prices - chicagotribune.com

This sack of shit makes $19 million a year???!!!

“There isn’t a player that I’m more proud of in the last 15 years than Derek Jeter. He has played the game like it should be played,” Bud Selig said. “He’s even been a better human being off the field, as great as he is on the field. So any concerns I keep hearing about Derek Jeter isn’t here. I respect that. And I must tell you, I think I’d have made the same decision that Derek Jeter did. So any suggestion to the contrary, Derek Jeter has brought to this sport great pride. He’s become a role model, earned it and is still earning it.”

But YOU said the All Star Game counts, it matters! But no one wants to play in the thing. Which...YOU seem cool with! ANOTHER YEAR OF THIS INCOMPETENCE? FUCK! Jesus H. Christ, George W. Fucking Bush would be a better commissioner! YOU SUCK!!

Should the @Fungsterm Geek out and get this?

Star Trek PADD App Available Today

Loyal to a fault

He doesn't want to be traded to a contender, he doesn't want to play in the All-Star game...he's just all about the floundering Cubs. They need to get more players like this.

Aramis Ramirez turned down an opportunity to be an All-Star.
NL manager Bruce Bochy asked Ramirez to be the replacement for the injured Placido Polanco. Ramirez will instead fly from Pittsburgh to the Dominican Republic to spend the break. He is batting .300 with 15 homers and 51 RBI this season.

BREAKING: THIS IS WHY A-RAM DOESN'T WANT TO BE TRADED: MUST HAVE A BRAIN.

Carlos Beltran said accepting a trade to the Red Sox would be a "no-brainer."
Beltran will be a free agent after this season upon completion of his seven-year, $119 million deal with the Mets. Beltran has a full no-trade clause and was asked if he would waive it to join Boston. "They're in first place," he said. "That's a no-brainer."

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Animals phokking with hyooomans big time

Animals harbour a deadly time bomb

Human affection for animals - wild and domestic - has a darker side. It is estimated that 75 per cent of emerging infectious diseases in people - many of them fatal - originate in animals.

Hyooooomans phokking with animals

Ultimate Dog Tease
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Nature phokking with hyoooomans (cont'd)

Baseball-sized hail reported in Chicago.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif




Full screen, since Blogger and YouTube don't always like each other.
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Toles on Negotiation

Has there ever in all of time been a negotiation where one side said: “we will not compromise one single tiny bit on any thing whatsoever, even reasonable things, and if you do not yield on all points, completely and massively, we will take an action that we know will hurt everyone, including all innocent bystanders.” One, anyway, that was reported in newspapers as being a “negotiation?” I think tornados negotiate like that.

Nature phokking with hyoooomans

Turtles crossing runway cause New York flight delays - chicagotribune.com

More Hyooomans phokking with nature

Ducks rescued on Lake Shore Drive - chicagotribune.com

Stoooopid 'Mercans (cont)

Too many Whole Foods treats, so deer must leave Lake View - Chicago Sun-Times

A deer and two fawns living in a Lake View courtyard will be moved by Animal Control because residents continue to feed the babies milk from bottles and organic apples from Whole Foods. (Only the best organic stuff will do for Bambi - ed).

Feeding the animals could ultimately be harmful to the deer, and possibly to people if the doe came back and found them too near her babies, officials said.

Animal Control, which has been monitoring the situation for about a week, does not “normally get involved with a situation with a wild animal,” unless the animal is in danger or poses a threat, said City Animal Care and Control Commissioner Cherie Travis.

Since the deer were uninjured and were not bothering anyone, the agency left them alone, and asked area residents to do the same.

But residents couldn’t seem to leave nature to its own course.

“We just asked people not to feed them,” Travis said. “Unfortunately people did not heed our advice.”

The signs asking people not to feed the animals were taken down.

“We were aware people were feeding the fawns with a baby bottle (are you phokking kidding me? ed) when the mother was not there,” Travis said. This could be dangerous to the fawns and those feeding them, she explained.

If residents bring them food, the deer will make themselves comfortable there and that’s a possibility with the Lake View deer, Travis said. “People are going to Whole Foods and giving them organic apples.”

An additional concern, which Ald. Tom Tunney’s office contacted Animal Care about, was the gay pride parade on June 26, which is expected to bring hundreds of thousands of people to the neighborhood, some of whom could be inebriated. (so gays + alcohol = shitstorm of biblical proportions that the deer won't survive? ed)

So now the animals will be moved, but Travis said that is no easy proposition.

“We’re looking at a lot of different options to remove them as humanely (dey ain't hyoomans - ed)as possible,” she said. “We are exploring a lot of options, none of which are really good.”

If only we paid this much attention to hyooomans in need...

Skilly Sez®

Today: rain. Tomorrow: rain. Saturday: rain. Sunday: rain. Monday: rain. Tuesday: rain. Wednesday: rain.

Literally Unbelievable (cont)

Security guard tries to remove wart from finger with a shotgun - Local stories - Yorkshire Post

A SECURITY guard from South Yorkshire shot himself in the hand to try to remove a wart from his finger.

Sean Murphy, 38, lost most of his left middle finger after using the stolen 12-bore Beretta shotgun at a garden centre in Doncaster.

He also landed in court for using an illegal firearm, and was handed a 16-week suspended prison sentence.

Murphy was told at Doncaster Magistrates’ Court that the offence carried a maximum 15 year term.

But he said: “The best thing is that the wart has gone. It was giving me lot of trouble.” (every cloud has a silver lining - ed)

Murphy, a security officer at Markham Grange Nurseries, Brodsworth, at the time of the incident in March, has since lost his job. He had suffered with the wart on the joint closest to the tip of his middle finger for more than five years.

He said: “It was hurting a lot and causing my finger to bend. I’d been to the doctors and tried all sorts of things but it wouldn’t go.

“I didn’t expect to lose my finger as well when I shot it but the gun recoiled and that was it. The wart was gone and so was most of my finger. There was nothing left, so no chance to re-attach it.”

Murphy, of Kings Road, Doncaster, pleaded guilty to theft of the shotgun by finding and possessing it without a valid firearms certificate.

Police were called to Markham Grange on the afternoon of March 13 to discover an injured man with a missing finger. He told them he had used a shotgun he had found in a hedge bottom near the nursery three months earlier.

An investigation showed it was taken during a burglary in 2009 but Murphy said he had no knowledge of that.

Martin Ward, prosecuting, said: “On the afternoon in question he had some drink.” (yes, as always, blame it on the alcohol - ed)

Richard Haigh, defending, said Murphy had been ‘a victim of his own stupidity’ when domestic pressures got to him.

District Judge Jonathan Bennett told the defendant: “I don’t know what was going on in your mind.”

Murphy was also ordered to complete 100 hours of unpaid community work and pay costs of £100

Nothing to see here. No video, anyway

If the Chicago cops recently indicted for sexual assault are convicted, they'll face four to 15 years in prison. That's the same sentence Tiawanda Moore is facing for trying to document her frustrations while reporting her own alleged sexual assault: Recording an on-duty police officer in Illinois is a Class 1 felony, the same class of crimes as rape.

[...]

Technically, so long as a person isn't physically interfering with an on-duty police officer, it's legal to record the officer in every state but Massachusetts and Illinois.

This is probably nothing to worry about, and in any case, it's so much easier to pretend that we don't have to

International Energy Agency: "IEA research has confirmed that, at 30.6 gigatonnes last year, carbon emissions are at their highest in history, making a record jump of 1.6Gt in the last decade. The globe now appears to be on track for a temperature rise of around 3.5 degrees Celsius, well beyond the 2 degree limit after which dramatic climate change will take place..." (Bummer... Ed.)

Some angry guy on the radio picking on that nice, clean-cut Mitt Romney: "We’re in the midst here of discovering that this is all a hoax. The last year has established that the whole premise of man-made global warming is a hoax, and we still have presidential candidates that want to buy into it." (Yay!! Ed.)

Never mind all that. Neuticles are so awesome, even Rocky Kardashian uses them. (On her pet... Ed.)
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Literally Unbelievable (cont)

Tennessee Just Made Offensive Online Pictures Illegal - Gizmodo

The law prohibits the online distribution of any image that might "frighten, intimidate or cause emotional distress" to someone who sees it. Which, really, could be virtually anything.

Like Smiff wearing an Elvis costume. Or K-Mad dressed as a chicken. Where does it end?

Carlos Zambrano Has Never Made the Wrong Pitch

Cubs’ Zambrano--clearly insane--apologizes for remarks

CINCINNATI (AP)—Cubs starter Carlos Zambrano has apologized to closer Carlos Marmol for second-guessing how he pitched in Chicago’s most recent loss.

Zambrano criticized Marmol’s approach after a 3-2 loss Sunday at St. Louis. He said Marmol should have thrown Ryan Theriot a fastball rather than a slider, which the former Cubs player hit for a tying double in the ninth inning. Albert Pujols won it with a homer in the 10th.

Zambrano said before Monday night’s game at Cincinnati that he was wrong to criticize Marmol that way. He said he made the remarks out of frustration. Manager Mike Quade also talked to Zambrano and said he won’t be fined.

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I'm sure this is all one big misunderstanding...

Lenny Dykstra Charged With 23 Counts By Los Angeles County

Dykstra is charged with five counts of attempted grand theft auto, eight counts of filing false financial statements, four counts of identity theft, three counts of grand theft auto and three counts of possession of a controlled substance. All are felonies.

In addition, he is charged with one misdemeanor count each of possession of a controlled substance without a prescription and unauthorized possession of a syringe.

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